Tipping the Scales

by RandomJaz

Caught up in a tricky relationship with his on and off again ex boyfriend, Gary, Ash struggles to stay in check as his new roommate,Paul, initially exhibits some aggressive behaviors. Where do actions and reactions stand on the moral scale? What weight must intentions bare to be justified? PalletShipping, ComaShipping. Gary/Ash Paul/Ash Yaoi.

21. Chapter 21

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Super happy to have another chapter up for you all! I had such a nice time reading the feedback for the other updates. It's always a fun time hearing from you all. Without further ado...chapter 21!

xxxx

Maggie and Paul brought me to the Hospital entrance, ready to leave behind the night there. It was a bit past six in the morning, the early Summer sun out. Fresh air to breath in was just outside the doors. Paul stepped out first and Maggie walked alongside me, my arm in her aged fingers.

"Come along, Ash" she coaxed me.

I followed along obediently with her, stopping at the doors exiting the lobby. Paul pulled out his dex and called Alain to pull up to the entrance. After hanging up, he put the dex back in his pocket and leaned against the wall, keeping an eye out for Alain in the parking lot. A set of elevator doors opened and shut, dinging loudly. Maggie looked behind me, pulling me closer to her protectively. She was a petite, old woman and she guarded me so suddenly.

"This is how you're leaving me? Are you fucking kidding me?"

Gary had stepped out from the elevator, ring held between his fingers . He held it up, making sure I could see it. Paul leaned off the wall, taking a step forward with shoulders braced to fight. Maggie's other arm shot out to stop him. Her frail arm could have easily been shoved away but Paul stopped on a dime.

"You have no business with this boy" Maggie scolded Gary. "Now turn around and leave him be."

"I don't know who you are but mind your own business."

"This one is my business, you miserable child."

Paul's attention was averted to the parking lot where Alain's blue rover pulled up. My boyfriend told us we were leaving. Gary tried snatching my arm and I pulled away, nearly backing up in to Paul. Maggie held an ashy palm up in warning to Gary as she tugged me closer by the elbow before I barreled in to my boyfriend.. My boyfriend who seethed. Paul clenched his fist and I heard a knuckle pop in warning.

"Try and touch him again, I dare you."

Gary made no move to grab me. Paul stalked forward, towering over Gary with his large build. He was nearly twice as wide as he was, his shoulders burly and outsizing Gary's slender, boyish form. My ex boyfriend was proud and not one to show fear or backdown but he shrunk down to size under Paul's burning stare and massive size.

"He's mine you pretty boy, entitled, piece of shit." He growled, coming down to look his nose down at Gary how he'd done earlier and my whole life. "Go take care of your new mommy and leave him to me, over grown spoiled brat."

Paul's jaw was tense and he'd become the scary man I'd first met his as. That man made me feel safe now that I wasn't on the receiving end of his intimidation.

"Come near my boyfriend again and that face of yours won't do you any good anymore." Paul threatened him. " I fucking mean it, I'll beat the living shit out of you."

I'd seen Paul wrath before and it scared me then, but he was absolutely terrifying now in comparison. His voice sent a chill down my spine, Gary trembled. Paul was so close I'm sure Gary could smell the last cigarette he'd smoked still on his breath. Gary hated the smell of smoke, but he didn't dare grimace.

Paul backed off, leaving Gary to stand in shock. Maggie gave Gary a bittersweet sympathetic shake of her head, mourning for his misfortune.

" You've given my grandson enough grief to last a lifetime." Her bony finger pointed to his heart. "'ol Maggie sees right through you, and it's not a pretty sight. You leave him out of there."

She smacked his chest abruptly without any warning, leaving all of us stunned. But mostly Gary. He jostled from the shock induced frozen state Paul left him in.

"You'll find your peace" she promised him. "But he isn't it."

I was pulled along to the door as Paul held it open. Gary clenched the ring in his fingers, watching me be taken away. Maggie was quicker than Paul to get me away from him. My boyfriend offered Maggie the passenger seat but she refused, insisting he take it.

Maggie was the last to get in the car, ushering me in first. Gary came out of the E.R, and for the first time since we were children... he had tears in his eyes. He called out for me and I didn't see the man who'd torn my heart to pieces my whole life. I saw an angry, heartbroken child who's only friend was about to be dragged away from him.

The ring he once clenched in his fist angrily for being rejected, was now held so delicately. The way I'd held him once. Just once. Sunlight cast down over the water glossing his eyes, the tears shimmering along his vibrant green surface. The irises shiny and glittering like the precious stone of an emerald. Maggie stood with her hand on the car door and gave Gary a simple, bittersweet reassurance, seeing those heartbroken eyes.

"He was never meant to be yours"

She got in the car and shut the door. Paul told Alain to drive, holding off the urge to storm out of the car. We drove away from the hospital, Maggie holding my hand. Gary had no choice but to watch me go. In broad daylight, his world just got darker. I looked in his direction and Maggie grabbed my hand suddenly, getting my attention.

"Now boy, I think it's time we fetch your things." Maggie suggested, keeping me from looking out the window. "They won't do you any good if you don't have them."

"I don't want to go back there."

"You won't be alone. Believe me, you'll want your things."

I had enough clothes to get by, so long as I did laundry every week like clockwork. But it was tedious, no doubt. If I wasn't ever going home again, I may as well grab my things while Mom wasn't there. So with a cautious look to Alain, I raised the question silently.

Alain looked up at the rearview mirror and nodded.

"Where we headed?" He asked.

"Not too far from here...take a left up ahead for now."

Driving to my mother's house, Alain looked up at the rearview mirror again. He kept looking and I looked back at him, not understanding what he was doing. Shinx, that sat in Alain's lap as he drove, peered its head over the driver's seat. Maggie clicked her tongue and the Shinx leaped out of Alain's lap in to the backseat.

"Hello friend" Maggie praised the Shinx as it settled in to my lap. "How are you?"

Shinx purred and snuggled up to me, pressing its head on my hands for me to pet it. Alain kept driving, Shinx's purring filling the car. I picked the Shinx up in to my chest and scratched his head, his purring getting louder. At that, Alain raised a brow.

"Ash is taken, Shinx" he advised the affectionate Pokémon. "Paul, you better keep an eye out. "

"I'm not worried about it." Paul dismissed the joke, still cooling off.

Maggie reached out and rubbed the small cat Pokémon's fur as I scratched him and Shinx started wiggling and pawing my cheeks happily. Alain looked at his Shinx through the rearview mirror, smiling amused. His Shinx was never that jubilant... Reggie's was.

"Silly cat" he mumbled.

"This one is lonely" Maggie observed, putting both her hands on the Shinx's face to rub it's cheeks. "Poor baby."

"Shinx and I make do. "

Taking Shinx, I held him and set him down on the clutch between Paul and Alain. Shinx turned around to stare at me, sitting there where I left him. Alain reached over and rubbed the Shinx's back, continuing the drive. Paul glanced at me, seeing what I did. I got a sidelong look and he went back to staring out the window.

The house didn't look any different from the last time I'd seen it. However, I didn't want to go in. It felt foreboding and unwelcoming... had it always felt quite that dark? Alain brought the car to a stop by the fence and put it in park.

"The trunk is empty. So feel free to grab whatever will fit there and in your lap."

"Thanks, Alain."

"No problem."

I wasn't eager to get out of the car, Paul and Maggie got out first. When I heard her door open I looked back to ask why she was getting out, then my door was being opened by Paul. He reached in and offered me his hand as Maggie came around the car.

"Come on" Paul encouraged me, nodding his head towards the house. "Let's get this over with."

There was a key hidden in the garden around back, one mom kept for emergencies. It wasn't there when I went over to get it. I looked around and Paul called over to me, asking if I'd found it. At a loss, all I could presume was that Oak had the key. Mr. Mime probably guided him to it.

"The key is gone" I answered my boyfriend, rubbing my face is aggravation. "Maybe Mr. Mime will open the door for me."

Coming back to the front door, I rang the doorbell. Mr. Mime came running over to the window, looking out past the curtains. He was alarmed to see me and shook his head rapidly, signaling me not to come in.

"I need to come in" I told him.

"Mr. Mime, Mime!" He insisted, of no use to me. "Mime, Mime!"

I pleaded with him to let me in and he wouldn't budge. With urgency, Mr. Mime shut the curtain and scampered away. Paul glared at the retreating Pokémon.

"There must be another way in, surely." Maggie pondered, looking up at the second floor. "What do you think?"

"We could break a window" Paul suggested.

"Now don't go taking out your grudge on the house, Paulie."

Paul breathed in heavily, signaling that Maggie had hit the nail right on the head. She gave my boyfriend a good hard look and Paul relented. Apparently he had another idea, a less violent one, one which so happened to be the tree in back of the house. The one right below my window.

"Your friend, Richie, may have been on to something." He mentioned as we came around the back of the house, Maggie staying in front of the house to wait for me to come around and open the door.

When it came to climbing the tree, Paul offered to do it but I insisted I could. He stood at the base, wearily letting me go. I grabbed hold of the trunk and dug my sneaker in the bark, pulling myself up. I felt a hand on my ass and I casually glanced over. Paul was holding me up, unwilling to let go.

"Really?"

"You're making me nervous"

"I can climb a tree, Paul"

Still, Paul kept his hand on me until I made it out of his reach and up to the first branch. I pulled myself up and sat on the branch, balancing myself. Standing alert, Paul didn't take his eyes off me for a second.

"Get away from there!" I warned him, seeing him right below me. "If I fall I'm landing on you."

"If you fall I'm catching you. I ain't going anywhere." He huffed, anxiously watching me climb again. "Focus on what you're doing. Don't worry about me. "

When I made it to my window, I leaned over to lift it and my hand slipped for a brief moment. I caught myself on the window ledge and heard Paul swear under his breath, the stumble startling him. With the window open I threw myself in, pulling myself down to the floor.

"That wasn't too horrible...Richie made it look easy." I mumbled outload. "Holy crap."

Once in my room I stood up. I adjusted my hat and looked around for a second. I had a suitcase somewhere, that would be a good place to start. Before going to get it though, I heard the tree branch rustle and my boyfriend was climbing in through my bedroom window. Way faster than I had done it, at that. Hardly any time at all.

"You couldn't wait for me to go downstairs and open the door?"

"Who said I was going to wait?"

He climbed up just seconds after I'd made it in and although surprised, I wasn't really. My boyfriend was huge, of course a few branches were nothing but a set of pull ups to him. He stretched his arms back and forth and then jabbed his thumb towards my bedroom door, reminding me we had to go get Maggie. I had been distracted watching his sweatshirt sleeves tightened around his biceps as he stretched his arms back. That sweatshirt wasn't loose on him how it was probably supposed to be.

After being brought back from my minor ogle, down the stairs we went. We caught Mr. Mime off guard. He jumped, startled, running to the kitchen entrance. He held his arms out, making it clear for me to stay out. He didn't want me to see the chaos my Mom had caused. He had no problem with Paul and I there once inside, so long as we headed his warning to stay away from the kitchen.

Paul went and let Maggie in. She waltzed in, holding the hem of her long skirt up as she took the step inside the house. She looked at Mr. Mime and they shared a look before Maggie waved me away to go get my things. Back in my bedroom, I'd pulled out an empty suitcase. Paul close behind, he looked down at me as I got in my hands and knees to get it from under the bed. When I got it on the bed, he went to my dresser to help me gather my things.

"If you don't mind me asking, why do you have a suitcase? From what I've gathered, you haven't left Pallet until recently" My boyfriend asked, helping me by pulling out drawers of clothes I had in my dresser. "You didn't even take it with you to Sinnoh, you had some duffle bags. That was it. "

"...when I left for Sinnoh I originally meant it to be temporary, Paul ... This suitcase isn't mine, either. Technically."

"Technically?"

Xxxxxx

"Daddy, what are you doing?"

Coming in to my room one afternoon while my mother was gardening, Dad rolled in an empty suitcase. He shut my door quietly and crouched down on the floor, sliding the large empty suitcase under my bed. I looked up from my game controller, seeing as he laid my bed skirt down again.

"I'm just keeping something important in here, not a word to your mother about this."

"Why is the suitcase under my bed?"

"Because Daddy needs a place to hide it. Our little secret, Ash."

Shrugging, I agreed. Dad came over and sat next to me as I resumed playing. The game's buttons clicked as I pressed them, the hard plastic held tightly in my hands with my concentration. My father watched me play before pressing a kiss to my head. He told me he loved me, and got up. Reminding me to keep the suitcase a secret, he smiled proudly when I promised again that I would. He told me you'd never know when you needed one. As a kid, I never stopped to think why he'd have to hide a suitcase from Mom, but that became clear later on.

Only when he'd left, that suitcase was still under my bed.

Xxxxxx

"Dad hid this in here a few days before he left... but he didn't take it with him."

Arranging my folded pants to lay neatly in the suitcase, I made sure to utilize as much space as possible. Paul stood right next to me, patient as I packed everything. I told him the story behind the suitcase and he looked at it with some sort of understanding.

"The suitcase was for you all along"

"Seems like it." I agreed, grimacing as I pressed clothes down in to my suitcase. "Sometimes I wish he had taken me with him instead though."

"Some things aren't meant to be."

That wasn't the most encouraging thing to say in such context but Paul meant well. He knew exactly how it sounded, but I knew him well enough to know the truth hurt and he wasn't going to sugarcoat it for my sake or anyone's. That was Paul's way. Anyone else may have been pissed, but I wasn't. I knew what his intent was, he wasn't being insensitive. He was being honest.

I went quiet from it though, Paul broke the silence. He asked what else I wanted to take and I gestured to the game system. He went to unplug it and wrap it up as I began scanning my bookshelf. I pulled out the old trainer guide I'd gotten as a kid, and an old story book my Dad used to read me. For sentimental purposes, it got packed. Paul placed the game system over it, asking if there was anything else.

"I have everything I want" I told him, looking around to make sure. "Everything else in here can stay."

I zipped up the suitcase and lugged it off my bed. Paul took it, setting it to stand on the wheels. I gave my room another look over and he came down to my level, kissing me. His tongue slipped inside my mouth and he pulled away soon after.

"This isn't your home anymore. Let's go."

He rolled my suitcase, pressing on my lower back to guide me away from the room. I didn't want to be in there anymore anyways. Paul shut the door behind us and nodded for me to go down the steps. Downstairs, Maggie was nowhere to be seen. And neither was Mr. Mime . The Pokemon was no longer guarding the Kitchen and I slowly crept in to peer inside the kitchen.

"Maggie?"

Inside the Kitchen was a mess just as Professor Oak had said. In complete ruins. Maggie stood in the middle of the floor, looking over it with her back turned to Paul and I. We took in the scene and Maggie's voice spoke up morosely.

"This house is very dark. Enough to drain anyone. I told Aaron that years ago... this house, it polluted him. Polluted his senses. "

Maggie turned around and came towards me. She looked at me with her steely gray eyes and clucked her tongue, drawing me in for a hug. I hugged her back unsurely. The wrinkles on her face crinkled as she tried to muster a smile, but a crestfallen shake of her head emerged instead.

" This place has nothing left for you. Come along Ash."

On the way out, we passed the wall of photos my mother had up. Once when I was still young, there had been her wedding picture and a family photo. Those were both gone, I remembered her smashing them. One photo that was left amongst the remaining frames was a picture of Gary and I, the same picture Oak had in his study. Mom had it as the focus of the wall.

The picture of seventeen year old Gary and I smiling was taken by my mother. She was over the moon that day, having found out Gary had taken our friendship a step further. He was my boyfriend and she'd immediately went and got the camera. She'd never been so happy for me, ever. I was praised that day. All over someone else claiming me as thiers...someone she liked.

That happiness was all about her.

I hated that picture now. Walking up to it I ripped the picture frame right off the wall by the nail. Paul almost questioned me, but Maggie put her hand on him. They both watched as I threw the picture on the floor, the glass cracking along Gary and I's faces. With a swift stomp, the glass crunched under my sneaker. A hard, satisfying crunch as I crushed the cracked glass under my sole.

"I'm ready now" I announced, leaving the mess right where it was. "Let's go."

Xxxxx

"Welcome, come in. Make yourselves comfortable."

Maggie lived in a small apartment close to the diner, the diner which she had left for the other employees to handle until noon. She insisted we come visit, Alain included. There were things she wanted to talk about with me. Her home smelled of sandalwood and smoked herbs. Dream catchers and blown glass orbs hung by the windows. The sunlight hit the glass orbs of various assorted colors, shining as they absorbed the light.

I stared at the fascinating décor, taking a seat on an old gray couch. Paul sat next to me and Alain held Shinx in his arms, sitting off in a recliner. We were all fascinated with the old woman's home, looking around as Maggie was off somewhere. Something dark came in towards me, coming down so quickly I shrieked. A Murkrow swooped in and fluttered it's wings frantically in my face as I screamed in fear, backing in to Paul. The bird Pokemon gave a loud squawk in fear back, but it landed on my knee perching there.

"Now what's all the commotion, Sonny?"

When Maggie came back, she had a platter of assorted muffins. She saw that Murkrow was perched on my lap, staring at me as Paul, Alain and I stared back at it. Maggie grabbed a cane off a nearby wall and came in close behind the Pokémon, bracing as if she would swing at it.

"What are you going to do with that?" I asked, fearfully.

She chuckled and then calmly bopped the Murkrow on the head, hardly with any force. It turned its head and flapped it's wings, laughing with Maggie. All of us looked at her like she was crazy. The Murkrow hopped on to the cane and she relocated him to sit on an actual bird perch nearby.

"Silly bird. We have fun here." She explained, tapping the cane to his beak. "Heh heh. Play nice you."

"Murkrow!"

The muffins were set out and she hurried away to come back with orange juice and fresh brewed coffee right after. As Maggie set the coffee table, Murkrow began creeping off to the very edge of his perch, pecking at one of the shiny, glass orbs by the window. This time when Maggie picked up the cane, she actually whacked him good. The bird squawked and resumed its place on the perch. She waggled a finger at it, giving it the stink eye.

"Oh I see you, yes I do!" She scolded. "You leave those alone, mister. You know better."

Murkrow looked his beak down, eyes up at Maggie sheepishly. She tsk'ed her tongue at him and encouraged us to eat. They were just muffins but we were all thankful, food was food and it had been a long night.

Amongst the muffins were multiple banana, coffee cake and blueberry. I took a banana one and I wasn't surprised at all when Paul took the coffee cake. I smiled, remembering the photo Reggie showed me. Paul asked what my deal was and I brushed it off. Alain took a blueberry muffin, thanking her because they were his favorite.

"Oh I aim to please" she assured us, watching me in particular as I took a bite. "Banana is still your favorite muffin, hm?"

"I love banana muffins."

"Don't I know it. Your father said you always waited for him to come home with them."

I remembered the banana muffins my dad used to bring me as a little kid. I even vaguely remembered eating them as a toddler. Maggie chuckled, pouring herself some coffee.

"I was the one who sent them for you, ya know. Not that Aaron could tell your mother that, heavens she would have pitched a fit. You'd think I was trying to poison you, she was so paranoid. Curse that woman."

I swallowed the bite I'd taken, pausing awkwardly. Maggie said there lots to tell me and I was a bit antsy for her to get to it. Shinx jumped down from Alain's lap and came sniffing over, attention on my muffin. With big eyes Shinx pulled on my heart strings and I broke a piece off the muffin top. It ate the bite from my fingers and waved its tail back and forth. Alain wasn't mad but he called the Shinx's attention.

"If you wanted some I would have shared"

"Perhaps he doesn't care for blueberry" Maggie suggested, seeing as Shinx kept its eyes on my muffin hungrily. "Mine didn't."

"You have a Shinx?"

"Haven't had one in many a years."

Whistling, Maggie called for something. Around the corner came an old Luxray. She prowled in, her large shoulders shifting with each step. Maggie rubbed the feline's lavish black mane. The Luxray's attention was fixed on the Shinx though.

She stalked over, stopping to stare at me. She then sniffed Shinx and picked him up by the scruff of his neck with her mouth, toting him a few feet away. Lying down on the carpet, she began licking the Shinx's head. She cleaned and groomed him, Shinx sitting obediently.

"...is that normal?" Alain asked. "For her to just groom him?"

"Your mother never give you a bath?"

Alain didn't understand the question. We were all a little puzzled. As Shinx purred with the Luxray's tongue dragging over its ears, Alain blinked three times then looked at Maggie. She smirked and shook her head in good humor.

"Don't remember me, do ye?" she asked. "You were just a teenage youngin'. I'm not surprised."

Alain still looked at Maggie, trying to piece together something inside his head. He was so focused, like the information he was seeking was right at the front of his brain. It hit me he had been looking at Maggie in the car, not me.

"...you look familiar." He admitted slowly, still not there yet when recognition came over his features. "Oh you're the woman who gave me the egg!"

"And it hatched nicely I see. A shame only to see one though."

"...you knew there were two?"

"Yes, and you'd do best to return this one to its other half. These two weren't meant to be separated."

The look of surprise on Alain's face shifted to discontent. He didn't glower at Maggie, but looked at his Shinx sadly. Maggie hummed in her throat, following his line of sight. Returning her eyes to him, she offered a knowing grin.

"I never said you had to give him back" she added. "But it would do you both well to return him to the other. Surely I've made myself clear."

Alain couldn't meet Maggie's eyes and she left him be. He excused himself to step outside and I watched after him worriedly. Paul saw as I almost called out to him but stopped me with a hand on my shoulder. He pulled me in closer to him and gave me a reassuring pat over my shirt.

"Let him go" he told me. "He's fine."

"Indeed, he'll be just fine." Maggie promised, then pointed at me. "You and I have something we need to discuss."

The moment of truth arrived and I almost felt sick. The woman before me was my grandmother and had some explaining to do, but I didn't know if I was ready. Maggie saw my uneasiness, happy with Paul when he made sure to keep a comforting hand on me.

"Your father... he was a spiritual leader back where we come from. Before you were born. That professor of yours sought him out for research with his son and I don't know what Aaron was thinking when he agreed..." She explained, not pleased with the previous actions of her son. "But the man went and fell in love, staying in Pallet. Instead of taking you when he left, he took his regrets. I told him not to marry that woman, nothing good ever came of her. Except you, of course."

On a bookshelf behind the chair she sat on, Maggie plucked a book off without even looking. She flipped open the cover and turned to a page, showing me a picture of her holding me as a baby. I had long, silky full head of black hair. In my grandmother's arms I smiled, contently sucking on a pacifier.

"Your mother wasn't home, those were the only times I got to hold you as a baby. Your father took the picture, he was so proud. So was I."

Taking the photo album from her, I looked at a younger version of Maggie holding me. She was so happy to be a grandparent, cradling me like she didn't want to let go. But years later... someone ripped me away from her. I couldn't remember Maggie's face as a child, now I knew why. Fighting the growing lump in my throat, I cleared it.

"I never saw you again after Dad left."

"Maybe not in person. I never left you."

"What do you mean?"

Standing up, Maggie came over and turned a few pages in the album before stopping at a picture of a Pikachu... my Pikachu. He was aggravated as a baby version of myself had his ear in my mouth.

"That Pikachu of yours was mine. That professor is a fine man, I pleaded he give you the Pikachu when you came of age and not tell Delia anything of the matter. He did as I said."

"...you had him give me Pikachu? He told me there were no more starter Pokémon."

"Well he had to lie, I'm sure just like any other child you had your heart set on a starter."

Remembering my first time with Pikachu, I could hardly believe he and I got along now. He hated me at first, wouldn't listen to me. On top of that he would laugh at my mistakes, along with whatever simply got on my nerves. Looking at the picture of me teething on his ear, I now understood his grudge.

"This probably explains why Pikachu hated me so much at first..." I mumbled. "I chomped on his ear."

Maggie got a chuckle out of that and Paul leaned over to see the picture better.

"He was probably pissed" he commented, giving me a look. "You teethed on him."

"I was a baby!" I defended, defensive from the teasing. "I didn't know any better..."

"You were cute. Still are."

I turned red at the sudden compliment and Paul put his arm around me. Maggie chortled endearingly and pecked me on the cheek in a motherly way. According to her she never kept Pikachu in a Pokeball, so when it came time to store him away for me he hated the whole ordeal. I laughed but my face was still warm and she found it funny, warning Paul to take it easy on me. Another page was turned and I wasn't ready to see my father's face, although I didn't recognize the clothes he had on.

"What's Dad wearing?"

Dad was dressed in a black cloak and large black fedora with an extended rim. Growing up I had never seen him wear that. He wore regular clothes with the hat I currently owned. Maggie explained he ceased wearing the traditional garb as request of my mother whom became bothered by the prying eyes and gossip from locals.

"Your father and I, we aren't from here. I never gave a damn what locals thought of me, but he gave Delia whatever she wanted. But she was never happy"

"She always complained he was a selfish nobody..."

"Your father was someone very important. Your mother just didn't see it. She saw money. He had more to offer than material possessions. "

The picture of her son left a small grimace on her face, she sighed. She missed him, wherever he was. That raised a question that stalked me since childhood. Where was he? Raising my eyes to Maggie, I was going to finally ask... but the words wouldn't come out. I was scared to know, I just never realized. Where had he gone that he couldn't take me with him?

"He returned home. He left my information at the hospital that day your mother was admitted, knowing Delia wouldn't be leaving. I came and got you but you hardly remember, do you? A shame your mother did what she did. I would have gladly kept you but she wouldn't give you up."

"She hates me, why bother keeping me?" I argued, annoyed with what Mom did. "If you hate someone so much why keep them?"

"She doesn't know how to let go of hate and she never will, boy. You look just like Aaron, she needed something. Your father should have taken you with him but that crazy woman always threatened to take him to court if he ever tried leaving with you, so he left on his own."

Resentment was never a feeling that consumed me when thinking of Dad but to ignore the inklings of it would have been pointless. I missed him so much but he didn't try to save me. He left me a suitcase to run away on my own but what good did that do me as a kid? Fifteen years later I left and somewhere in the world he was living peacefully without my mother the whole time.

"He left me alone"

There was no reassurance. Maggie didn't correct me. I looked away and Maggie came in closer. She took the album away and held both my hands in hers. She asked me to look at her and I did. She had the same steely gray eyes Dad did, it hurt to look at them now.

"You aren't alone anymore" she assured me, her eyes drifting to Paul. " You two have found each other again."

"...again? I just met Paul this year."

"You're going to have to think a little farther back than that, Ash."

Xxxxxx

"Come along, Ash"

In the hospital my grandmother toted me along the hallway. I was placed to sit on a chair not far from a nurse's station. My grandmother, she spoke with one of the staff. I sat, my small legs hanging over the edge of the chair, feet not touching the floor. Staring at the floor glumly I wondered what would happen to my mother... and where had Daddy gone.

The chair next to me creaked as someone else sat down. A tall young man with long purple hair stood by as a boy sat next to me. The boy didn't look much older than me, but he was bigger. He held an icepack to the top of his head, eyes tired and pained.

"Stay here, I'll be right over there. " the teenager told the kid. "Keep the ice on your head, we'll go home soon. I promise."

Left alone with the boy, I looked over at him. He held the icepack to his head just like he was told, looking straight ahead with a scowl forming on his face. He must have been in pain because the ice pack was pretty big, taking up his whole scalp.

"Did you fall?" I asked him.

"No"

Eyes turning to me, the boy looked away. He looked sort of mad as he glowered at the wall subtly, something taking up his thoughts. Being innocently curious, I asked what was wrong.

"My head hurts" he grumbled.

"Why?"

The purple haired boy gave me a sharp leer, annoyed with my question. He answered though.

"Mama hit me...she hit me really hard."

"That's not very nice..."

"My mama isn't nice."

I could see he was in pain but the fact that his mother had hit him struck me as crazy. My mother never hit me before. I felt bad for the kid. I felt bad for him because how awful must it have been to be hurt by your mother? I had yet to know.

"Do you want a hug?" I offered him

He didn't answer me but he avoided my eyes. He didn't want to answer me. I came in and hugged him around the shoulders. He flinched at first but didn't shake me off, sitting there letting me hug him. No attempt was made to reciprocate the hug as he kept the ice pack on his head. We sat there like that and my grandmother came back with a smile on her face.

"What's your new friend's name?" she asked me.

"I don't know..." I answered her dumbly, then perked my head up to ask. " Hey, what's your name?"

The purple haired boy looked me in the eye and then at my grandmother who stood by attentively. Deciding to answer me, he looked at the floor.

"My name is Paul..."

"Paulie boy, I'm afraid we have to go now. But head up you, no good ever come from moping like that." she told him. "Got a strong head on your shoulders. Some ice now and you'll be fine."

The boy gave her a nod of the head, frowning. My grandmother carefully pulled up the corner of the ice pack to get a peek at his head and her eyes widened. I saw the swelling too and doing what my mother did when I got boo boos before, I pecked his forehead. He turned pink and my grandmother chortled.

"It's time to go, Ash."

"But Paul will be sitting all alone..." I argued, then obeying my grandmother sadly when she gave me a stern look. "Okay... bye, Paul."

"Paul will be okay. Maybe you'll see him again one day."

Walking away hand in hand with my grandmother, I saw her give the child one look. I followed it and saw him watching after us. Watching after me. I waved goodbye and he waved back before getting up and following as someone called for him.

"Coming Reggie..."

Xxxxx

Awestruck, I turned sharply to look at my boyfriend. I expected him to be just as surprised as I was that we'd met before, but he wasn't. I assumed he didn't remember but he did, proving it when he kissed the spot on my forehead right on my hairline. The same place I'd kissed him.

"Did you know the whole time, Paul?"

"I did. I recognized you the second we crossed paths again. I recognized Maggie too. "

Still amazed, I stared at him. What I thought of was the tall, stalky man with a horrible attitude who roomed with me. Always mad about something, taking cracks at my sexuality when I hadn't even told him I was attracted to males. I remembered despising living with a homophobe and doing all I could to avoid setting him off at first.

I walked on egg shells for months with him, which felt like it made him angrier some days. He never spoke to me much, not until I yelled at him. Then all he wanted was to talk it seemed, then getting aggravated when I avoided him. I didn't think it made sense, I was confused. Paul had explaining to do too.

He was very nonchalant about it, but not covering up the underlying shame mingled in his actions.

"You didn't remember me, I wasn't too happy about it. Months went by and you still didn't show any sign of knowing who I was. Made me feel kind of stupid for thinking you would, we were just kids...felt more stupid for being so fixated on it... wanting you to remember me. "

"That doesn't explain the homophobia though. You were pretty nasty about it."

"That was more a personal issue on my end. "

Since Reggie was gay and Paul grew up with him so open about it, I didn't understand how Paul became homophobic. He loved his brother, surely he didn't hate him for being gay? Alain told me my boyfriend didn't want to admit he was gay for years. I didn't understand at all how he became homophobic. He loved his brother... loved me.

"Your brother is gay though...?"

"And he made it seem so complicated."

The way Paul put it, as much as Reggie loved Alain while he was growing up, their relationship often left him more stressed than jubilant some days. The two were five years apart, and at the time being sixteen and twenty one was a fair age gap mentality wise. Especially for them because Reggie was a calm, homebound person and Alain was all over the place with his band.

When Alain started dabbling in smoking, later building up to drugs when Paul was a teenager, Reggie had lost some of his spirit. Once happy to just see Alain, he was now kept at a distance until he felt there was no choice but to kick him out for the safety of his younger brother.

"Reggie's relationship with Alain was a roller coaster and I always thought that's what relationships were. A big ride that came to an end just like everything eventually has to." He lamented. "Kids at school were scared of me, no one talked to me growing up but people were always quick to throw around I had a 'faggot brother-mother'. People are ridiculous, I wanted nothing to do with any of it."

With his small confession, Paul's jaw became heavy. He looked at me and the tension eased only a bit.

"I thought I wanted nothing to do with it, then you came back along. You still had those big innocent brown eyes you did when we met and I was pissed at myself for falling so quickly. You were meek and spineless, which I had no desire for, but I still wanted you... then you stood up to me and I saw the real problem. You weren't weak, you were being crushed."

Paul saw something in me that I hadn't wanted anyone to see. But he could dig up people's demons, I'd already learned that before. I was still grateful he dug me up, so grateful. That day he did it, he saw me differently. I wasn't just a weak, spineless person he resented himself for lusting after, I was a victim like he had been. A victim to a horrible mother, and additionally an awful relationship. Both of which were all I ever knew. Unlike Paul, I didn't have a Reggie. Not then.

"It was easier to get past the hang ups when you let me in, I have no regrets. I'm glad I got over myself and went for it." He confessed to me, then smirked " You grew up to be a tempting piece of ass too."

"Paul! My grandmother is right there!"

"She's my boss and she's heard me say worse."

Maggie agreed and she winked at me.

"I know more than you think I do." She reminded me. "Your aura reveals all."

"I've never been one to believe in all that sort of stuff."
"You have your mother to thank for that. There's a reason she kept you from me."

Her gray eyes became glossy and she went on, holding my cheeks tenderly. Her aged fingers ran over my cheekbones and she held my face firmly.

"But she can't keep you from me anymore, Sonny."

Xxxxx

Alain left with Paul and I, not talking in the car. He had come in to the apartment and picked up Shinx, his mother letting him go. The Murkrow bit his earlobe as he stood up, interested in his shiny ear ring. Maggie bopped the Murkrow and we left, Maggie telling Paul he was off for the day.

Back the house, Paul lugged my suitcase up the stairs. The visit with Maggie didn't go bad, but the information I learned was a lot to take in. Being it followed my mother's episode, I was mentally exhausted. It was almost noon by the time we'd come back from Pallet and Maggie's but I had every intention of taking a nap.

As Paul put my suitcase down by the closet, I started getting undressed. I stripped down to my underwear. He looked and as expected, he touched. I resisted tiredly as he kissed the back of my neck, his hands rested on my stomach, roaming.

"Look. Don't touch" I scolded him.

"Why not both?" he challenged.

"Because I'm tired."

He let me go and I got in to bed. My boyfriend undressed himself too and got in behind me after shutting off the lights, the shades and curtains still shut from when we'd gone to bed before. I backed up in to his chest, signaling I wanted to be held. My boyfriend obliged. My ass was pressed in to his crotch in the process of getting spooned.

"Watch where you're shoving that" he warned, wrapping his arm around me. "If you press it in to me, it's fair game."

"Pretty sure that's not how it works."

"If it hadn't been such a long day on you that's exactly how it would work."

Rolling over in Paul's arms, I came in to cuddle his chest. He kept his arm around me and I rested my cheek on him. He didn't make an attempt at initiating any activities. He held me close to him and pulled the blanket over my shoulders. Being tired didn't make me fall asleep how I would have liked to but being awake wasn't a nuisance because I was being held.

My life which had once felt like an nuisance wasn't so bad because I was being held.

Thinking over the events of the day, I felt so relieved. The severity of what had taken place was overwhelming though. When it sunk in, I felt like someone had torn a huge, calcified chunk of tumor from my chest. A big gaping hole in my heart with no stitches to close the wound back up. Cracking my eyes open, I stared at Paul's chest in front of my face.

" I never have to go back..."

I made the full realization out loud. Paul kissed my head and rubbed my back, agreeing with me.

"That's right. You're stuck with me now. Just like you wanted" he reminded me. "No one's taking you away from me."

I teared up at that. It may have sounded cheesy but I sincerely wanted nothing more than to be with Paul without drama. I cut ties with my hometown and now I had Paul, no strings attached to my limbs, making me dance like a puppet. Paul felt the wetness from my eyes hit his skin and he stroked my hair, shushing me.

"It's over. They can't hurt you anymore. I promised you I wouldn't let you slip away to him and I kept my promise." He said, keeping his gruff voice mellow to soothe me. "I need you to promise me something, now."

"What is it?"

"Promise me those are tears of joy."

He was being serious. I wiped at my eye and promised him. He looked relieved, content even. He put his mouth on mine and kissed me chastely. He cradled the back of my head with one hand and kissed me again, feeling tears trickle down my cheek bones. They were wiped away with his thumb.

I cried again that day, and Paul let me. I'd earned it. It still hurt but the relief that came with it outweighed it so much more. No more Mom, no more Gary. It was a fresh start, a new day and I could fall asleep lighter than I ever had before.

More importantly, I could fall asleep a free man.