Hi everyone! In case you were wondering, I really did plan to update sooner, but thanks to a power outage on Monday night, I was not able to finish this. But now I'm finished. :) This week's chapter takes place two years after Iron Man and Tony's kidnapping therein. Thanks for your reviews, and I'll see you again soon with Avengers chapters! :)

Disclaimer: I own no part of the Marvel Universe (except for assorted merch and Pepperony feels :)).

Anniversary

The day after Pepper's birthday, Tony woke to the sound of her in the shower. He was about to get up and join her when he remembered what day it was—the thought of where he'd been, of what had happened two years ago today made him want to pull a blanket over his head and stay in bed. Instead, he took a deep breath and sat up, then promptly lay back down again, because he wasn't quite ready to deal with being awake just yet. He lay there, listening to Pepper in the shower and trying not to think about things that he couldn't help but think about today, and then the water in the bathroom stopped, and Pepper emerged in a cloud of steam, wrapped in a fluffy blue towel.

"Hi," she said, sitting down beside him. "Ready to get up?"

"Not even a little bit," he said, staring up at her. "Did you know that your towel matches your eyes? Did you do that on purpose?"

"No, and no," she said, leaning down to kiss him. Tony closed his eyes, and for a few minutes, he could pretend that this was just another morning, that he and Pepper were going to make out for a little while (or maybe he could coax her back into bed...), and then they would eat breakfast and do whatever work they needed to do that day, and then they'd go back to his place or hers, eat dinner, and ravish each other before falling asleep. Tony wasn't usually much for routines, but the routine that his life had settled into lately was pretty amazing. Some days it scared the hell out of him a little, because he'd never been so happy, and he could hardly believe that Pepper seemed as happy as he was.

"Okay," she said finally, pulling away from him reluctantly, just as his hands began working on unfastening her towel—the fact that she hesitated made Tony smile in spite of the day. "Much as I'm enjoying myself—"

"You'd enjoy it more down here. Seriously, I'm just lying here, waiting for you to have your way with me—"

"—you need to get up—we both have lots to do today."

Tony sighed and glanced at the arc reactor. "I just want to go on record right now and say that today sucks and I'm really not looking forward to doing interviews and photo ops all day where I'll have to pretend to be normal, when, even on days that aren't today, I'm not normal. Seriously, on any given day, would I seem sane to you if you hadn't known me forever?"

Pepper gave him a sympathetic look. "I know—it sucks. And even though I've known you forever, it's true that your sanity does seem questionable at times. But we both know you can do this. You lived through today last year, you can do it again this year."

She squeezed his hand for emphasis, and Tony squeezed back. This was something that he hadn't expected about being with Pepper Potts: yes, the sex was incredible, and yes, kissing her until they were both breathless and clothes were coming off was now one of his favorite things in the world...but he liked this too, these quiet moments when they just...talked. The Tony Stark of 366 days ago would have rolled his eyes at that, but the new and improved Tony Stark knew better: knowing that Pepper was close, that she'd be there for him after all the interviews and appearances and general PR BS ahead of him was the only thing that could keep him going, make him keep it together today. He'd never had anyone who he wanted to hold onto and never let go, but as he held Pepper's hand this morning, that was exactly how he felt.

"What were you doing, two years ago today?" Tony said, glancing at her before looking away again, quickly. Dammit, he did not want her to see how much this stupid day was getting to him. Last year, he'd been able to distract people from the big day by turning the conversation to Stark Expo, and today, he would try to do the same with Stark Tower, but it was going to be an uphill battle…

Pepper was silent for a moment, and when she finally spoke, she sounded close to tears.

"I was trying to pretend that everything was normal, in spite of the fact that my boss had apparently been kidnapped by terrorists, and whenever I got a spare moment when I didn't have to stand in front of a camera and look calm, I was locking myself in bathroom stalls and crying as quietly as possible. So I promise, today sucks for me too—in a different way than it does for you, but...I almost lost you."

Tony finally turned to look at her then. "I wasn't even the me you like then though. You would have lost a selfish, immature boss who got rich selling weapons. Not really a big loss."

"I beg to differ," Pepper said firmly, wiping her eyes before giving him a serious look. "Part of the reason I stuck with you all those years was that I knew, deep down, you had the potential to be the kind of person you are now: not just a hero, but a decent human being. Someday. If you tried."
Tony shook his head. "Sorry that it took me so long—and that it took this—" he tapped the arc reactor thoughtfully. "—to make me less of jerk. In my defense, my personal assistant used to take care of everything for me, so I didn't have to worry about being mature, let alone a decent human being."

Pepper smiled at him. "I'm not sure if she sounds like an enabler or a real catch."

"The second one," he said firmly, finally sitting up and kissing her until they were both breathless and she had settled onto his lap in a way that made getting out of bed seem like absolutely the last thing he wanted to do today. But he'd do it—for her sake as much as his. Pepper had enough to do as CEO without having to constantly reassure people that he (probably) didn't have PTSD. Though it took considerable willpower (and Tony couldn't help but think that willpower, before two years ago today, was something he'd seldom thought to exercise), he pulled away until just their foreheads were touching.

"I love you," he said finally, and much to his satisfaction, Pepper blushed a little. It was a phrase he didn't use much—neither did Pepper, really. They each knew how the other felt, and Tony preferred to not be one of those couples that ended every conversation with a glib, "love you!" Whenever he said it to Pepper, he wanted it to really mean something, to remind her that she was the only woman he had ever really loved like this. And she seemed to feel the same, which never failed to make him slightly dizzy with amazement.

"I love you too," Pepper whispered, kissing him again before standing up and gently tugging at his arm. "Come on, let's go eat breakfast."

"Can we order pizza for breakfast?" Tony asked.

"No," Pepper said, "but we can have it for dinner. Want to stay at your place, or meet back here?"

"Here, please," Tony said firmly. "The worst memories your apartment inspires are of stubbing my toe one time when I was carrying you to bed."

Pepper laughed at that, then she pulled him into her kitchen where they made eggs, ate, and very nearly ravished each other on the kitchen table before Pepper caught a glimpse of the clock on the microwave and insisted that they both get dressed. All too soon, Tony found himself wearing one of the suits he kept at Pepper's, about to face the world. When Happy arrived to pick them up, Pepper gave his hand a quick squeeze, and after a couple of deep breaths, he got into the car without complaint.

Thankfully, Happy didn't mention the date, and they all had an ordinary ride to work, discussing the day's itinerary while Tony, in an effort to annoy Happy, stole the occasional kiss from Pepper. He felt a little queasy when Happy dropped her off for her first appointment of the day, but he knew that people were watching him, so he stole one last kiss, which helped him put on his smuggest smile, and then he told Happy to drive fast and turn up the radio.

The day passed slowly. It was exactly as bad as Tony had expected it would be, in terms of how many times he had to smile and convince people that he was fine, that Iron Man and Tony Stark were better than ever, and that what had happened two years ago wasn't just the past—it was the distant past, and what mattered was the future of Stark Industries, which was finally changing the world for the better. At times, Tony even believed what he was saying, because parts of it were true: he was way more interested in the future than the past, and he knew that when he put on the suit, he was okay. Everything that had led to him building it didn't really matter when he was Iron Man, kicking ass and saving lives and doing whatever else needed to be done. He could live in the moment then—he'd pretty much always lived in the moment anyway—but today...today he had to pretend.

Tony couldn't ignore the fact that this was the day that his life had changed forever, in amazing ways, but in terrible ways too. Most days, the amazing parts outweighed the terrible ones, but not today. Today, every moment when he wasn't occupied with some PR thing, he kept thinking about Yinsin, and the arc reactor, and all the people who had died because of him, both the ones he knew about and the ones he didn't, in places like Gulmira. In his lifetime, how many innocent people had died because of weapons with his name on them?

Usually, he could convince himself that what he was doing now was canceling out what had come before, that he was making up for it as best he could. No, he couldn't bring back the people who'd died because of him, but he could make damn sure that no one else was killed because of Stark Tech. Today though, it felt like it would never be enough—like he could spend the rest of his life trying to make up for the things he used to build, and the fact that he'd put Obadiah Stane in a position to sell weapons to the highest bidder. Was it even possible to make up for being as negligent as he'd been two years ago—or for a lifetime of hubris that had gotten untold numbers of people killed?

Still, every moment wasn't bad. Rhodey was off doing War Machine stuff, but he called and they talked for awhile: sports, Defense Department stuff—everything but the obvious matter of where they'd been two years ago today. Happy too was his usual self: he complained about TV shows while driving Tony to his various appointments, and Pepper texted sometimes, just to say hi, though there were hearts and smiley faces in her messages, which Tony found adorable and unduly comforting. He figured that it was a problem that so much of his sanity seemed to depend on emoticons today, but he would worry about that tomorrow. As it was, it took all of his considerable skills at pretending things were normal to get through the day. He'd honed said skills over a lifetime of being Tony Stark—obviously, his life had never really been normal, but he'd gotten good at pretending that everything was fine and dandy, even when it wasn't.

When Happy dropped him off at his place late in the afternoon, Tony went down to the garage and spent a couple of hours trying to work on some suit modifications, but as soon as he knew that her last meeting was ending, he drove over to Pepper's: he was officially done with the whole "today is a normal day" charade. As soon as he got to her place, he unlocked the door with the key she'd given him, took off his shoes and the clothes he'd changed into before working on the suit, then got into bed. It smelled like Pepper, and Tony was relieved to find that at the moment, that was all he needed for things to actually be almost okay.

Pepper got home a few minutes later, and before she even made her way into the bedroom, Tony could smell the pizza she'd brought with her. He pulled his head out from under the sheet and comforter so he could actually see her when she came in, and when she smiled sadly at him, he could almost smile in return.

"Can we just eat here?" he wondered, because he had no desire to talk about what they were both thinking about.

"Yes, if you promise to try and be neat," Pepper said, handing him the pizza box before slipping off her shoes. "I do not want to wake up tomorrow with cheese stuck in my hair."

"I'll use the box as a plate," Tony promised, leaving the bed long enough to grab some soda out of the fridge (because he was not eating pizza without pop, not today or any other day). Pepper put in a movie (one he'd gotten her for her birthday), then she took off her jacket and skirt and slid into bed with him, and they ate pizza and watched a bad movie that Tony actually laughed at, once or twice.

"Feeling better?" Pepper asked, when the movie was over and the pizza was gone.

"I am, actually," Tony said, surprised that it was true. "I still feel like I'm done dealing with reality for today though."

"Me too," Pepper agreed, so they got ready for bed. Pepper didn't say anything about the subject he was avoiding, she just told him about her meetings, and what she'd gotten done that day, and what they had scheduled for tomorrow. And Tony was grateful, because how would they even talk about it? But he also had a weird feeling, like he actually wanted to say something. He just wasn't sure what.

So they got into bed. Tony curled up on his side, Pepper lay facing him, and the scent of her toothpaste made him smile in the dark. Two years ago today, toothpaste and about a million other things had seemed like luxuries he'd never see again.

"Thank you," she whispered after a few moments of silence. "For being honest with me this morning."

Tony frowned. "I'm always honest. Almost always."

Pepper snorted. "Not about how you feel. I'm assuming that's the 'almost.' But you can tell me that stuff, you know. If you want to."

"Usually I don't want to," Tony admitted. "Not the bad stuff, I mean."

"I know," Pepper said, biting her lip. "But I can handle hearing it. When you disappeared, not knowing what was happening to you was...awful. I imagined plenty of bad stuff, and...I just want you to know that you can tell me. If that would help."

Tony was silent for a while, because he wasn't really sure what he wanted to say. "...I hated it there. That's why I never talk about it. I just...I was glad you couldn't see me, living in a cave. Because you'd worry, though I figured you were worrying anyway. And it sucked, knowing that you and Rhodey and Happy actually cared and didn't want me to die in the desert, even though I was probably going to. And I was trying to build the suit, and not die, and...yeah. It sucked. Remembering it sucks too. But sometime I'll tell you about the guy who saved me. That part...wasn't so bad."

"Okay," Pepper said, kissing him gently.

"And then we'll watch another bad movie and eat pizza."

Pepper smiled. "Okay. Just say the word and we can do that."

And as Tony fell asleep, he felt certain that someday, he would tell her more about what it had been like to know Yinsin. And after that, maybe this day would be easier.