"Reilly lad!" Gresham called out as he sauntered down the cobblestone road. The scowl that appeared on Reilly's lips was more than enough to tell me that things were about to get ugly.
"Let's just go inside," I said quietly to Reilly, tugging on his hand.
"Good to see you out and about… and sober!" Gresham added with a dramatic gasp. He smacked a hand over his heart as if it had stopped, and I found myself wishing that it would.
I shot a glare at Gresham, but he just smirked. Then my eyes found Hook, whose eyes were glued to the space where Reilly's hand was wrapped in mine. His jaw flexed before his cerulean eyes met mine, jealousy written plainly across his face when his lips turned down in a frown.
"That's quite enough, Gresham," came Nora's stern voice, and Reilly's grip on my hand relaxed slightly. I squeezed his hand in reassurance, and he looked over at me with sad eyes. He cleared his throat before ducking his head again, ashamed. For what, I wasn't sure. Though I felt like I had a good idea.
Gresham snorted. "What? I think the royal pain-in-the-ass has a right to know that Lover Boy over here hasn't been sober since the day we returned without her. The poor bastard passes out in his own sick more nights than in his own bed."
"Enough!" Nora clipped, but Reilly had already let go of my hand and was lunging towards Gresham before I could stop him. His fingers wrapped around Gresham's neck, and he wasted no time squeezing as hard as he could. Gresham— though much larger than Reilly— couldn't pry his fingers away and began to gasp, his fingernails painting angry red lines down Reilly's arms as he struggled.
Each member of Hook's crew came to their shipmate's aide while Hook pried Reilly off of Gresham. And all the while, Nora stood back and shook her head— her lips turned down in a frown— while I stared on in shock.
"That's quite enough, lad," Hook growled as he shoved Reilly away, sending him stumbling.
When Reilly regained his balance, he went toe to toe with Hook, ignoring Gresham's raspy swearing and threats to beat in his skull while Porter and Langley and the rest of the crew kept him at a safe distance. Reilly's blue eyes blazed and his teeth were bared as though he wanted to rip Hook's throat out. And maybe he did.
"I told you not to take her," he shouted in Hook's face, his cheeks, neck, and ears flushing crimson as he did so. He stabbed a finger into Hook's chest, and Hook let him. "I told you it was too dangerous, and you did it anyway! And what did that get her?" he bellowed as he pointed a finger back at me.
Hook's intense gaze flicked to me, and my stomach fluttered in response, but it was short lived when Reilly seized him by the front of his coat and shook him, bringing Hook's attention back to him.
"Coward!" he raged, but Hook didn't budge. "You were a coward!"
"We've had this conversation before, lad," Hook said, his tone cold. "You're not saying anything new."
Reilly scowled before he released Hook with a shove, his shoulders heaving as he caught his breath. Most of the anger seemed to have boiled away, and I took the momentary break in the fighting to grab Reilly's hand again— squeezing tight— and pulling him away. I didn't speak. There was nothing I could possibly say.
As Nora shuffled us inside, Reilly was silent. He kept alternating between running a hand through his heavy, greased curls and biting at his nails which, I noticed, were painfully short.
"I'll get the two of you some breakfast," she said as we sank into two old wooden chairs at a rickety table. She shot a glance over her shoulder when Hook and his men began entering the tavern before shooting Reilly a look. "Try to stay out of trouble until then." When Reilly gave her a nod, she gave him a nod and then disappeared into the kitchen.
I was busy studying the dried blood around Reilly's fingernails when I heard him apologize softly. I looked up, my answer already at the tip of my tongue, but he held up his other hand to stop me. "I just…" He runs his hand through his hair again, pulling a little at the ends. "I've been so angry for so long. I've hated him— all of them— for what happened to you. And now you're here and I…"
His cheeks turn a bright pink and he ducks his head, unable to look at me. I hold my breath, my heart beating unusually fast in my chest as he struggles to find the words to say.
"You what?" I prod gently.
He peeked up at me through thick blonde lashes, his eyes suddenly full of a fire that made me pause. And then his hands were tangled in my hair and his lips were on mine, full and wet and desperate as our teeth clashed with the impact.
There was no mistaking the taste of ale and the smallest hint of tobacco on his lips and my chin burned from Reilly's stubble.
I broke the kiss as best I could, pulling away slightly so I could breathe, but Reilly's hold was solid. "Reilly," I gasped, putting my hands on his chest and pushing gently.
"I missed you," he whispered as he looked into my eyes. He gave me another kiss, and I made a noise of protest. "I missed you so much," he said before going in for another kiss. This time, I turned my head, but this didn't deter Reilly. He kissed my cheek and then my jaw before making his way down to the spot just below my ear.
I froze, my whole body going rigid as my mind instantly filled with thoughts of Peter as Reilly's lips slid across my skin.
"Reilly," I said again, my voice sharp as I pushed on his chest again. Still, he didn't stop. So I pushed harder.
And sent him tumbling to the floor.
The commotion in the tavern seemed to screech to a halt as all eyes turned our way. Everyone was silent as their eyes asked a variety of questions and their lips either turned up in a silent smirk or turned down in a confused frown.
Nora stood just outside the kitchen doorway, her eyebrows up in shock as she held two plates of hot food in her hands and the door swung slightly behind her.
As I looked around the pub, the horror that everyone had seen everything unfold began to fill my gut. And when my eyes met Hook's from across the room, I felt my stomach twist and my chest ache. He was looking at me with his brow furrowed and his blue eyes shining with a question I wasn't sure I could answer and hurt that I wasn't sure I could soothe. I looked away, unable to figure out why I felt so guilty, only to find Reilly staring up at me from the floor, his eyes wide with confusion. He, too, noticed everyone staring, and ducked his head as his neck heated up beneath his collar.
"I'm sorry," I murmured— more to myself than to Reilly— as I stood on shaky legs.
Reilly tried to scramble to his feet. "Holly—"
"I'm sorry," I repeated again, retreating to the door as I felt my face flush crimson. As I made my escape, I knocked into one of the barmaids who was carrying a tray full of drinks. She tumbled, and several pints of ale— no one seemed to mind what time of day it was— spilled onto the floor. She screamed at me, but I ignored her as I pushed open the door and stumbled onto the street.
I could hear Reilly behind me, calling out for me to stop even as the door swung closed behind me. I had to think fast and hide or he would catch up to me, and I wasn't sure I could face him after what had just transpired in front of everyone in the tavern.
To my left was the steady climb of the road that would eventually lead me to the springs. To my right was the beach, the sun peeking over the horizon and painting the sky in vibrant oranges and pinks. The Jolly Roger stood at attention, the dark mahogany wood shining as it rocked in the glistening water.
Without hesitation, I darted towards it. Once I was a few buildings down, I slipped into an alleyway and pressed my back to the stone while I tried to calm my racing heart and control my breathing.
I heard the door of the tavern burst open and smash against the building as Reilly ran out into the cobblestone street, and I waited a moment before carefully peeking around the corner.
"Holly!" Reilly shouted as he looked up and down the road. He shuffled his feet, unsure which way to go to try and look for me first. When I didn't answer, Reilly swore before running his hands through his hair and pulling slightly at the ends, causing them to stick out at weird angles. For a moment, I was worried he would turn my way, but he ended up stalking off in the opposite direction— back to his home, I assumed— with his hands shoved into his pockets.
I sighed in relief before leaning my head back against the rough stone of the building and then sinking to the ground and putting my head in my hands.
My chest ached and my stomach felt full with guilt. Guilt for kissing Reilly, for not hating it as much as I should have, for knowing that I should hate it, for pushing him to the ground, for thinking of Peter, for thinking that I would rather be kissing him instead, for letting Reilly kiss me in front of Hook, from worrying about what Hook thought, for hurting Hook, for… everything.
It was all too much and it was all happening too fast.
I made a frustrated noise before pulling at my hair and then I drove a fist into the hard ground. My knuckles screamed in protest, but the release felt so good.
It felt good to focus on something I could control.
So I did it again. And again. And again, until I couldn't feel my hand, and then I did it some more.
"Holly?" came Hook's voice from the mouth of the alleyway. When did he get there? How did I not hear him coming? But I didn't stop. I couldn't stop. I didn't know how he found me, and I didn't care. I wasn't going to stop.
When he seemed to figure that out, he stepped into the alley and crouched beside me and took hold of my wrist. "Easy there, love," he said, sounding a bit frightened as well as concerned.
I tried to rip my hand away, but his grip was like a vice. I growled in frustration and tried again, but he still didn't budge. The fury returned, and when I couldn't drive it out with my fist, it decided to build behind my eyes in the form of hot tears.
The sobs were uncontrollable. They ripped through my body and caused me to curl in on myself. I buried my face in my one free hand as I rested my head on my knees, turning my eyes away from Hook. I couldn't take the sadness that resided there. I couldn't stand the guilt that reflected back at me whenever I looked at him.
The pain in my hand started shortly after, and I curled my fingers into a tight fist, focussing on the pain.
"Holly—" Hook started with warning.
"Don't!" I snapped as I felt blood begin to spill down over my wrist.
"What's the matter?" he asked, and I squeezed my eyes shut as all the words pushed up the back of my throat and burned my tongue. "Talk to me, love," he prodded, his grip loosening on my wrist as he ran his thumb across the inside of my wrist.
This time, when I snatched my wrist away, he let it go. I turned on him so fast that his eyes went wide with surprise and he fell onto his rear.
"Stop it!" I screamed at him as I cradled my injured hand. "Stop trying to make everything okay! It's not okay!"
"What's not okay?" he asked patiently and he pulled his knees up and rested his arms on them. He didn't seem the least bit annoyed, which only fueled my anger.
"Nothing! None of this—" I waved my injured hand around— "is okay! I'm not okay!" The tears were starting to fall faster now, leaving salty streaks down my cheeks before dripping onto my shirt. "I'm not the same person anymore, and I can't pretend that I am."
"No one is asking you to," Hook whispered, looking at me intently.
I barked a dry laugh, and Hook frowned. "Are you daft? Everyone has been treating me like nothing's changed. They think that ignoring what happened will make it disappear. Like my entire world wasn't thrown into a whirlpool of madness. They don't understand. None of you understand!" I screamed at him, my throat scratching in protest before I dissolved into another round of sobs.
I'm not sure how long we both sat there together in that alleyway. It could have minutes. It could have been hours, but by the time I had dissolved into hiccups, the sun had risen and the air was warm. The sting in my hand had turned into an insistent throbbing, and the blood had started to cake and dry.
I didn't startle when I felt Hook take my hand. I didn't even look up.
"I'm going to cover this," he said as he carefully uncurled my fingers. I ground my teeth together as I felt some of the dried blood crack and fresh blood began to flow, but I didn't say anything. "Don't want any dirt getting into it and giving you a nasty infection."
I looked at him then, resting my cheek on my knees. "Nothing is the same. I'm not the same," I said as he pulled a neatly folded— and hopefully clean— handkerchief from a pocket inside his leather coat.
He met my eyes for a moment before he turned his attention to his work and began to wrap the cloth around my bleeding knuckles. "I know," he replied before taking one end between his teeth and the other between his fingers and pulling the knot tight. I hissed, and he apologized.
"Then why do you all still want me?"
He stiffened as though I had offended him. I was wiping away a few stray tears when he took my chin between his fingers and made me look at him.
"We will always want you, Holly," he said, his voice gruff and his words shaky. He took a deep, and his next words were anything but shaky. They were solid and unwavering. "I will always want you. Even when you're like this." He brushed my cheek with his fingertips, and I felt all my breath leave my chest. My heart hammered away in my chest and I wondered how he could still have this effect on me, even briefly. How could it be so easy to forget when I looked into those eyes?
"You're the reason I'm like this," I said, my voice stone cold. I didn't recognize my own voice, but I knew that what I said was true.
Instead of hurt, though, Hook's eyes burned with blue fire. "I know that," he said, and there wasn't any excuses tied to the end. No placing blame where none existed. He was admitting his fault, just like he had on the Jolly Roger before helping me face Nora.
I swallowed, my mouth feeling dry as he stared at me with determination. I ducked my eyes.
"I know you can't trust me," he continued, his fingers prying my chin upwards. "I know that you're afraid and—"
"I'm not afraid," I protested.
"You are. You're afraid to trust us. You're afraid to trust me. You're afraid that I'll give you up again, that I'll hand you back over to Pan."
"That's what I want!" I snap, pushing his hand away, and his cheeks flushed red.
"Is it?" he snapped back, his eyebrows shooting up towards his hair. "Do you really want to go back to him? To those wretched boys? Tell me, love, how bad of a beating do you think he'll give you if you ever make it back there?"
I scoffed, but my stomach churned uncomfortably.
Hook barked a laugh, sounding on the verge of hysteric as he ran his fingers across the scruff of his jaw. "He'll beat you, love, make no mistake. He'll beat you because you should have never let me take you away in the first place." I looked away, digging my nails into my arms as I tried not to let the truth in his words worry me sick, but Hook kept on. "He would rather you have died that night fighting me off than have you back with me and my crew, and you know it! He'll use it as an excuse to hurt you!"
I stayed silent and met his gaze with a blank stare. Nothing that came to mind seemed fit to speak, and I didn't want him to be able to antagonize me anymore.
He clenched his jaw, the muscles of his neck straining as he curled his one hand into a fist. "Aren't you going to say anything?" he demanded.
"No," was my quiet reply as I got to my feet. Hook lurched forward in an attempt to grab me, but I backed away with a hiss. "Leave me alone. I just. Want. To be left. Alone."
I turned on my heel and walked out onto the warm cobblestone of the road. A few curious gazes found me as I began to walk towards the beach, but I didn't pay them any attention. All I wanted was to be as far away from everyone— from Hook— as I possibly could be, and the beach seemed like the perfect place. I could follow the curve of the beach until Starryview was out of sight and then I could rest.
All I needed was a little rest.
Author's Note: I know it's been a while since I posted a chapter, and I must apologize. My life has been a little crazy, and this story kind of got pushed to the back burner while I tried to figure everything out. Work has been insane and I recently applied to go back to school, so I'm trying to figure out my schedule and money and everything else that goes with it. :P
I haven't given up on this story, but updates won't probably be as often. I also have to admit that this story is kind of hard to write. Holly has obviously been through something traumatic and it has caused a lot of damage. I want to write her character in a way that is accurate and believable, and sometimes that's difficult. I run through everything she says, does, and thinks several times in several different ways to make it believable, but I am only human, and sometimes that takes a while, if at all. So, please be patient with me as I try to figure out this tangled mess that is the story. You've all been wonderful so far! :)
Thank you for not giving up on me! ~ Miss Faery