Chapter 20: Man up
I throw another ball of clothing in the paper back, not bothering to wrap it up like clothing should be. I'm mad, and everyone knows it.
I can't believe it. My dad was willing to trade Michonne for peace. I've never seen Alexa so mad about anything, and I was mad too. The strangest thing was; we had just talked with Michonne ten minutes before Merle got his hands on her. My dad asked him out of all the people to do the job. That made Alexa even more angry. She hasn't talked to Ash ever since. Not because of his involvement, which was very little, but because he had kept things from her. She's also a little pissed at me for not telling her the things I knew.
I stand up from my bunker bed, and look around the cell for more things I need to pack. That thing with Michonne isn't the only thing I'm mad about; today, we expect an attack from the Governor, and Alexa and I have been preparing for that from the beginning. This morning, very early, my dad came to tell me that me, Hershel, Beth, Judith and Alexa will go away from the prison to hide in the woods. We have to hide in the bushes and watch how the prison burns.
At first, I couldn't think of anything to say. How could he do this to me?! I'd rather stay in the prison and die while I fight, then to watch all the others being killed. What will happen to us when the others die? I mean, it's just Hershel, Beth, Judy, Alexa and me. We'll never survive! Hershel only has one leg, Beth's the worst with a gun, Judith is still a baby, and Alexa is still injured. I'll be the only one who can protect them against an army of bastards.
I sigh to myself, and grab the bag from my bed. I turn around to leave, when something falls on the ground. Something fell from my bed. I glance over my shoulder, and get a near heart attack when I see it's the picture of my mom. And my dad and me. I picked that up from the local bar, when we did a raid for guns. I bend down to pick it up, and gently remove some of the dust. How could I forget this? If I leave this here, Judith will never know what her mom looked like.
I rub with my thumb over my mother's smiling face. She has her arms put around me and looks so happy. So does my dad. He still had his short hair back then. And no beard. It's been a very long time since I've seen the lower part of my dad's face. It's been hiding under his facial hair ever since he stopped shaving. After the farm.
I put the photograph in the bag, and spot another object that gets my attention. A badge. My dad's badge. 'King County Police Department'. Why do I still have this? It doesn't have any meaning around here. My dad stopped wearing his uniform a long time ago. He's not the man he used to be. No one around here is the person they used to be. Me neither.
I almost feel like leaving this stupid thing here. Right here, in this particular cell. I don't want to see it anymore. It's of no use to anyone.
But something's stopping me. Looking at the shiny, dirty, old thing, I just can't throw it away. It's like someone has control over my arm. Before I know it, the stupid badge is in my paper back. Along with a picture of the past. Great.
I finally exit my cell, with nerves in my lower belly. Today is the day. Everybody knows it.
Carol walks past me with a paper bag in her arms, carrying it outside. Food. Probably for us. Even Carol is staying at the prison. What is my dad thinking?!
I almost drag my feet over the ground as I walk outside. On the courtyard, everybody's loading stuff in the cars. I don't look at my dad as I pass him.
"Carl" he tries, grabbing my shoulder. I shake it off angrily. I don't want him patronizing me. I walk over to Beth, and hand her my bags. I don't look her in the eyes, but I can see her worried face from the corner of my eyes.
"I've never seen him this angry" I hear Glenn mumble towards my dad. "Not even with Lori."
I clench my hands to fist at that name. I'm standing right here, dude! I can HEAR you! Don't pretend I'm not here!
"He's just…shut down" Glenn continues. I hear my dad sigh.
"He's still just a kid. It's easy to forget that."
I bite on the inside of my lip, and open the door of the car. As I sit down, I grab my gun, just in case. Hershel's gonna drive us outta here pretty soon. I don't feel like saying goodbye to anyone. If I say goodbye, that means I won't see them again.
I look through the rear view mirror. Beth has picked up Judy, and takes her to see my father for one more time. My dad holds my baby sister gently, and kisses her on her tiny head. He says something to her. Like Judith can understand anything he says to her. How old is she, two months?
I also spot Alexa, with just a backpack over her shoulder. Her face is pale, and her eyes are surrounded my dark circles. She stands before Ash, who's telling her some stuff that almost causes her to cry. She tries very hard not to. She always tells herself not to cry, even though she's the biggest emotional wreck I know. Before Ash's finished, she puts her arms around his waist, and hides in his jacket. Ash softly ruffs her hair, something she hates. But Alexa doesn't care about that now.
I see Daryl and Carol coming from around her corner. Daryl has a red handkerchief in his hand full of oil. He's been working at his motorcycle again. Merle's motorcycle.
Carol puts a hand on her chest by the sight of Alexa and Ash hugging each other tightly. I see Alexa's shoulders shaking slightly. Ash lifts her up in the air like she weighs nothing, and Alexa rests her head on his shoulder. Her brown hair falls over her face. It looks like she never wants to let go. Ash is the only person she has in this world. And she acts like she is about to lose him.
Maybe she is. Maybe I'm about to lose people too. Who knows what will happen today. This whole plan is silly. We're all just gonna die here.
I see Hershel limping over to Ash, and tapping him on the shoulder.
"We have to go" his lips say. Ash nods, and tells it to Alexa. She says something to him, before slowly letting go. Ash smiles at her, and tries to flatten her hair. Alexa laughs nervously, drying her eyes.
"It'll be OK" I see Ash say to her. Alexa just smiles. I know that she doesn't believe that. At all. She knows this is the end of all of us. Hershel lays a hand on her shoulder, and points at the car. Alexa's eyes are big and watery, and she looks like a girl. A little, scared girl. I've never seen her like this. She always seemed so strong to me. Like she was never afraid. Ever. She had some issues with anger and other strong emotions, but never like this.
Hershel hops towards the car, and Alexa follows him slowly. Beth makes her way to the car with Judy in her arms. Hershel sits down behind the wheel, and puts one crutch between the gas and the break paddle, since he only has one foot. Beth sits down in the seat behind me, Alexa at the other end. Before she gets in, she looks over her shoulder to Ash. Ash has his hands in the pockets of his pants, with hurt over his face. Alexa puts a hand over her mouth, and quickly gets in. She can't take it anymore.
Hershel starts the engine. Daryl quickly runs towards the gate, and opens it for us. He nods at Hershel as we pass him. Even Hershel looks unsure of the situation. Judy hicks softly. She must've had breakfast not long ago. Alexa softly sniffs her nose, and Beth clears her throat every minute, as if she tries not to cry too.
While leaving the prison, we pass many walkers who are still around. The car is too fast for them to get a hold of it. It feels like we're in the wagons of a haunted house, where all the mechanic skeletons and monsters just so happened to not grab you.
We do not follow the road, but make a sharp turn into the woods. We cleared a path where the car just fits right through. Hershel parks it, and we all get out. Beth takes Judy to the safe spot, while Hershel, Alexa and me cover the car with branches and leafs. We leave all our stuff in the back of the car, except for our guns.
The safe spot we chose has a perfect view of the whole prison, and is also the ideal spot for a sniper attack. We can duck behind this huge fallen tree trunk if we have to, and aim just over the side of it. It's not too far away from the prison, but far enough from all the fighting. Or so my dad hopes.
We make ourselves as 'comfortable' as possible. We have no idea how long we have to stay here. How long we have to wait for the slaughter.
Hershel looks around the area, nervously. He's trying to find out if we were followed. If they maybe hid in the woods all along, and wait for the perfect opportunity to ambush us.
"I could climb up the tree" Alexa suddenly says. Hershel turns his head. "I could get a better view up there."
"If you insist" Hershel says, with a slight smile. Alexa stands up, almost excited. Like she's happy she can finally do something useful. She looks around, and chooses a tree with a couple of lower branches. Easy pick. I could do that too.
Alexa puts her foot on the first branch, and launches herself up. She grabs a higher branch, and pulls herself up with more strength than you would expect from her. Hershel lifts an eyebrow.
"Be careful" he says anxiously.
"Don't worry" Alexa assures him. "I used to do this all the time."
A little higher up, she dangerously balances on the edge. Then, without any warning, she jumps. Not down. Not up. To the other tree. The one next to the one with the lower branches. The one she climbed in first. The easy one. One I can climb too.
Hershel widens his eyes, and Beth gasps. Alexa doesn't notice, or ignores it. The second tree has more higher branches, and she keeps climbing, till we only see a the heel of her shoe.
"There are no cars around" Alexa tells us. We hear some breaking and leafs fall down as she moves.
"Anything close to us? Maybe a camp or something?" Hershel asks, keeping his voice down.
"No, nothing" Alexa answers from above. Then, we hear her gasp.
"What is it?" asks Beth anxiously.
"No way" we hear her say.
"What is it?!" I ask, jumping up with my gun in my hand.
"It's…them" Alexa says softly. We can barely hear her. "The Governor. They….they have…they have a rocket."
"What?" Hershel says.
"They have a truck. And army truck. With some kind of rocket. They're heading towards the prison…!"
"Shit!" I curse, kneeling down at the fallen tree trunk. "How the hell did they get a rocket"
Branches break and leafs fall down as Alexa comes back to the ground. "This is not good."
She kneels down next to me, eyes focused on the prison. "You think they're prepared for that?"
"Of course they are" Hershel answers for me, even though that's not what I was gonna say.
We watch as the truck loaded with people bursts through the fence. In the middle of the field, they launch the rocket. With a loud bang it hits one of the watchtowers. It explodes with a lot of flames and ashes. It keeps burning like a torch.
The people get off the truck, and more cars are arriving. More and more people go inside the prison. Into our cellblock.
"Oh, man" Alexa says, her voice trembling. I say nothing, and just keep watching. I keep hold of my gun the whole time. We hear loud gunshots coming from inside the prison. People shout and scream, and Alexa takes a deep breath. One of those screams could come from Ash. Or my dad. Glenn. Or Daryl. Maybe Maggie. Carol, perhaps. Michonne, could she be it?
The screaming and gunshots seem to last for hours. In reality, it probably takes up to ten minutes, before all the Woodbury-people come running back from the prison. They're being followed by a big herd of walkers. As they run up to the courtyard, they're being shot at by two snipers on the catwalk. People fall on the ground and don't stand up. Others run towards the cars, and drive off. Some manage to make it to the woods, followed by the walkers all around the place.
"They could come our way" I suddenly realize. I'm saying it out loud, and Hershel nods in agreement.
"Get ready."
Alexa widens her eyes, and somehow, they catch mine. I've been cold to everyone since I woke up this morning. Even the sight of her saying goodbye to Ash couldn't make a difference. But Alexa looking at me like this…
In a reflex, I take her hand in mine. "Stop it."
She looks confused at our hands, and back at my face. "What do you mean?"
"Stop being afraid" I say, squeezing her hand. "You want me to tell you that's it's gonna be OK, right? Well, I'm not going to. Because that is a lie. What I can tell you, is that we'll survive this. As long as you cut this crap. Man up, OK?"
Alexa blinks, progressing the words. Then she opens her mouth, and closes it. And then I see something I hadn't seen in a while; anger. I smirk.
"You just wait a minute!" Alexa starts with a loud voice, jumping up. "Who are you to say such things to me? Of course we're gonna survive! I don't need a depressed brat like you to tell me that!"
She then looks down at our hands, and quickly lets go, as if she's touched something dirty. I smile even more.
"That's what I wanted to hear" I mumble softly. Alexa turns her head.
"What did you say?!"
"Nothing. Just…get ready."
I see Hershel shake his head, like an old man does when he's surprised by nowadays youth.
The smirk on my face quickly disappears as we hear footsteps coming our way. We all look around, scared for a surprise. I hold up my gun in front of me.
"What are you doing?!" Alexa hisses. "Are you stupid? If you use a gun-"
"Shut up" I whisper calmly. "I've got a silencer, stupid."
"You're stupid" Alexa grumbles, and I grin slightly. She takes a few steps away from the fallen tree trunk. "It's coming from here."
I look at Hershel, before following her. Might as well use the element of surprise. Alexa's footsteps are unnoticeable, as she listens carefully to the quick footsteps. She hides behind a big rock, and we follow her as silent as possible.
"He's close" she whispers. She turns to me. "You shoot, OK?"
I nod, my finger already on the trigger.
"He's nearing" Alexa whispers again, sweat rolling down her forehead. "In three…two…one…Now."
The three of us stand up and hold up our guns. Before us stands a guy, a few years older than me, with a rifle in his hand.
"Wow!" he says, with a scared voice.
"Drop the weapon, son" Hershel says with a demanding voice. The guy widens his eyes, fear all over him. He suddenly looks me in the eyes, and I freeze. It's like he's caught me in some kind of web. I can't move.
He….He looks like me. He's just like me. There's something about him that makes me think of myself.
He has the will to fight. He wants to fight. He wants to protect people. He'll do anything to protect people he cares about. He's probably trying to convince his parents to let him come to the prison. To let him fight. They allowed him to destroy the prison and everybody in it. He'll protect his home. He'll protect Woodbury. He'll protect the people he loves. He'll do anything. He'll even kill. He's gonna kill us.
"OK, OK, I'll put it down" he says, lowering his rifle. He glances at Hershel, then back at me. He's surrendered.
The boy lays his rifle down on the ground, and I pull the trigger.