1997
December 18
We haven't been anywhere in three weeks. And, surprisingly, I'm not climbing the walls anxious to leave.
Evelyn is doing fine physically, but emotionally? She's a wreck. Not that I blame her. She has nightmares all the time. They got so bad that Sam begged me to stop having to put her down for a nap. She's so afraid that 'the black-eye man' is going to come back and grab her again. All of us have tried to convince her that he won't, but it's just not that easy. She'll seem comforted for the moment, but she'll have a nightmare when she falls asleep and wakes up crying about it again.
Sam keeps telling me I have to be patient with her. Gentle. I'm trying. I'm trying so hard. But it's hard when she only wants Sam. She sticks so close to him that I haven't found one of them without the other the entire time we've been back. And the couple of times she has come to me for comfort, I find that I'm woefully inadequate at it.
That is, I was until today. I went to the grocery store down the road to restock Bobby's kitchen. I tried to get Evelyn to go with me. Get her out of the house to do something, maybe take her mind off how miserable and scared she's been feeling. She didn't want to go, and I remembered what Sam said about being gentle and patient, so I didn't push it or make it an order like I wanted.
When I was leaving, I found an ad for a photo shoot at the mall with Santa in a couple days. Grasping at straws, I decided to try it. When I told Evelyn, her eyes lit up with hope. Actual hope. She's been smiling ever since, and it's been hours. Sam put her to bed an hour ago, and she's still sleeping peacefully.
Maybe I can actually do this Daddy thing once in a while.