Disclaimer: I am not George Lucas or J.K. Rowling.

Enter Luke and Han, on the Negotiator.

Enter Jaina, with Han's new Z-95 Headhunter.

Jaina. Never mind unwrapping it now. People are arriving for dinner; I want you all downstairs.

Luke and Han join Jaina downstairs.

Enter Leia, Mara, Phanan, and Face.

A banner is hung in the dining room, reading "Congratulations, Han and Leia - new prefects."

I thought we'd have a little party, not a sit-down dinner. Your father and Ganner are on their way, Han; I've sent them both messages, and they're thrilled.

Phanan rolls his eyes.

Enter Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon, Tahl, Solusar, and Bel Iblis.

Oh, Garm, I'm glad you're here. We've been wanting to ask you for ages. Could you have a look in the writing desk in the drawing room and tell us what's inside it? We haven't wanted to open it, just in case it's something really nasty.

Bel Iblis. No problem, Jaina

Bel Iblis concentrates with his prosthetic eye.

Drawing room . . . Desk in the corner? Yeah, I see it. . . . Yeah, it's a Gurlanin. . . . Want me to go up and get rid of it, Jaina?

Jaina. No, no, I'll do it myself later. You have your drink. We're having a little bit of a celebration, actually. [indicates Han] Fourth prefect in the family.

Bel Iblis. [to Han] Prefect, eh? Well, congratulations. Authority figures always attract trouble, but I suppose Yoda thinks you can withstand most attacks, or he wouldn't have appointed you. . . .

Han looks up, startled.

Enter Jonash, Ganner, and Ferrier.

Jonash. Well, I think a toast is in order. [raises his goblet] To Han and Leia, the new Revan prefects.

All drink and applaud.

Tahl. I was never a prefect myself. Master Yaddle said I lacked certain necessary qualities.

Mara. Like what?

Tahl. Like the ability to behave myself.

Mara laughs.

Mara. What about you, Obi-Wan?

Obi-Wan. [laughs] No one would have made me a prefect. I spent too much time in detention with Anakin. Qui-Gon was the good boy; he got the badge.

Qui-Gon. I think Yoda might have hoped that I would be able to exercise some control over my best friends. I need scarcely say that I failed dismally.

Han. [about the Z-95 Headhunter] . . . with a Class 1 hyperdrive system. Not bad, eh? When you think the ARC-170 has only a Class 1.5, and that's with decent shielding, according to The New Essential Guide to Vehicles and Vessels.

Leia. [to Qui-Gon, about protocol droids] I mean, it's the same kind of nonsense as Shistavanen segregation, isn't it? It all stems from this horrible thing humans have of thinking they're superior to other species. . . .

Jaina. [to Ganner] It's getting really out of hand, and you're so good-looking. It would look much better shorter, wouldn't it, Luke?

Luke. Oh . . . I don't know . . .

Luke glances at Phanan, Face, and Ferrier.

Ferrier stops talking the minute Luke looks over.

Phanan. It's okay. We can trust Luke; he's our financial backer.

Face. Look what Niles has got us. [holds out seeds] M'iiyoom Nightlily seeds. We need them for the Agent T-238, but they're Class A Security Risk, so we've been having a bit of trouble getting hold of them.

Phanan. Ten dataries the lot, then, Niles?

Ferrier. With all the trouble I went to get them? I'm sorry, lads, but I'm not taking a decicred under twenty.

Phanan. [to Luke] Niles likes his little joke.

Face. Yeah, his best one so far has been six ingots for a bag of manticore spines.

Luke. Be careful.

Phanan. What? Mom's busy cooing over Prefect Han. We're okay.

Luke. But Bel Iblis could have his eye on you.

Ferrier. Good point, that. All right, lads. Ten it is, if you'll take them quick.

Phanan. Cheers, Luke. We'd better get upstairs.

Exit Phanan and Face, with the M'iiyoom seeds.

Solusar. [to Qui-Gon] . . . why Yoda didn't make Skywalker a prefect?

Qui-Gon. He'll have had his reasons.

Solusar. But it would have shown confidence in him. It's what I would have done, especially with the HoloNet's having a go at him every few days. . . .

Bel Iblis sniffs at his nuna leg; once sure it has not been poisoned, he eats it.

Han. [to Tahl] . . . the hull's made of titanium alloy with XoLynn shields and an ANS-5c sensor unit built in . . .

Jaina. [yawns] Well, I think I'll sort out that Gurlanin before I turn in. . . . Jonash. I don't want this lot up too late, all right? Night, Luke, dear.

Exit Jaina.

Luke looks after her.

Bel Iblis. You all right, Skywalker?

Luke. Yeah, fine.

Bel Iblis. Come here, I've got something that might interest you. [removes an old holograph] The Old Jedi Order. I found it last night when I was looking for my spare cloaking device, seeing as Vos hasn't had the manners to return my best one. . . . I thought beings might like to see it. There's me. And there's Yoda beside me, Elegos A'Kla on the other side. . . . [indicates a young woman with auburn hair and green eyes, flecked with amber] Etain Skirata. She was killed two weeks after this was taken. The Sith wiped out her entire family. [indicates a bearded man and his black-haired wife] Jagged and Zena Antilles.

Luke. Wedge's parents.

Bel Iblis. They suffered a fate worse than death, if you ask me. And that's Tyria Sarkin; you've met her. And there's Jinn, obviously. . . . [indicates a bald man with gray skin and yellow eyes] Dorsk 81. He copped it, too. We only found bits of him. [to the Old Jedi] Shift aside there.

The Jedi shift around, trading place, so new faces were in the forefront.

Booster Terrik, husband of Jysella Terrik. They got him and his family, too. He was a great Jedi. . . . Quinlan Vos. Kriff, he looks young. . . . [indicates a young man with reddish blond hair and blue eyes] Crix Madine, vanished six months after this. We never did find his body. . . . Chewbacca, of course. He looks exactly the same as ever. . . . Ikrit; you've met him. I forgot he used to wear that stupid hat. . . . Soontir Fel - it took five Sith Lords to kill him and his brother, Todr. They fought like heroes. . . . [to the Old Jedi] Budge along, budge along.

Again, the Jedi shift around, revealing new faces in the back.

That's Yoda's brother, Talon Karrde - only time I ever met him. Strange barve. . . . [indicates a tall woman with blond hair and dark eyes] That's Tresina Lobi. Sidious killed her personally. . . . Obi-Wan, when he still had short hair . . . and . . . there you go. I thought that might interest you.

Luke notices Anakin Skywalker and Padmé Amidala, standing on either side of Nute Gunray.

Eh?

Luke. Yeah. Er . . . listen, I've just remembered, I haven't packed my . . .

Obi-Wan. What's that you've got there, Garm?

Bel Iblis turns to show Obi-Wan the holograph.

Exit all but Luke.

Luke. [aside] Why did that holograph affect me in such a way? I've seen my parents' holographs before, and I've met Gunray. . . . But to have them sprung on me like that, when I was least expecting it . . . [angry] No one would like that. And then, to see them surrounded by all those happy faces . . . Dorsk 81, who was found in bits, and Soontir Fel, who died like a hero, and Jagged and Zena Antilles, who were tortured into madness . . . all waving happily out of the holograph, not knowing that they were doomed. . . . Well, Bel Iblis might find that interesting. . . . I, however, find it disturbing. . . .

Exit Luke