Thought I'd let the menfolk have their say! Hope you enjoy!
JKR owns it, I just play with it in a disgustingly fluffy manner.
January 29, 2013: For Worse
Cigar smoke wreathed the table in the centre of the Malfoy's drawing room where four men sat playing poker. Cards, poker chips, and food lay around, including copious bottles of Muggle beer and Wizard whiskey.
"Who's in?" asked Lucius, palming the deck of cards in his hands.
"I think I am," Harry said, throwing in a galleon.
"Me too," Draco said.
Severus looked over his cards and threw in a galleon.
Lucius dealt the cards as the other men mulled over their hands and discarded the unwanted cards, and then looked at his own.
"What do you think the women are up to?" asked Harry.
Draco blew a ring of smoke and then answered, "If I know Mother and Minerva, they are three sheets to the wind and about to reveal secrets we daren't consider."
Harry and Draco laughed, taking gulps of their beverages.
Severus, removing the cigar from his mouth and laughing, said, "If I know Minerva, she'll wheedle things out of Hermione without her realising it."
"How is married life, Severus?" Lucius asked.
"Tolerable," he answered enigmatically.
"The sex?" Lucius asked.
"Excellent; that is one area is where Hermione is a quick and experimental study."
"Oh? Do tell," Lucius demanded.
Harry interrupted, "No, do not go there at all. I do not want to know about Hermione in that way."
Severus laughed again. "Trust me Harry, that's one thing I will not tell anyone about."
"You know the women will be comparing," said Draco.
"What I don't hear, didn't happen," Severus said smugly. "I raise ten." He threw some galleons into the middle of the table.
"So, how are the other aspect of married life, Severus?" asked Draco.
Severus sighed. "I've eaten some of the worst food in my life. Hermione can't cook." The other men sniggered.
"Go on," said Harry. "She can do just about everything else, but she can't cook? Although as I remember, she wasn't much at cooking when we were on the run."
"She can do toast and make sandwiches, but that's about it. I've drunk enough heartburn potion to fill a bathtub. Our worst fight to date was when I suggested she enrol in a Muggle cooking class."
Harry roared with laughter. Lucius and Draco looked confused, so while Harry was laughing, Severus quickly explained what happened at Muggle cooking lessons. When they understood, the Malfoy men joined in the laughter.
Lucius, getting himself under control confessed, "Narcissa can't sing. She does everything else beautifully, but she can't carry a tune. She has a voice that would make a house elf cry. I remember once when Draco was little and Narcissa was singing to him as she carried him around the house. Draco covered her mouth his with hands and said 'No sing, Mummy'."
The group laughed while Draco blushed.
"Ginny, believe it or not, can't do laundry," said Harry. "You'd have thought Molly would have taught her how to do it. Turned my Auror robes pink the first time she washed them. " Harry shook his head while the other men smirked, picturing Harry in pink robes at work. "I had to wear plain robes to work and swing by Madam Malkin's to pick up a new set."
"I love Luna with all my heart," Draco interjected, "but I really can't abide by all the flowmangle, blumbibbles, and crunky lorax or whatever it's called. Did you know she says that the more blumbibbles you have floating around you, the more endowed you are? Can you believe that rubbish?"
Lucius coughed out a bit of whiskey onto the table and turned abruptly in his chair to look at his son. "Merlin's tiny testicles," he gasped. "That's what she means? She always tells me I have quite a few floating about me. I just thought she was being, well…Looney."
"I'll overlook that smear against my wife, Father, but yes, that's what she means."
Severus stood up to get a fresh bottle of whiskey from the drinks trolley. When he returned, he said, "Look, are we going to play poker or gossip like women? Come on now; back to the game."
"Oooh, Severus," said Harry teasingly. "Did we touch on a sensitive subject? Don't have many blimbumbles?"
"Blumbibbles," Draco corrected.
"I assure you, Mr. Potter, I have a cadre of the blasted things, whatever you call them. Now PLAY!"
All four men chuckled as galleons clinked into the centre of the table and they silently considered their cards.
"So, you make Hermione very happy, then?" Draco asked, breaking the silence.
"Yeah," said Harry, choking back more laughter. "Can you ensnare her senses, and bewitch her—"
Severus reached over and smacked both his godson and Harry round their heads. "Yes, very, all the time, until she screams. Now shut up and play!" He looked at Lucius who smirking. "And you can shut up as well, or I will tell Draco about your bachelor party and the hex that stripped placed on your bits."
Lucius quickly wiped the smirk from his face and said, "I raise fifteen."
The part where Draco puts his hands over his mother's mouth? Worry Jr. did it to me when he was about a year and a half old. "No sing, Mommy!" he said. I admit I can't carry a tune in a bucket with handles.