Well. This is a thing. Explanation and apologies at the end. (also lol this is basically unedited brain diarrhea enjoy)

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Joseph Solomon was not impressed with my choice in hotel rooms, to say the least.

Firstly, he had the audacity to show up at three in the morning for a "friendly chat, man-to-man". His words, not mine.

And then, as soon as he found out that I hadn't swept for bugs within the past five hours- though I hadn't even left the room, he flipped out. My pillows and comforter were displaced on my bed in the most haphazard fashion, the clothes in my backpack were completely disheveled, and Solomon was suddenly waist-deep under my bed. He refused to talk until he was certain that no one would hear him.

The man's a legend, I had to admit. But, if I was being honest, he's also completely mental.

Suddenly, Joe's body emerged from under the bed, a thick layer of dust on his elbows and his hair pressed flat in a few unsavory places.

"When is this man-to-man chat gonna happen, then? And why is it so important that it requires you to destroy my room at this ungodly hour?" The words came out with my yawn, and my fingers frantically tried to convince my hair to conform to some sort of shape. Considering I was deep asleep before my room was violated, it looked like I had just been through a wind tunnel.

"I need to tell you about your father."

I fell onto the bed with a flop, groaning into the soft cotton pillow. I was too tried for this conversation, too exhausted, too angry. "Okay, fine. Tell me about my father." I rolled onto my back and gave him a flat look. "Understand that I'm gonna think it's all complete bullshit."

"Zach, I know you're mad, but I am going to tell you everything I know. Understand that I don't know much."

I never thought there'd be a day when Solomon admitted to ignorance of any kind, but I didn't comment. Instead, Joe started to tell his tale as he stood from the speckled carpet..

"I met your mother when she was nineteen. She had been placed in my squad in the CIA as a desk agent. You know, being fresh out of Gallagher and all." The name associated with girls that I admired sounded too sour with my mother's footprint left on it. "She was too wild and too stubborn to stay that way, and she was put into the field time after time again."

Solomon leaned against the hotel's complimentary spinning desk chair, slightly twisting it back and forth with surprisingly nervous hands. "And then comes the first of many large information gaps that I unfortunately don't have the clearance to fill." I nodded, understanding the hierarchy of the CIA, but slightly upset that Joe hadn't gone around the law for the information, for me. "At the start of the year, she was sent to a mission in Amsterdam, I don't know for what, and I don't know why. But it was called Operation Nightingale," he said, quickly followed by a puff of air that seemed like a laugh but felt a little too sour. "She came back in September with a baby bump. You showed up three months later."

"Who's my dad?" Blunt, I know. But try having your world ripped apart and not be the slightest bit bitter.

"I don't know."

"Who's the guy that pretended to be my dad?" the only fleeting memory I had was the name James and those piercing green eyes.

"That, I know. I knew him all too well. His name was James Pearson, or at least that's what he told me. Occasionally my partner, usually my assistant. He was alright, but I now assume he was playing dumb for the sake of a cover."

James Pearson. I now had a name, whether it be fake or real; I had a name to match the bloody, bruised, and beaten man that I had killed. Wonderful.

"You were an accessory at the CIA headquarters for a while," Joe continued. "We would all take turns holding you and feeding you and playing with you. And when you were old enough, we'd chase you around and let you shred documents." Joe seemed lost in his memory of me, but I had no recollection of any of the events. "And then you disappeared."

"Your mother took you away, and I didn't see you for a few months. It was your fifth birthday when I saw you next. When you came back and saw James, you called him 'daddy,' and it broke my heart."

"Why?"

Joe's eyes went from their hazy memory-stricken glaze to a harsh glare. "Because he was the shittiest excuse for a parent that I've ever met."

When my eyes went wide, Solomon began to rant. "For your third birthday, he gave you a set of matches and firecrackers. For your sixth, a pistol that turned out to be broken. You tried shooting a bottle off a fence but instead it gave you first degree burns." Joe snarled. "Catherine put him in charge of you for a night, and when I came over, he was nowhere to be seen and you were shut in a closet with a bag of chips and a deck of cards. The next time, you were seven and he had disappeared to Rio, and you were trying to make mac and cheese by yourself." He stopped yelling, and the room was left in complete silence. Then, I heard him mumble something surprising. "I was more of a dad then he ever dreamed of. But you worshipped him. As soon as I found out he was a part of the Circle- all my suspicions were confirmed. He vanished, and you were destroyed."

I didn't remember anything of James, absolutely nothing. Not the dangerous gifts, not being abandoned, not being by myself. But Joe was right. He was there when I fell and needed a bandaid, he was there. He was there when I needed help or needed a slap. Solomon's the only one to ever see me cry.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be- you were just a child."

"I'm sorry now… I know that I'm a mess, and you're always having to clean up after me." I sighed, "I just wish life was easier."

"I'll always be there to clean up after you. Don't you worry." Joe smiled, but got quiet. "Are you coming to DC for the election announcement?" After my hesitation, he added, "Cammie will be there."

I nodded eagerly, and Solomon let out a chuckle. "Alright, get some sleep, kiddo."

He turned the lights off on his way out, but it's not like I was going to sleep, anyway.

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It has been about forever since I last updated, and even that was an announcement saying that I'd be premiering my vanishing act, so… hi? I doubt anyone still cares- does anyone remember what's going on, anyway?

Let's just say I've been struggling with this story, struggling with school, and struggling with life in general…. This story is not a priority. At all. That doesn't say I'm done with it or I'm stopping- but this will only be updated if and when the inspiration hits. Sorry, but that's the truth. Try taking three college level classes and pile on some honors and AP and then see how much energy you have after school.

(also I guess maybe shoutouts for the people from ch20: asianpotato, magic-of-writing, Wendy Pierce, MoonlitShadowsoftheHumanSouls, Smirk and Walk Away, rymar16, and !) ((also wendy again, smirky, ry , and LifeisGoode all commented on my hiatus announcement so I guess thanks for being so invested!) (speaking of that chapter it has been deleted so yeah)

I do appreciate every single one of you, and I'm so sorry to be so inconsistent.

a million thanks!