AN/ Ooh, come on, people... A sex addict getting it right on her first try? Hmm... Sorry, no Ria and Randy in this one. Had to do this quick as I was away from my computer for a while and hadn't done anything. Have to let you know though, as I mentioned at the beginning, that this will not be a long story. She's now down to the last thing on her bucket list. Thanks for the reviews, you all rock. And sorry to all the big Hardy fans. But we have to move on now. JeffRae is done! Maybe.

It was John pulling out of her rather than the little shocked gasp that had alerted her that something was wrong. Then when she had turned her head, she had seen both Randy and Ria standing by the door. Ria was understandably hurt and she had kicked herself all night for putting that look in her eyes. The girl had genuinely liked her and she'd just gone ahead and slept with the man she wanted. Some friend she'd turned out to be.

But it was the look in Randy's eyes that had kept her up all night. He'd been extremely hurt and had looked a bit.... heartbroken. She couldn't understand that.

All night that little scene had replayed over and over again in her mind.

John pulling out of her.... the little gasp.... John rushing to cover himself then her as if they still had any dignity left..... the tears in Ria's eyes before she'd turned away and rushed out of the room..... Randy standing there looking at her as if she had just broken his heart..... The cold look he threw to John before the hoarse words escaped his lips....

"Was it worth it, John?"

She had tried to get off the table so she could explain, but Randy had held a hand up and stopped her in her tracks. Then he'd just walked out.

She didn't know what she had expected. A few blows, maybe, a few harsh words. Randy had, after all, been telling John for years how he would rip his head off if he ever gave into temptation. But he'd done nothing, and somehow that had devastated her more. The whole weekend had turned out to be a total cluster fuck and sleeping with John had been the last nail in her coffin.

There was only one thing she could do now.

With a tired sigh, she looked over at the man sleeping next to her. She'd ended up sharing his bed, not because she was horny but because she'd just needed the comfort of a human touch. She knew he hadn't slept much either, it must have been only an hour before that his breathing had slowed and sleep had claimed him. Poor man. She'd managed to ruin his new relationship because of one stupid mistake. How would he explain this to Ria? Knowing him, he probably wouldn't even try even though everyone knew he believed he was head of heels for this girl.

So it was all up to her. Once she told Maria, once she explained her actions, maybe the girl would take him back.

The sick feeling in her stomach, that she now knew was guilt, intensified at the thought of the day ahead of her. It would be the day that changed everything.

With a sigh, she slid out from John's heavy arm. A few presents caught her eye as she got up and she remembered she hadn't opened any of her birthday presents. The last birthday presents she would ever have.

The top one was flat and wrapped in some funky paper, but she knew who it was from straight away. She had seen Matt holding it the night of the ill fated party. She didn't feel like opening it, didn't feel like getting another dose of guilt over her actions. She should have just talked to Jeff and told him how she felt about the whole Beth thing instead of sleeping with the next man who had offered her a bit of relief from the anguish she'd carried with her since her visit to the doctor. Whether Jeff had run off to Beth or not, they had not officially broken up and that meant she was indeed the cheating whore she had warned him she could be.

But after a minute, she found herself slowly peeling the wrapping paper off anyway.

It was a framed portrait of herself, the one he had sketched on their first and only date. She looked so... happy. He'd even captured the sparkle in her eye as she'd looked into his eyes. She knew exactly what she had been thinking, that she couldn't wait to get his clothes off. He'd showed some of that, too. So many emotions, captured by the one man who had witnessed them all and immortalized on a piece of paper. And on the side of it was the most beautiful poem she had ever read. He called it emoetry... emotion in poetry, and he could not have expressed his emotions any clearer or better than he had in that little passage next to her face. He'd called it 'A lot in common.'

The whole poem touched her in a way she had never experienced before, but a few of the phrases really speared her heart.

You're smart... but still slow... So am I

You're waiting... but happy... So am I

You're leaving... but staying... So am I

A tear slid down her cheek as she remembered again how soon she would have to say good bye. She was waiting, waiting to die but when she had been with him she had been happy, despite that annoying little fact. She was leaving, but with his portrait, he had ensured that she would stay. He had expressed what she was feeling in those few words while still letting her know that he was right there with her.

She was smart, but when it came to this love thing, she was obviously very slow. Jeff had been nothing but good to her. He had told her from the very first day how she made him feel. He'd never said the word love, obviously it was way too soon for that, but what they had was beautiful. Or had been before she'd fucked it up and slept with her friend. And the bad thing was, this new Rae wouldn't let her keep that fact from Jeff. He deserved nothing but honesty.

"You alright?"

She looked over at the bed and realised John had been watching her all along.

"No," she whispered with a sad little smile. "You and I need to talk. But I need to talk to Randy first."

Neither Randy or Ria were picking up their phone. She managed to find her room at the hotel but Michelle, whom she was sharing a room with, told her she hadn't come back the previous night. She decided to hang around. Wherever they were, they'd have to come back to get ready for the show that night.

So that meant she had to find Jeff first. When she got that apology out of the way she could find Mark and tell him the truth. Then that would leave Randy, Ria and John. She found the message he had sent her the previous day with his room number then made her way to his floor. But the first people she met by the elevator were Mickie and Kelly.

"I don't think you'll score here, Racheal," Mickie snickered.

Great. Had it been that obvious?

"Eat shit and die, bitch," she muttered before walking past her.

The the divas only laughed. Obviously, whatever little respect she'd had before had been shot to pieces. But she couldn't dwell on that. She had a hard day ahead of her.

Jeff's door was answered at the first knock, but it was clear when the shock registered in his eyes that he hadn't been expecting her at all.

"Rae. I didn't think you'd come."

"We need to talk. Can I come in?"

He stood aside to let her pass, but she still felt as if he didn't really want her there. Well, she wasn't going to take up too much of his time. She was sure once she told him what she had done, he would kick her out, anyway.

"Have you seen Taker yet? He was in here for hours trying to get me to talk," he said as he followed her into the room.

"I'll find him soon. I needed to talk to you first," she said as she turned around to face him. "I wanted to apologise for Saturday. And yesterday. I jumped to a lot of conclusions when I heard you on the phone to Beth so I just took the easy option. I should have said it to your face straight away. I didn't like that you couldn't tell her you were with me, and that you left me to be with her."

"I didn't leave to be with Beth, I left so you could be with your family. I thought you'd tell them what was really going on once they cornered you," he answered. "And I didn't feel it was right to tell Beth about you over the phone."

"Didn't wanna break her heart?" she asked sarcastically.

"No. I just wanted to look her in the eye when I told her I was over her. And when I told her I feel more for you than I ever felt for her."

"But you were in love with her," she stated.

"Yes."

The realisation of his words knocked the wind out of her sails and she had to sit down. He was in love with her? After only a week?

Jeff walked over to the wall by the glass door and casually leaned on it, his hands in his pockets as he looked at her.

"I mean it, Rae," he continued softly. "What you're doing with your list and everything made me realise that life is short and you've got to make each day count."

"You can't be in love with me," she whispered, her hand going to her temple as she thought how her next words were going to affect him.

"Yes, I can. I got into this with my eyes wide open. I wanted to make you feel special so I gave you all that I am, with no reservations. I opened my heart to you. But don't worry, I'm not going to force myself on you or anything. I know with everything you're going through, you're not even thinking like that," he answered. "I just wanted you to know so you learn to trust me."

What had she done?

"So you didn't sleep with Beth?"

"No!" he denied vehemently. "I haven't even seen her yet, she's supposed to be here any minute. It was Matt's bright idea. He thought if he got her to come over, I'd take one look at her and take her back. But I'd never do that, I'd never cheat on you."

She closed her eyes to block the sincere look in his eyes. And so she wouldn't see the hurt in them when she finally told him the truth.

"I cheated on you," she blurted out. "Last night. I saw a lifeline and I took it. I'm sorry."

That was met with a deafening silence that forced her to open her eyes. She swore she could actually see his heart breaking as he looked at her before that closed look finally settled in his eyes. What the fuck had she done? Jeff had been nothing but good to her and she'd fucked everything up.

"Jeff...."

"I cant.... not now," he said hoarsely.

"I didn't mean to hurt you," she said.

"Rae.... Please.... Just go."

With a final look at him, she got up and made her way to the door. As she had predicted, he was kicking her out. And he would probably never speak to her again. She deserved no less. Jeff was too good for her. She should have realised that from the beginning and not got involved with him.

"I'm sorry," she said again before finally walking out of the door.

When she closed it, the tears she had been holding escaped her eyes. She should have explained herself a bit better, she should have fought for him. She should have let him know that she wasn't ready to let go of him. She should have let him know that had she not been dying, she would have easily fallen in love with him, too.

But she couldn't do that. She had to let him go. It hadn't been fair getting into a relationship that had no future in the first place.

********

"Where the hell have you been?"

She couldn't remember how she had ended up knocking on Mark's door. Every step she'd taken away from Jeff's door had brought home certain realisations, the biggest of which was how, after telling everyone the truth, she would have no choice but to carry out her plan. She would have to say goodbye.

Even as Mark ushered her into the room and cursed her out for her actions, her heart broke into a million pieces.

"I've told you over and over again that you don't touch that shit," he continued. "Is it not bad enough that you don't respect yourself?"

She sank into the couch, only half listening as she formed the words she was going to say. The words that were going to change his life.

"So?"

She looked up at him and realised he had just asked her a question.

"Huh?"

"God, you're high now, aren't you?"

"No!" she denied.

"So answer me. What the hell were you thinking?"

She sighed as she ran a hand through her hair. This was it.

"I just wanted to forget.... just for one night," she whispered.

"Forget what?" he asked. "We've all been worried about you. I told you before you can come to me for anything. I can't understand why you would do drugs, not after the last time."

Aah, yes. The last time. Just after her mum's funeral when she had disappeared for days. Mark had actually been the one who had found her and taken her back home. Instead of shouting at her, he had talked to her and got her to open up. He'd also got her to promise she would never touch the stuff again.

"I'm sorry," she said sincerely. "I'm sorry you had to worry about me like this. I'm sorry I disrespected you like that on Saturday. I'm sorry I waited so long to get to know you. I'm sorry for everything, Mark."

"You're going to have to do better than that, Racheal."

She looked up into his eyes and thought how his was the second heart she was going to break that day. It wasn't getting easier at all.

"I wanted to forget, even if only for one night, that I'm dying."

*****

And so it begins.