Chapter 21 –Saying Goodbye
Sigyn's screaming reverberated through the mausoleum, magic cocooning her in gleaming purple. Rasil bellowed but did not touch her. Ljúfvina wore a bitter smile as Loki pressed harder against the wall. There was a crack like snapping glass and the cocoon vanished. Sigyn was left heaving on her hands and knees, leaving the taste of petrichor in the air. Nothing seemed to have changed and yet Sigyn looked like she had travelled a thousand miles.
She looked up, tears on her face, eyes blazing.
"What did you do?" she shrieked.
"They're killing you Sigyn, you have to stop doing this," said Loki. Sigyn snarled and Loki thought she might launch herself at him, but then she whirled around to look at Rasil.
"Why couldn't you give me a chance? Why couldn't you let me try?"
"Let you fail and bring us down? Let you suck Asgard's cock for a pet on the head?" snarled Rasil. Loki clenched his hands so hard his short nails broke the skin.
"You brought Malekith down on us!" Sigyn cried.
"You failed as a princess –your one duty in your spoiled pampered life and you failed at it!" Rasil spat at her and Sigyn shrieked, clambering to her feet,
"I'm not failing now!"
"You'll always fail, look at you, exposing your secrets to him! An enemy monarch, who laughed at your pathetic attempts to be a decent princess. All he wants is for you to be his broodmare and mother to his children. Why does he disrupt our balance? You need me to have any chance at succeeding –to keep you in line and remind you of your place."
Loki wanted to protest Rasil's words, but he feared drawing Sigyn's attention. Rasil was starting to look a little less substantial.
"I can do it!" Sigyn cried, sounding close to tears. "I will make Vanaheim strong again, I will!"
Rasil snorted,
"I'd like to see that!"
"You will! I will show you I can do it!"
At this Rasil became more solid and he smirked. On the altar, the bodies flickered and the illusions came back. Loki moved forward and, with a messy punch of raw power, he smashed the illusion to bits, revealing the mutilated face of Rasil. The action made Sigyn whirl around and her eyes landed on the body.
"You can't show him anything Sigyn," said Loki firmly, gesturing at the body. "He's dead –he's been dead for months, he cannot hurt you anymore."
"No! No, I have to show him I can do it, I have to prove I can be a good leader," cried Sigyn. She seemed to have forgotten her suspicions and fears about Loki in the wake of Rasil's exposure.
"You are a good leader –I couldn't have coped with what you have here, I doubt any of the other leaders could have either," said Loki desperately. This was the crux of it, he was starting to understand exactly what drove this magic onward. "Letting this illusion hurt you –that is letting him win. That is proving him right. You have to stop letting this thing hurt you."
"She needs me," spat Rasil behind Sigyn, and Sigyn's face was almost grey as she looked back at him. Rasil was starting to become slightly opaque, but Sigyn was clinging to him in the face of reality.
"No, you don't need him Sigyn. I know you feel you do, that he reminds you to focus on what matters. But he doesn't. I don't know what he was like when he was alive, I don't know what he did to you, but he's a monster and you don't need him."
"I… I… can't." Sigyn was trembling so much Loki thought she might collapse.
"Sigyn… if you don't let him go, you'll never get better. You cannot be a true queen if you cannot defeat this thing. Some doubt is good, but this is self-torment. Keeping these illusions going will drain you, it will kill you and then where will Vanaheim be?"
"Better off," hissed Rasil and Sigyn covered her face, letting out a broken moan.
"No life would have been better off without you in it," Loki promised.
"He's just saying that so you'll let him-"
"No I'm not! Forget our relationship. Forget our history. Even if it had not happened I would never regret knowing you. I know no one who would."
Sigyn peered at him through her fingers and he could see how much she wanted to believe him. It was the most honest thing she had shown him since they had reunited. Loki kept his voice steady,
"You're not responsible for what happened –I know it helps make sense of it all. Blaming yourself makes you feel like you have some measure of control, I understand that. I did the same with Angrboda-"
"Don't you dare compare the two!" Sigyn shrieked and her hands flew from her face. She looked beside herself. "It's nothing like that! I'm not you!"
Loki clamped down the hurt, it was irrelevant right now.
"You know I'm right Sigyn. You know that you can't continue like this."
Tears tumbled down Sigyn's face. As she wiped at them Loki noticed for the first time her hair moving in an unnatural way. And he remembered that other detail.
"Sigyn, don't you think it's these illusions that are stopping your hair from growing back?"
"More spying!" laughed Rasil. "What else has he been watching? Our negotiations with the other realms?"
"No, I swear I didn't, I only wanted… I wanted to make sure you were safe," said Loki desperately.
"Still spying," she mumbled, swaying on the spot. She looked exhausted.
"Yes, I was spying on you, and that isn't the way to build trust. But Sigyn I've been terrified for you," said Loki, clutching the altar so he would not reach for her. "Please, please stop hurting yourself. You don't deserve it."
"You don't know," she gasped, "I had to let him get close, I needed him to want me so I could control him."
"I understand," lied Loki, "But he's dead now, and you have to let him go. You beat him Sigyn, you've beaten him a hundred times. You're leading Vanaheim back to reclaiming everything he helped take away."
"I'll never get it all back," she whispered into her hands and Loki ached.
"Maybe you'll never get it back the way it was, but you can get it back to a place of wonder, and I'll help you. I promise. Please Sigyn, get rid of that illusion, let him rot, and be forgotten."
"Forget your place," hissed Rasil, but he was distorting and his voice was garbled. He did not seem able to move anymore.
"Your place is on that throne, not because of your birth, but because you earned it. You've earned your throne Sigyn, more than anyone who sits upon one right now, save maybe Aetril and you stand equal with her now."
Sigyn looked startled, but there was no mistaking the hope his words brought. Loki smiled,
"Your people love you, as much as Aetril's love her. I could only wish to be so loved."
"Flat-ry," Rasil grabbed at his throat, his voice was almost gone.
"Come here," Loki begged, holding out his hand to her. "Please, come here."
Trembling, Sigyn took his hand and let him pull her closer. Loki revelled in her touch but did not dare try for more. He just pulled her to the altar and look down at the mutilated face. Sigyn took a ragged, wretched breath and sobbed, turning away and covering her face. Looking past her, Loki saw Rasil was almost completely gone. Unmoving, silent, murderous faced, he was almost transparent, like a glass statue. What would it take to remove him completely?
"How did he die?" Loki asked quietly. Sigyn sobbed harder than ever, and Ljúfvina spoke.
"He killed me."
Loki looked at her, unsurprised to see that she too was starting to fade away. Instead of anger, Ljúfvina had a bittersweet smile on her face.
"We had just won, Malekith was finally dead and I was coming to Sigyn, to hold her, and we were finally going to be safe. I was going to her, I looked so happy…" Ljúfvina's face lit up and Loki listened, hearing Sigyn's memory spoken from the person she had loved. "And Sigyn wanted to hide in my arms, as she had so many times when we were fighting –when I was there to keep Yggdrasil from touching her. It was going to be so wonderful to embrace, knowing we could at last rebuild… but Yggdrasil stabbed me." Her smile faded away, and she turned revealing a knife sticking out of her back. Sigyn howled and collapsed to the ground.
"I died right there, so close to Sigyn and our shared happiness. I could have had my own life, a life I had given up for her, because it was my duty."
"Because you loved her," murmured Loki. Ljúfvina nodded,
"Yes, my princess, my sister… she wanted me to grow old, fall in love, have children of my own. She wanted to hold my children and love them because they were mine. And in that moment when it could all start to come true, Yggdrasil took it away."
"So Sigyn killed him."
"She would have had him executed for his crimes, that was the plan, she was going to hold him accountable. But when he killed me… and showed that he had learned nothing, he still thought he could have Vanaheim, have her… he took me away to isolate her… so she had to punish him."
"That's understandable."
Ljúfvina nodded again,
"But she couldn't cope without us –for better or worse, we were her closest allies… and without us she had no one. No friends, no family, no one at all… especially when she blames her feelings for you as the cause of all this misfortune, and won't trust any of the other realms not to take advantage of her weak heart."
Loki looked up to contradict the words, but found Ljúfvina smiling at him with open affection.
"I know that's not true… yet I am not the only voice… and even when we go, we'll still be there."
"I know… but I'll help her."
"If she'll let you," said Ljúfvina, striding forwards and kneeling in front of Sigyn, "It's time for me to go Sigyn."
"No!" Sigyn howled, throwing her arms around the illusion, which was still real enough that she could hold it. "Don't leave me, please, I'll keep you safe this time, I won't let anyone hurt you again!"
"Sigyn, you know it wasn't your fault –you know it because I've never blamed you, and all I am is an extension of you." Ljúfvina was gentle and tender in her words, stroking Sigyn's hair and smiling with open love. Love Sigyn felt for herself? Or love she desperately needed to be given.
"Don't leave me alone, please, please, I don't want to be alone!" Sigyn sobbed, "I'll be good, I'll be-"
"Shush now, you aren't alone." Ljúfvina looked up at Loki, who nodded.
"Sigyn, you're not alone, I'm here-"
"I don't want you! I want Ljúfvina!" Sigyn cried. Loki, struggling to control the hurt in his chest, crouched down and rested his hands on Sigyn's shoulders. His hands passed through Ljufvina's and he knew they were nearly there. Gently, he tugged Sigyn backwards, and Ljúfvina let her go, her arms passing through Sigyn's body. When had Sigyn last been touched by a real person? Slowly, as if she were an easily spooked animal, he wrapped his arms around her and held her against his chest. As her head came to rest on his collar, Sigyn let out a broken howl, and the illusions of Ljúfvina and Rasil vanished without a sound.
Loki held his wife in his arms, feeling stabs of grief at her suffering cut through him with every wretched, broken noise she made. They were unearthly sounds, he had never heard such pain, and he thought he had felt pain in his life. He did not try to shush her, he just let her grieve, holding her up, holding her close, as she had done so many times for him. He did not try to kiss her tears away, or reassure her that he loved her, now was not the time. Right now all he could do was let Sigyn get it all out. His hand rubbed her back, trying to ease her breathing as she struggled to take in enough air to continue her sobbing.
Then, quite abruptly, Sigyn stopped crying and sat up, looking straight at Loki. Her face was blotchy, flushed and pale in patches, eyes swollen hugely and salt from her tears marking her cheeks. Yet her eyes were bright as jewels and as she stared at Loki, he felt uneasy.
"You…" she said softly and Loki knew, instinctively, that something was about to go wrong. "No! You cannot be here!"
Sigyn launched herself at Loki, her hands curled around his throat and squeezed, knocking him to the ground. She climbed on top of him, thumbs pressing on his windpipe and he could not breathe.
"No!" he tried to say, pulling on her wrists desperately, but Sigyn was much stronger now, and Loki had not been keeping up with his own training. He let go of her wrists and pressed against her chest, trying to push her off. It never even occurred to him to use seiðr in that moment. Stars popped in his vision as his air ran out, his lungs screaming.
His mouth formed the word 'Please', but he could only gasp softly. Was he really going to die at the hands of his wife, who looked down at him with wild panic and hate?
Then Sigyn's hands were ripped from his throat, and his lungs expanded as he coughed and spluttered, sucking in air desperately. Sigyn's weight was gone from his chest, and he rolled onto his front, pushing up onto his hands and knees. He could hear Sigyn and someone else struggling. He looked around to see Prince Berach wrestling with Sigyn, who now seemed determined to strangle him.
"No! No you can't be here, you can't!"
"Hush my darling," said Berach, and his hand passed over her brow. Sigyn gave a great shudder and collapsed in Berach's arms, unmoving.
"What have you done?" cried Loki, struggling to his feet and stumbling to the pair.
"She's simply sleeping, don't worry," said Berach, laying Sigyn on the floor of the vault. As the ljosalf prince pushed her hair tenderly out of her face, the wig slipped off and revealed the completely bare skin underneath. "Ah mo banphrionsa beag daor, what terrible things you have suffered."
"… how long have you been here?" asked Loki in confusion as he knelt down on Sigyn's other side.
"I was inspecting the bodies when you all arrived. Not wishing to cause Sigyn alarm when I was still investigating my suspicions, I hid. I should have known you were doing the same." He gave Loki a look that was a kind of fond exasperation. "I assume you had also found it improbable that the king and queen's bodies were really here in state."
"Yes, I did," lied Loki, looking down at Sigyn. "But why did you stay hidden?"
Berach's wings twitched and he said,
"I wanted to see what you would do –and I still didn't know what was going on with her two servants. So… I felt it was prudent to stay out of the way."
"Well, thank you for intervening when you did," muttered Loki, rubbing at his throat.
"It would be a terrible blow for Sigyn when she comes to her senses if she had killed you," said Berach, but he gave Loki a brief smile as he said it. Loki snorted, then looked at her again.
Asleep, all the airs and confidence Sigyn wrapped around her were gone and it was clear how ill she was. She was gaunt, her cheekbones as prominent as Loki's, and her skin looked like paper. Without the wig, she seemed much smaller. Yet, Loki admitted as he rubbed his throat again, she was not without strength.
"We need to get her to bed," said Berach, "And we need to keep people from seeing these bodies until she's ready to deal with them."
"We'll have to lock the vault to everyone," Loki raised a hand and cast wards to gently encourage people to go somewhere else. Then he sealed the door to all but Sigyn, using his knowledge of her magic to code it just right. When he was done, he looked at Berach who was looking amused. "What?"
"How did I never notice how similar your seiðr is to my little one's?" Berach asked. Before Loki could answer, Berach picked Sigyn up into his arms and stood up. "Can you get us to her chambers?"
"I think so," said Loki, reaching out and resting one hand on Berach's shoulder and the other on Sigyn's.
"Wait! Grab the wig." said Berach.
"Oh!" Loki swept up the wig and made sure he was touching both Berach and Sigyn, concentrating on the palace. There was a horrible sensation and when he opened his eyes, he was relieved to see they were in the right spot, judging by the clothes and the wig stand. He placed the wig upon it while Berach laid Sigyn down on the bed. She did not so much as stir as he pulled the covers up to her chin. Loki watched him as he stroked her face as tenderly as Loki stroked his sons', and he said in wonder,
"You really love her, don't you?"
Berach did not react at once. He finished his gentle assessment of Sigyn, then straightened up and gave him a doleful expression.
"For someone everyone says is so brilliant, you are remarkably dim. Of course I love her, I helped raise her! If I never have a child of my own I'll be satisfied because I had her. Just because you two concocted this infantile world where only you have any idea what love is doesn't mean people's love for you or her disappeared."
Loki flushed, but rallied quickly,
"If you love her as a daughter, how could you even consider marrying her?"
"That was my mother's plan, and I already put that idea down before you lost the Bifrost."
"…oh."
Berach rolled his pale eyes,
"Just because we don't share our schemes and feelings with you doesn't mean we're fools or incapable of caring. My mother asked that I not speak of not marrying Sigyn until she had a new plan in play, but she respected my wishes not to marry the woman I view as a daughter."
Loki could not stand the other man's condescending tone, and snapped,
"If you love her so much where were you when she was so miserable? Where were you when she was drinking herself to sleep so she wasn't crying? Why did you never step up and tell her parents to give her more freedom?"
"Because as much as I love her, I am a reigning prince of another realm. I was not going to try and tell the king and queen of Vanaheim how to raise their daughter. I knew that every choice they made was political, whether they wanted it to be that way or not. The way Sigyn was raised was to try and appease all of Vanaheim, to help them embrace her-"
"And look how well that worked!" snapped Loki. He knew he should not pick a fight but it felt so good to have someone to rail over who could have actually done something.
"That is not my fault, nor was it my business. I did what I could, I let her run and play when she was in my care, often defying the Svana as much as I could without offending Sigyn's people or parents. I tried to bring her out into the world… what did you do? Convince her to hide away with you while you marinated in your own pain like a child?"
"Don't you dare talk about something you don't know anything about!" snapped Loki.
"I know enough! My mother has lived at your court for three years, and we both knew enough to guess at details once your sons were brought into the light. You claim to love her, and yet what did you do but drag her down into your self-indulgent misery?"
"She chose to be at my side! She chose to travel with me to Midgard, we explored the realms and practised seiðr you can only dream of! I was her choice."
Berach narrowed his eyes, and Loki knew he was about to say something cruel,
"I wonder if she would have chosen you if she had had any other option?"
Loki could not stop the inhale of shock at the question. Worst of all he found he could not shout 'Yes' with the absolute conviction he once had. Berach frowned and then sighed heavily.
"That was unnecessary of me, I apologise. This is ridiculous, we're fighting over who loves her better –and she just made an attempt on our lives."
"She's not well," said Loki defensively.
"Obviously, which means we have to help her get better. The only problem is that she won't let us."
"You mean because of Rasil? But he's gone, his influence, I mean it's still there, but surely it won't be as powerful as it was."
"Possibly, but we won't know until she wakes. There's every chance that she'll be even more determined to keep us at bay. The attempt on your life was not just some reaction to the seiðr dissipating and overwhelming her, it was about trying to hide what she's feeling. You and I are witnesses to her vulnerability, she won't forgive that."
"She tried to kill me because of what I know?"
"I think so," said Berach.
"But she might feel differently once she's had time to rest, I highly doubt she's slept well with the way her seiðr was acting. Such a strain on her system was making her ill."
"Agreed, but we won't know what the lasting damage is for a while, if we ever do."
"So what now?"
Berach grabbed a chair and sat backwards on it, so his wings were not crushed.
"I intend to stay until she's awake, and then I will try to speak with her. It might be a good idea if you did the same."
Loki nodded and sat in a soft chair near the bed, privately thinking that Sigyn might feel ambushed by the pair of them, but not willing to leave. They did not speak as they watched Sigyn sleep. Loki found it soothing to sit and listen to her breathing, just like when he listened to the soft breathing of his sons. He must have dozed off, because when he opened his eyes sunlight was filling the room and Sigyn was gone. He sat up in alarm, spotted Berach asleep on his own chair.
"Berach! Where's Sigyn?"
Berach started and his eyes popped open. He looked around, standing up.
"How –how did she…?"
They both looked around and Loki spotted steam coming from the next room. He crossed the room and pushed the door open. Steam wafted into his face and he blinked. He was in a bathroom, and the large, built in bath was full of water. Sitting in the bath was Sigyn, her head tilted back, her arms stretched out over the rim. She did not seem to notice Loki's entrance as he stepped closer, her eyes closed and her form absolutely still. As Loki edged closer, he looked at Berach, who stayed back.
"Won't you join me Loki?" called Sigyn. Her voice caused a chill to travel down Loki's spine. He turned back and Sigyn stared at him with blank, cold eyes. As he hesitated, she waved a hand at the water, raising her eyebrows expectantly.
"I'll wait out here," said Berach softly and he shut the door. Loki swallowed and started undressing. Sigyn watched him without a flicker of expression as he set his clothes aside and eased himself into the bath. It was uncomfortably hot and his skin quickly flushed pink, but all Loki could focus on was Sigyn's body. The water was up to her waist, leaving her chest exposed. Although Loki had already seen it in Mýrkjartan's recordings but it was different in the flesh.
"Something wrong Loki?" asked Sigyn, her eyes gleaming. Loki sighed,
"You know there is Sigyn. What's happened to your breasts?"
"Hmm?" Sigyn made a show of looking down at her chest. It was completely flat, and her nipples were gone. "Oh, they appear to be gone, along with the rest!"
Through the clear water Loki could see between her legs and saw there was nothing there. Sigyn was completely sexless. With her shiny bald head and her flat, unmarked skin, she looked like an unfinished figurine.
"I can see that," said Loki. "But I don't understand why. I thought this was a side effect of the seiðr you'd lost control of, that it would reverse when you stopped those illusions."
"Clearly you were wrong," said Sigyn.
"Yes, but again, I don't understand why. Why are you like this?"
"Does it matter?" asked Sigyn, skimming her fingertips over the water's surface. Loki took a deep breath, he knew she was trying to get a rise out of him, and he could only assume it was a petty way of punishing him for seeing so much. "Then again, I suppose it matters to you because you liked my breasts, didn't you? You also liked my slit, so you could-"
"I'm not playing this game Sigyn," said Loki firmly.
"Game?"
"I'm not playing this game where you make me out to be some sort of user, who only wanted your body, because we both know it isn't true. I'm also not playing this game where you try to act like you don't care that I know what you've been going through."
Sigyn's face spasmed and she looked furious for a moment, then she smiled.
"I tried to kill you last night. That was unfortunate, I apologise."
Loki sighed heavily, disappointed, but he nodded,
"No harm was done. I'm still alive… and I'm not going anywhere."
"Really? You're going to stay here, without my welcome and abandon your own-"
"Stop," said Loki, "I told you I won't play your games. You know what I meant. I will not let you drive me away, I will help you however I can-"
"And what if I don't need your help?" Sigyn spat.
"You have it anyway. This is not a political manoeuvre, my actions are entirely personal."
"We're king and queen Loki, politics and personal actions are one in the same for us," said Sigyn curtly. She seemed to have dropped her shield of detached taunting for the moment.
"Perhaps in some cases," Loki conceded, "But I'm saying that I will not try to use my knowledge to undermine you or harm Vanaheim. I want to help it, help you, that's why I've been working with you on the Reset."
"Purely out of altruism?"
"No. I was hoping that spending time together would help us reclaim what we had. The success or failure of that will not interfere with my interest in helping Vanaheim. I am not Odin, I am not Bor, I have no desire to take advantage of your sufferings to increase my own power or prestige."
Sigyn regarded him and Loki decided to be honest,
"All right, I would hope to have Vanaheim as an ally, your support and friendship as one monarch to another. I don't think that is too much to ask."
"That, at least, is honest and realistic," said Sigyn, sliding her hands through the water and over her thighs. Loki swallowed, trying to keep his attention on her face.
"Will you please tell me why you're like this?" he asked quietly. Sigyn arched an eyebrow at him, then sighed,
"Isn't it obvious?"
Loki shook his head.
"I have shut down and done away with those parts of me that make me selfish. The parts of my body that cloud my mind and impede my judgement."
"D-done away with?" Loki felt sick as he looked from her face, to her empty chest and down.
"I'll bring them back when the time comes to bear an heir, but otherwise, what use are they to me?" asked Sigyn with a shrug. Her dismissiveness appalled Loki as he stared at her. Was this the same woman who had taught him to embrace sex as an expression of joy and pleasure?
"Sigyn… how can you talk like this? You understand how important sex and love making is-"
"I was wrong," said Sigyn coldly. Loki tried to hide how much this single statement left him reeling. It was like Frigga telling him that seiðr was worthless, it went against everything he knew about Sigyn and this topic. "Sex is distracting. If I had not let my sexual organs control my behaviour, Malekith might never have invaded."
"That's not sound reasoning. Malekith didn't invade your realm because you and I enjoyed making love." Even as he said it, Loki knew it wouldn't get through to her. As much as Rasil's spite had become a crutch for Sigyn to cope, condemning her sexuality was another one. Loki knew that tearing another prop away so soon would be impossible.
"So, what now?" asked Sigyn, ignoring his words completely.
"What do you mean?"
"What will you expect of me now you know what you know? I cannot have you blabbing about my… unfortunate seiðr state to your council, or anyone else. What must I do to buy your silence?"
Loki swallowed down his automatic response of nothing, because he knew she would not believe it. This Sigyn wouldn't trust him with anything and she was justified because Loki had spied on her darkest secrets. But what could he ask for? He did not want anything that would drain Vanaheim's resources, and he would not try to demand anything personal from her. Then he hit upon an idea. He glanced at the door, then crossed the large bath to sit beside Sigyn. She watched him apprehensively, but he did not touch her. He lowered his voice and said,
"You know that I have Prince Byleist prisoner on Asgard?"
Sigyn nodded,
"And that I've denied the people of Jötunheim their casket?"
Again she nodded, frowning at him.
"I know you offered Queen Farbauti your help with the negotiations of Byleist's release. I'm asking that you don't interfere."
"I offered that as a queen, I cannot just-"
Loki took a chance and grabbed Sigyn's hand.
"Sigyn, I'm asking, for my silence, that you trust me with this situation. I have a plan, but I haven't been able to do it without the Bifrost."
"What are you planning?" Sigyn asked and for the first time her tone of voice was something familiar. Loki looked at her carefully.
"For my silence, I must have yours."
Sigyn nodded, and Loki squeezed her hand tighter, "I'm not going to give the Casket back to the Jötnar, because I plan on destroying it."
Sigyn's mouth fell open,
"You can't! It's their heart, they need it!"
"They're addicted to it. It's got a grip on them from the moment they're conceived, and it keeps them from getting better."
"Getting better?"
"Laufey was so addicted to the Casket that between its loss and the loss of my mother and I, he didn't care about anything. That's why he never rebuilt Jötunheim, and moreover, it's why the realm is dying. Do you remember the books you gave me, when I first became king?"
"Yes."
"Reading them, I learned that Jötunheim was once a much more diverse realm, like Vanaheim and Alfheim, or Midgard, but colder on average. Between that and my birth mother's notes, I know Jötunheim was drastically altered by the Casket, to make it more hospitable for Frost Giants. It's probably driven all the other giants, or whatever they call themselves, to the edge of extinction. I intend to right this mess."
"Since when do you care about the people of Jötunheim?" asked Sigyn.
"In truth I still don't care for them overmuch, but I cannot stand this sloppy seiðr, especially when it abuses nature the way the Casket does. It only exists because of my conception, so I have a duty as a seiðr user to fix it."
"How will you destroy it?"
"Mjölnir, she's the only thing strong enough to do it."
Sigyn's free hand came up and rested on Loki's shoulder and in that moment, they were back to where they had once been, together.
"The blast radius –it could kill you!"
"It's a risk, but-"
"You need another seiðr wielder, one that will protect you while you destroy the Casket, you can't do it alone!"
Loki looked into her eyes, and saw the warmth that he had been seeing in Ljúfvina's eyes for months. The illusion had been right, the love she had felt for him was still there. So it killed him to say,
"You can't come with me, you're right that it's dangerous, and Vanaheim needs you. I'd want no one more, your seiðr and mine are familiar, it would be the safest combination, but I can't ask it or let you do it."
Sigyn's hand slipped from his shoulder, the warmth dimming, but Loki stood firm. It was best for Vanaheim that she stay far away from his plans.
"What about the casket you made? That fire one? What if it has harmed nature in some way? Will you destroy it too?"
Loki had not thought of that.
"I… maybe, I don't know enough about it to make a judgement on it. What I know now is that if you want the Reset to truly work, the Casket has to go." This was not something he was completely sure of, but it sounded good.
Sigyn nodded, and ran her hand over her neck thoughtfully. Loki found himself staring at her lips, and between his legs his cock gave a slight twitch. Colour rose in his face and he tried to focus on something less attractive… like Sigyn's self-mutilation –yes that did the job horribly well.
"You can use my Bifrost, since yours isn't ready," said Sigyn softly.
"Thank you."
"And ask Berach to help you, that way I know you'll have the best aiding you. I don't want Asgard to fall apart now because you got yourself killed, not when I need all the realms on board with my plan."
"I can't, he's a rival prince, I don't want him involved. I'll find someone in Asgard. I'm only telling you because you knew some of the details, it will affect the Reset and because I need your Bifrost."
Sigyn scowled, but nodded. Loki reached up and touched her chin, turning her face to his.
"Sigyn, I need you to trust me in this. Once I destroy the Casket, I'll probably need to release Prince Byleist just to keep the peace. I'll need you and Alfheim to help keep us from descending into war."
Sigyn's eyes widened.
"You'd trust me to do that?"
Loki hesitated, because he really could not be sure Sigyn wouldn't try to outplay him just to prove she could. He dropped his hand from her chin to hold her hand in his two, saying,
"You could have made all of Svartalfheim pay for what Malekith did. You could have destroyed them, broken them so they would never again harm anyone. Instead, you only ask that they acknowledge their defeat. You've kept them involved, you clearly care about the peace of the realms, and had no desire to make them suffer forever, the way Odin did to the Jotnar. Knowing that… I trust you to be a peace making queen, and thus, I trust you to do what needs to be done to keep that peace."
Sigyn's expression crumpled into something that looked like pained gratitude for a moment and she nodded hard.
"Do it soon," she whispered, and she held his hand as tight as he did hers. Unable to resist, Loki rested his brow against her temple for a moment, and she didn't pull away. Then, too soon, Sigyn let go of him and stood up.
"You should go, I don't want anyone knowing you were here."
Loki nodded, his eyes fixed on the water drops rolling over her rump, which was not altered the way her sex and breasts were. He supposed a backside was a backside, and hers was firm, and round and he felt the sharp, violent impulse to cup it rise inside him. Sigyn grabbed a towel and wrapped it around her body, killing his impulse as she turned back to him.
"How did you get here?" she asked, frowning at him.
"Uh…" Loki had to think, he had been in such a panic that he had not paid attention to his own actions. "Well, I guess we know the paths between Vanaheim and Asgard are not going to kill us anymore."
Sigyn rolled her eyes.
"You're a fool." Loki was certain that her words held a warmth in them, and he grinned sheepishly as he stood up. Sigyn's gaze drifted to downwards and he thought she was looking at his cock for a moment. "Your scar is back."
Loki touched the mangled scar tissue on his abdomen, the leftover from Fenrir's birth.
"My body was restored to its original form when I gave up my metamorphosis."
Sigyn nodded and her hand twitched as if she wanted to touch the scar. Then she turned away and climbed out of the water.