"My chips are down…" she murmured to him as she set her eyes upon the clock in the corner of the station. He told her he would drive but she said she would prefer to travel by train. Something about the rocking of it on the tracks often settled her and made her feel safe. She always felt safe with Nolan even though she was the muscle and he was the meat. Even though the man could barely hold his own or a gun for that matter, she knew he would protect her till the end. The hands on the clock seemed to take forever to move, as if they were frozen in place.

Nolan looked around the station, finding it retro. It looked like it hadn't been update since the late seventies, early eighties. They must have had budgetary problems or they were trying to be indie and hipster. He couldn't tell which.

"Are we talking poker or metaphorically?" he asked her as he let his eyes fawn over her, the two getting closer since their shared kiss and their time in different hotel rooms together. They were sharing towels and ordering room service, bacon piled high.

"Metaphorically. We are not talking about poker right now Nolan," she said as she held her ticket in her hand, letting it flutter and tap against her slim fingers.

Nolan nodded as if he knew what she was talking about, but his mouth was slightly agape and he looked ponder some. "Oh…" he said in a rather sing-song voice.

She wondered if he was mocking her but then realized he knew better. "I just feel down for the count," she said as she looked up at the big board with all the many numbers and trains going to some places she hadn't even heard of.

She still felt like she had much to learn. While she had had some schooling to be educated, it was not nearly enough and geography always boggled her. The world was just so big and there were so many countries and cultures.

"How so?" he asked, wanting her to share and be open with him. If she couldn't share with him then she couldn't share with anybody. Well at least now she could try to start with Jack and Charlotte but it would still be hard to put into words. They would sympathize with her too much and she hated getting people's pity. She often didn't feel worth it after years of abuse and mental torment from authority figures.

"I was in the wrong, I went too far," she said as she looked into her lap, seeking for truth and answers.

"I was surprised you didn't kill him years ago. You gave him more time to redeem himself. He didn't. You're like the grim reaper. It was his time to go," Nolan said, trying to make her feel better, start light.

"Years ago, the old Nolan I knew wouldn't have said that. You told me then that my father didn't want any of this, that I shouldn't become death and play god," she said, pausing as she looked at him for answers and his defense.

"People change Amanda, he killed Marjorie, your father, and countless others….we couldn't have waited for a trial. He's squeaky clean, he would have gotten out anyway and all eyes would have been on you. If I could pull a trigger, heck I would have gone Rambo on him too," he said as he squeezed her hand, their fingers lacing like strings were tied around their digits to keep them together.

Nolan kept talking, voice low. "I would have killed him just because he killed your father. I cared about David. Even behind bars he made me feel more loved than my father ever had."

Emily leaned her head on his shoulder. "You make me feel loved," she said, changing the subject, murmuring as she watched the board light up with their track number but it wasn't a rush. Usually there was no time, today there was.

"You are…"

The train was a bumpy ride, the shadows of the trees creating a strobe effect against the light streaming in from the windows on the floor. Emily spent most of her time watching them and trying not to nod off. She hadn't been getting a lot of sleep lately and there was black around her eyes. Nolan called her a raccoon when they woke up. They shared a room for safety measures. At least that was what they said it was for but they slept in separate beds obviously. She threw a pillow at his head.

"Earth to Amanda…" he murmured as he waved his hand in front of her face, a friendly reminder to keep awake, work was still yet to be done.

These past few days had been a whirlwind of emotions and much heartbreak but together they were fearless and unstoppable. Even as she doubted herself he did what any friend would do and told her she did the right thing. If she was having a mid-life crisis full of moral dilemmas she was going to have to do it later when other more valuable lives weren't in the balance. His ass included.

"Hm?" she asked as she looked to him, coming out of her internal shock system, her system rebooting itself like a cable box or a robot's hard drive.

Robots always fascinated Nolan while Amanda found them creepy. He remembered her telling him that a few hours after she got out of Allenwood but then things switched on her and over the years she formed a robotic shell to protect herself from more harm. He was slowly breaking through. While he once saw her as metal or stone, now he viewed the shell like a chocolate coating to ice cream, maybe tartufo.

He'd break through with the spoon of his intellect and compassion.

"We're almost there," he said as he pulled out his Nolpad, seeing if he could get service because before it had gone out when they first entered the train even though his system for Wi-Fi was the strongest.

"Almost where?" she mumbled slightly, clearly needing a red bull to give her wings or just a large cup of steaming coffee, maybe iced.

"To Jack Porter's new deluxe lumberjack cabin. I wonder if he grew a big mountain man beard. I would wonder the same for Declan but can the boy even grow a beard?" he asked as he thought about it.

"Can you?" she quipped as she trifled through her bag pulling out sunglasses just to keep people from staring at her bloodshot eyes as they would think she was incredibly high on something and she was sick of judgments. Her whole life was full of them as she carried around the infamous last name Clarke.

Nolan nodded "Actually I can, it's not pretty though…" he said as he shook his head. "I was in college during my experimental phase. I tried drugs, grew a beard, fooled around with some men totally out of my league at the time I might add. Take that for some Ross swag…" he said as he grinned.

"Drugs? What kind?" she asked, curious as to what her friend once did recreationally.

"Cocaine. Like Sherlock Holmes himself I too couldn't resist. A genius needs his white powder," he said as he shrugged.

"Why did you do it?" she asked as she learned some things about the pretty much self-made billionaire.

It was nice to know him even more personally. They never really talked about him even though he knew most everything about her from her strawberry allergy to her favorite dress, the pale pink lace one that was open in the back.

"To stay awake mostly, I needed to study and get work done and since I was going to school too and working and trying to have a social life, key word trying. There wasn't enough time to do what I wanted so I snorted some of my weekly paycheck up my nose but look, lucky for me it paid off," he said as he recanted his past.

"Great Nolan, aren't you just a little walking billboard ad for white rabbit," she said with a smirk.

"No, I would never tell anyone to do it. I only made it out alive because I'm me, anyone else would have had a heart attack and ended up in the big house. I kept the doses minimal and kicked the habit after I got Aunt Carole to help me out financially."

"How come she wasn't helping before?" she asked as she looked at him, watching the train stop at another station.

"Didn't have the money, she started working for Grayson Global and so it begins so I guess in a weird way I sort of owe them…" he said with a wagging movement of disgust sweeping across his visage.

"Nolan you don't owe anyone anything…not anymore," she said with a sigh. "Not even me…"

Looking out the window he shrugged "I like owing you, I like being a part of your life even if the way you usually need me is hmm shall we say I'm your whipping boy…"

She bit her lip and looked a bit ashamed, everything sinking in on how she used to treat him. Her emotions were heightened; she was realizing her past flaws and instincts. "More like your whipping post..."

"Maybe that too…" he said in a dull voice, everything now feeling very monotonous.

"I'm sorry…" she said as her eyes rimmed with tears, almost stinging from how sensitive they were from summer allergies and lack of sleep. Everything was sinking in, Marjorie's death, Aunt Carole's death, how she killed the white haired man and most of all her life choices. She could see the big picture and she didn't know how much she wanted to remember but deep down she did.

She didn't want to remember the destroyed lives when this was all over, she wanted to remember the good times with Daniel, those rare moments when Nolan made her smile, Charlotte growing up and overcoming her fears, Declan being able to stand up for himself, those small but brief moments with her mother, both times, Sammy and Jack Porter, everything about Jack Porter.

Was it possible she could be in love with two men at once?

She brushed off the thought.

Nolan gave a hint of a smile, held her hand and they both looked out the window as the sun began to set, another day on ending and a new one soon to be on its way. Things were happening so fast.

"We're almost there…"he repeated.

The view from the cabin was amazing. It was a small miniscule thing made of logs making it looked like a stacked Lego sculpture of some sort but the entire thing smelled like pine. Surrounded by woods Nolan took in the scent and found in masterful, there was nothing better than fresh nature. He liked the woods since he grew up in a woodsy area, a lot of trees stretching from far and wide.

Jack wore flannel and Declan wore a shirt that was Jack's, plaid and too big for him. He hadn't packed enough clothing and was too lazy to do laundry. Charlotte wore a simple pair of jeans and a red sweater, she told Declan she would help with the laundry later as in tomorrow. They had to hand wash everything in tubs and then hang it, but what was more important was Emily.

Jack clutched Nolan and pulled him into a hug and Declan did the same. Everyone knew Nolan was a fan favorite.

Emily stood with Charlotte as stars began to twinkle and the night sky bloomed with the fire millions of light years away.

"Look at them…" Charlotte said as she shook her head, in awe by all the stars out here. Every night she was amazed by how you could see every little dollop. In the city you could hardly see anything but this sky was crystal clear. She never thought she would like being this close to nature because she liked action and life but this was something else.

Emily didn't respond, she didn't know what to say.

"Amanda?" Charlotte asked as she let it sound on her tongue. She wanted to see if it had a good fit since it was the truth.

"Yes Charlotte?" Emily said as she looked to her, ready to answer any question. She owed Charlotte Grayson that much.

"Did you love Daniel?" she asked, thinking of her brother's recent pain.

Emily nodded "In a way, yes."

Charlotte kept to herself before asking another question, tucking her wavy hair behind her ear. It was a bit frizzy because she didn't pack a blow dryer and they had to save on electricity anyway.

"How many times did you want to tell me who you were?"

"Every day, all the time…" she said looking at her "It killed me to think you'd never know but it scared me, I didn't want to burden you with my troubles and now here I am…doing just that."

Charlotte interrupted Emily's pity party. "What's going on Emily?" she asked, still forgetting to call her Amanda. She had gone five years as Emily, it would take some getting used to for everyone except for Nolan, he had it pretty much down pat but he still liked to call her Ems for continuity's sake.

"You're in danger. I've opened Pandora's Box and now I have to kill the monster," she said with a gentle sigh.

Charlotte bit her lip, teeth pressing there until she found her words. "Who's the monster?"

"I have a hit list…" she seethed, realizing her metaphorical words were very literal. Amanda Clarke was dressed to kill.

Charlotte looked to Declan, Nolan and Jack fooling around and teasing each other as boys often did. She often forgot they were men since they were so goofy when they were together, a big happy family.

"Kill?"

Emily decided not to sugar coat anything anymore, she was never very good at that when she wasn't playing her role. "Kill."

Pulling himself away from Jack and Declan, Nolan got an email and opened it up; glad he had at least two bars to read the simple thing from a simple program. Seeing it was from Ashley Davenport he felt intrigued and wondered if she had played out her archetypal character she probably stole from another important piece of media. The only original ideas she seemed to have were about party planning and fashion, both which he used her for also and helped her with even though she had had a falling out with Emily years ago.

Using his middle and pointer finger to enlarge the email on the screen he read it.

"Your target is Fiona Lockland and she will be at New York Fashion Week. I don't know why you wanted to know about her but that's where she'll be. We made friends as you asked. If you want to set up a meeting, I'll have my people talk to her people…"

Nolan turned off his phone and walked over to Emily who was watching Charlotte chop wood for the fire. She looked good with an axe.

"Looks like we're going to a little fashion show…suit up Amanda Clarke…"