Prompts: "Hey! First of all I really like your fan fics :) secondly, I just thought of a possible prompt. I'm not sure if anyone has done this yet but.. A fanfic about Rae losing all the weight and how the characters react to this. Thanks xxxx" and "What if Finn did something stupid and pushed Rae away. Then they ran into each other again a few years later and she had lost alot of weight, making her no longer so insecure." and "Rae with another guy but her and Finn having a secret relationship?"

Part 2 of 2!

TW: More sexy times.

Rae scrunched her eyes shut and attempted to cover her ears by burying her head further into Finn's chest. She could hear her phone ringing from…somewhere, and she felt Finn's sleepy groan vibrate in his throat, which was pressed against her forehead. With every beat of his heart she could feel against her cheek came the dawning realisation that she'd been out all night. Each persistent ring that filled the room brought home to her that her fiancé was probably worried out of his mind, thinking she'd been murdered or something. Rae wasn't one for staying out all night. She'd have given anything to stay snuggled in Finn's arms, but as the phone rang for the third time her anxiety got the better of her, and she jolted out of the bed in a flurry of bedclothes and hair, pacing quickly around the room to find her bag. She found it at the foot of the bed, burrowing her hand into it and feeling around for her phone frantically. Once she felt the shape of it within her fingers, she yanked it out, sitting on the bed as she answered it.

"Hello?"

"Where the hell are you Rae?! I woke up this morning and you still weren't back-"

"Ok, ok…calm down, I'm fine!" - she looked at Finn, who'd sat himself up and was looking at her as she spoke to Andy, half guilty, half concerned. Still didn't stop him from looking absolutely devastating, the sun streaking into the window dappling across his torso, his hair mussed with sex and sleep.

"I'm glad but…you could have called! Where are you?" Her fiancé's voice buzzing in her ear jolted her out of her Finn induced daze, and the guilt she didn't feel a shred of the night before hit her like a juggernaught.

"Finn went home at around 2, and I bumped into a load of old mates from Guildford and Co. - I didn't have anything on today, so I stayed with my mate Jill." Finn's mouth quirked as he watched Rae riff, but his eyes flashed with something akin to disappointment. Rae rubbed her forehead in frustration,

"When are you coming home?" Andy asked with a frazzled sigh. Rae scanned her eyes over the man beside her.

I am home.

The thought flashed through her mind before the sting of guilt quashed it. "I'll be back in an hour. I know you're heading to the archives today, so you go on ahead. I'll see ya when you get back, alright?"

"I'm late as it is - alright, I'll see you later."

"Andy?"

"Mm?"

"I'm sorry I didn't call." - she had to look away from Finn as she said this, the burn in her cheeks almost too much to bear.

"It's alright chicky. I don't mind you staying out all night, I just need a heads up so I don't worry."

"I know."

"Love you."

"You too." She couldn't bring herself to say the three words she usually responded with, and she hung up quickly as Finn cleared his throat uncomfortably, shifting himself. Rae took the opportunity to survey the room, items of clothing discarded everywhere, the echoes of their encounter flickering in her peripheral vision. She sighed, closing her eyes tight. Her head was a mess, and with the light of dawn came with it the harsh reality of the situation at hand. Although she loved Finn and he loved her, it still didn't change the fact that she was already with a wonderful man who didn't deserve to be hurt. She had a new life, friends, a job - she'd carved herself a new path in Finn's absence, and now he'd come barrelling back into her life with brute force and knocked her for six - or six thousand. And what about him? He had a girlfriend and a career himself, the two intrinsically linked. Two hearts to potentially break.

Finn began to speak behind her, voice forceful but also melancholic:

"I don't want to hear the usual bullshit: 'This was a mistake' or, 'What have we done?' - You know what you did last night, Rae, we both do."

Rae half turned to him, unable to look at him. "It was a mis-"

"No. No Rae." Rae met Finn's eyes suddenly at the sharpness of his tone. His eyes were glistening, misty with frustration or sadness, Rae couldn't tell. Both would have been a good bet.

"Finn…" Rae reasoned, shaking her head. Finn crawled towards her, Rae attempting to resist his touch but still unable to. She felt tears spring to her eyes as he embraced her, landing kisses on her face, shoulder and neck.

"Please." Rae whispered, fighting the urge to hold him in return with every fibre of her being.

"It wasn't a mistake." Finn said into her neck, voice breaking. Rae felt a tear trickle onto her cheek as he held her tightly.

"Let go of me Finn, please. I have to go." She feebly pushed at his shoulder, Finn pulling away from her like lightning, the sudden cold a shock to Rae's body. Finn sat on the bed with his fists clenched as Rae got up with equal speed, gathering her clothes and getting dressed haphazardly. Finn remained silent as he followed suit. When they were both dressed, Rae turned to Finn once more, attempting to say something but having no idea how to go forward. She was in complete turmoil.

"This isn't over, Rae. Don't think we're just going to part ways and pretend this never happened." Finn stated, stepping forward slightly.

"I don't know what to do." Rae said quietly, instinctively honest in Finn's presence.

"Neither do I. I know this is really shit for you - for both of us, but I'm not just some stranger you picked up at a bar. It's me." Finn pressed his hand against his chest, his eyebrows raised. Rae nodded, her bag clasped in her hands.

"I know." It was all Rae could manage, the tension in her temples and the knots in her stomach making her nauseous.

"Look, just take some time, ok? We'll take some time, we'll think things through, and we'll meet again - just to talk." Finn added hastily, more for Rae's benefit than his, she sensed.

"Ok. When?" she couldn't stop the hope in her voice despite going through her own personal hell.

"Friday night, 8 o'clock. Same bar as last night."

Rae nodded quickly, mouth closed tight. She slowly made her way to leave, before her ears pricked once more at the sound of Finn speaking behind her.

"I'll stay here for a while, so people don't see us leaving together." he said, his previous force melting slightly as his resolve weakened. Rae stood facing the door for a few moments before turning, getting to where Finn stood in a couple of strides, his sad eyes widening slightly in surprise before she pulled him to her lips, hard, their mouths crashing together as she gripped his shoulders. Finn wrapped his arms around her with equal enthusiasm, his tongue lapping against hers as he deepened the kiss further still. Rae allowed herself this one more moment of weakness, the thought of not seeing him for another week filling her with cold dread. She pulled away, Finn's lips flushed as he followed Rae's departing mouth briefly before pulling back, their limbs untangling. Rae rushed out, leaving a breathless and equally confused Finn in her wake.

Rae licked her lips as she checked out, Finn's taste staying with her as she exited the hotel, looking around briefly, the bright light of the morning essentially a spotlight. She hailed a cab, half tempted to ask the taxi driver: "Does it look like I've just had sex?" but refraining, instead using the ride home to evaluate just how much shit she was in. She wanted Finn; she knew that. She wanted him so bad her skin itched with it, her love for him as powerful and all consuming as it had been they were first in the throws of it. Rae reached into her bag and pulled out her engagement ring, rotating it in her fingertips and staring at it intently. She bit her bottom lip, slipping it on slowly. It felt heavy on her hand, straining under the implications of her actions. Welcome back, backpack full of bullshit. She thought about being confronted with her fiancé in a few hours. Would he know? Would the mere sight of her make it all click into place for him? Would he be able to smell Finn on her?

Rae paid the taxi driver as he pulled up to her place. She was living in the top floor flat of a large edwardian terraced house, a space filled with books and paper, pens stuck everywhere, laptops and typewriters stacked on shelves…Rae looked herself over in the hallway mirror as she entered. Turning to the side slightly, she noticed bite marks on her shoulder, her skin slightly bruised there. She placed her hand on them, taking a moment to relive the memory. Finn was right - it may have been wrong, but to Rae it wasn't a mistake. She couldn't bring herself to regret it, even though she knew she should. When she showered, she hated how she was washing away traces of Finn, her inner thighs clammy with dried sweat and her body burning at the memory of his touch. As she walked to the living room, a towel wrapped around herself, she picked up her discarded dress and brought it to her nose, breathing in the faint traces of Finn's cologne.

A picture of her and Andy sitting on the mantlepiece caught her eye. She kept it in her sight as she moved to the washing machine, stuffing the dress inside. She didn't know what she was going to do. She resolved to get through this week as best she could, to act like nothing had changed. Perhaps the time Finn had afforded her would be enough to come to a decision. She knew what she wanted - she just wasn't sure whether it was the right thing. She wasn't sure if she could break Andy's heart like that, and she wasn't sure if Finn was willing to leave Carmen for her. The answers would hopefully arrive on Friday night, she hoped.

When Andy came home from the archives, Rae had made him his favourite meal to apologise. Andy wasn't aware just how much she had to apologise for, and he seemed none the wiser as he smiled out his forgiveness, Rae kissing him, consciously holding back the flash of Finn entering her mind with an inward flinch. They talked as they always did, Rae managing to hold up a facade of cheeriness. She prayed silently that Andy wouldn't want to have sex that night. She wondered how many times she could avoid it; she wanted to at least have the memory of making love to Finn untouched for a while longer. Rae hated herself as she looked into Andy's happy eyes, so unassuming, so clueless. If only he knew.

"What is with you, Feen?! Are you ill?" Carmen turned to Finn with a hand on her hip, eyeing him with unshielded annoyance. Finn kept his eyes on the guitar underneath his hands, not ready to look into Carmen's probing gaze. The last five days had been total hell. Finn had been distracted. Well, distracted was an understatement - his head had been up in the clouds; up in the clouds where the harp playing angels who looked exactly like a certain Rae Earl tormented him. He had thought about little else other than Rae as the days had passed, and he was thinking about her even more so as he was going to be seeing her again in a few hours. He'd told Carmen he was meeting her, not feeling the need to lie about it. Carmen may have had her suspicions, and there was a part of Finn that wanted her to have them. He had already made up his mind, and he only needed the ok from Rae to break up with her. He knew what he'd be giving up: his job, his flat, maybe a few friends along the way, the chance to tour America and possibly the world, but it all seemed like a small price to pay to reunite with the love of his life. He knew Carmen would be hurt, and knowing her fiery nature would probably give him a right old time of it, but he wasn't convinced that Carmen truly loved him for him, if she even loved him at all. Their relationship had been based on lust to begin with, a bit of fun that became something more as Finn began helping her to write songs and used his industry contacts to secure her studio time and gigs. Finn didn't feel Carmen truly knew him, even after their time together. Rae knew him. Rae understood him more than anyone, or at least, she did before they broke up. Finn had shown himself to her completely, had exposed his soul, and Rae still loved him warts and all. Finn may have been attractive, as many girls and a few gay men had taken great pains to tell him so over the years, but he wasn't perfect. He had his flaws, same as anyone, and as he hadn't been able to fully express himself since being with Rae, his conquests after her had never seen the real him.

"Feen?!" Finn heard Carmen clip clop towards him, and he mumbled out a "Sorry…let's go from the top, alright?" Carmen letting out a sigh and returning to the microphone. Finn mustered up all of his powers of concentration to get through the song, and Carmen's lack of complaint told him he'd managed it.

"You've been so distant lately…" Carmen purred after they'd finished rehearsal, moving behind Finn to rub his shoulders. He forced himself not to jerk away, letting her hands roam over him as she placed a kiss on his neck.

"Sorry. I've just had a lot on my mind, ya know?" Carmen hummed in response, walking around Finn to face him, pulling the guitar out of his hands before kissing him. Finn wondered if she even really cared how he was feeling, if she was even listening. Carmen pulled back, and Finn could see by her expression that the kiss hadn't exactly rocked her world.

"I hope your old friend will knock some life back into you. What time will you be back?" Carmen pouted as Finn pulled himself away, shrugging as he picked up his amp to pack it away.

"I'm not sure. You're having friends over tonight, right?" Finn asked, the thought of seeing Rae sending a jolt of excitement in him, although it was mingled with anxiety.

"Mhmm, yes. We'll probably still be up when you get back." Carmen replied, picking up her bag from a nearby table and waiting for Finn to reach her. Finn was glad she'd be occupied. He had a feeling he'd need time that night to go over his 'break up plan' - then he reminded himself not to run away with his thoughts as he walked back to his flat, hand in hand with Carmen. What if Rae didn't want him back? What would he do then? Would he still break up with Carmen? He knew even in that scenario that it would make sense. Why stay with somebody you don't love? Then he thought about the tour they were going to embark upon. He'd travelled through parts of the world to try and get over Rae before, surely he could try it again? He tried to push his erratic thoughts to the back of his mind as they arrived home, moving to the bathroom to shower. Afterwards, he turned his back to the bathroom mirror, looking over his shoulder at the faded scratch across his shoulder blades. He smiled to himself as he dried his body, his heart pounding at the thought of seeing Rae again, and he hoped that it'd be the start of endless days together, the opportunity to pick up from where they left off. He knew there'd be an adjustment, and they'd have to figure out how exactly they'd fit into each other's lives, but if Rae was as willing as he was, it would make it all the easier to do so.

Just as the rate of his heartbeat only increased as he walked up the street in the evening light towards their prearranged meeting place, he found it slowing considerably and sinking as he looked into Rae's eyes when he entered the bar. She had already been sitting at the same booth they were in the week before. She'd been looking at the door as he walked in, and he knew what she had decided from the look in her eyes, regret and apology emanating from her in waves. That's the thing about being in love with somebody; you can practically read their minds at times. Finn felt himself sag as he walked to the booth. Sitting down opposite Rae, he didn't even wait for the small talk. He had no time for that bullshit.

"Why?" he asked, simply. He didn't need to say anything more.

"You know why." she replied, stifling a sigh as Finn shook his head.

"No Rae, I really don't. I know what I want. I don't see why we can't make this work…"

"I'm engaged, Finn. Engaged." she raised her left hand feebly. Finn glanced at the ring once more before returning his determined gaze to Rae.

"So what? Look, I know it'll be hard. Andy seems like a good guy-"

"He's a great guy, and I love him." Rae said, voice steady and sure. Finn should have seen this coming - of course she'd have decided this. She'd had a week to spend with him, a week to get resettled into her own life, an opportunity for Finn to fade back into the dream he once was. Finn clenched his jaw and looked away, her confession stinging him.

"It's not just that, though…" Rae continued, and Finn met her gaze with difficulty.

"What else is it, then?" he asked.

"You've got such an exciting time ahead of you. Going on tour, seeing more of the world - it sounds great Finn, truly…and Carmen, she's gorgeous, not to mention talented-"

"But she's not you." Finn said, quick as a flash.

"She's better."

"Fuck off." Finn couldn't help his angry outburst, the couple in the booth behind Rae looking over at them. He ignored them, sighing in frustration.

"I can understand if you don't want to be with me because of Andy. If you love him more than you love me, I can handle that, but if you're unwilling to give us a chance because you think I would, I dunno, resent you somewhere down the line or…or you think you're not good enough…"

"You will resent me, Finn. I'll be the woman who ended your career before it truly began, who robbed you of all the amazing adventures ahead of you…"

"I don't want any of that, Rae! I want a life with ya. I want a second chance. I could never resent you." Finn pleaded.

Rae shook her head, looking down at the table. "You say that now Finn, but you will. I'm not going to be the one who does that to you. I can't. I would never be able to live with myself…"

Finn should have known her reasons for rejecting him would be all about the feelings of others, for whatever reason. She had been the most wholly selfless person he had ever known, a fact that made her rejection even worse for Finn to bear. Finn was more blinkered, his love for Rae blinding him to anyone else other than the two of them.

"Listen to me…" Finn grabbed Rae's hand, holding it tightly in his as she squeezed her eyes shut, tears forming.

"Look at me, Rae." Rae shook her head, trying to pull her hands away. Finn gripped onto it as tightly as he could, not willing to let her go in any sense.

"Don't do this. Please just trust me - my job is just a job, I can get another one. Carmen's a big girl and she'll get over it - and whatever adventures you think I'll be missing out on, we can have them together, you and me. There's nothing stopping us." Finn said, voice low so only Rae could hear.

"My mind's made up Finn. I'm sorry. There's nothing you can say to make me change my mind. I'm marrying Andy, and you're staying with Carmen. We'll go back to how things were before."

"I'll only let you go if you tell me you love Andy more than me. Rae…" he shook her hand with his, Rae opening her eyes but still not meeting his.

"Just say the words and I won't bother you again, I promise."

Rae let out a sob, her brow furrowing in obvious agony.

"Do you have any idea how hard this is for me? Do you think I don't want this? Of course I want this - I want you. I love you more than anyone on earth and I always will, but it doesn't mean I should have to break the heart of a good man in the process. He's the last person on earth who deserves that. He asked me to marry him and I said yes. I made him a promise, and I'm not going to break it."

They sat in heavy silence for a few moments, Finn feeling all of his hopes sink as he slackened the grip on her hand, Rae meeting his gaze as he did so. She pulled away, muttering out another apology as she ran out of the bar once more, Finn not being able to bring himself to watch her leave. He stayed seated, dwelling in the aftermath of his heartbreak. He felt himself well up, the pain in his chest and the tightness in his throat excruciating. He had to get out of there, the shadow of Rae still present in the seat opposite him. He couldn't comprehend how Rae could love him, yet still not bring herself to be with him. He only had his own feelings as reference, and he knew he'd give up everything and more for her.

As Finn neared the exit, he heard a familiar sob from nearby. He walked across the narrow hallway, looking around a corner into a small corridor. He could make out Rae in the dim light, her back against the wall, crying her eyes out, trying to stifle her manic sobs with her hand. Finn could see a glint in her eye as she looked up at him, the lights from where he stood reflected there. Finn closed the gap between them, Rae's bag dropping to the ground with a thud as she stood up, letting out a shaky breath before Finn kissed her, the tears on her cheeks warm against his face. This time they didn't make it to a hotel. They found themselves stumbling into a storage room, Finn locking the door behind them as he pulled at Rae's underwear, kneeling in front of her. He ran his lips across her inner thighs, Rae letting out a moan as she gathered tufts of his hair in her hands, her flesh quivering under his tongue. He caressed her buttocks in his hands, Rae's moans becoming marred with frustration.

"Please Finn…I need you n-…now…please…" she begged from above him, voice thick and wet. Finn grunted in response before standing upright once more, Rae's eyes darkening as she grasped at the zip of his jeans, Finn taking a condom from his wallet before she pulled his jeans and boxers down, Finn slipping on the condom and lifting her, her legs wrapping around his hips as he wrapped his mouth around hers. Rae adjusted herself before Finn slowly lowered her down onto him, Finn parting from her in time to see Rae break out into a smile, her eyes closed, head lolled back against the wall. She let out a silent "Yes." before Finn sucked on her neck, mirroring her moaning with his own groans of pleasure. Rae pressed her palms against the wall behind her to steady herself, Finn pushing up into her with a punishing force. It wasn't enough for him, so he carried Rae to a table, pushing off the boxes and plastic cups he found there to lay her down onto it, holding the edge of the other side for leverage. Rae gripped onto his own buttocks, pushing him deeper inside her still, her need for him as insatiable as his for her. The table creaked under the weight of them, both of them too lost to worry if it would break or fall.

Rae fixed her gaze on Finn's one more time as she came, her eyes red. Both of their encounters had been in the wake of internal conflict, and Finn found a part of him longing for a day where the weight of the baggage they both carried would be lifted from them.

"Don't come yet." Rae whispered out, Finn pausing with great difficulty.

"Rae…" he pleaded, voice gravelly with restraint.

"Stand up." she continued, her eyes hardening as Finn looked at her with desperate confusion.

"Trust me." she whispered, Finn pulling out with a stifled growl and standing, Rae following him and backing him up against the wall where she had been minutes before. She knelt in front of him, pulling the condom from him before taking him into her mouth, Finn letting out a guttural moan as she did so, looking down at her before the sensation overcame him, causing him to close his eyes and press his head against the wall. He felt his knees buckle slightly, Rae's tiny gulps and moans bringing him to the edge. He gasped before calling out, his whole body shaking as he climaxed. Finn had to hold Rae steady as she got up, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, body plagued with empty shakes of her own. Finn moved some of her hair out of her eyes, Rae stepping forward and into Finn's arms after she helped him pull up his trousers.

"I'm glad you found me. I couldn't just leave it like that." she whispered, Finn holding her closer still and nodding.

Rae's heart was pounding against his chest as the silence stretched out between them, their laboured breaths filling the room.

"So what now?" Finn asked.

It became clear to Rae as the days and weeks passed that the few days Finn had originally given her to think things through hadn't been enough. Not nearly enough. She'd been all set to end things between them, to cut out Finn from her life and with it the dangerous passion he conjured within her, but she should have known that it would have broken her heart in two to do so. When she'd left the bar, an almost supernatural force of misery took her, a pain so raw and deep it made her buckle. She didn't get very far, not even making it to the street. A bouncer had asked if she was alright, but she'd batted him off, holing herself away in a dark deserted corner of the foyer. She never thought Finn would find her, would assume he would have stormed out and would be halfway home as the tears poured from her, but he did, of course, and they came together once more like a magnetic force. It was unnatural for them to be apart now, and they needed each other like water and air; yet the inner conflict was ever present. Nothing had changed for either of them. Rae was unwilling to leave Andy and insisted Finn stay with Carmen. These declarations were unspoken, and they remained in limbo, together but still not together. They would meet whenever they could as the weeks followed, Finn meeting her somewhere after she'd finished work, usually going to a hotel. They didn't always have sex; sometimes they'd just talk, cuddle, reminisce, their little pockets of borrowed time not nearly enough for either of them. Finn would always verbalise his confusion as to why Rae wouldn't leave Andy for him when she so obviously loved Finn.

"Why do you keep fighting this, Rae? You know I'd leave Carmen in a heartbeat. Just say the word." Finn repeated as Rae laid on his chest in bed. She sighed in response, tracing idly on his open hand. In that moment, she didn't know why she didn't just leave Andy and run away with Finn, but she always had to go home and be confronted with the innocent man she was cheating on. They had a history of their own, her and Andy. They'd had some good times, good laughs and sweet, romantic moments. Then she'd have to go to work and have her colleagues ask: "How's the wedding plans going?" "You booked a venue yet?" "This dress would look lovely on you, Rae…" and she'd have to sit there feeling like the worst person on the planet.

The tension between Andy and Rae was increasing as he saw less and less of her. Rae would come up with different excuses to cover up her encounters with Finn; meeting friends, going to the library, just spending some time alone. The hours spent away all added up as her need to be with Finn increased, and she couldn't exactly expect Andy not to notice the change. They would bicker more and more, Rae's tolerance decreasing as her self hatred and guilt ran rampant. She could feel Andy bristle whenever she'd come home. Once she'd forgotten to put her engagement ring back on after returning from seeing Finn, covering it up with an excuse of offering to do the dishes at work. As time went on, Rae noticed Andy throw himself into his work, not one for confrontation. Passive aggression was more his speed, and the elephant in the room became bigger every day.

Neither Finn or Rae told the old gang what they'd been doing. None of them even knew they'd reunited at all. It was their secret, but it afforded neither of them any thrills. Just as Andy became more distant, Finn became more frustrated, already tired of being 'the other man.' Rae found herself juggling two men who she was hurting, and it was eating her up inside. It had been years since she'd felt so low, and she'd made so much progress with counselling up until that point: she'd even started to like herself, to be comfortable with who she was. Now she felt herself regressing. I will always let people down.

Finn seemed to have read her thoughts when they met, Rae joining him at their regular spot at a bus stop near her work, but far away enough to not be spotted by her co-workers.

Rae felt so drawn and tired, the instant happiness she felt with Finn marred by the aftermath of guilt and self hatred. It had been draining on her and no doubt degenerative to both of them. It had to end, one way or another. Rae knew it was time to make a decision.

"Andy's starting to suspect something, isn't he." Finn said, leaning against the glass.

"I'm not an expert at adultery, Finn-"

"You think I am?" Finn bit back, the strain of the last few weeks evident in his fatigued emotions. Rae sighed, swallowing, trying not to take the bate.

"All I meant was, he's bound to notice that I've been away a lot. He thinks it's wedding jitters or something. I don't think he suspects I've been seeing ya." Rae's voice was small as she glanced at Finn before looking at the floor.

"When is this gonna end, Rae? I'm tired of sneaking around. I don't want to just be with you a few hours a week, I want you…all of ya, the real deal. I want to be your proper boyfriend again, Rae, but you're holding back. Is it…is it because of what I did to ya?"

"No! No, that was so long ago. I know you're sorry about it, and I've forgiven ya, truly." Rae assured, meaning every word.

Finn tensed, standing upright and bracing himself, Rae looking up at him instinctively. She felt something fall over them, could practically feel the heat of Finn's frustration pulsing from him. He began speaking, voice firm:

"Then it all comes down to this then, doesn't it. You know what I want, and I don't give a shit if you think I'd be making a mistake or I'd be missing out; I want to leave Carmen and for us to be together. It's what I've always wanted. Now, you just need to figure out what you want, Rae, once and for all, because this right here -" he pointed to Rae before pointing to himself - "…is killing us. We're lying to two people right now, and you know we can't carry on doing that. If you want to stay with Andy, that's your decision; I wasn't ready to let you go before, but I am now, if that's what you think is right. You just need to figure out what you want. Don't think about anybody else, not Andy, not your friends, not me…just think about what you want, alright?"

Rae nodded, the force that gravitated her towards Finn pulling at her gut. Finn took a breath, glancing away and fiddling with his jacket sleeve, before returning his attention to Rae, sheepishness snaking into his expression.

"Carmen has booked flights to LA in a week. It's the start of the tour."

"I see." Rae replied, neither of them talking about their respective partners whenever they'd got together. The fact only emphasised the crossroads she'd come to.

"We're playing a farewell gig at Electric Ballroom tonight. If you don't want me, I'll go ahead and leave, but if you do want me Rae, and I really fucking hope you do…" he let out a huff of longing as he said the words, Rae looking at him with wide eyed guilt - "…then come to the gig tonight and tell me. It starts at 9." Finn took out a leaflet from his pocket, handing it to Rae, an action mirroring their reunion nearly two months before.

Rae knew Finn was right. She couldn't keep doing this; this wasn't her. She wasn't a liar, or a cheat, she was just a confused woman who was in love with a man other than her fiancé. If she'd been so adamant at not letting Andy down or hurting him, continuing to see Finn like this was the supremist form of hypocrisy.

Finn stepped forward, holding Rae by the shoulders. He landed a gentle kiss on her cheek, before parting from her, eyes darkened by sadness. He walked away, Rae watching him as he went, hands in his pockets. She held back anxious breaths, clutching at her shirt briefly to steady herself.

The internal battle raged within her once more as she walked home. Her head ached with it, and she was frustrated with herself as to why she couldn't just make a decision. She wondered why she couldn't be brave and just take the leap with Finn, and she knew it was for one reason only: she just didn't want to break Andy's heart. Yet if she stayed with Andy, Finn's heart would break all over again, and that thought was even worse for Rae to bear.

Rae dropped her keys on the hallway table as she arrived back to her place. Andy wouldn't be back until 8, so she had time to survey the house, to have memories triggered by collected items and photos. She walked around the different rooms, gently touching the pages of Andy's manuscript, his typewriter, his jacket hanging on the back of his chair. She thought back to their holiday to Scotland, where he proposed to her at the Callanish Standing Stones, a place he'd wanted to visit since he was little. Rae remembered even then, the shadow of Finn had been near, a whisper of a thought entering her mind as she accepted with a laugh: "How would Finn have proposed to me?" before she buried it.

"I'm so sorry, Andrew." she whispered as she walked to their bedroom. The bed they'd shared was unmade. She was never really fond of the decor; she'd moved in with him, so the place had its own look before she'd arrived. In private moments, she'd fantasise about what her first place with Finn would have been like: unkempt, eclectic, a place filled with music and beer and laughter. Rae realised then she'd been essentially cheating on Andy all along, mentally at least.

She crouched down, taking a shoe box from the bottom drawer of her bed side table. It was cellotaped shut, Rae using Andy's letter opener to take off the lid. Inside was pictures of the old gang, the first polaroid she ever took of them amongst pictures of her and Finn through different stages in their relationship. She hadn't allowed herself to look at them throughout the entire time apart from him, but she could recite every detail of every photo despite this. She stroked his 18 year old image with the tips of her fingers, her breath caught in her throat. He was smiling so widely, all his teeth showing, eyes looking above the camera at what Rae knew was her. She'd cracked a joke as she took it, and Rae felt a rush of affection and love at the memory. Underneath the photos lay all the mix tapes Finn had made for her, all labelled simply but full to the brim with meaning. Rae scrabbled around for her walkman, putting on a tape. With every track that passed, the decision she knew was always there became clearer. She thought about Finn at the club, waiting for her, hoping she'd come and take him away from everything. She knew if she didn't take that chance, she'd regret it for the rest of her life.

When Andy arrived home, Rae was waiting for him, her engagement ring in the middle of the dining room table as she sat in front of it. Andy clocked it, sighing, his eyes closing tight in anger before he dumped his coat and books. He hovered for a while, not sure what to do, Rae sitting steadfast. She could feel her guilt was apparent, and she wondered if Andy had any idea about anything.

He pushed a hand through his hair, pulling out the chair in front of Rae and sitting down, his hands splaying across the surface of the oak. Rae decided to talk before she lost her nerve altogether.

"Andy…"

"Is it somebody else?" he said, Rae shocked slightly by his interruption. Rae felt the tears spring to her eyes as she closed them, nodding quickly.

"Fuck sake! I knew it." Andy stated, the volume of his voice rising slightly before dipping back down in and effort to compose himself.

"Jesus Christ Rae…how could you…I thought we were good, you know? I thought you…I thought you loved me!" Andy continued to babble, his kind nature at odds with his pent up frustration.

Rae began to cry, responding between quivers and sniffs: "I do love you, Andy. You're a wonderful man and I don't regret one second of our time together; it's just, I…it's not fair for me to stay with ya when I'm in love with somebody else…"

"Who is it?! No wait, don't tell me…I don't want to know…" Andy stood up, pacing up and down, pulling at his hair before placing his hands on his hips.

"I'm so, so sorry. I didn't mean for it to happen; the last thing I want to do is hurt you…"

"Very noble sentiment, Rae. Have you been sleeping with this guy, whoeverthefuck he is? Hmm? Tell me Rae, you might as well."

Rae nodded, Andy's face reddening as she did so.

"Rae, I never thought you'd ever do that…that's not you! You're different, you're…you're different…" Andy rambled, obviously not sure what to do with himself.

"No I'm not Andy. I'm weak, I'm scum and I hurt ya. I'll never forgive myself…and I don't expect you to either." Rae sobbed out, closing her eyes and shaking. After a long moment of silence, Rae looked up, Andy's figure blurry through her soaked lashes. She wiped her eyes, revealing him looking down at something in his hands. He was as still as a statue, his eyes flickering as he contemplated what he had between his fingertips. Rae looked down at whatever it was, her throat constricting as she realised it was the leaflet Finn had given her a few hours before.

"Andy…" she began, standing slowly and stepping forwards. She repeated his name again in a whisper, before jolting as he dropped the leaflet, stalking out of the flat. Rae followed him, slipping on her shoes like lightening and chasing him out into the street. She ran alongside him as he walked with a deliberate pace, expression thunderous.

"It's that Finn bloke, isn't it. We went out with him and you were out all night…made up some bullshit excuse…I should have fucking known." he yelled, obviously livid.

"How…?!" Rae called out, not being able to help herself. She couldn't comprehend how he could have figured that out from just one night. Andy kept yelling en route, the people they were walking past stopping to gawk.

"I know he was your first boyfriend, Rae. I know you tried to cover it up but…do you remember when we went out with your old friend Chloe last year? Bet you don't, because you got pretty drunk, and Chloe kept telling me about 'Finn' - telling me 'not to worry' that he was 'long gone' - tell her she was talking out of her arse next time you see her, won't you?"

Rae felt her face flush with mortification. She'd completely forgotten about that. "But you didn't…you didn't let on that you knew him…" Rae continued, getting out of breath as they turned a corner.

"Didn't realise at the time, did I?! It's all clicked into place just now…"

"Where are you going?" Rae called, fearing she knew the answer.

Andy ignored her as he approached a taxi rank, scrambling into a cab and slamming the door.

"Electric Ballroom." he said, Rae letting out a "Fuck." before running to the taxi behind his, thanking her lucky stars she had some cash stuffed in her pocket.

"Electric Ballroom please." she repeated breathlessly, keeping Andy's taxi in sight throughout the journey. What was he going to do? Confront Finn? Tell Carmen? She didn't think Andy would react like this; he wasn't the angry type, not one for flying into rages like this: but then again, when your partner of nearly three years has been cheating on you, all bets are off.

Rae paid the man quickly, throwing him a note before rushing after Andy, who had already got to the entrance. He'd stormed through without getting a ticket, the bouncers making to grab him. Rae ran after him, shouting his name. Andy managed to evade the bouncers long enough to get inside, the queue into the entrance murmuring at the drama unfolding. Rae spotted Finn setting up on stage, but it seemed Andy had spotted him before her. He practically sprinted across the room, leaping up on stage and punching Finn square in the face, Rae calling out in shock as the bouncers reached him, grabbing Andy's shoulders and pulling him back. Finn had been floored, caught unaware. Andy's eyes sparkled with maddened pride as he looked at Finn before turning back to dark thunder as he clocked Rae.

"We're done." he said simply, shaking the bouncers off him and leaving, straightening his blazer as he went.

Rae ran on stage, kneeling next to Finn as he cupped his nose in his hand, groaning.

"What the fuck…" he mumbled out, before looking up at Rae.

"Are you alright?" she asked, sitting him up.

"Not really - your fiancé just punched me in the face." he gurgled.

"Ex fiancé." Rae corrected, Finn's eyes meeting hers and brightening considerably, despite his bleeding nose.

"You serious?" he asked, voice muffled but hopeful. Rae nodded, gently moving Finn's hand away to take a look at the damage. Finn's face stretched into a grin, the blood from his nose dripping onto his teeth.

"Where's Carmen?" Rae asked, Finn shrugging in response as Rae took some tissue from the barman with a grateful smile.

"No idea. I broke up with her this afternoon. I'm only here setting up for the replacement."

"Ya what?" Rae said with an amused chuckle, Finn's cheerful mood infectious, coating the dread and guilt that had been plaguing her for so long.

"Yeah, bet she's chucking all my stuff out of our flat window as we speak." Finn joined as Rae gently wiped his mouth.

"Oh god…you're in a right mess." Rae commented, frowning as she gently stroked the skin of his nose.

"Not anymore." Finn said, Rae smiling fondly at him with a small sigh.

"Yeah." she agreed, feeling a sense of relief. It would take some time for her to get over how she hurt Andy and to get over the guilt of cheating on him, but she knew she'd have to let it go eventually. As she knelt on the stage and looked at her first love, her true love, tissues pressed against his nose and head bent back, she knew she'd made the right decision. She was ready to face the consequences of her actions, knowing that as long as she and Finn were together, they'd be all the easier to handle.