Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.

XXI. I Need You

"Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says: 'I need you because I love you.'"

- Erich Fromm

Hermione was almost asleep when she heard Severus' steps coming toward his own bedroom. She had eaten half of the soup, and it had made her feel better. The dark gaze of her Master was on her, but she could see something more in his eyes: he was worried about her. But at the same time, she didn't want to be with him, not after what had happened.

"I think that I'd be better in my own bedroom," she muttered while Severus stopped at the doorstep, frowning.

"I don't know if it's a good idea for you to sleep alone. We both don't know about the after-effects of this potion, after all."

"So what do you suggest? That we share this bed?," she said with a laugh. "I don't think that it's a good idea either, to be honest."

"Why not?" Severus answered with a little smile on his lips.

"Why not? Did you really say that?"

"We already slept together, if I am right..."

"We barely slept together. You left before we got the occasion to do so, remember?" Hermione whispered, looking at her hands on the duvet in order to avoid his dark gaze. All the memories of that night were coming back to haunt her, and she shook her head, as if she wanted to erase these memories from her mind. It wasn't the place nor the time to think about this night that they had shared together.

She saw him take a step further, and waited for him to sit down on the bed, next to her.

"You are right, Hermione. And I want to apologize for that. I should have understood that this was something important to you... It was your first time, after all."

"First time or not, I don't think that any woman would appreciate to be treated like that."

Severus looked at the woman that was sitting in his bed. He had never brought a woman in his bed before, and he thought that she looked good where she was. She was beautiful, with her long hair spreading on her shoulders in curls, and her pale face. She looked up to see him, and he could see her chestnut eyes looking right through him, as if she wanted to read his mind. Unconsciously, his hand grabbed the phial that Clarence had given him a few minutes ago, and he let out a little sigh.

"What is going on?," Hermione asked, frowning.

"Nothing. It is just that all of this...," Severus began, making a gesture with his hands, "all of this was a mistake."

"I don't understand," she said, clenching her hands on the duvet, as if she was scared of what he was about to say. What was a mistake? Her presence in his bed? Their collaboration?

"The whole Acromentula's venom adventure. It was a mistake from me to bring you there, and I am sorry, Hermione. You could have died there, and it would have been my fault, my fault only. You are just a child, and..."

"I am not a child anymore, Severus," she interrupted him, still frowning. "I haven't been a child since the day I passed your doorstep, one month ago. Living with you made me realize a lot of things, and... I am not a child anymore," she repeated, more firmly this time.

"If you say so," Severus said, twisting his lips in a fake smile. "Anyway," he continued when he saw that Hermione was about to interrupt him again, "I should not have brought you in this adventure with me. There were so many risks, so many chances that this could fail. It was a great mistake."

Was he still talking about the Acromentula's venom quest? In the bottom of her heart, Hermione was wondering if there was a chance that he was talking about something else, something more general... She saw Severus pass a hand on his face, and she felt her heart melt. Maybe...

"I want to ask you a question, Severus, and I want a clear answer if you don't mind," she heard herself ask.

Their eyes met, and she knew that he would tell her the truth, no matter what she was about to ask.

"Just ask," he muttered.

Hermione swallowed with some difficulty, her throat still sore even with all the liquid that she had drunk since she had woken up.

"Did you abandon this whole Lily's resurrection thing?," she whispered.

There was a silence; a silence long enough for Hermione to become worried about his upcoming answer. She wanted him to say that he didn't want to go further in this direction, that all of this was a mistake. She didn't know why she wanted him to say that. In the end, Severus was just pursuing his own happiness, and his happiness seemed to be with Lily Evans by his side.

The older wizard took a minute or two to think about what he wanted to say to Hermione. During this minute of two, his hand was clenched around the phial of Acromentula's Venom in his robe. And during this time, his mind was one year back, when Lily was upon him, a smile on her face, nursing his wounds like he was the most important person to her. But then, he saw Hermione, Hermione who was next to him, in his bed, her big chestnut eyes focused on him. She was his future, not Lily.

But at the same time, he wanted to try; to try this potion, to see where it would bring him. Of course, he wouldn't do it with Hermione's blood, as he was supposed to do at the beginning. He just wanted to use the phial of blood that she had given him the day before and see what would happen.

His mind was torn between these two ideas, but in the bottom of his heart, he knew that it was a mistake to try to bring Lily back among them. Hermione was here, and she changed everything. She changed him. But he couldn't tell her that, not after what she had endured because of him.

"You may rest now," was his only answer and he got up from the bed.

"I need an answer more than anything... Please," she began, looking into his eyes. "I imagine that if you want to go through with it, we will have to go and seek this venom again," she added quickly, as if she was ashamed by what she was saying.

So that was it. That was the reason why she wanted to know, Severus thought with a sigh. For some reason, he had thought that she wanted to know because she didn't want Lily to come back among them, because she cared for him. Obviously, he was wrong. Slowly, he brought out the phial of the Acromentula's venom from his pocket, throwing it on his bed, close to her hands.

"Do not think about this anymore. You are safe. We tried to find it alone and we failed, so I found another way to put my hands on this venom. You must rest now,' he said in a cold voice.

With that said, he ignored her surprised look at the phial that was on her knees, and took that phial back, putting it in his robe once again.

"You can spend your days and nights here, I'll be in the third bedroom, close to your own bedroom, if you need me for a potion. Call Artie if you need anything else."

"Severus...," she whispered, but he was already gone, leaving her alone, once again.

XxX

Artie visited her twice that day. She came to clean up the soup bowl first, and then to bring her another meal when it was around eight o'clock. Hermione lit up the light in the bedroom, and went to the bathroom when she had finished to eat.

She observed her pale face in the mirror that was over the sink and let out a sigh. She was so pale that she could almost see the veins over her face. Without even thinking about it, she ran a bath, and got rid of her clothes before letting her body sank in the warm water. There was just a shower in her own bathroom, and it was nice to have the opportunity to use a real bathtub in these conditions. The warm water helped her to reach a perfect body temperature, and it was more effective than the duvet under which she had spent her whole day.

Hermione stayed in the bathtub during a long time, and eventually felt asleep. At first, she felt an amazing sensation taking possession of her whole naked body, of her whole soul. It was good to be here, surrounded by the warm water, her eyes closed. Nothing was important to her anymore: Severus could do whatever pleased him with this Acromentula's Venom, she wasn't the one who would stop him in his crazy journey against Death. He didn't tell her that he wanted to go through this experience, not directly, but since he seemed to have searched for the venom even if she was on his bed, sick as hell, it was for a reason.

He saved her from Death, so why couldn't he save Lily Evans as well?

Because he means more to you than you think, a little voice inside her head said. She tried to escape from this annoying voice and sank a little more in the warm water, and in the depths of her own mind...

XxX

"Please, take my hand," Severus said to her, his face surrounded by a black mist.

Hermione blinked once or twice, reluctant to take his hand, for a reason unknown to her.

"Hermione, take my hand!"

Severus' voice was more urgent now, and he came closer to her.

"I don't know, you... you seem different," she muttered, taking a step back.

"Don't act like a child, and come! I don't have all day, silly girl!"

Hermione shook her head, and looked around to see if there was another way out. But now, she was surrounded by the black fog too, and Severus' face was just a few inches from her.

"Don't touch me!," she screamed, taking another step back; but then, she felt on her back.

"You can't escape from me now...," her Master said with a smirk on his pale face, before changing himself into an Acromentula, the biggest one that she ever seen.

"No, please!," she screamed again, while the Acromentula was coming closer and closer, giving her no chance to escape.

XxX

"Hermione, wake up!"

She opened her eyes in a second and took a deep breath, before coughing loudly. She passed a wet hand over her face, removing her hair from it, wheezing.

She took more than a minute to notice Severus' presence next to her, a worried look on his face, his hand on her left arm.

"What happened?," she managed to ask in a whisper.

"You tell me!," Severus shouted. "You were screaming like you were attacked by someone or something, and I found you almost drowning in this bathtub! What happened, Hermione?"

He shook her arm, and Hermione tried to escape from him.

"I don't know...," she said, holding back her tears. "I just wanted to take a bath, and eventually I fell asleep. I think that I had a nightmare or something, I don't know... Please, you're hurting me."

She was scared of him after what had just happened in what seemed to be a dream to her. Severus dropped her arm, putting his hands on the rim of the bathtub.

"What happened in your nightmare? Make an effort to remember, it's important," he said with a softer voice.

"You were next to me, and you were telling me to take your hand but...," she began and stopped, trying to choose her words wisely, "you were different. It wasn't you, you were... I don't know how to say it, but I knew that it wasn't you. And then, I fell on my back, I guess, and then... You transformed. You turned into an Acromentula, and then you woke me up."

She shook her head, trying to smile, but Severus knew that she was faking it.

"It is a silly dream, really," she said, using the adjective that Severus had said in her dream. "You don't have to worry about it, I'm fine."

"No you're not, and you're in denial if you say that you are. Obviously, this little "adventure" in the other side left some marks on your mind that you can't deny, Hermione. You are in shock, and it's quite understandable after what you went through," Severus said, before getting up. "Come on, give me your hand, you'll be better in a bed. The water went cold already."

Hermione noticed that he was right. She thought that she had slept for just a couple of minutes, but she was wrong. She shivered a little, and got up from the bathtub, completely naked. She saw Severus' gaze on her, going from her head to her legs. At the beginning, she was a little disturbed to see him looking at her while she was naked, but then she remembered that he already saw her like that before.

"Can you just give me the towel behind you, please?," she asked, putting her hands in frond of her womandhood, as a reflex.

Severus' gaze left her body, and he turned to take the towel before handing it to her.

"I'll wait in the bedroom," he finally whispered, closing the door behind him.

Hermione wiped herself with the towel when he closed the door, and got out the bath, putting the towel around her body. Maybe that Severus was right after all. She finally left the bathroom, and saw Severus sitting on his bed, looking at her.

"Are you okay?," he asked.

"Yes, I'm better, thank you. I think that I'll go in my own bedroom now," she said in a whisper.

Severus came toward her and put a soft hand on her cheek. Hermione instinctively bit her lower lip.

"Don't bite your lip," Severus said, a laugh in his voice.

"Why not?," Hermione asked, raising one eyebrow.

"It makes me want to do that..."

Severus took her head in his hands and put his lips on hers, gently kissing her. Hermione let out a moan while closing her eyes. Severus' hands were caressing her back, and Hermione opened her mouth to let him come in. It was a sensual kiss, a good reminder of that night that they had shared two weeks ago.

They kissed for several minutes, and Hermione had to keep a hand on her towel to prevent it from falling at her feet. Severus noticed it, and kissed her more fervently to make her let go of her towel. To make her let go, period.

She did as he wanted, and she was finally naked between his arms, her breasts close to his chest, touching the rough fabric of his robe.

The questions that were on her mind some hours before were just a souvenir now. She needed this; she needed his body next to hers. She needed his kisses all over her body, on her mouth, on her neck. She needed him.