Fic: Of Tea & Chess
Rating: R
Summary: Alice & Hatter travel back to Wonderland for innocent reasons and discover that there is no such thing as coincidence.
Author's Note: I decided to contribute to procrastination :-P. thank you all again for your reviews so far. I was going to sit on this chapter for a bit but it nearly begged to be posted.
I cannot be the only one that thought that Tortured!Hatter (the wonderful Mr. Andrew Lee Potts that is) was just as damned sexy as Wet!Hatter. Seriously....really. rrrrow.
Chapter 21: Poisoned Rook
"Hatter?" Charlie asked over Alice's shoulder, staring at his young friend. "Are you unhurt?"
The young man still crouched seemed to shiver once. His face was still marked by the 10/6, his eyes wide and staring. Alice stood, unable to help her desperate look at the others. Wishing that someone could explain to her how a simple moment in time had nearly destroyed the usually vibrant Hatter. Even his moments of introspection or melancholy could compare. Hadn't he won? Hadn't the Red King seemed repelled by trying to get into Hatter's head? Alice did not think of what may have happened inside of his head, all she cared about was that Hatter was changed. Chesh was to the side, looking at the White Manor with no expression on his face while the Knave looked more confused than interested. Jack, however, saw the sudden fear lingering in her eyes and gave her a look. He couldn't comfort her, as puzzled by Hatter as she.
"Hatter?" Charlie repeated as he stood up, his armour clanging as he walked close behind Alice.
"Physically speaking," Hatter answered dully as he found and grabbed his hat nearby. He stood, taking a deep breath as if to steady himself. It didn't seem to do any good as he swayed unsteadily on his feet and shook his head back and forth. "Though one has to wonder about the metaphysical of it all. I think what you really need to know is if my head is at rights. It ain't. Sprang the trap but now it's not at resetting."
Jack and the Knave glanced at one another at the strangeness in his voice. The tone of it was off for him, enough that even Knave, who did not know Hatter well, realized it. The Knave stared at Hatter once more, trying to read what could be wrong with him. His suspicions were only suspicions and he did not like the look of this.
"Hatter," Chesh said, coming close beside Jack, his cat-green eyes surprisingly dark. He gave the man an easy grin. "The Red King must have done something to you. You need to sit down. Take your ease. I'm sure you can recover."
Hatter stiffened up, as if the sound of Chesh's smooth voice had triggered something inside of him. He gave his head a shake, murmuring to someone about odd creatures that did things in reverse. It was as if he were arguing with himself before deciding on what to do. Even watching him as he was, Jack barely had time to move when Hatter turned and backhanded Chesh hard into the air. He was still controlling his right hand enough that he did not hurt the other man badly but there was an audible thump of flesh being struck. They all stared in shock as Chesh landed hard onto his back, winded and his eyes fluttering in pain. Hatter's eyes narrowed slightly, staying dark, as he shook out his hand and lifted his other fingers to his head. He touched the blood smeared on his face and pulled his fingers away in rapt fascination before his mouth twisted into a disgusted frown. He wiped impatiently at the mark with his sleeve, gradually rubbing it from his skin. The blood stained the sleeve of his leather coat, turning the grey leather dark.
"Hatter, you could have killed him!" Alice said in shock when she was able to find her voice, her mouth still half-open. Hatter's head turned to her and she stepped back, in reflex squaring her shoulders. She felt like she was being faced with some strange man in a dark alley, not the man she knew would never hurt her.
"Wouldn't be that much of a travesty, would it? All light and dark with those types, never a good standing and never a poor one. Just in the middle," Hatter said. His voice almost sounded like he was upset and ready to rage. "And I'd know all about that. Something that growls when it is pleased and wags its tail when upset. When's it bad luck to meet a white cat? When you're the mouse."
Jack stepped forward, interrupting the strange litany. "Hatter, you need to calm down."
"So says the King. Kings..." Hatter gave a scoffing noise and a smile that easily rivalled Chesh's wide grin slowly grew on his face. "Not much more than pawns. Unable to move far and always in need of help. Always finding others to do their work for them. Very vulnerable yet own too much to their own value."
Wisely, Jack took a step backward. Had Hatter at any other time said such words, he may have taken more offence. This was not a time to be upset with the other man. Especially when it was clear how shaky Hatter's control was over himself. "You need to rest, Hatter."
"Do I?" Hatter asked lowly. His fist opened and then closed as if he were trying to grab hold of something. "Feel stuck on the wall myself, nailed to it and as cold as I was in life."
"Hatter, what is with the riddles?" Alice demanded as she moved closer to him, not understanding. She reached out to touch him and he moved out of her grip as if her touch would have burned him. "Hatter, what happened to you?"
His dark eyes didn't turn to her; instead he was staring at the Ivory Woods and the distant ruins they had come from. "What's broken every time it's spoken?" He looked at Alice. "Every time, Alice. Broken every time. You know the answer to this, remember?"
"Hatter, stop this," Alice ordered and he quirked his head to the side as if considering her words. Then he grinned and shrugged. "We need to get to the Manor remember? We need to find the Sceptre and save Wonderland. You know where it is, remember?"
"Oh I remember. Not like I'm ever allowed to forget. Never to forget," Hatter answered cruelly but his harsh words lost their bite as his eyes took on a sudden vacant look. With a low cry he grabbed at his head and bent at the waist. He shook his head rapidly back and forth, crying out with his voice cracked in desperation and fear. "Make this stop. Stupid for letting it get this far. Should have stopped miles back. Should've stopped. Shouldn't have helped it along. Should've put a bullet in my head. Should've done it."
Alice threw a desperate look at Jack, stunned by Hatter's words. The King looked back at her with equal helplessness. Chesh was still lying on the ground some distance away, not moving but unhurt. It was the White Knight that stepped forward. Horrified at the sight of Hatter, Charlie reached out to touch his shoulder but found his collar grabbed. Hatter hauled him in close down beside him and met Charlie's startled bright eyes with his own.
"It's me, Harbinger. Charlie, the White Knight," Charlie said lowly. As if seeing something there, Hatter let him go and gave a groan. He stumbled forward, his hands clasped around his middle again as if he was trying to hold himself. Charlie stood, realizing the irony. Where Hatter and Alice had once thought Charlie mad, it had been a strange eccentricity, the sort that Hatter normally showed. This was something far beyond that was now penetrating Hatter's mind. Something too deep to let go of Hatter easily. Charlie, of all of them, realized that the Red King's invasion had opened something inside of Hatter that the young man was struggling to contain.
"See too much, blind it. Hear too much, chop off the ears. Speak too much, take out the tongue...still can't get rid of it though, still in there," Hatter muttered, raking his hands through his hair and pulling at it as if furious with the dark locks. He was panting for breath, his face grey and drawn as he walked in impatient, dizzying circles. His leather coat was still coated with snow and leaves, the shirt beneath torn in patches, his trousers soaked and likely freezing against his skin. Considering how immaculate he tried to keep himself, it was like seeing some darker side of Hatter that held no appeal like it occasionally did. There was no sign of the old Hatter in this. He began to tap at his temples, like someone trying to tell another to think it over. Alice went to touch him, Jack restraining her when Hatter suddenly went charging off back towards the pathway. Shockingly, for all of his madness, he remembered to grab his hat from where it had fallen, fingers almost crushing it.
"No, Alice," Jack ordered as she struggled against him, shouting for Hatter to stop. "We don't know what will happen..."
"I don't care! He needs me!" Alice shouted as she jabbed her elbow hard into his stomach, dodging Charlie and the Knave while Jack gave a grunt and released her. "Let me talk to him!" She ran after Hatter, who was weaving in his steps some distance away and moving incredibly fast though not yet breaking into a run. The others stared after them, Jack starting to step off to follow but Charlie grabbed his arm to restrain him. The White Knight gave him a stricken look that was remarkably sage and worried.
"Let her try."
Alice had to sprint to catch up to Hatter but he was already around the bend and disappearing from sight. The surrounding trees and snow made for forbidding ground to race over, looking like a wasteland to her eyes. For one terrifying moment she thought he may outrun her though he was not running.
"Hatter!" she yelled as she sprinted harder, rounding the corner and promptly skidding to a halt when she nearly collided with him. Hatter was standing still, having stopped to turn and stare at her, his shoulders heaving as he panted for breath. His skin was had a sickly sheen to it, no colour save for those dark eyes. The fedora gave his face a forbidding shadow. Alice gasped in surprise, stepping back to catch her balance. His strange expression hadn't changed. "Where are you going?"
"It matters?"
"Of course, Hatter," Alice reached out to touch his arm and then dropped her hand to touch his hand. "I need you with me."
"No...you don't. You don't need me and you don't know what you are asking of me," Hatter snapped. "Get away from me."
Then he was turning away, his hands in his hair again. He was muttering, kicking the snow away from his boots "This thing all things devours: Birds, beasts, trees, flowers; gnaws iron, bites steel; grinds hard stones to meal; slays kings, ruins town, and beats high mountain down."
"Hatter," Alice whispered, the fear no longer for herself but for the man before her who was in such agony. The fear she felt was deeper and instinctive, knowing that he was almost destroying himself from the inside out. She could see the blood on his knuckles from where he had struck Chesh and the gash on his forehead was still weeping blood.
"Too much time, I have too much time. Need to kill time but can't do it legally. Already saw time killed once and saw what happened," Hatter said lowly, his voice raspy again. His head suddenly lifted and he stared at Alice. "Get away from me."
"I'm not leaving you here," Alice said, trying to grab his arm. "Why didn't you tell me that this could happen? That the Red King may be after you? What he could do?"
"Not like I knew it," Hatter answered roughly. "Not like you would trust me."
"Don't be stupid!" Alice snapped but he straightened and stepped toward her. Alice backed away from him, matching him step for retreating step as he stalked her.
"You trust 'em so easily!" Hatter said in a low voice while nodding to where they had come from. "Trust me that I want you to leave me alone!" Alice was quickly becoming frustrated and angry, trying to understand what he was saying beneath all of the riddles and bizarre phrases. "You made me struggle to gain even a crumb of it! I'm mad not to notice it, you're mad to assume it doesn't matter!"
He suddenly turned away from her, a low pitched laugh that quickly became maniacal and high. Like an insane criminal trapped in an asylum.
"Stop laughing!" Alice yelled at him. Hatter jarred to a stop, his eyes almost black and screaming with madness and agony as he glared at her.
"I would give you everything. Everything, Alice, if you would trust me. Just once, without interruption or hesitation. Trust me that what's in this head...you might not like! And that this is not something I want you for, to play your little heroine part for! Trust me on that!"
They stared at each other silently, Alice stung by his words. Of all the people who had insulted her and she just shrugged it off, his words had a bitter bite to them that tore into her.
"Maybe you never will trust me like I ask...maybe I will have to watch you trust others so easily before you trust me for the rest of my life," Hatter whispered, seeming to crumble at the weight of his words. Alice feeling tears spring to her eyes. His eyes bore the desperate look in them again. "Like a dog waiting for his mistress to reward him."
"Hatter, please..." Alice whispered, tears starting to run down her pale cheeks as she listened to him. He sneered at her.
"Don't you dare cry. Waste of suffering and is criminal here," Hatter snapped, his mind no longer holding any realization of what he was saying. Alice's own anger snapped, blinding her and forcing her to follow his rage with her own.
"How can I trust you now?" Alice bit out furiously, trying to stop her tears. "When you show that I can't. Why didn't you tell me this could happen? Why didn't you trust me?"
She tried to turn from him but found her arm grasped by his right hand. He whipped her about easily.
"You're walking into a trap, Alice! Willingly, like some happy little mouse," Hatter ground out as his grip tightened.
"Hatter," Alice gasped as he pushed her back against a powder white tree. He pressed close against her without sensuality or desire, his eyes two black pools that she couldn't read. She couldn't see a trace of the man he had been just this morning.
"One large trap you are going to walk into because of your blind trust," Hatter said between gritted teeth, his fingers tightening still. The pain suddenly burned in her arm as the strength in his right hand made itself known.
"Hatter, you're hurting me!" Alice cried out as she thrust up with the heel of her hand, catching him in his solar plexus and sending him toppling to the ground. The wind knocked out of him, he stayed there for a moment before slowly getting to his knees and staring at what he had done. Alice sucked in a breath, pulling her arm to her chest and surprised at the shock of pain. There was a large angry red bruise on her forearm, starting to change colour already on her pale skin. The pain was agonizing and she cradled the arm as she stared in shock at Hatter. He was staring at her as well, his face slackened from its maniacal lines to those she remembered. He shook his head this way and that, struggling with himself and his control.
"Alice..." Hatter reached out to touch her arm and she pulled away on instinct. She could see the darkness still in his eyes and his expression, still about to boil over this sudden lapse into the man she knew.
"Go. You wanted me to let you go...go!" she whispered, too blind with her hurt and anger to see the look in his eyes. Too furious to realize what she was saying. "You asked how I can trust them? They can't hurt me like you can, not as deeply as you can. Go and run this out if you have to. You told me that you don't need me to help you. Wish granted."
Hatter stood still as she pushed off away from him and staggered back the way she had come, leaving him alone to stare after her. Then the furious pain was back and tearing into his head, forcing him almost to his knees. Ripping at his hair again, he struggled with the noise in his head. Grabbing hold of his crumpled hat that had fallen onto the ground when Alice had punched him, he staggered blindly down the path.
"Justalice!" Charlie clanged toward her, seeing her white shocked face and grasping hold of her. "Where is your Harbinger?"
"He's not my Harbinger," Alice said, cold fury in her voice. Jack stepped close, lifting her chin with a hand.
"Alice."
"We need to go on, don't we?" she demanded but Jack held her still, gingerly taking her hurt arm in his. The Knave stepped close as well, his eyes lavender as he looked at the bruised limb. He could see the signs of a fracture despite the unbroken skin and met Jack's enquiring gaze with a shake of his head. Alice was too shocked to feel much pain yet, her eyes shining with tears.
"Let me wrap this up for you. You'll have to carry it in a sling," the Knave said. Chesh, who had perched himself atop the gate, wiped at the corner of his bloody mouth as he watched them. The Knave removed his coat and removed his waistcoat, shredding the thin blue garment into strips. Alice stayed still, staring off into the distance as he bound and slung her arm.
"Alice, Hatter is not himself," Jack began and she gave a shaky laugh.
"What told you that?" she asked sarcastically but he pressed on, not knowing why he wanted to defend the other man. He turned her around and put his arms around her to comfort her.
"I don't think he was in there. Hatter would never hurt you and you know that," he insisted. "And don't tell me otherwise." Alice sank her teeth into her lower lip, remembering just hours before when Hatter had held her and touched her with such reverence.
"I know," she whispered, resting her head against Jack's chest for a moment.
Chesh leapt down from the gate. "Strange way of showing it though."
His sarcastic voice invaded Alice's head and she blinked.
"We need to go. Who's to know if the Black Knight will be back with his men?" Chesh pointed out. Alice opened her mouth to speak, looking back the way she had come. The Knave caught her eyes but Charlie was over with his pair of horses, rubbing Guinevere's small ears gently.
"Alice...did you tell him to go?" he asked and at her nod he sucked in his breath. Whatever had happened to Hatter, he doubted that the young man wanted to linger around. He had hurt Alice and from what he understood, which was little, Hatter would take that to such severeness that he'd likely walk himself into oblivion.
"He'll be fine," Chesh said suddenly and they all looked at him. "He'll likely hit the glimmer, going that way. They're easy enough to find and he'll be fine. Be thrown right back to the beginning. Whatever happened to him, he'll likely sleep it off and never remember it. It's the way these things run with old magic. Just need a good sleep to...revive, as it were."
"We need him," Jack said. "He's the only one who would remember where the Sceptre is."
And, Jack thought with sudden realization, Alice will need him.
"We're running out of time," the Knave murmured as he looked at the sky.
"Then we need to try. The Knave is right. If we find the Sceptre, maybe it can help Hatter control his memories, his madness. Maybe there's hints. Something we can use," Alice said finally after some silence. Chesh nodded but Jack held her still.
"Alice, we'll look for him after we find the Sceptre. You have my word," Jack whispered to her alone and she nodded. Chesh, not hearing them, had his eyes on the horses.
"White Manor is full of history, there should be something." He nodded to the quiet horses. "You need to leave them out here. You'll be back for them in a few hours."
Charlie cleared his throat. "Quite."
That being said, he looped Guinevere's reins over her head and gave the mare a clap on her shoulder. "Go along, my queen. Find the Vassal and ensure his safety."
The mare seemed to understand somehow and went trotting down the path to the shock of the others. Charlie turned to them, straightening his shoulders and seeming quite serious. "She is his horse now and she will go where he goes."
He missed the annoyed look that Chesh shot him before the Cheshire turned to the Gates. As Alice followed them in, she glanced over her shoulder at where Hatter had gone, longing to follow him yet still feeling the agony in her arm from where it was slung. She knew that he was doing what he knew was best, felt that was best, but if she lost him what would she do? Alice trembled with fear. Longing for the hours to turn back to where she was lying in his arms; lying in his arms and wondering if he did love her as he had whispered. Wondered what may have changed if she had held him just a moment longer.
When they passed into the large garden maze, Alice wished that she had been able to hold him tighter and save him from his madness.
Hatter plunged head on through the Ivory Woods, mindlessly moving without regard as to what he may run into. Sometimes running, sometimes walking, sometimes even crawling as his mind began to warp itself around his pain. I need a glimmer...shining light, Hatter thought in a moment of clarity before he fell back into his swirling madness. The desperate look he bore was nearly permanent, the blood dripping from his gash blinding his one eye. He was barely aware of his reason for moving, finding a shining glimmer like a man searching for an oasis and slipping through it. Vaguely aware of the sound of hooves behind him, Hatter felt the Checkerboard Taiga toss him back out in directly into the Kingdom of the Knights once more at its southern border, the rush of sensation nothing compared to the pounding in his head. Nothing seemed real, not the trees he passed nor the ruins he sometimes stumbled into. Whatever he did hear screeched into his head and joined the whirlwind there, playing on his senses so that he saw strange cats and rabbits pointing for him to go different ways, one a tiny white rabbit that held up a watch to him as he passed it. He laughed hysterically at that, shaking his head back and forth.
"Why's time always running...with nothing to catch it," Hatter muttered as he staggered through the paths, surrounded by ruins. His mind, the part of it that was holding out to complete and total insanity, knew. It knew that it had to get away from all of the madness, to rest and heal itself. The clarity lasted only paltry seconds before Hatter fell to his knees, clutching his head tightly in his hands. He gave a high pitched laugh that vibrated in his own ears. "Need a party...a tea party. Everyone's going to be late, no enough crumbs to last. Latest is Alice. Almost late. Still late, but then, I'm early."
Alice...
He tipped his head back and screamed then, the scream fading out as a strangled low yell while he raked at the back of his neck with his fingers. Alice. Memory of her frightened and distrusting face swam in his vision, the sight of her bruising arm a nightmare to him. His Alice, not the Alice he could never trust in the beginning, but his Alice. The one just hours before he had whispered his love for and shared a bitter memory of a family he sorely missed. The one he had hurt in his madness and lack of control. His Alice.
"Alice will never get the riddle. Off with her head, then right rip-roaring down a rabbit hole," a voice that sounded suspiciously like his own whispered in his mind. He whimpered again, wishing the voice away. Wishing for it to stop as he got to his feet and tried to walk.
When the voice began to repeat and echo in his mind, Hatter slammed his fists into a nearby ruin, the well made stone and marble crumbling and cracking at the blows as he tried to chase the voices from his head with pain. His knuckles bloodied quickly, his arms screaming with the agony of the blows. Yet the voices didn't stop and he pushed himself away from the ruin, collapsing to his knees when his world spun around him.
The snow was blowing harder now, tossing his hat from his head and sending a chill down his back while flakes of it rested on his hair. He stayed on his knees, his trousers gradually soaking through from the snow. Hatter tilted his head back after a moment, licking the snow from suddenly parched lips. Struggling to control his breathing, Hatter stood, swaying to where his hat had blown onto a ruin. He kept muttering as he walked, the sound of his own voice strangely calming. He spoke old riddles both with and without answers, lyrics to poems that were disjointed, anything he could to drown out the noise in his head.
"How cheerfully he seems to grin, how neatly spread his claws," Hatter recited, giving a half smile while he tripped along, the distance between himself and the hat seeming to grow even though he came close. "And welcome little fishes in, with gently smiling jaws!"
He laughed at the end of the rhyme, the sound making the pounding in his head pure agony. Every secret he kept, every ridiculous little thing he could recall... everything was threatening to spew forth and drive him down the final steps to a path he couldn't return from. Hatter's mind was struggling with the trap he had learned how to build as a boy, ensnaring him as easily as it had ensnared the Red King. The very struggle that his father and grandfather had suffered through and lost in the end.
"Do y'know why they call me Hatter?"
"Because you wear a hat?"
Hatter moaned at the memory of Alice's voice before his vision changed, letting him see his father holding up a tiny ring and a gold twisted sceptre. He locked them together as he turned the ring into one of the strange open ridges on the sceptre. "See, puppy? Easy as pie on a spit."
He pushed the memory away and grabbed at his hat, leaning on the ruined knight statue. When he leaned to take a shaky breath, he caught sight of a faint reflection on a slice of a broken mirror. Using the ruin to hold himself up, he grabbed the mirror and brought it close to his face, staring at himself. The smeared blood on his cheek, the snow and blood in his hair and even worse, the utterly mad darkness in his eyes. Darkness that had terrified Alice and the others.
Alice...
Whimpering as the agony continued, he looked away from his reflection and crushed the mirror in his right hand, barely feeling the burning slice it caused in his palm. He had hurt Alice, someone he had always tried so hard to gain his trust from, and yet he couldn't remember what he had said. What had he said to cause such tears? He couldn't remember and he should remember but his madness twisted his visions of Alice in his head. Hatter slammed his right fist into one of the large concrete ruins and barely registered the crumble of it. He repeated the action until his hand became bloody and he began to lose his strength, the pain in his hand nothing but a numbing sensation. Turning as fast as he could, he started to push himself off the ruin before his stomach did a plunge into his boots. The blood drained from his face as he realized a cutting truth about his descent into madness. He would hurt her again and again if he raced back to find her as he wanted to. What he may do was terrifying in this thoughts, the voices in his ears screaming for attention as his mind threatened to release its contents in a wave that would cripple him. He could...no, he would hurt her unless he could stop himself from this terrifying descent. He just didn't know how to stop this, that was the one thing he had never been taught. If he went back to her, he would hurt her...and under the madness he would never stand for it.
"I feared it might injure the brain; but, now that I'm perfectly sure I have none, why, I do it again and again," he recited unconsciously, grabbing at his head with his hands.
Hatter felt his desperation increasing to end the voices and visions in his head. They were swirling louder and louder, colours dancing in his vision permanently now and causing his eyes to dart back and forth. What could he do? He had no one to control him and he was strong, strong enough to cause permanent damage even if he ever stumbled upon someone who could help him. There was no one but him and he had to find a way. Had to.
"I can't hurt Alice," he whispered.
Ready to scream as the pressure in his head started to reach its brink, he slapped his palm against his cheek to distract himself. The dull pain lanced through his head, joining the pressure and he did it again and again. There was no end and he crumbled to his knees against another collapsed ruin of a wall. Staring at it blindly, he took in the smooth stone surface through his hazy eyes. The pressure and noise seemed to double in his mind and Hatter screamed, slamming his forehead hard into the ruin's edge with a loud crack. Blood and brilliant stars swam in his vision for a moment before he collapsed unconscious into the snow.
Author's Side/Longish Note: This chapter was strangely tricky for me to write. Poisoned Rook is a play on the term 'poisoned pawn' It is an unprotected pawn which, if captured, causes positional problems or material loss. I'll leave it to interpretation as to what I've meant for this chapter. It's open-ended.
Useless facts:I write to music myself, I soundtrack myself to keep myself in a mood for writing. Trivia wise and if anyone actually cares, this chapter was written to Why so Serious by Hans Zimmer (Dark Knight) and Freaks of Nature by John Ottoman (snow white: a tale of terror)
"I feared it might injure the brain; but, now that I'm perfectly sure I have none, why, I do it again and again" is from Alice in Wonderland Chapter 5: Advice from a Caterpillar"