CH 21: A Minor Truce

When Margot finally found Abigail, it was closing in on ten in the evening. The girl remained hunkered over a sandwich in the food court, chewing but not tasting, judging by her mechanical movements.

Margot grumpily had a seat across from her. "Abby, where the hell have you been? Will's been asking for you!"

Abigail huffed. "He probably just wants to break up with me… I left before he had the chance."

"What? Why, what happened?"

Abigail's eyes were bitter. "Apparently 'I'll always love you and nothing will ever change that' doesn't extend to murder and deception."

"But I thought he already knew…?"

"The basics, yeah. I made the mistake of telling him 'the whole truth and nothing but the truth.'"

"Well, shit…"

"Yep."

Sighing, Margot rubbed her forehead and shrugged. "To be fair, shouldn't you have expected this? Will built this whole delusion around you to keep himself sane – to keep himself grounded. He told me that when he was in prison, you were the first thing to enter his mind when he woke up, and the very last before he went to sleep. You were a crutch, so now that you've destroyed what brought him so much happiness, he isn't going to be all sunshine and butterflies."

Abigail appeared affronted. "But I'm still the same person…"

"I know you are, Abby, but Will's a sensitive guy." Margot smiled sadly. "If it makes you feel any better, Will seemed upset that I couldn't find you… I really don't think he wants to talk about breaking up."

"You don't?"

She shook her head.

Releasing a breath, Abigail pushed her plate aside and rose from the table. "Alright, well…I guess I need to face him sooner or later. Thanks for talking some sense into me."

Margot winked. "It's what I do."

When Abigail returned to Will's room, she was surprised to find him standing in front of the window, his body weight resting against a chair as he gazed stonily out at the darkening clouds.

"Will?" She was alarmed. "Will, you should be in bed…"

"I've been 'in bed' all week," he groused. "There'll be plenty of time for that later."

Unsure if she was comfortable with his gloomy disposition, Abigail entered the room and shut the door behind her. "Did you still want to see me?"

Will finally turned from the window and paused, the dark circles under his eyes enhancing their tragic, yearning quality. He still held onto the chair as he nodded.

Awkwardly, Abigail lingered a moment before stopping in front of him, her hands clasped and fumbling with her own fingers. "Will, I-"

"Don't," he pleaded. "You need to know something…something I've been trying to ignore for a long while now."

Abigail gaped up at him, then slowly sank onto his unmade bed.

Taking this as permission to continue, Will said, "Before you left, you said I used to be a monster…" He smiled weakly. "I'm still a monster, Abigail. While you were presumed dead, I…I killed a man."

"Randall Tier?"

His head snapped up, startled. "How did…?"

"Hannibal," she said, shrugging. "Nothing about you was ever kept secret from me."

Twisting his lips, Will curled his hands as he absorbed her words. "Well…what I did wasn't quite the same as what you did with Boyle, but…I've realized it's similar. We both attacked based on survival, and…and neither of us regretted our actions." Eyes burning, Will tilted his head toward the ceiling and swallowed. "But when we get to Beverly and Alana, I'm afraid that's where our similarities end. I could never, ever condone what happened to them."

Abigail's eyes grew glossy. "Will, I told you all those things just to hurt you… I was upset and confused, and I-"

"You weren't lying!" Will feverishly cut in. "Don't you get it, Abigail? That was the one time you were genuinely truthful with me…the one time you didn't scheme or manipulate to get your way!"

"That's not true! I don't always lie!"

"You're lying right now!"

Lurching up from the bed, Abigail curled her fists and snarled, "I only liked killing Bloom because she made me think of my mom! Boyle and Alana were the only people I felt righteous about killing – I swear, Will!"

"How many others have you killed?"

She twitched, gritting her teeth as tears welled up in her eyes. "Alana and Boyle were the only ones…all the others were assisted kills." When Will scoffed, she stamped her foot. "I'm telling the truth, goddammit! I'm tired of hiding everything…why do you think I finally came clean?"

"Because you felt cornered?" Will's eyes were tired and cynical. "That's what you've always done in the past, isn't it?"

"No!" Jabbing her fist against her heart, she cried, "I told you everything because…because I love you! I know we never really say it, but you have to know this is all real!"

Will gave a dry, throaty chuckle. "Abigail, I haven't known what's real or not real for quite some time now. It all started with you, ironically enough."

"What, so you're blaming me for your delusions? I didn't ask to be saved – I didn't ask for you to kill my dad!"

Will jerked as if he'd been slapped. "I'm not going to apologize for saving you."

"No? Well why did you ask me to come here, Will? To bring me down? To make me feel like shit? 'Cause congratulations, it's working!"

Silence throbbed between them and Will swallowed, carefully releasing the chair so he could step toward her. He had known the truth for quite a while now…he'd known that his mind was decayed, much like wooden floorboards ready to give out from the slightest pressure. Garrett Jacob Hobbs had wormed his way through that rot and nested there, torturing him with the cancerous threat of actually being him. Will had thought everything was back to normal after prison – that he'd overcome that internal beast – but his most recent dream proved that nothing could be further from the truth. And even though Abigail had hurt him deeply, that still didn't change the fact that he wanted to protect her. It didn't change that he loved her. God help him, he was still captivated by her, tainted soul and all. Sometimes you could only find completion with your own kind.

Will was in front of Abigail now, his gaze soft and desolate as he assessed her height against his own. "I…I had a nightmare," he finally choked out. Abigail's head was bowed, but he knew she was listening. "It was about your father…" He noticed her brow knit, and compulsively, he reached out and smoothed back her hair. "He wanted me to kill you, Abigail…to be his successor and finish what he'd started."

"When?" Her voice was small and hollow.

"Before you first visited…before you confessed."

Lifting her eyes, Abigail weakly asked him, "Were all those theatrics just to keep me away, then? Or do you really hate me?"

"I could never hate you… I want to, but I can't." Will's breath came out in soft, razor-like puffs as he cupped her cheeks. "Oh, Abby," he whispered, now burying his face in her hair, "you understand why I did it, don't you? Why I had to turn you away?" His voice was hushed – pleading – and he nuzzled her as she kept her hands at her sides. "I just can't risk all of this anymore… If you keep away from me, I know you'll be safe."

"Safe?" Abigail scoffed, viciously wrenching herself free of his grasp. "Look around you, Will! This should be proof that nothing can guarantee our safety!" She gave a disbelieving little snort. "I mean yeah, if we broke up maybe I'd be safer, but so what? I could die in an accident, and then I'd have missed out on the one thing in my life that's real! Why would you want to give all this up because of a stupid whim?"

Will flinched. "But, I…I still see things."

"So do I!" Abigail cried, almost laughing amidst her hysteria. "I've been seeing Marissa and the girls for months now! Remember the broken mirror? That's when I first started seeing them!" She shrugged and sniffled. "I'm not scared of them anymore, Will…or at least, not when I'm with you."

"Abby…"

"I'm not asking you to forgive me, ok? I know I fucked up, and I know what I did was horrible, but you've made mistakes too. Can't you just accept that I want to change? That I want to start over?"

Will exhaled through his nose, long and deep. "Abigail, you've dropped multiple bombshells on me today, so you can't just expect me to recover from everything all at once. As much as I can't imagine my life without you, I just…I need some time."

"But-"

"Please."

She looked up at him, bottom lip quivering with grief. "Well what does that mean for us, then?"

"I…I don't know." Will glanced down at the floor. "I'm not going to lie and pretend this will be easy, but I'm willing to try. Losing you was the worst thing that ever happened to me, so I just…I'd rather not go through that again." He scratched his arm and swallowed. "I have to remind myself that it's not completely your fault…that you wouldn't have done those things if it weren't for Hannibal."

"I was trying to survive," Abigail weakly said. "I know it's no excuse, but I was scared and just did what I'd always done with my dad… I thought if I did what Hannibal said, he'd eventually let me go."

Will looked sick. "He wasn't going to let either of us go, Abigail… He encouraged me to do horrible things, too."

"I know."

"Not just with Randall Tier."

Abigail reached out and laid her hand against his arm, feeling him quiver beneath her touch. "I know," she said again. "I know that you tried to have Hannibal killed…that you tried to shoot some guy in a barn, and…and that you liked how righteous you felt. I know that you hurt and manipulated lots of people, but in the end it was just to get your life back. I could never blame you for wanting to be free."

"I wanted to be free, but not of you," Will whispered. "If I'd have known you were still alive, I would've tried harder… I would've-"

"No," Abigail cut in, shaking her head. "It's over now… Please, Will, I don't want to think about Hannibal, or my dad, or anything else that's kept me from moving forward. You're the only thing that's real now…you're the only thing left that I want." She reached out and grasped his hands. "I know you need some time to process everything – hell, I do, too – but I want you to know I'll do whatever you say. If you need me back at the hospital, I'll go without a fight."

Will stared at her in shock. He wanted to tell her not to be ridiculous – that she would never need to go back – but Alana and Beverly's smiling faces appeared and the assurances died in his throat.

"I…I'll think about it," he promised. He could tell Abigail was hurt that he didn't refuse her offer, but he tried not to let this deter him. Having space was key to his (and her) recovery. This would be good for them.

Running his thumbs across her palms, Will felt his chest tighten when Abigail withdrew her hands. "Abby…"

"No, it's alright… I said I'd listen to you, so I will. I just…I wish things were different."

Will's eyes were glassy. "Me, too."

Abigail slowly backed away from him then, tears spilling down her cheeks before she turned and moved for the door. When she became outlined by the doorframe, Will jolted as he was referred back to one of the final memories of his mother. She stood in the doorway, back facing him and shaking her head, ignoring his father's pleas as she warned that 'this was the last time.'

"Don't go," Will found himself pleading, though not loudly enough for Abigail to hear. The door closed then and a sob caught in his throat, his knees hitting the floor before he doubled over and shuddered into the tile. He loved Abigail. He loved her, but he knew he couldn't have her…not if he wanted to give her the chance for a normal life.

A/N: Next off, there'll be a hotel...and stuff happens. If you can't already tell, I'm getting worse and worse at good preview summaries. haha

Individual Thank Yous:

Abigill Fan: We shall see, now won't we? ;) (Yeah, I know, I know, that was a terrible answer, haha) Thanks so much! I was afraid that part would come off as a bit cheesy... ^^; But I'm glad you liked it! :)

madscientistproduction.01: Don't worry, I don't break my promises...but be careful what you wish for, because the fluff at the end is a bit "3rd degree burns"-worthy. :P And thanks so much!