As I walked out of Damon's room I swore to myself that I wouldn't cry. I had spent enough time the last few days moping around, and I felt like there was no reasoning at all with Damon while he was in this state. Our lovely Christmas break was beginning to turn into a nightmare, and I felt completely powerless to stop it. I decided to go and get myself a cup of coffee and re-join the rest of the Salvatore clan. I just hoped they didn't attempt to give me a pep talk.
Although my relationship with Damon felt like it was coming apart at the seam, I was thankful that I had decided to go to Giuseppe for help in arranging Stefan's gift last night and that our relationship had grown. He seemed touched by the idea, or maybe just guilty of his previous accusations against me, either way, he was more than willing to help. We sat in his study until late Christmas Eve, him sipping a brandy in the beige armchair in the corner, and me carefully placing each of Mrs Salvatore's hand written recipes in the empty scrap book I had found in the library. Slowly but surely, the conversation began to flow, and no topic was left unturned. From my childhood, to my hopes and dreams, even to my feelings for his son, Giuseppe was a quiet listener at first, but after a while he soon began to open up, and I saw, just as Stefan said, how much alike he and his oldest son truly were. A hard exterior to hide the truly broken men contained inside, so effected by the loss of the most important woman in their lives, it made me smile to see just how much he opened up to me in such a short period of time. His guilt had obviously been eating him alive, something I realized he was not at all comfortable or used to, because just as I had finished the scrapbook and bid him goodnight, I heard him take a deep breath and utter "Paige, I truly hope you can be forgiving of my behaviour the last few days. I should not have made assumptions, because as I have been lucky enough to find out this evening, you are a truly remarkable young woman and my son is very, very lucky to have found you,"
I smiled at him softly, "It's all forgotten,"
"I'm pleased," Was his response. And with that I had walked out of the room. I knew how hard it had been for him to say those words, so I had decided then and there that I would give Giuseppe another chance. It was the same instinct that I had gotten when Damon had showed up on my doorstep the first day we went surfing, full of apologies, and I knew I should trust it, even if things between us looked dire. But I had to get that out of my head now, Damon had made it perfectly clear when I had walked out of his bedroom that reconciliation in the next few hours was not on the cards, and I had to respect that. I would attend the Gala, as planned, but without him.
Neither Giuseppe nor Stefan mentioned Damon's behaviour when I returned downstairs, and it seemed like a Salvatore trait to brush things under the carpet when they were hard to talk about. We ate lunch on the terrace surrounded by the majestic Virginian Winter wonderland without mention, or joined my Damon. It seemed silly to me for him to be missing out on Christmas with his family because of a stupid fight, but I knew he needed some time to deal with his feelings, cooler heads and all. And I fought every instinct in my body all afternoon to go back into that room, if at all just to check on him. But I resisted, and instead, made my way back to the guest room to begin primping myself for the evening's event.
I was glad that Damon had mentioned the party while I was packing, or I would have been attending in my jeans and turtleneck, although, after re-evaluating the simple black gown I had packed, I started thinking that I was less the appropriate for black tie. I had never been to a black tie event, and everything in my body screamed that I wouldn't belong at one anyway. I sat down at the vanity of the guest room after I had finished my shower, and noticed just how plain I looked. I didn't belong in the world of movies stars and black tie Christmas galas; I was a university student who had, up until recently, considered brand name soft drink a luxury. I opened my make-up case, praying to god that something inside this bag would transform me from the Plain Jane I felt like into a demure swan, but I severely doubted it. I began with my primer, moved to the foundation and slowly but surely made my way to my eyes. I had always hated them, I had a mess of lashes and had never quite mastered the whole mascara thing. It always ended up all over my brown line. I had finished my makeup and was securing my hair in a high bun with some bobby pins when I heard a light wrap on my door. I felt my heart flutter, wondering which Salvatore was on the other side of the giant wooden guest door. I felt myself start to breathe again as Stefan's chipper face appeared.
"May I come in?" He asked politely
"Sure Stef. What's up?" I asked, turning to face him. I saw his eyes widen and a strange smile cross his lips
"You look beautiful," He offered. I blushed slightly, knowing that he was too polite for his own good
"Highly doubtful," I said lightly, "I've never really been good at this sort of thing,"
"You could have fooled me," He grinned. I noticed he was holding a large garment bag. He smiled as I eyed it curiously, and walked over to the bed and laid the bag down, "Under the circumstances, I would understand if you wouldn't be comfortable in participating in anything my brother had organized, but, he has been hiding this with me since you arrived,"
"Hiding? What are you talking about?" I asked, walking over to the bed where Stefan was standing. He gave me a cheeky grin before unzipping the garment bag, revealing one of the most magnificent gown I had ever seen in my entire life. It was one shouldered with an open back that turned into a mermaid tailed bottom from the knee down, in the most stunning shade of turquoise. There was a pair of silver Christian Louboutin heels attached to the hanger next to a hand written note. I picked it up and unfolded it.
My beautiful Paige,
I can only imagine how breathtaking you will make this dress look, and it will be the best Christmas gift I have ever received to see you wearing it.
Always yours,
Damon. XOX
I felt the tears start to prickle a little after finishing the note, thinking of how happy we were when he had written it.
"Paige, are you alright?" Stefan asked, putting his hand on my shoulder for comfort, "Listen if it upsets you or you don't like it, you don't have to wear it. I'm sure he will understand"
"It's not that Stefan. I love it, It's so beautiful," I explained, "He won't know even know if I do wear it. He's not coming tonight,"
"Ass," He muttered. We stood in silence for a few minutes before Stefan gave me a reassuring hug, "Father would understand if you didn't attend you know, we both would,"
"No, don't be silly," I explained, "I'm not going to let that idiot of a brother of yours ruin my Christmas. Besides, it could be fun,"
"I'll let you finish dressing. We ought to be leaving in around 20 minutes so I will see you downstairs," He told before exiting the room. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, trying to find the courage to put on the beautiful gown in front of me, instead of curling up in bed and shutting out the world. After a few minutes I finally managed to get myself inside the dress and shoes, and stood in front of the mirror examining myself. I felt like an imposter, just as I had in the last beautiful dress that Damon had purchased for me, but I couldn't let those feelings take over me, I had to put my game face on, and be as charming as I could be for the Salvatore families friends and neighbours. I packed lipstick and a stick of gum in the beaded purse from the garment bag and made my way downstairs. Giuseppe and Stefan were waiting at the front door like gentleman, adorned in their tuxes and patiently waiting for me to arrive.
"Paige, you look stunning my dear," Giuseppe greeted, kissing my hand gently, before I could thank him for the compliment, I heard footsteps behind me on the stairs, I didn't need to turn around to know that it was him.
"Son, surely you aren't attending the gala dressed like that?" Giuseppe asked
"I think we both know that I won't be attending the gala father," Damon scoffed at him. God he was such a smug ass when he was upset. There was a moment of silence before the car horn tooted from the driveway.
"Ah it seems our driver has arrived, we should get going," Giuseppe said placing his hand on the small of my back, "After you Paige," I took two steps towards the door before turning around to face the man I loved so dearly.
"Merry Christmas Damon," I mumbled before walking out the door.
I was right about the Mystic Falls Christmas Gala being extravagant, it was held in the Mayors estate on the other side of town, and it seemed every high profile family in town was in attendance. It was also, boring as hell. I felt like every person I met was just a different version of the last. They were all founding families, they were all rich, and they all thought they were above everyone else. I felt like I had shook a hundred hands, when in reality there were only about 30-40 people in attendance. Regardless, after dinner, I felt the need to escape for some fresh air. I grabbed two flutes of champagne and found myself on the terrace, sipping the alcohol and staring out into the beautiful grounds.
"There you are," I heard Stefan's voice greet, "I wondering where you disappeared to,"
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be rude, it's just a little, stifling in there," I explained
"Not enjoying yourself?" He asked
"No it's not that. I just feel, a little out of place. Listening to people talk about their trips to Paris and their new summer homes, I mean, the most expensive thing I own is my couch," I laughed
"Don't do that to yourself," Stefan told
"Do what?" I asked
"Berate yourself or think that you're aren't worthy because you aren't as wealthy as them, you are a much better person, and at the end, that's what truly counts," Stefan said
"You really do know how to make me feel better Stefan. Thank you," I grinned, he pulled me into a tight hug, "It's so strange, I feel like I have known you for so long. I'm going to be sad to say goodbye to you when I have to go home. You really have become a great friend,"
"I know the feeling," He said softly. Stefan let go of our embraced and took my lips into his. I pushed him away almost immediately, shocked and confused by the kiss, "Paige, I, I'm sorry," I opened my mouth to speak but felt the wind get knocked out of me when I saw who had witnessed the incident. There was Damon, looking like he was about to vomit all over his tux. Before I could react to either of them, Damon was by my side, with his fist connecting to Stefan's face. Stefan stumbled back but regained his footing as Damon came at him again, this time with more velocity. They both fell to the terrace, hitting each other in a frenzy. I finally felt my feet move as I ran over to them, trying to break them apart before they killed one another. I felt myself get hit in the face and pushed back, landing on a deck chair and ripping my gown. Damon was immediately at my side, kneeling down to make sure I was okay
"Paige I'm so sorry, I didn't realize it was you," He said frantically
"Grow up! The both of you!" I screamed as I ran to the front of the property. I organized the driver to take me back to the mansion and as the car arrived, so did Damon
"Babe please, I didn't mean to, I swear I didn't, are you hurt?" He pleaded
"Just get in the car Damon," I ordered, as we both climbed in the SUV. The ride back to the Salvatore house was silent, Damon didn't dare speak to me and I didn't dare even begin speaking to him for fear my anger would get the best of me. I was filled with so many different emotions, hurt, anger, guilt, sadness, and I didn't know which one to confront first. We pulled up at the house and thanked the driver before going inside. I did not speak a word to him as I made my way to the guest room to get out of the gown Damon had purchased. I was still taking off my jewellery as he came into the room
"Please talk to me Paige. It's killing me," He said as he made his way over to where I was standing at the vanity
"I can't do this anymore Damon," Was all I could say, he wrapped his arms around my waist and gently kissed my bare shoulder
"I know, I know baby, I'm so sorry. For everything," He begged, kissing my shoulder and making his way up to my neck. I felt my body begin to surrender to his lips, "Just tell me what to do, tell me what to do and I'll do it,"
"Damon," I warned, half of me wanting to stop, half of me craving the warmth I had missed the last few days
"I love you Paige, I love you so fucking much it hurts," He said, and with these words, and a kiss to the sensitive spot on my neck, I lost all control and surrendered to him. I spun around and took his mouth into my ferociously, needing to numb the pain, needing to forget all that had happened the past few days. I need to know that the man I loved was still somewhere inside of him, or if he had been lost. He picked me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist, craving more contact. He carried me over to the guest bed and laid me down, gently climbing on top of me. His movements were slow and gentle, and I could tell he was scared of hurting me again. I pulled him down to me so that we were face to face and I kissed his lips
"Just make love to me," I whispered.
"I'll give you anything you want," Was his response.
I was woken up a few hours later by the sun streaming through the curtains. My face felt swollen and the events of last night's fight came rushing back to me. I pushed my hand up towards my face and felt around the swollen area, hoping to Christ I didn't have a black eye. That would be fun to explain. I turned over to see a sleeping Damon with his face towards me. He smelt like stale scotch and it only just occurred to me how drunk he must have been when he showed up at the party. I knew that sleeping together last night had been foolish, but I didn't have the strength to fight with him anymore, I didn't have the energy to try and talk civilly about all of the problems we were having. Instead, we took the easy way out, and found comfort in the place that we shouldn't. I let my thumb gently stroke his brow and I felt like my heart was about to burst out of my chest. I had told him last night that I couldn't keep doing this, and I was right, I couldn't. I loved him, god did I love him, but I couldn't be this version of us anymore. It was killing me inside, and I knew what the only solution was. I slid out of bed, trying not to wake him, and made my way to the bathroom. I didn't dare to look in the mirror before I got in the shower, in fear of what would be greeting me. But my fears were soon found after I had dressed and went to put my make up on. A big ole puffy cheek and a jet black eye. Great. I covered it as best as I could but foundation wasn't really made for hiding large bruises. I collected all my things and began packing them into my suitcase for the second time since we had arrived, and had just finished when I saw Damon's eyes flutter open
"Hm, good morning," He yawned, stretching his arms over his head as he sat up. He noticed my bag and the empty room, and immediately turned his head towards me, "Going somewhere?" I zipped my suitcase closed and placed it on the floor, before making my way over the side of the bed that Damon was in and sat down. I took his hands in mine and placed a soft kiss on his lips
"I'm going home Damon," I told. I needed to be strong, I needed to keep my resolve and not fall victim to his charming words or pleading eyes. I knew he could convince me to stay if I let him, hell I wouldn't need much convincing, but I knew this was the right thing to do for both of us
"If that's what you want okay. I'll just have to tell father and organize a car to take us to the airport," He told
"Damon you aren't listening to me. I am going home. Without you," I explained. I saw he sadness creep across his face
"What are you talking about," He asked, "Look, I know the last few days have been shitty but, I'll make it up to you, I swear I will," I gently kissed him on the lips again, and shook my head
"You can't," I said, "I love you Damon, more then I could ever explain or even understand, but I can't stay here with you, I can't allow myself to stay here while we're continually hurting each other, and ourselves."
"We will get through this babe, I promise you, we've just had a rough patch," He begged
"It's more than that Damon and you know it," I explained, "Being here, and being with me, I, I bring out a possessive side of you that isn't healthy for either of us, to the point where you are kicking the shit out of your younger brother on Christmas night, to where you're accusing me of cheating on you, and treating me like one of your toys. I love you Damon, and I know you love me too, I do, but this version of you isn't working for us. We need some time apart,"
"Don't do this Paige please, I'm begging you," He said, pulling me towards him and resting his head on my shoulders, "I love you, I can't do this without you," I twisted my head up to face him, and kissed him long and hard, as I felt the tears start to fall.
"I love you too," I whispered, before pulled out of his arms and standing up and grabbing the handle of my suitcase. Damon jumped to his feet to face me
"So what the hell was last night then? Some kind of charity screw?" He asked angrily. I stood on my tippy toes so I could reach him, and kissed him one last time
"Last night was goodbye," I whispered, as I grabbed the handle of my suitcase and walked towards the door
"Paige," He begged, I turned to face him as I reached the door
"I'm sorry," I told, as I walked into the hallway and closed the door. I reached the bottom of the stairs and was greeted by Giuseppe
"Good morning sweetheart," He smiled, his face soon turned sombre as he noticed the tears falling from my face, "Paige, what's wrong,"
"Nothing, I just, have to get home unfortunately. Is it possible for you to organize a car to take me to the airport?" I asked. He looked at me long and hard
"Of course dear, just give me a few moments," He told
"Thank you,"
X X X X X X X X X X
I was thankful that my stash of gin was still hidden in my sock draw from my teenage years. After my argument with Paige, there was no fucking way I wanted to go downstairs, even if it was for alcohol. There was no way in Christ I was going to be going to that fucking gala and sit across from Saint Stefan all night while he made goo goo eyes at my girlfriend, and after the fucking gift she had given him, I didn't particularly want to see her face either. Instead, I would spend the evening with the only thing I could ever count on in life: myself and a stiff drink. Around 6 o'clock I heard a pair of heels click past my door, and I couldn't resist the temptation of getting a glimpse at her. I'd hidden the Marc Jacobs dress with Stefan as soon as we arrived so she wouldn't find it, and I had been waiting a goddamn week to see her in that thing, fight or not I was going to get a fucking look. I poured the remained of my drink down my throat and made my way to the staircase, nearly falling flat on my ass when I saw her. The dress fitted her frame perfectly, hugging all the places I loved so much to touch. Her chestnut hair was swept up in a perfect bun and I could smell her strawberry shampoo from where I was standing.
"Son, surely you aren't attending the gala dressed like that?" I heard my father ask, but I couldn't take my eyes off the angel in front of me
"I think we both know that I won't be attending the gala father," I snapped at him, before I heard the car toot from the driveway. I felt the tension in the air, but she didn't dare look at me
"Ah it seems our driver has arrived, we should get going," Father told, "After you Paige," He ushered her towards the door and she took a few steps, before turning herself around to face me. I felt like I couldn't breathe as she locked her green eyes down into my soul. She was a vision in blue.
"Merry Christmas Damon," She said softly, before turning her back and walking out the door. I felt like a fucking idiot for just standing there with my mouth open and letting her walk out the door, for snapping at her the way I did earlier, and for a lot of things I had done to her this week. Here I had the most perfect girl in the entire universe, and I was pushing her away because of stupid suspicions and an old book of recipes. I decided then and there that the only person who was going to be escorting her to the stupid fucking Christmas Gala was me. I ran upstairs in lightning speed and got into the shower, if I was quick, I would get there before dinner. I dried my hair with my towel after my shower and put on the tux that was packed tightly in my suitcase. I looked at myself in the mirror and began chickening out immediately. I would definitely need a drink before I could face the sycophantic wealth of Mystic Falls. I sat down on my bed and poured a few glasses of gin down my throat to ease the nerves.
Nostalgia came rushing back as soon as I walked through the doors of the Mayors extravagant estate. I had spent more nights then I cared to remember of my childhood on the receiving end of disapproving looks, as the townsfolk pointed out the black sheep of the Salvatore family. My last few visits however were marked with fake smiles and congratulatory handshakes on my television career, but I knew that kind of success wasn't held in a high premium in this community, it wasn't what 'old money' should be doing with their lives. I couldn't even pretend to be interested as I walked through the ballroom, searching for Paige, all I wanted to do was talk to her, take her in my arms, and apologise for being such an ass. Any thoughts of a happy reconciliation were immediately squashed when I finally found her, in the arms of my baby brother. I stood frozen on the terrace as I saw them break apart, and him place his lips on hers. The thought of her being with another man was infuriating enough but to see him, with his hands on her waist, with his lips on hers, made me lose any kind of calm I had. I wanted to kill him, I wanted to tear him apart with my bare fucking hands, I wanted to make him feel every ounce of goddamn pain that was currently coursing through my body. He tumbled to the ground as soon as my fist connected with his smug fucking face, but he was quick to his feet and tackled me, swinging and hitting my face. I had to hand it to him, he was definitely a much better fighter then when we were young, but that didn't matter, he was the one who was going to be walking away with a broken fucking face. Stefan and I were wrestling on the ground when I swung at him again, but this time I felt my fist connect with a third body and it go flying across the terrace. I looked over in shock as I saw Paige struggling to get up from the broken deck chair she had flown into. I ran over towards her to make sure she was okay
"Paige I'm so sorry, I didn't realize it was you," I told, she pushed me away from her and got to her feet
"Grow up! The both of you!" She screamed, before running off the terrace to the front of the property. I looked over at Stefan, nursing his bloody nose, but I couldn't deal with him right now. I needed to find her. She was just about to get into a car when I caught her
"Babe please, I didn't mean to, I swear I didn't, are you hurt?" I asked, hoping to god I hadn't harmed her anymore then I already had
"Just get in the car Damon," Was all she said, before getting into the car. I knew better then to approach the subject while we were in the car, we would hash it out, that was for sure, but not in front of an audience. It definitely was not her style. I kept stealing glances from across the car, making sure she wasn't bleeding or didn't have a broken nose. It seemed physically she was fine, it was just emotionally where she was hurting. She climbed out of the SUV without saying a word, and made her way up the staircase and into the guest room. I walked into my room, half of me too chicken to go to her, the other half pushing me out the door. I gulped another glass of the gin from my nightstand and walked toward the guest room. She was standing with her back to the door, her arms in the air as she removed the pearl necklace that I had given her just a few hours before. Even under the circumstances, she was still a vision in blue. I went to her side, her silence tearing me apart. "Please talk to me Paige. It's killing me,"
"I can't do this anymore Damon," She whispered. I couldn't take not touching her any longer, I needed to feel her in my arms. I placed my arms around her hips and pulled her bare back towards my lips, gently kissing her.
"I know, I know baby, I'm so sorry. For everything," I told. God I had forgotten how good she tasted, I needed more of her, I needed to make this all better. I nibbled her shoulder and started moving my lips up her neck, "Just tell me what to do, tell me what to do and I'll do it,"
"Damon," She whispered in a stern tone. I knew she was furious with me, I knew we were both so close to the breaking point, but there was a yearning in her voice that matched the one that I had for her.
"I love you Paige, I love you so fucking much it hurts," I told her. She needed to know it. I nipped on her neck just underneath her jaw line, and with that she spun around to face me, kissing me passionately and sticking her hot, wet tongue in my mouth. My dick grew hard immediately, it had felt like a lifetime since we had been like this, and my little friend was certainly responding. My need for her took over as I picked her up and thrust her against the vanity. She responded by wrapping her legs around my hips, which did nothing to desist the growing urge that was rising in my pants. I moved us toward the bed and laid her down slowly, and began kissing her ferosiously, but calmed myself down when I heard her words from the other day ring through my brain 'The way you touched me, like I was one of your posessions'. I eased up the pressure of the hold I had around her inner thigh and pulled my face to look at hers. She eased my worries with a kiss on the lips
"Just make love to me," She murmured
"I'll give you anything you want," And it was true. I would. From this moment on, I would do everything in my power to make this woman happy.
I woke up to the sound of rustling the next morning, and it took me a moment to realize that I was in the guest room. A big smile crossed my face as I remembered the beautiful lovemaking we had experienced in this very bed only mere hours ago. As I became more aware of my surroundings, I noticed Paige was standing by the bed, fully dressed "Hm, good morning," my eyes had readjusted a little more now, and I had noticed her fully packed suitcase on the edge of the bed. Whatever was coming, was not going to be good, "Going somewhere?" Paige had a look on her face that I had never seen before, and it scared me to death. She zipped up her travel bag, sat down beside me and took my hands into hers. They were shaking slightly, clue 3 that something was defiantly up.
"I'm going home Damon," She said. Her face looked pale and unsure, something that gave me chills down to my very core. Aside from her strange facial expressions, I was glad that she wanted our trip to end, the less time that I had to spend around my brother was probley the best. We could get back to Bryant's Bay, and get back to just being with each other, without all this craziness.
"If that's what you want okay. I'll just have to tell father and organize a car to take us to the airport," I began, she shook her head
"Damon you aren't listening to me. I am going home. Without you," She told. Realization swept over me. This was it. She was leaving me.
"What are you talking about," I asked in a frenzy, this wasn't happening, I wouldn't let it happen, "Look, I know the last few days have been shitty but, I'll make it up to you, I swear I will," She silenced me with a kiss on the lips and another shake of her head.
"You can't," She whispered, "I love you Damon, more then I could ever explain or even understand, but I can't stay here with you, I can't allow myself to stay here while we're continually hurting each other, and ourselves."
I couldn't let her do this, I had to make her know how sorry I was, I had to fix this, I had to "We will get through this babe, I promise you, we've just had a rough patch,"
"It's more than that Damon and you know it," She told. Her voice started to fade out as the seriousness of what she was saying hit me. I had pushed her, too far, far enough away that she didn't have the strength to fight for us anymore. She was lost to me.
"Don't do this Paige please, I'm begging you, I love you, I can't do this without you," I pleaded, I pulled her towards me and held her as tight as I could. If I held her tight enough maybe she wouldn't go, maybe we could just go back to how we were, but the kiss she gave me told me that this was it. It was over.
"I love you too," She whispered. And then she was gone from my arms, she had her suitcase and was heading for the door. A rainbow of emotions filled me inside and anger took over me. We had made love in this very room a few hours ago, and it had given me hope. Yet to her it was some kind of twisted consolation prize.
"So what the hell was last night then? Some kind of charity screw?" I yelled. I knew this wasn't going to make her stay, but I was breaking. She kissed me for what felt like eternity
"Last night was goodbye," She whispered against my lips before breaking away one last time and heading for the door
"Paige!" I begged one last time, but I knew it wasn't any good. She was lost to me now
"I'm sorry," She whispered, before walking out of my life.