Feeling a bit more like herself now that she had her own clothes on, Thea made her way out of her room and lured by the smell of caf, found herself in the kitchen. The young Togruta girl she had met two days ago sat quietly on one of the barstools, looking deep in thought.
"Mind if I join you?" Thea asked. Shaking her head, Ahsoka cracked a soft smile and gestured for Thea to sit. Taking a sip of her drink, Thea leaned into her seat and relished as the liquid warmed her insides. The warmth instantly reminded her of last night's very intimate, steamy…Thea's pale face flushed red.
"Are you okay?" Ahsoka cast concern eyes upon Thea. "You look like you have a fever or something," which only made Thea blush even harder. Luckily the sound of footsteps behind them prevented Thea from having to come up with an explanation. Or did it…Thea mentally groaned as the one person she was not ready to see this morning walked around and poured himself a cup of caf. She watched him like a hawk: how his fingers wrapped around the caf mug, his light tan, luscious lips slipping over the glass; his eyes slightly closing as that first sip of warm goodness slipped down his virile throat.
She tried to control herself, but the images of his muscular chest holding her again him, his large strong arms brushing across her chest, this fingers inching ever so closer... "Oh," Ahsoka let out a little gasp and a light pink tinged her own cheeks. Thea's eyes widened at the girl. She must have been projecting her thoughts and feelings loud enough for the Jedi to hear. Oh sith oh sith…
Cody watched the two women as if they had lost their minds. Maybe they had. One was a Jedi after all. What could have caused them to turn that shade of red? Cody looked down at his caf filled mug to Thea and then back down and then back up. Her face is lovely in that shade. Just like in the dream…Cody sputtered into his cup, almost choking on the liquid. This time it was Thea and Ahsoka who looked at Cody as if he had just lost his marbles.
"Sorry Thea, you're just projecting so loud that even if I weren't sitting next to you I think I could feel what you were reflecting on," Ahsoka whispered into Thea's ear. Ahsoka had turned a brighter shade of orange and Thea wanted to bury her head into the dirt outside.
Oh dear lord that means… And of course he had to walk into the kitchen making an already awkward situation even more humiliating. Jusik took two steps into the kitchen and recoiled backwards as if someone had struck him in the stomach. The intensity of emotions that surrounded the four of them were overwhelming for both Jedi and as his gaze turned to Thea who just was about to burst into flames from embarrassment and then to Cody who would not make eye contact with anyone. Jusik's toes curled within his boots, his teeth pressed together where they almost hurt his jaw and his eyes narrowed as he scrutinized the two. I have no reason to feel this way, but I do. There is no passion…there is peace…there is no emotion…ah frack that.
To make things even worse, Kal Skirata and Fives entered the room, immediately stopping when they noticed two very red faced women, one blushing clone and one Jedi/Mando glaring between the clone and red-headed women. "What the hell is going on here?" Skirata demanded.
Cody shrugged, Thea only blushed harder, Ahsoka tried to school her features to neutral and Jusik looked ashamed. She didn't belong to him; he had no reason to be jealous, besides he may be over thinking things. By the way Cody and Thea were acting he had a good suspicion that he wasn't.
"Well, someone better explain. There's enough tension without this drama to add to it. Come on, out with it!" Skirata was actually quite amused with the whole scene, but he was also tired of everyone playing games with each other. If they could just say what they wanted to, then everyone could stop walking on egg shells. Fives couldn't help but grin. Clones weren't ones to be seen blushing and he couldn't ever recall the commander with a rosy tint to his cheeks.
"It's not funny Fives," Cody pouted. Oh but it was and if he were on the other end, Cody probably be the laughing fool.
"I think I need some air," Thea slipped out of her chair and walked/jogged out of the kitchen.
"I'll come with you," Ahsoka quickly followed so that she wouldn't be left to explain this odd scene which left Cody and Jusik to enlighten Skirata and Fives.
"Bard'ika?" Skirata's voice sounded less tolerant this time.
"Come on Cody," Fives gestured to the ex-commander. Cody let his eyes nervously wander from Jusik to the unhappy clan leader. Very thankful, he obediently followed Fives without an argument.
"Kids these days," Jusik shook his head. He reached for a cup and a large hand blocked his path. Jusik chewed on his lower lip and like a youngling about to be reprimanded, he slowly rolled his blue eyes up at Skirata. "It was nothing Kal," he said. Probably the wrong thing to say since the older Mando knew him well and had never seen Jusik so worked up before.
"Do you want to tell me what it is then?" Skirata removed his hand, but his own ice blue eyes wouldn't settle for just a short answer.
Jusik's shoulders slumped and he dropped his elbows to the counter, pushing his face into his palms. "I'm sorry Buir I've been acting like a real di'kut. I don't know what has come over me; she told me she just wants to be friends and I do respect that. But I don't understand why she has any feelings toward that…that…towards him!"
Skirata placed a strong hand on Jusik shoulder and the young man looked up at him with haunted eyes. "This goes for anyone, I don't care if you are Jedi, Sith, clone or the Emperor himself. Whatever you can't have only makes you want it more. And for you son, are going to have to find a way to live without more."
"That's not very helpful," Jusik muttered. At times, he wished he could rely on his Jedi training to be emotionless, depend on that Force to keep attachment out of his life. Then again, what would life really be like without a little drama? A little? "We're only friends."
"Then why don't you pull your head out of your shebs and be her friend. Stop this petty jealously." Skirata stopped and started again. "You're going to have to learn that friends have to be enough. As a Jedi you might understand that because you were taught to. As a young man in an ever changing and evolving world can you accept her friendship and nothing more?"
"I can learn to," Jusik replied. He put his chin to his chest in humbled shame. I should be beyond this. I am not a god, just a man.
"You're a good lad Bar'ika. It's okay to trip and fall sometimes. We all have to learn to pick ourselves up and keep walking."
"But what if someone pushes you down; don't you want to push back?" It went against all his training Jusik had ever gone through to even ask the question. The more time he spent away from the Force, the less he felt like a Jedi.
"Not if I want to be the bigger man. There are bigger and better fights out there. You just need to know which ones to pick. This one ad'ike, you need to be the bigger man." There was no room for argument or question and with a resigned sigh Jusik nodded.
The air was fresh and felt clean as Thea breathed it in through her lungs. She could feel her face start to cool off as the cool breeze wisped over her skin and she looked over her shoulder as soft footsteps came from behind.
"I am so sorry Ahsoka, I didn't mean to put you in such discomfort or in that awkward position," Thea apologized. Turing to completely face the young girl, Thea was reminded why she liked her. Her big blue eyes cried out childlike innocence yet behind them held a whirlwind of fierceness. The girl was still looking for her place in this topsy-turvy world, but was willing to wait for her captain so she could be with him.
"It was a bit overwhelming and I have to say I am a bit surprised," Ahsoka walked up and stood next to Thea. "Cody?" Ahsoka cocked her head slightly and looked skeptically at Thea. "Why?"
In the far distance, Thea and Ahsoka could see Fives and Cody walking together and she had a good idea of what they were talking about. Her heart beat a little quicker and wondered how she would ever show her face around Cody again. "It wasn't intentional. The dream and feelings I mean."
"You could have fooled me." Thea shot the girl a disgruntled look. First it was Cody thinking there was something between her and Bardan and now it was Ahsoka thinking it was her and Cody. Did everything have to revolve around some sort of relationship?
"Listen, it was just a dream," Thea groused.
"As Jedi, we tend to take dreams a little more serious."
"Well don't, not this time Jedi." Working herself up wasn't going to get Thea anywhere, time to change the subject. Effectively cutting off that conversation she asked, "Did your captain decide on the shot?"
"Rex," Ahsoka emphasized, "took the shot last night. He's a bit under the weather right now and in bed. I'm going back up to the room in a little bit."
"That's good news isn't it? You will be able to have that life with him now, that family and work through those hurdles now that he will have a long life?" Thea scuffed her shoe against the wooden porch and focused on a blemish that made one of the boards' imperfect. The chill that she had been working to rid of returned as thoughts of Echo and the life that they could have had made her clench her hands. He could have been here and had a full life with me. Damn him for dying, damn the galaxy for killing him.
"It is good," Ahsoka agreed but Thea could hear the hesitation in her voice. Oh how she just wanted to get in her ship and fly away, but she couldn't. Her stupid conscience would never let her down if she did.
"But…?" Thea prodded.
"I just have to grow up Thea and I am not doing a very good job at it," Ahsoka sighed.
"Nobody said growing up was easy kid," Thea smirked. Ahsoka rolled her eyes, but returned the smile. "At least you have a good man to do it with."
Ahsoka looked thoughtful for a moment before nodding. "Yeah, I do, don't I?"
The two clones had been walking in respectful silence, though Cody knew Fives was dying to ask what had happened in the kitchen. Walking along, Cody pulled some of the long grass into his hands and lightly fluttered it under his chin.
"You like her don't you?" Fives watched as Cody toyed with the grass, looping it around his fingers and then tying it in several knots.
"We're friends now," Cody kept his head bent, but looked out at the corner of his eye toward Fives.
"That wasn't what I asked Cody," Fives reproached.
"I don't know Fives, I don't have a clear thought up here," he indicated by tapping the side of his head. "I've really only known her for a full day so how can I say I like her?" When Cody had met Barriss he had known immediately and there was no second guessing. He knew she was going to be his, no Force or military would stand in his way. Thea, well Cody didn't know what to feel around her. It wasn't a lie that he told Fives that he was a bag full of unclear emotions when it came to the fiery red-head, so what did that mean? What could that mean? Was it a betrayal to Barriss if he developed feelings toward Thea? Yes…No…Maybe…? Did he want to allow himself to have feelings again? Yes…No…Maybe…? Wasn't this what he was running from? Wasn't this what she was running from? Isn't this what they just told themselves yesterday, that they couldn't love another? But who was talking about love? I am…
"Echo loved Thea, Cody. I promised my blood brother that I would make sure that she would always know that and I know I have failed him." In an effort to thwart his frustration, Fives also began to pick at the long grass and twirl it in his fingers, but it could not be hidden in the ache laced in his voice. "Echo should be here with her. He was a good and honorable man."
"How so?" Cody asked, dragging his shoe in the dirt, moving the little rocks around and creating a zig-zag pattern with them. When he looked up, Fives had a bemused look at him. Cody clarified on his question. "How did you fail him?"
"Thea is miserable," Fives said if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"Not because you have failed on your promise. Do you think if you had died instead of Echo it would have been better? How do you think he would have felt?" Cody had similar thoughts, he wouldn't deny it. When Barriss had died he had wanted death as well as Rex could attest to, but the days were getting better. Guess we're all still learning. "What about your wife Fives?"
"What about her?" Fives replied. His shields instantly went in place and he wanted to become suspicious of what Cody had in mind, but he also had to admit he was curious.
"You would have never met her if it wasn't for Echo. He set off the chain of events for you, for just about everyone in our crazy little group. Don't you think he would want you to do right by him by finding what he had even if it wasn't forever? Fives, kid," Cody cuffed his hand between where Fives neck and shoulder joined and met him honeyed eye to honeyed eye. "I'll tell you something that I know very well. For Echo, what he and Thea shared wasn't a blink of an eye, it was a life time. Thea always knew and always will know Echo's love. You didn't fail her or Echo. You got that son?" Cody almost sounded like his old self to Fives ears and he remembered why he respected to ex-commander so. Cody waited for Fives acknowledgement and slowly Fives nodded. Giving a light squeeze on Fives shoulder Cody murmured, "Good."
"Cody," Fives started as they began walking again, "Thea is like a sister to me. I won't see her hurt."
"You're implying that I am going to pursue her or that we're going to do something," Cody said neutrally. His insides tightened as they found themselves back on the topic of him and Thea.
"I just want you to know and I don't care if you were my superior at one time. I'll kick your shebs from here back to Coruscant if I see tears caused by you." Silence between the two men filled the air.
After a few minutes Cody spoke. "You're a good kid Fives. You and Echo were both good men. You both made the 501st proud. You made Rex and me proud. Somewhere between then and now you have become a wiser; honorable man than I."
Fives wasn't a kid; he wasn't a rookie shiny anymore. He had grown into an intelligent, respected free willed man and Cody found that pride started to fill him when he thought that it had been long ago forgotten since the days of the GAR. He was proud to know this man, proud that he had been a part of Fives and Echo's promotion to the 501st and then ARC troopers. If I were half the man Fives is then I could face the demons that haunt me so. Wrapping an arm around Fives shoulders, Cody gave him a crooked smile. Fives eyes widened as he looked into the ex-commander's own and saw a new light begin to shine.
"I would never hurt her." Cody vowed.
"That's good to know. Cause I think my fatherly instincts are kicking in and I seem to be extra protective which makes me extra aggressive." Cody bellowed out a heartfelt laugh. He snaked his hand up the side of Fives head and into his well groomed hair and tousled it up.
"I wouldn't expect anything less ARC. I never did say this, but thanks for coming to my aid in the kitchen."
Fives scrambled to get out of Cody's grip and after succeeding and his hair now sticking out in all directions, Fives looked at Cody in a new light. The road ahead would be long; windy with bumps, trials, wins and losses, but this was a start. "That's what brothers do."
Rex had never felt this bad in his whole life. Check that, when he had contracted the Blue Shadow Virus he thought he was going to die; this shot came pretty close to what that virus did to his body. One minute his body felt like it was on fire and then another minute he felt like he was taking a polar dive into the freezing waters on Hoth. His stomach was constantly filled with endless and painful cramps; causing him to hunch in a fetal position on the bed and try and take deep breaths during the worst of them. His toes and fingers curled, his legs spasmed with Charlie horses and Rex did all he could not to cry out in misery. Was this shot really worth all this pain? Yes, it's just for a short time you baby. Suck it up. Rex heard the door to his room open and he wanted to curse the intruder away, but knew if he opened his mouth a moan of agony would replace any foul expletive he had instead.
As the footsteps grew closer his body decided to start shaking again and he couldn't control them. The bed shifted downward and he could feel a light hand on his shoulder. Too weak and tired to raise his head, Rex resigned himself to let this intruder see him in the feeblest state he had ever been in.
"You're not weak Rex," she said gently to him. "You're the strongest person I know." His body suddenly stopped shaking and his muscles seemed to relax under her touch.
"Ahsoka," Rex shakily said.
"I'm here Rexster," he could feel her start to stroke his arm and he relaxed even more into the mattress. Whatever she was doing to him was working and didn't want her to stop. A knock at the door interrupted her ministrations and Rex let out an angered growl.
"Tell who ever it is to jump off a cliff," the normally patient and mannerly clone was far from being courteous or respectful to anyone with good reason. Rex didn't want anyone seeing him in this state, he only wanted to been seen as the strong, courageous and fearless man they knew of. Feeling a light grip on his arm and then the emptiness of the bed as Ahsoka went to answer the door, Rex strained to hear who she was talking to. Even with his enhanced hearing, they just sounded like garbled voices to his aching head.
Ahsoka was surprised to say the least to see Cody standing at the door and actually talking to her. "Rex is really sick Cody. Maybe come back tomorrow when he's feeling better."
"Well," Cody rubbed the back of his neck, "Rex isn't the one I wanted to talk to right now. I need to ask you a couple of questions." Ahsoka blinked a couple of times. Did she hear him right? He wanted to actually have a conversation with her? "You do remember I am a Jedi don't you?"
Cody looked insulted and Ahsoka felt a little bit bad. He was trying to make an effort for amends, or at least she thought he was and she was making it harder on him. But why should I make it easier on him? He didn't do anything to help prevent the death of Barriss and contributed to Master Kenobi's. "Give me a second," the door shut in Cody's face and he wanted to bag his fists against it telling the Togruta to open it back up. Remembering his friend was ill inside prevented him from doing so.
A minute later the door opened and Ahsoka slipped out, closing it gently behind her. Folding her arms over her chest she looked at Cody expectantly. Both had reservations and hard feelings about each other, but as Rex had said to her, "We all have done wrong in our pasts and we aren't exempt from them." Ahsoka was still a Jedi and she could forgive. She was also a young woman; she could forgive as well.
"What do you want to talk about?" Ahsoka asked.
"Barriss," Cody answered softly. That was not what Ahsoka had expected, but she would not deny she was intrigued and suspicious.
"What about her?"
"You got to see her before Order 66. Can you just tell me what she sounded like, what you guys talked about; how she looked?" Cody rested himself against the banister and looked…hopefully? Was that actual hope coming from his pale face? Ahsoka wanted to be mad at him, angered that he had loved her, that his love for her did nothing to prevent her death; but looking at the sorrowful man before her, broken yet optimistic that she could share some memories with him, Ahsoka could not bring forth the resentment she wanted to have for him.
"Cody," she started hesitantly. Cody leaned in just a bit in anticipation, "I didn't get a chance to see Barriss before she was sent out on her mission." Cody was immediately crestfallen and then schooled his face to neutral, but Ahsoka wasn't fooled. She could feel the disappointment and hurt within him. She quickly continued, "The times we did cross paths were brief. Towards the end she seemed more reserved than usual, but a few times I could feel something like, something similar to what I felt towards Rex leak through her. I was so stupid not to suspect she was in love, but we were all very distracted."
"Yeah, war does that," Cody mumbled and Ahsoka scowled at him. Cody instantly shut his mouth.
"I do remember something that peeked my interest and meant to ask her the next time we saw each other. It was right after Umbara, the last mission we would ever have together." Ahsoka scratched her arm in discomfort knowing that there would be no next time and her friend would be forever gone.
"What was it?" Cody prodded. Cody remember Umbara very well, everyone who was there remembered that mission. It had been a turning point for many clones to see that a Jedi General turn so malicious toward his command. It was also the last time he would ever see Barriss as well.
"I saw her turn toward you and you stopped and turned toward her. Blast, I'm such a…what do they call it here?" Ahsoka stomped her foot in frustration.
"Di'kut?" Cody supplied.
"Yes, thank you, a di'kut! How could I have not known?" She then turned accusing eyes on Cody.
"We hid it very well," Cody wasn't going to be intimidated by a Jedi and met her stare with his own.
"You really did love her didn't you?" It wasn't an accusation, but a realization.
"I would have died for her Ahsoka, if I had been there I would have saved her," Cody wanted the girl to know, to understand how much his agony, his torment and his love for Barriss really went. He punished himself every day knowing that he was alive and she wasn't because he wasn't there to save her. Worst of it all he had acted like those who had slayed his love and killed his general; his friend.
Cody felt his wounded hand gently being lifted and he was about to violently retract it, but a warm, tingly sensation coursed through his sore bones and muscles. Looking wildly down at his hand and the two soft hands that incased his, he watched the young Jedi was healing his injury.
"W..why?" He stuttered. He was letting this Jedi touch him, heal him! Everything that he had fought against screamed for him to run. Shut up. And for once the voices stopped.
"Don't you think it's time to heal Cody?" Ahsoka asked as she kept one hand under his as he flexed his newly healed fingers.
Tentatively, Cody nodded his dark head. "I'm trying Commander."
"Not commander, just Ashoka."
Hi All!
Sorry for taking so long, had a bit of a brain bubble and it blocked some thoughts-but here it is! Hope you liked it.
I want to give a big thanks to Laloga for helping me out with some of the grammer and giving me some very helpful tips =) Still learning and appreciate everyone who wants to teach! It will only improve the writing skills
Thank you to all who have read and reviewed and I hope you continue to enjoy the story.
Speaking of the story-it's going to move a bit-I'm going to jump a few days and get it rolling. Don't want you getting bored. The next updates will come quickly!
Thanks again!