Interlude the Second: Playing Solitaire 'Til Dawn (With a Deck of Fifty-one)
"If you want to be the most popular person in your class, whenever the professor pauses in his lecture, just let out a big snort and say 'How do you figger that!' real loud. Then lean back and sort of smirk." – Jack Handey
It was a circle about seven feet across, with a star in the center, and it was made of silver and set into the glossy obsidian floor.
Candles of white beeswax were spaced around it at the points of the star, lit, and a shape of dancing flame hung suspended inside the center of the pentacle, writhing in upon itself.
There was a figure seated lotus style across from him, wearing a long, dark brown, ankle length leather duster, dark brown trooper boots, and a flat brimmed, beaten up Aussie style hat with a silver and turquoise set band. He had two days stubble growth, a scar across one cheek, shaggy black hair, and wore black jeans and a dark blue t-shirt that said "Wizards do it in Pentagrams." The hilt of a familiar looking longsword angled off the sword belt, balanced by a holstered LAR Grizzly on the other side, and there was a chain with a silver pentacle around his neck. He had longish black hair and an eye patch covering a long whitish scar angling from above the eyebrow to down the cheek.
An ornately rune and sigil carved six-and-a-half foot staff of desert ironwood lay across his lap, propped in the crook of one elbow.
And he looked awfully damned familiar.
"Lemme guess," Xander said. "Time for another shoot the shit session with subconscious me?"
"Hah!" The other him crinkled the corners of an equally dark brown, laughing eye, a lopsided grin curling up the corner of the wide mouth. He snickered, "So, you have an inner subconscious smartass who comes to you when you're beaten half dead, too?"
"I have an inner smartass that comes out to play all the time," Xander said, "But, yeah."
"Heh. Know the feeling."
"So, ok, if you're not inner me, then who the hell are you?" Xander frowned, "Or is that whom? I can never remember."
Other Him cocked his head, examining him thoughtfully. "Not sure... lessee." He snapped his fingers, and said, "I know: what did you dress as for Halloween?"
"Uh... " Xander blinked. "Which one?"
Other Him rolled his eyes, "Only one that matters, dumb ass."
"Oh. Soldier. Fatigues and a toy M16."
"Ah." He nodded, smiling slightly. "Schmuck kid swiped the last toy rifle from the barrel and I had to improvise another costume in a hurry."
"Ok, so what'd you go as?"
Another eye-roll. "Tempted to say, 'guess', but we'd be here all night. A wizard. Geeze – now I know why Cordy calls us doofus all the time."
"Hey! I resemble that remark. And don't say 'I know'," Xander warned. He looked harder, and suddenly felt like banging his head against a wall. "Holy crap – you went as Harry-fucking-Dresden?"
He couldn't help it. He started laughing so hard he rolled onto his back, clutching his arms across his stomach and rolling back and forth, guffawing.
"Yeah yeah. Laugh it up, fuzzball." Other him looked and sounded pained.
"I'm sorry," Xander said, rolling back up into a sitting position, still giggling. "But you went out dressed as the only man in the world who's a bigger butt monkey of the universe than we are. That's comedy!"
"Yeah yeah yeah," Other Him – call him 'Drander' for Dresden plus Xander – started snickering too. "Your point is valid. Asshole."
"At least you're a wizard now."
"Gee, somehow I don't feel blessed."
"You wouldn't." They sat and grinned at each other.
"How'd you lose the eye?"
"Y'know when mom told us why we couldn't have a BB-gun?" He pointed at the patch and said, "Mr. Benjamin is not your friend."
"Snerk. So you don't want to tell me. Ok, be that way," Xander said after a minute of that, "So, what are we doing here."
"I think," Drander said, looking intently into the swirling, suspended flames, "Some asshole shot you and you're in the OR under sedation having bone chips removed from your aorta." Drander gazed at him seriously, "That has a tendency to be freeing for stuff like this."
"Well, that sucks," Xander said. "And you? And is that," he waved at the flames, "Some sort of magical clairvoyance television thing?"
"Yes," Drander nodded. "And as best I last recall, something called a Dullahan put me through a wall. I think they're working on me too."
"Ouch," Xander said, wincing. Yup. Xander Harry Dresden Harris, all right. "And... how?" He waved a hand around the mystical area about them.
"Well, apparently, you're in deepest shit and you reached out acrost the Never-never and drew me here for a pow-wow. Me being in deepest shit also."
"Ah. Kindred spirits." Xander nodded.
"Pretty much," Drander said, nodding. "So, your nickel. What's on yer mind?"
"Surviving."
"Heh. Tell me about it."
"Well, I'm pretty sure that was rhetorical, but what the hey – I'm a gonna," Xander said. And he did, at length.
Wizard Him was a pretty good listener. He only made the prerequisite number of smart ass comments and wise ass jokes during the recital.
"Huh," said Wizard Him, after it was done. "Man. I absolutely hate those fucking Powers-that-be-Dickheads."
"No. Really? I'm starting to get a kinda active dislike for them myself." They grinned at each other again, and then Xander said, "Any advice? Or even comments from the peanut gallery?"
"Well... not much. Except," Drander held up a hand to forestall a smart-ass comment, "You're me. And I'm you. Nobody, but fucking nobody hurts or uses our girls. Especially not our Cordy."
"My sentiments to her, exactly. That's like someone hurting my Willow."
"Perzactly. Nuclear option time." Wizard Him looked at him seriously for a long time, frowning thoughtfully. "Ok... you need to figure out which Power – they're not all a lump sum. And then fuck 'em up so hard their ancestors will limp for eons after. As an object fucking lesson to onlookers."
"Heh. Any thoughts?" Xander frowned, "And why is Wizard Me such a foul mouthed S.O.B.?"
"Been that kinda life so far, Kid," Drander said. "Huh. The PTB are more Angel's thing than ours. I leave them alone, they don't screw with me and mine, mostly," he paused, drumming his fingers on his staff and blue-white light began to play up and down along the runes and sigils. "This Skip guy is the key, though, I'm pretty sure. Find out who he works for and you have your target... " he said, and then Wizard Him grinned nastily. "And remember, Kid. We've been touched by Chaos, and we were a child of freaking chaos before that. No one, but no one, not Fate, not Destiny, not Balance, not nobody can get in the way when we have purity of intent. No one."
"Purity of Intent, huh?" Xander mused, pronouncing the capital letters. "You make us – me – sound like an Incarnation."
"Oh, yeah – and listen to Tara. Pull yourself the fuck together, Kid. Integrate," Drander scowled at him. "You got assets, use 'em. And you have a freaking God of Gates and Doorways on your shoulder."
"Huh? I thought that was dandruff," Xander said, brushing at himself.
Smirk. "Smartass."
"Hey, I'm you, remember?"
"Don't remind me," Wizard him smirked again. "It's Cordy, man," he said seriously, "Don't fuck up. You don't get any more chances."
"Noted."
"Oh – one more thing?" Xander looked inquisitive, and Wizard him said, "I'd start wondering about enemy action. Far as I can tell," he waved his hand at the roiling flame, "In no other alternity I can see here did Warren ever shoot you, uh, me... us, not even by accident. Except for yours."
"Crap."
"Exactly. So... anything for me?"
"Hey, man," Xander looked across the pentacle with a serious expression, "I'll listen, sure. But I'm not about to try and give Wizard Me advice. Wouldn't know where to begin – me and magic aren't mix-y things, as Buffy would say."
"Ah, what the hell. We got time to kill."
Buffy's house. She was at Buffy's house. Cordelia was still trying to wrap her head around that one.
Ok, so not so much with the weird because, hey, they were in Sunnydale and Buffy's house is kind of Scooby Central when you're in ole Sunny-D, but the last she remembered...
Last she remembered she'd half-bullied and half charmed her way past the nurses into being allowed to stay in Xander's room past visiting after he was pronounced non-critical and moved to a private room from ICU. And she'd gotten tired – long day already – and curled up in the chair next to his bed and apparently headed to snooze-land.
How she got from Sunnydale Memorial to 1630 Revello without waking up, Cordelia had zero clue.
And more weird. Standing in the living room looking around, it was Buffy's house, no doubts. But last she recalled – and she had recent memories, yes, thank you – Buffy's living room and family room didn't look like a Toyz R Us had exploded and left shrapnel all over them. Ok, so the 32" TV was tuned to Cartoon Channel which isn't so much of the different – hey, Xander and Dawn. And there was snack food left on the coffee table and end tables because, hey, Xander and Dawn...
"I swear. I'd think those kids were all raised in barns if I hadn't raised them myself... "
The muttering voice cut off right about the same time Cordelia's head snapped up and whipped around. Ow. Whiplash much?
"Oh." Buffy's mom paused in the doorway between the family room and dining room, gazing at Cordelia through the living room archway. "Hello, Cordelia. Sorry – I was just trying to pick up a bit before you got here."
"Mrs. Summers... ?" Cordelia heard the rising note of incredulity in her voice – and didn't care.
She was across the living room and had glomped onto the older woman the way Dawn had glomped onto her before it had even registered that she was moving. And somehow, she was leaking tears and Joyce was murmuring into her hair and had her arms wrapped around her and...
"Oh my gods," Cordelia said, leaning back. "Joyce! But, how, what, where... "
"Place between worlds, sweetie," Joyce said, smiling, She had suspicious looking moisture in her eyes, too. "And let me get a look at you." She stepped back, pulling away just far enough to be able to look Cordelia up and down, smiling, without quite letting go. "My, how you've grown."
"Oh, god it's so good to see you," Cordelia babbled. But wait – you were," she clapped a hand to her mouth, her eyes growing big and horrified. "I'm dead? How did I die? I can't be de – "
"Oh, no no," Joyce caught her up again. "No – you're not dead honey. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to scare you like that."
"Oh, good," Cordelia said, faintly, pulling away and stepping back slightly. "Because I was such a nice person... well, not really, but... "
"But you're not ready to be dead," Joyce said. Smiling.
"Well, yeah."
"And you're not." Joyce looked her over, her eyes crinkling at the corners. "You look wonderful, dear. A bit tired, but that's to be expected."
"Good." Cordelia nodded decisively. "And yeah – it's been a long week. And it's not getting any shorter."
"I know."
"So... " Cordelia looked around, trying to wrap her head around this. "This is the afterlife? I kind of... " she shook her head, "expected the afterlife to be more Gucci and less Hasbro. And less clutter."
"Yes, and not really."
A tiny bundle of energy with wild dark wavy hair, a Batman t-shirt, and small leather pants came bursting through the dining room, almost smashing into Cordelia's legs before Joyce caught it and pulled it up short. Said blur being trailed by an even smaller blonde haired one in a blue sundress wearing tiny Mary Janes to leather blur's black Keds.
Blonde blur managed to pull up on her own, sticking a tongue out at dark blur. Big green eyes and huge dark eyes looked up at Cordelia as dark blur pulled away from Joyce impatiently.
"Now, girls. I told you not to run in the house," Joyce murmured.
"What's Cordy doing all big again?" Dark blur... actually, tiny Faith, about six or seven apparently, asked. "You were supposed to be helping me tie Xander up and burn him!"
"Burn him?" Cordelia blinked.
"At the stake, dummy. We're playing Spanish Inquisition, remember?" Tiny Faith scowled, and added, "Boy you look ugly with tits."
"Faith!" Joyce said. "Language." She shook her head, and gave both moppets a gentle push. "Run along now. Cordelia's in here to talk with me about grownup stuff, that's why she's big now."
Little Faith's eyes narrowed suspiciously at Cordelia, and then she nodded and blurred off again toward the patio doors. Buffy lingered a moment, and Cordelia waved at her, feeling self conscious.
She got a shy smile and a finger wiggle, and then Buffy zipped off after Faith yelling, "Hey! Wait up."
"And don't use real fire this time, girls," Joyce called after them.
Cordelia snickered, and then started laughing helplessly. After a moment, Joyce joined her, and they both laughed themselves sick until they were finally able to stop, wiping tears from their eyes.
"Oh, gods," Cordelia said. "That's adorable, in a kind of, well, frightening sort of way." Joyce snickered, nodding agreement. "So, your afterlife includes six year old Buffy and Faith?"
"Seven," Joyce agreed. "And five." She led the way to the family room picture window overlooking the backyard, Cordelia trailing along curiously.
"Holy crap." Cordelia said, looking out the window.
Let's see. Tiny Xander, being tied to a tomato tower by Tiny Buffy and Little Faith. A little Anya and a little Jesse in his wise man robes, about seven years old, along with a slender little mocha skinned black girl who looked vaguely familiar scrounging twigs and old leaves. A small Hispanic girl in a princess outfit attempting to untie Xander faster than Faith and Buffy could finish and not having much luck. Another small blonde girl who looked oddly familiar, was helping Jesse. A small boy with tousled brown hair and wire framed glasses in a little Fauntleroy suit sitting on the swing reading and ignoring everyone. A little red headed girl in rompers pestering him and being ignored, with a small dirty blonde haired girl aiming a small slingshot at the red head's butt.
And one missing... Oh.
She was in here. Duh.
"Umm hmm," Joyce said, leaning against the window frame beside her and gazing out with a fondly exasperated expression.
"Uh... " Cordelia boggled. "Lessee. Xander, Jesse, Buffy, Faith, Anya, Willow... "
"And Ampata and Kendra and William. Err, Spike, I suppose you'd know him as. And Tara. And you of course."
"Wow."
"All my children, even the ones I didn't get to know for long."
"Kendra? And Ampata? And... Spike?" To say Cordelia was slightly incredulous would be an understatement.
"Well, William. Spike used to come over and talk and talk and have cocoa with the little marshmallows. And William's been here a lot longer than I have." Joyce smiled, "And yes, I know about the other night. Spike and Buffy are so messed up." The smile faded to be replaced by a scowl and a sick expression.
"I'll say."
"Ampata was such a sweet girl when she stayed with us. And so taken with Xander. And yes I know about the... " Joyce made a vague gesture. "And Kendra was so polite when she stayed over those two or three nights before she died."
"Ok. But Buffy and Faith and Xander and most of the others aren't dead – " Cordelia broke off, her expression going horrified again. "Unless... "
"No. Buffy's not dead. And she's not going to be," Joyce said, firmly. "Neither is Xander. And thank you for shooting that horrid Warren creep, Cordelia."
"No problem. Xander should have done it when he made that Buffy-bot thing."
"Xander's not that ruthless, dear. Yet," Joyce said. "And yes, Kendra, William, Jesse, Ampata, and Harmony are spirits. The rest are representations." Joyce sighed, "Of course, Harmony's not one of mine, but she looked so lost when she showed up that I couldn't help but take her in... "
Cordelia hid a grin. "So. No little Angel?"
"No. Definitely not," Joyce said, her lips compressed into a straight line. "Angel never let himself be one of us before, or even when he came back... and then after he lost the soul he really didn't endear himself to me." She sighed, and added, "And Liam never showed up here, anyway."
Cordelia nodded. "Faith?" Cordelia raised her eyebrows, looking bemused.
"Well, I could just slap her for what she did after the coma – and did you know Buffy never even told me Faith was in the hospital? – or turn her over my knee. But Faith was one of mine before, when she let herself be."
"So the afterlife is a day care center," Cordelia said, looking concerned.
"Well, mine is," Joyce said, chuckling. "Yours? Who knows."
"And this is heaven?"
"No. It's... " Joyce frowned, and shook her head. "Hard to describe."
"I get that, really." Cordelia frowned. "So, what am I doing here, if I'm not dead? I mean – don't get me wrong: I'm so glad to see you. I hated that Buffy didn't tell us you were sick. I'd have come up if I'd known. Instead of just after with Angel for the memorial. Really."
"I know, honey. Really," Joyce said. "It's... ok, this is a kind of an... antechamber for lack of a better word. A space in between the Ghost Roads and the World's Dream and the Astral Realms. I have my own space here on the cusp of the antechamber because it lets me sometimes catch," she gestured out the window, "The ones I care about as they're either on their way through or stuck in the Ghost Roads." Joyce paused, and added, "And the Hanover girl, Lucy, stops in sometimes, and brings them to me. The ones that have gotten lost, like Harmony and William."
Cordelia nodded. She shivered, remembering that huge mess with the Gatekeeper and the Ghost Roads, and the lost Slayer, Lucy Hanover... stuck wandering the Ghost Ways as a Guide for, well, maybe eternity...
"And me?" Cordelia asked. She had a nasty thought, and blurted it out, "Or, crap. Did the Powers send you as a guide?"
"Oh hell no," Joyce said, scowling. "Those people. The Powers-that-Be have little to do with the Summer Country except to meddle in it when they can. No. They're not in charge here."
"So... God and angels? Are you an angel now?"
"Uh, no. And I don't know. As far as I can tell, no one is in charge here."
"That actually makes sense in context," Cordelia said.
Joyce nodded, and said, "And you're in a kind of a flux. You almost came to me – and believe me, I am so glad you didn't yet – when that, that... operative pulled you up and gave you that infusion. And I suppose we owe him for that, damn it, as much as it galls me to owe anything to anyone associated with those Powers." She sighed. "And I kept an eye out after in case this chance came up."
"Chance for what?'
"From within you it devours," Joyce said, and that cold, sick icy feeling swept through Cordelia again.
Cordelia shivered, swallowed hard, and put her hand to her mouth. Oh. She said, after a moment, "Oh. That's what Other Faith mentioned. Before." Cordelia shook her head, feeling scared and exasperated, "But what does it mean?"
"It... " Joyce looked at her, frustrated. "You're the One Who Sees, sweetie. You'll have to see it," she shook her head, holding up a hand to forestall Cordelia's protest. "It's... there's no real rules for the dead, but there are constraints, I guess you could call them. For lack of a better word."
"And one of those constraints is that no one can give me a straight answer on anything," Cordelia said, sourly. She huffed and folded her arms across her chest, blowing bangs out of her eyes.
Joyce shrugged and spread her hands helplessly. "It won't make you feel any better, but Xander is hitting the same wall. But he is getting some information, at least."
"Xander... " Cordelia swallowed hard at the thought that Xander was in this with her somewhere, and felt unaccountably warmed by that.
"Congratulations. And I am so happy for the two of you, even if I am a bit sad for Anya," Joyce said, smiling at her warmly. She sighed, "I was a bit dubious about the two of you back in high school, but Xander was so desolate after the relationship between you two imploded. And you looked so... bereft at odd moments, on the few times I saw you after."
"Well, we got past that, finally," Cordelia said, looking away uncomfortably.
"I know. And honestly, Cordelia – at an In 'N Out?" Cordelia flushed all the way to the roots of her hair, and Joyce started laughing.
"You saw that?" Cordelia felt like sinking into the floor. And here, that might work.
"Oh, yes." Joyce grinned wickedly at her. "And the lobby, and the mini-golf, and the elevator, and the janitor closet and the...
"Stop!" Cordelia held her hands up in surrender, mortified. "I am never going to be able to hold my head up again. I am such a slut."
"Nonsense sweetheart. You're a healthy adult woman with an active libido and an active sex life, that's all." Joyce smiled, but her eyes sparkled wickedly. "Very active."
"Stop that!"
"Well, at least I know that whatever your place in the Summer Country is, it'll include a Xander," Joyce said, laughing. "Although, you may have to share him with Anya, Faith, and Ampata, and I know that's never been your strong suit."
"Oh, please," Cordelia waved that off. "I've been sharing him with Willow all our lives, and I at least like Anya and Ampata. I'll deal."
"Seriously, Cordelia," Joyce locked gazes with her and gave her a serious look coupled with warm smile. "This demon thing? It is a blessing, really. But there will be a price to pay. And you and Xander will have to work hard – together – to make sure you pay it on your terms, not that of Ja– " Joyce broke off, scowling and looking frustrated, "... whomever is manipulating you."
"I will. We will." Cordelia straightened and looked her back, dead in the eye. So to speak. "And trust me: making life cough up on my terms is something I excel at. Even if it has been a rough couple of years."
"I know. And feel free to visit if and when you and Xander do arrive here finally." Joyce smiled. "Or anytime before then, really."
"I will." Cordelia nodded, breaking out into her best, and most genuine thousand watt smile. "And, if I do get a chance to drop by in passing, how do I... uh, find this place"
"Oh, just... " Joyce waved airily and grinned. "A sidestep into the Never Never. Then out of the Ghost Roads, take the ferry across the Sea of Dreams and hang a left. Then – "
"First star on the right and straight ahead until morning?" Cordelia grinned back at her.
"Something like that, dear."
.