The darkness was suffocating me. I tried moving my arms, but they were unresponsive. My legs were, too. I realized that my eyes were closed, but they were too heavy to open.

What's going on? I was panicking, but my breathing wasn't getting faster. Because I wasn't breathing.

I couldn't move, I couldn't see, and I couldn't breathe.

Am I dead?

But my body hurt too much to be dead. I ached at every joint, in every muscle, and deep into every bone. It was almost too much to bear, and it was increasing. It felt as though someone was slowly dipping me in battery acid, but starting at the extremities and moving inward.

As the pain reached a peak, I took a great gasp of air. It burned my throat, and scorched my lungs. I almost choked on that first gasp of air, but instead it became a sob. I finally had the breath in my lungs, but it soon turned into a sob of anguish.

Over my cries of pain, I heard a deep chuckle.

With all of the energy I had gained from that first breath, I managed to lift the terrible weight on my eyelids, and slowly, slowly opened them.

Taisho stood over me, clawed hand positioned over my heart, and a yellow glow fading from around the palm of his hand.

"Welcome back, little mouse."

I woke with a start in my bed in Japan.

I was breathing heavily, but I felt a rush of relief as well. It was a bad dream, but I knew it was only a dream. I was safe here.

But why now? I thought to myself. I had thought that I couldn't have dreams anymore.

I rolled over to sit up, and hissed in pain as I rolled on my burned and bruised arm. True to suspect, four finger-shaped strings of blisters and bruises stained my arm in an angry purple dotted with white.

"Shit, Hiei…" I muttered. My emotions threatened to crawl up my throat, but I shoved that shit down quickly. I had done more than enough crying already

I dressed in long sleeves – not inappropriate given the chilly morning air, but it still felt as though I was concealing something.

I felt conflicted. Should I say something to Hiei? Hey big-bad-demon don't threaten me anymore? I snorted at the thought. I stood by my assessment – if Hiei wanted me dead, I would be dead, Koenma or no. Whatever shit he pulled had to do with that strange beast I called "sensitive man feelings." I would call his abusive ass out, but I decided to wait until the bruises and blisters faded a little first.

The black shirt covered the burn well. The shirt had a high square neckline, and I found myself missing my jewelry box for the first time. I didn't have spectacular fashion skills, but even I knew that this needed a necklace.

"There's something distinctly unfair about a woman being deprived of jewelry." I muttered to myself. "But… it's also definitely a first-world problem." I retorted. Talking to yourself doesn't make you crazy – when you ask yourself to repeat yourself because you didn't hear yourself the first time… then you're crazy.

I sighed, and tried to focus on being a normal person. I went to the kitchen in search of a caffeinated beverage. It didn't take long before I felt the familiar sensation of being watched.

"Have you decided not to be an asshole?" I asked without turning around.

A voice that was not Hiei answered me. "He returned to the Makai." I turned to look over my shoulder, and was met with a flash of red hair and cool, calculating green eyes.

"Hello, Kurama." I tried to sound civil, but I didn't have any positive experiences with the man on which to base a courteous tone.

"Good morning, Aria." He seemed to be better at faking sincerity.

I tried to move casually around the kitchen, eyeing my escape routes. I poured a cup of hot water, dropping a teabag into the steaming water. "Who went to the Makai?" I asked, slowly.

"Hiei."

Kurama stood in the doorway, hands in the pockets of his expensive slacks, obviously trying to look non-threatening. Even a lion lounging in the shade is still dangerous.

"Hm." I grunted my acknowledgment.

"You had a … disagreement last night." Kurama commented, shifting from one foot to another, somehow taking up more space in the doorway.

"Um, I guess you could call it that." Kurama made me incredibly uncomfortable, and even the image of being cornered by the Fox unnerved me.

It did not help when unnerving things came out of his mouth. "What did you say to him?"

"What did – what did I say? Are you shitting me?" I had turned sharply, almost sloshing hot water onto my hand.

"There's no need to be vulgar." He said cutly.

"How about you don't blame me for Hiei's temper." I snapped back, my gaze hot enough to melt steel.

Kurama remained unmoved. "You understand very little, which is understandable. And your strength in the last few days is admirable. However, even that has its limits." Let no one diminish the power of condescending statements; the weight that sinks into your chest after being made to feel like a burden is substantial.

I turned my gaze to the tea I had yet to drink at all, focusing on something other than Kurama's faintly disdainful gaze. "I know I disrupted everyone's lives, and I appreciate being given shelter and protection. I really do want a better life – I want to take advantage of this second chance." I took a deep, almost shuddering breath. "I don't want to be the dead-weight you seem to think I am."

I made the mistake of showing vulnerability to the predator, and he struck at my insecurity. "You are an anchor." The Fox bit deeply into my shame, and drew blood.

Bleeding emotion onto the floor, I bit back with renewed vigor. "I have worth!" I yelled, feeling suddenly empowered. "Even if none of you think so, I deserve to take up space!"

In response to my outburst, Kurama shifted again in the doorway, hands coming out from his pockets and crossing over his chest. "Then why are you still here?" The question was quiet, and held no malice. Again, he knocked me off-guard.

Why was I staying? I was definitely settling for a simpler life, and I often felt like an incredible burden at the Temple. As much as I wanted to call Yukina and Keiko my friends, I know that if I were deemed a threat by Koenma that their safety would mean my execution. Without hesitation.

But I wanted more. I deserved to take up space, just as a natural human right. I didn't want to feel like a burden or an imposition, and I definitely didn't like being yanked around by Hiei's moods.

I stirred my tea, scooping the soggy leaves out with my spoon and adding some honey to the warm liquid. I shrugged as I put the spoon in the sink. "Money, I guess. And a real identity, or lack thereof."

Kurama stared at me blankly for a few moments, and then produced a manila envelope.

"This is everything you would need to start a new life. If you truly want to start over, this is it. But there are restrictions."

Silence hung between us for a few long, uncomfortable moments. Kurama, holding the envelope, and me, staring at it like a snake.

"What restrictions?" I asked quietly.

"Do you want this or not?" He replied without answering.

It seemed like a trick. I couldn't put my finger on why, but this didn't feel honest. This kind of thing took planning, and it had been well thought-out, my cooperation be damned.

I took it.

"There's a car waiting for you at the bottom of the steps. I wouldn't keep him waiting." Kurama gave me no time to reconsider.

"Wait – I need to pack my things, and-" He cut me off swiftly, taking me by the arm and leading me to the door.

"Leave everything, and don't come back." My eyes snapped to his sharply, and found no warmth there.

"…what?" I was frozen, and Kurama;s cold eyes only worsened the situation. He wanted me to just up and leave? I opened my mouth to protest, but he cut me off.

"Those are the restrictions." His voice was low, threatening me against breaking my agreement to go out into this new life. We stood at odds, and Kurama's grip grew slightly tighter on my arm. "What are you waiting for?"

"Why are you doing this to me?" The words almost didn't come out clearly, but Kurama heard me.

"What makes you think this has anything to do with you?" he replied flatly. We walked to the door together, and then out into the courtyard, finally stopping at the top of Genkai's infinite temple stairs. My mind was spinning wildly, trying to find some explanation for Kurama's push for my absence. I'm missing something, I thought, some crucial piece of information.

As always, I returned to what was always the defining question – what changed? The only event I could think of was Hiei's sudden absence, but why would that mean my eviction?

I'm missing something, I thought as I started to descend the stairs alone.

Have you ever lost a train of thought? You can usually pick up the missing pieces by re-working your way from the beginning, or retracing your last few steps. But, as everyone knows, sometimes the train just derails, and there is no recovering the lost thought.

I felt the significance of the action as I reached the halfway point on the stairs. I resisted the urge to stop, to turn around, to return to my little room and hide under the covers.

But I kept going down.

The automaticity of action even in the face of confusion has always intrigued me. The ability of the body to continue an action while your mind is merrily absent seems impossible – but just take as an example the trance-like walk of a soldier after a nearby explosion has blown away his hearing.

But I kept going down, until I hit the bottom of the stairs.

I couldn't help it; I turned and looked up the infinite stairs to the temple. I could faintly see a splash of red hair at the top. Kurama was watching.

As promised, a taxi was waiting for me at the street. I slid into the backseat of the cab, clutching the folder of papers that was my new life.

"Are you ready, miss?" the cabbie asked from the front of the car.

"Just drive, please." I sighed.

We drove for more than an hour, and while we rode along I took a moment to read over my new life. The rental agreement was signed to a Jessica Smith. Wow, I thought, it's like he just Googled 'most popular American names'.

Was I supposed to introduce myself as Jessica now? I really wasn't fond of the name change. Maybe I just won't talk to anyone ever.

I had a birth certificate and credit card, but no banking information. I wondered how I was supposed to pay the credit bills.

"Miss?" The taxi driver jerked me out of my thoughts. I hadn't noticed that the car had stopped, and he had turned to look at me expectantly in the backseat.

"Oh, sorry. What do I owe you?" I fumbled with the unfamiliar card for a moment, but he stopped me with a raised hand.

"The gentleman pre-paid, miss." I nodded slowly, and slid over to the door, opening slowly.

"Thanks." I mumbled as I closed the door behind me. He drove away quickly, leaving me on an unfamiliar street in front of an unfamiliar apartment building.

My little stack of papers told me I was looking for apartment 3 on the top floor. My new front door was a faint yellow.

As I opened the door, I realized what a horrible person Kurama had to be. I could see from the foyer of this apartment that somehow, some way, Kurama had picked the one apartment complex that had a nearly identical layout to my old American apartment.

I leaned against the door frame, not yet able to walk inside. I fought the urge to scream. Then the urge to cry. Overall, the rush of emotions left me exhausted in only a few moments.

"You're an asshole, Kurama…" I sighed as I took my first step inside. I shut the door slowly behind me, and the heavy sound was a death knell for all that I had come to know.