Day 21: Home

BPOV

In one way, we were ready to go home. Ready to pretend the vacation was over and therefore every complicated thing it brought us.

But in most ways, we were oh so reluctant. So not ready to forget about all the beautiful things it brought us.

Even some complicated things were beautiful. I know I should want this crush to be over with, so that nothing can come in between me and my best friend. But if I had to be completely honest, I loved being in love with him.

I trust him, he won't hurt me. I know he doesn't love me back the same way, so that doesn't break my heart. I just cherish the butterflies in my stomach, I forgot how giddy they make me feel.

I love how my heart flutters whenever he holds my hand, even if it's just to lead the way. How I can lose myself in hearing his voice, so he has to repeat because I didn't get a word.

I remembered something he told me at the beginning of this vacation. That he was lonely and longed for this lovesick feeling. I didn't really understand it then, but I do now. I was reluctant to lose it again, to leave it on the camper.

We took a long break by Lake Quinault, about an hour and a half away from home. We had our last forest picnic and lay down in the grass by the lake.

We played a little game, well, it wasn't really a game, but it was something fun to do. I had one ear plug from my iPod in, and listened to the song that was playing. I mouthed the words, which I knew by heart, without a sound, and he had to recognize the song by watching my lips. When he did, he softly sang along while I kept mouthing the words.

It was an intimate moment, and for me, it might have lasted an eternity. I would cherish this memory and all the songs that were played today.

When the air began to get chillier, we got back in the camper, not wanting to be driving when all hell breaks loose, or at least be closer to home.

We were relaxed, there was no awkward tension, and I was glad we had our conversation yesterday. It didn't end exactly as planned, but who am I to protest?

We were both using each other for different purposes, but as long we were both honest about it, I didn't really see the problem. I understood however, that we couldn't keep it up, so either the crush would have to go, or the benefits would.

I wanted both. Edward wanted the benefits. So I would try my bestest to lose the crush and hope that the butterflies would soon turn up again for someone else.

Well, maybe not too soon, because I would leave Forks after summer.

Did I just think that?

Guess I did. Yeah, that's right. I'm going to college!

"Hey, what are you smiling about, Swan?"

"Stanford," I smirked.

"I knew you'd come around," he said, shoving me a little with his elbow. He sounded really pleased, so even now, knowing what he knows, he still wants me to come.

"Stop shoving me, Cullen, god, this vacation is so over," I said, playfully, and I added a wink, but I didn't know if he was looking.

"I know, right!" he exclaimed, and when at that precise moment, the skies opened up, we both laughed out loud.

"Oh shit, that's a welcome home, great, all vacation feelings just washed away."

"I can't even remember what sunshine feels like."

We kept laughing until we got home and when he parked in front of his house and turned off the engine, we both fell silent.

We agreed to each have dinner at our respective homes and spend the night apart, even though we might convince our parents that we were allowed to sleep together.

"I'm going to miss you, Swan."

"Me too, Cullen."

"Can I maybe call you tonight?" he asked, in a soft voice "Or would that bring back certain vacation memories?"

"No, you can call me. If we never went, you would be coming over or calling as well."

He took a deep breath and then pulled me flush against him, hard.

He buried his face in my neck and breathed "Take care, Bella. See you tomorrow, and remember, I never want to hurt you, and I love you."

He gasped when he spoke that last sentence, so I quickly covered for him "As a friend, I know. I love you too. Goodnight."

When we opened the door of the camper, dad was already waiting there with an umbrella to lead me inside the house. We both grabbed our most urgent belongings, which is essentially just a tooth brush, our wallets and cell phones, and got off the camper. We would unpack everything else tomorrow, when the rain was over.

As soon as I was inside and couldn't hear Edwards voice anymore, I was hit with a massive emptiness.

Like a piece of me had been ripped away. In fact, that piece was just a house away in distance and some fifteen hours in time. But it was too much.

I had had him with me twenty four seven, and by with me I mean, right next to me. Except for some hours spent apart, which were really an exception.

Whether my butterflies were gone with the sun, I don't know. I think I would miss him just as much if I weren't in love with him.

I went upstairs to place my toothbrush in the bathroom and to quickly wipe some tears away. I didn't want dad to worry, I was going to be the happy daughter tonight, making sure he knew that sending me off with Edward was not a mistake, but was good for me. I needed him on my side for my future plans.

My cell buzzed and when I picked up I heard a familiar voice "Miss you already."

I choked a little, couldn't answer, but I stepped over to the window of my bedroom, knowing that he could see me from his window.

"Is that okay?" he asked. I swallowed the lump in my throat away and nodded.

"Good. Now be a sweet girl and tell your dad about all our adventures. During daytime I mean."

I chuckled. Thankful that he wanted to cheer me up. It worked.

I mastered a brilliant smile and he said, also with a smile "Bye Bella, talk to you later."

Me and dad sat in front of the TV, with a home delivered pizza. I kinda missed those. The junk food you're used to, is always the best junk food ever.

I talked and talked about the different states we passed, about the waterfalls in Glen Canyon, about the Mexican stuff we did, about our hotel in LA, the visit to Hollywood, all sorts of stuff that I thought he might be interested in.

The more I plastered a smile on my face, the more my sadness slipped away. He said he couldn't wait for the pictures and I think he was genuinely cheerful. That his little girl had traveled the world a bit.

Somewhere during this, I said that I also visited the campus of Stanford. Actually Edward had, and I had spent that time sulking in bed, but I had been present there, so it wasn't really a lie.

"Oh, isn't that the University you were accepted to?"

"Yes. It's really nice there. Edward is considering going, because it's only a two hour flight away from Seattle."

"Really? I thought Edward was going to Harvard?"

"He was, but he wants to be closer to home."

"Two hours. That's not far."

"Do you remember the flyer they added? The one in Braille?"

"Yes. About their facilities," he sounded unsure, as if he didn't know where I was going with this. I wasn't sure either. Is this the right time to bring this up? What if he should think that I really didn't want to go to college and that I was only following my 'boyfriend'?

I tried to sound nonchalantly when I said "sometimes I consider college as well."

"You do?" Was this surprise? Suspicion? Hope?

"What do you think, dad?" This was the first time I flat out asked his opinion, mostly he just agreed with whatever course I was choosing at that moment. Now he couldn't really know what I wanted.

"Well, I don't know. You can do whatever you want, Bella." Predictable.

"I know, and I will. I'm just asking what you think. Sure you have an opinion?"

I could hear him scratch his face and then take a deep breath.

"Hmmm. I think you are very smart and independent, and I think if you really want to, you can pull it off, getting through college."

That was a surprise, but he wasn't finished yet.

"And while you're asking, I also think that you should. Even if you want a different job. You should go and keep your options open. You'll regret it if you don't. If after that, you still want to just live in Forks, then you still can. And I know it's scary, but I would be so proud if you could just give it a try, successful or not. And I also think that Edward going there, would be really good for you. Even if you don't stay together as a couple, he'll never let you down. I trust him."

Dad hardly ever speaks in full sentences, merely humming and yes and no. But now he got started, it seemed like a dam was broken and he couldn't stop anymore.

I was shocked, open mouthed. By the babbling and by what he said as well.

Especially the part of him being proud of me trying. I never looked at it that way. Just saw success or failure.

And he was right about keeping my options open too. I never saw it that way either.

And then there was the Edward thing that was so right as well. If ever something should happen between me and him, we would always be okay afterwards. I think this vacation proved that much.

I couldn't utter a single word.

"Are you okay there, Bells?"

"Um, yeah, dad. Jeez, you should talk more often. The wisdom!"

He chuckled "Don't make fun of your old man, Bella."

"I'm not. Really. You are so right, dad. About everything. And you know what? I think I will. I'll go to college, give it a try."

We were both emotional, which doesn't really happen normally with us. I think the return home and then realizing that I would be leaving again soon was a lot for him too.

He stood up and pulled me in some awkward hug, with patting on the back and all. When he let go he said, with an unsteady voice "you remind me so much of your mother, Bella." and then coughed and disappeared in the kitchen, to grab us some drinks.

I gave him some time, and pulled myself together again as well. He never told me that. And I never knew my mother, but somehow, to me, it was the biggest compliment he could ever give me.

When he returned, we didn't speak anymore, only followed the football game that was on, and after a while, I grew tired and kissed him goodnight before I went upstairs.

I switched on the light in my bedroom, went into the bathroom to change and then got under the covers. As soon as I switched the light back off, my cell phone buzzed.

"Took you long enough," my favorite voice muttered. I instantly smiled.

"I know, I had this crazy talk with dad."

"Nothing bad, I hope."

"Hear me out, you'll be shocked." I repeated the conversation word after word, and he gasped, much like I had.

"No way!"

"Yes way. Have you told your parents about Stanford?"

"Yes. They're not too happy, but they'll see the advantages."

"You living nearby is not really an advantage to them, flights to Harvard are more expensive, but they would hardly notice the price difference."

"I'm not talking about that advantage. I'm talking about a happy son. That difference is huge."

I smiled. "You're sweet."

"Too sweet?"

"Nah, just fine."

"Are you tired?"

"Exhausted. I think my own bed would do me good. Although it's cold."

"Same here. Empty. But familiar. Guess I better get used to it again."

"Indeed. Night Edward."

"Night Bella, sweet dreams."

I gave my cell a loud kiss and he chuckled before the connection was broken.

I smiled to myself and hugged my pillow before falling asleep.

AN: Isn't he the sweetest dummy EVER?

The road trip is over now, next chapter will be the last...

PS: My best friend entered a story in a competition that runs till March 10th, the link is on my profile, please check it out!