Hi, guys! As you can probably tell, this is another update. Again, this chapter (and all of the coming ones) is unbeta'd. I love, love, love my two beta's, but I couldn't ask them to read over my chapters as fast as I want to upload them. Anyway, I'm going to be updating very frequently, and I hope that the whole story will be up by the end of next week! (Which is pretty exciting but also kind of terrifying, because it's been, like, a year since I started working on this.)

Anyway, thank you so much for reading, and I hope you like this chapter!

I've been down the very road you're walking now
It doesn't have to be so dark and lonesome
It takes a while but we can figure this thing out
And turn it back around

"It's Only Life" by The Shins

Celine faced Jace, her hands on top of the dining table. He felt the silence growing louder and louder and knew that she did too, but this time she couldn't run and drown herself in all that shit that got her in trouble in the first place. Now, all she could do was talk to him.

If only it were that easy to get her to do it.

She said she didn't want to talk about it, but, in all his anger and rush of emotions that were nowhere near pleasant, he'd yelled at her, told her that there was no way she was staying with him if she didn't talk. Of course, that prompted her to call him to dinner early, only for him to find that there was no dinner, and only his mother, looking ready to talk.

He felt like it had been a lifetime since that moment.

"Jace," she breathed out. His head snapped up at his name. "I'm so unbelievably sorry."

He didn't speak. He couldn't. If he spoke, he'd break.

"I know that sounds like a bunch of crap to you, but it's not. Look, I promise, I never meant to let it get that far. I was gonna have a couple of drinks with my friend at her house, but then, once she dropped me off here, I drank some more. It just felt so good, you know? To numb the pain and the heartache and everything?" She shut her eyes. "These past few months I've been feeling so much, Jace. Too much. I feel like I might explode, and having something to numb that felt pretty damn amazing."

He didn't say anything still, but he felt his expression soften, and he also felt the anger bubbled up inside of him disappear—but only slightly. It still rested there, waiting to be provoked, to be reminded that his mother had made the stupidest decision of her life and it almost ended her life.

"I know you're mad. I can tell." Celine sniffled, wiping some of the tears away as she nodded, as if she was giving him permission to be angry. "I get it. If it had been you, I'd be the same. I didn't know I had appendicitis, Jace. I didn't even remember that I still had my appendix and, quite frankly, I didn't care. Not until the pain started, anyway."

"Wait." Jace stopped her from going further. "The doctor said that there were more things, though. Aside from alcohol."

She nodded. "When I felt the pain, I was already drunk. I waited for a while, but it was still there, and it felt like someone was stabbing me repeatedly, twisting the knife every time. So I took some painkillers—about three—and waited. And waited. Those didn't help, so I took six more, and then I took stronger ones, and that's when you found me, I think."

"You could've died." Jace was shaking with horror and rage and everything that he'd buried inside. She could've died. "How are you even alive?"

"To be frank, I have no idea," she stated simply, as if it had been a simple yes or no question that didn't require much thinking. He felt like slapping her out of this state in which she was—this state of calmness that allowed her to regard these serious things as if they happened every day. As if his mom dying wouldn't have meant the end of many things. As if he wouldn't have grieved every single day for the rest of his life.

Jace got up, not knowing what to say. He took his jacket and went out the front door, slamming it with all his might as he made his way into the street. He didn't care if someone ran him over. He was so mad that it scared him. In one hand, he was glad Clary wasn't here to see him like this, so broken and unfixable and different. In the other, though, all he ached for was her. She could make him feel better, and he knew it. But she was far away.

He left a message in her voicemail, hoping she'd check it sometime, but he didn't get his hopes up. She was pretty shit at checking all that crap, and she was at some charity dinner with her parents and grandparents, so he wasn't expecting a reply.

And he didn't get one.

He walked around aimlessly, letting the crunching of the leaves calm him down as it reminded him of New York, of a time in which his mother almost dying didn't really seem like a possibility, a time when he could have his girlfriend by his side to calm him down whenever was riled up. He wanted that so badly, but it was just out of his reach.

Jace walked around, thinking of his mom. He'd have to get rid of all the pills and alcohol in the house. The good news was that whoever was throwing a party soon would owe him big time. The bad news was that his mom might throw a fit.

He was willing to risk it. Definitely.

Once he listened to some music and admired the nature, letting it calm his thoughts, he walked back to his house, thinking of what he would say to Celine once he walked back in.

She greeted him, her smile shaky and nervous and hesitant, like she was scared of his reaction. "Your food's in the microwave," she said. "I'm sorry, Jace."

Although Jace didn't really want to, he gave her a hug. He really, really wasn't okay with her, and he felt the rage surfacing as soon as he saw her, but getting mad at her wasn't going to help either of them, so he stifled it, giving her exactly what she needed. "I love you, Mom."

She started to cry into his shoulder. Once the first tear fell, they didn't stop.

"So, I got your voicemail."

"Really?" She could tell that his tone was mocking, and she made a face at him. "I didn't know you could work that thing."

"Shut up, assface. I've missed your face." Thank God for Skype, really.

"And I've missed yours, baby," he murmured.

"Are you okay?" His voice mail had left her in a state of worry, and he'd agreed to Skype despite the fact that he had lots of homework to do. She missed him so much, but her want couldn't compare to the one she felt when she saw his face. Seeing his face made it more real. She was in New York and he was in Florida, and they were in way over their heads.

Jace nodded. "I'm fine. Really. It's just—my mom really fucked up, Clary."

"What'd she do?"

He explained to her what had happened, how his mom ended up so badly screwed in the hospital. He told her what Celine had told him, from the drinking to the heartache to the pills to the hospital to the not giving a damn about being sick, and she felt her heart sinking at his words.

She couldn't even ask if he was alright, because she knew, deep in her heart, that he was far from it. Throughout the time they'd known each other—really known each other—Clary had gotten to see the vulnerability Jace possessed. It sometimes scared her, how fragile he seemed to be, how thin the line he used to keep himself together was.

"Are you alive?" He chuckled. She forgot that he was able to see her.

"I—yeah," she said with the ghost of a smile on her lips. "I'm fine, but Jace…shit."

"I'm fine too," he told her, but the way he said it wasn't convincing her, and it wouldn't have convinced anybody that knew him like she did.

"Cut the crap, okay? I know you." She said this with a roll of her eyes and a stare that made him raise an eyebrow.

"Then you know I'm fine."

"Jace freakin' Herondale—"

"Clarissa Adele Fray, I'm doing okay."

"I'm not gonna push it because you asked me to the last time you were here," she said, taking a deep breath and trying to keep herself together. It was hard, though. Her heart ached so much for him. She wanted to comfort him, but that boy could be a real pain in the ass when he set his mind to it. "But I really wish you'd talk to me."

His face changed at her words, like he wanted to show her that she sympathized with her but felt pained about giving anything away. She rolled her eyes at him.

"It's okay, Jace," Clary told him, even though it wasn't. She knew that it was illogical and rather stupid to be mad at him for wanting to keep this to himself, but she felt like an idiot for not being able to get her own boyfriend to trust her. She knew he loved her unconditionally, and he'd proved that plenty of times throughout their relationship, but she still wished he'd trust her enough to tell her what had happened to his mom.

Or, rather, that he trusted himself more.

"So what'd you do today?" Jace asked, changing the subject. She told her all about the boring charity dinner that her parents had taken her to. Sure, it was for charity, but that didn't make it any more interesting. Snotty people surrounded her, and she felt like her head was going to explode at any given moment. It was so, so silly, the way people dressed up to eat and give money to a charity. Why did they have to show off their expensive clothing? Why couldn't they just give the money, eat, and leave? Why did they have to make a whole show out of it—out of themselves?

Clary ranted to Jace, slowly forgetting about his issues, just as they both wanted, though for different reasons. She wanted to drown in her own words and forget about the way her boyfriend's personality was making her feel like crap. She felt like she wasn't good enough to be trusted, which was ridiculous, because she was supposed to be the one that was strong at that moment, the one that kept him going through this tough time. The truth was, Jace's life wasn't easy at the moment. His mom was basically going through a heartbreak and a crisis, his dad was trying to keep his distance from his mom without being too distant, which was as confusing as it sounded, and Jace was trying to struggle with all of that, a long-distance relationship, the search for a college, and school.

She wished he'd let her help. He needed her help. He needed all the help he could get, really. He had so much on his plate that she didn't know how he managed to get up every day.

They said their goodbyes after four hours of talking. It was past two in the morning, and she was so exhausted she could barely keep her eyes open. She shut her computer but stayed awake a little longer, thinking of ways that she could help Jace.

She had to help him.

Thank you for reading! Let me know what you think xo