Chapter 21- 11th grade Mercury

A/N- Well here's where it's going to get difficult hmmm so updates may be farther apart from here on out for a period, bare with me. Mercury in Dante's Paradiso stands for the ambitious. Nat belongs to c2ndy2c1d. Warnings- Language, mention of drug use.

Edd stood there in the hallway still holding on to the paper Kevin had shoved into his chest, rereading it again, trying to figure out why the jock was going through so much trouble to talk to him. What made him feel the need to try to get Edd's attention, if it was just for sex Edd was sure he could find it somewhere else there was no need to expend this much time and energy. A lot of the girls in school, and maybe a few of the boys, would be happy to take care of that for him, so why the interests? Many questions like this raced through Edd's head drowning out the clamor of the students around him until a hand came roughly down upon his left shoulder bringing him out of his train of thought. Looking to his left expecting one of his bullies to be standing there ready to say something mean about him, but was pleasantly surprised that it was Ed with Angelica tucked under his left arm with her arm wrapped around his waist, Eddy standing just a little behind them. Angelica's quick eye spots the paper in Double D's hand. "Hey D what you got there?"

Edd looks back at the paper then back at her. "It's nothing." Edd was still holding it.

"Another one of Kevin's attempts to win your heart back?" Ed said with a little bit of bitterness in his voice, Double D nod's and displays the paper for them to see it better. "I don't know what his deal is, but he hasn't taken his eyes off you since we got here." Ed points up the hall, the group looks in the direction he had pointed and Edd sees Kevin looking right at him, he was slowly putting his books into his locker, a mixed expression of yearning sadness and one would say apology upon his face. "I've got half a mind to go knock that expression off his face." Edd continues curling and uncurling his hands into fists

While Kevin was still looking Double D crumples up the piece of paper. "No Ed that isn't going to solve anything, you'll just get yourself in trouble." Double D starts walking down the hall in Kevin's direction with his group of friends in tow, as he passed the jock he drops the paper at Kevin's feet and continues to walk on by.

"Oh Double D, you're littering." Eddy said with a hint of amusement laced in his voice.

"Fuck it." Double D exited the building and went to his car, all four climbed in and headed down to Ed's. On the way there Ed rolled a joint in the backseat while continuing to ponder what Kevin could be up to.

"I wish I could figure out what this game he is playing is." Ed licks the paper and puts the last twist on the joint. "I mean first he wants to be with you then he doesn't because you get outed then sends you to the hospital because of Katie's mouth now he wants to be with you again. This boy is all kinds of fucked up.

"I feel sorry for him really." Angelica chimes in, Ed gives her a confused look. "He is at a very difficult junction in his life. Does he continue to hide, letting someone who he seems to care about slip through his fingers, whether his feelings are true or not is another story but I would like to hope they are if he is putting this much effort into." Angelica contemplated this train of thought for a moment.

"I still say he doesn't deserve to lick the ground D walks on." Ed wasn't going to give an inch on this.

"I really don't see what he's got to lose by being honest." Eddy says in a huff, not thinking it through as usual.

"He's got a lot to lose Eddy." Angelica stated, Ed and Eddy not sure why she was defending Kevin so much, Double D understood her motives a little. "You don't know what his home life is like, the things he has been taught growing up his family could be very religious and drilled it in his head that its wrong, which could also lead to him being kicked out, he could lose all his friends because they seem to be most of the jerks still picking on D because of who he is. And with all that loss it could really destroy him and make him do something drastic and irreversible."

"Angelica's right Eddy, those were all my fears while I was in the closet. And let's not forget how you reacted when you found out." Double D wasn't trying to rub salt in the wound but it had to be said.

"You don't have to rub it in, I said I'm sorry." Eddy sunk in his seat pouting a little bit.

"I'm sorry Eddy but its common place when people come out to lose some friend's and sometimes family because they can't accept a person's truth." Double D started feeling a little sorry for Kevin, who knew what his life was like, he remembers hearing Kevin say his father was ex-military so it is possible that he is homophobic. Hearing that all the time from people in school, even while in the closet, was bad enough in Double D's opinion he couldn't imagine how it would be to have to come home and hear it as well. He pulls in front of Ed's house and parks.

"I just wish he would figure out his truth already and be done with it." Ed said as he exited the vehicle. "But if he hurts you again in the process of finding himself I'll kill him." The four friends effectively dropped the subject not wanting to dwell on negative things anymore that day, they retreated down into Ed's basement bedroom and lit the joint trying to mellow out from the day and bring their moods up.

The following day was pretty much the same, anytime Edd saw Kevin in the halls Kevin was wearing that sad apologetic look upon his face. At one point Edd could have sworn that it looked like his eyes were tear filled and in pain, as though merely looking at Edd brought up some deep down emotion in him. Edd could only hope it was regret, but still the pity in his heart grew for the boy, the unknown part of Kevin's life gnawing at Edd's mind wondering what kept Kevin in the closet. At the end of the day Angelica did not catch a ride with the Ed's saying she had something to take care of and that she would catch them later. Angelica had put a note in Kevin's locker just before last period started, pretending to be Edd she asked Kevin to meet her in the library of school. Hoping to curtail any negative reactions he might have from being trick and a place to hide and watch to see if he brought his goons incase this has all been an elaborate ruse on his part. After giving Ed her excuses and kissing him goodbye she headed to the library and waited in a aisle of book shelves by the main entrance but within view of the second entrance incase he came in that way. She waited for twenty minutes which was in her opinion enough time for Kevin to have gotten the letter and ditched whoever he was with, she was certain the football team didn't have practice today and she was growing impatient with his absents. She was about to give up on this endeavor and start the long walk home when the door opened and Kevin came hurrying in. Alone and scanning the room he looked distraught, apparently afraid he had missed Edd because he was late getting here.

Angelica observed him for a minute longer to satisfy herself that this wasn't a farce she whispered his name getting his attention and waved him over to the row she was in. Once he entered the aisle she was in the smile on his face disappeared once he saw it was her and she was alone. "Where's Edd?" Kevin whispered.

"He's not coming." She replied also in a whisper. "We know what's been going on and I'm sorry Kevin I sent that note." Kevin's face grew stern not being happy at being tricked. "I have to know what it is you're playing at. You have to understand our concern Kevin, we are his friends, and after what you have done we have to be sure what you are doing now isn't just to hurt him more."

Kevin needing someone to talk to about this decides not to deny her allegation's, his expression went from the stern look to sorrow very quickly at the mention of that night. "I know I fucked up, nothing I say can excuse that."

"Try me." Angelica said clutching her books to her chest. She wanted to be sympathetic but she also wanted to remain mad at him as well.

"Well first I was drunk, after that teal haired guy Nat told me he was dating Edd I just started chugging the hell out of the beer. It drove me nuts that he was with someone else. I know that is no excuse." Kevin took a breath a weight was being lifted from his chest after finally being able to admit openly that he had feelings for Edd. "Then Katie did what she did and I was told he was saying it, only finding out who really said it later, but at the time I was so scared of being found."

"What scared you so much that you would hurt someone else to prove you're not gay?" Angelica had an idea what it was but she needed to hear it.

"Of losing everything, my family, my friends, football all of it. I was so terrified, and truthfully I still am, that it would all go up in smoke. That they will do to me what they did to him when he came out, and that made me so mad that this world wouldn't let me love who I wanted to." Kevin was visibly shaken from the thought that Angelica rubbed his shoulder to comfort him, she might think he's a jerk but he still needs an understanding ear.

"Kevin he didn't lose everyone, his parents still love him, and his closest friends are still there." She said this gently trying to sooth his troubled soul. "You never know, it might not turn out as bad as you fear. As far as your friends go though, if they can't accept who you truly are they aren't worth your time or energy."

"I know, I understand what you're saying, but fuck my old man if he found out if he didn't kill me I'm sure he'd kick me out." Cursing a little louder then he should have the stress of that situation clear upon his face he ran his right hand through his hair shifting his weight from his left foot to his right and pivoting his body then back again to face her.

""I understand Kevin I do, if it came down to that I don't know how but I will find some way to help you. No one deserves that especially not from family." Angelica's heart was aching for the situation Kevin was in. It didn't excuse his actions in her eyes, but she understood that fear is a powerful force that makes people do stupid things. Her kind heart would not allow her to look away from someone in need even if they had wronged someone she cared about, everyone deserves a chance at redemption. (Just like Darth Vader did)

"So what do I do? I'm pretty stuck aren't I, I'm sure he isn't even going to talk to me let alone anything else." Kevin's eyes were pleading to Angelica begging for help. "I at least want to say I'm sorry to him."

"No I'm pretty sure right now he isn't going to want to talk to you." With Angelica's words Kevin's eyes dropped to the floor. "But I can talk to him, see what he says. You do owe him an apology that much is sure. As far as anything else goes, I would say defiantly not at this moment and definitely not while you're still in the closet, that's what drove you to hurt him the first time and I won't allow a repeat on that." She puts her hand on his chin and raises it so he is looking her in the eye. "And if you lay a hand on him ever again you will weigh a few ounces less for I will remove your junk and mail it to you for Christmas."

Kevin raises his hands defensively and in his best Emperor Kuzco impersonation "I understand, No Touchy."

"Like I said I'll see what I can do about you at least getting to apologize after that you're on your own." She releases his chin and starts for the door. "I got to go and I'll let you know what he says." With that she heads to the office and uses the phone, figuring it had been enough time for Edd to get home or to Ed's she would ask him for a ride and request him to come alone so she could talk to him. Once he arrived and she got in the car they drove off she turns to him. "Now don't be mad at me darling."

"What have you done Angelica?" Edd didn't like the way this conversation had started.

"I talked to Kevin." She flinches to his response.

"You did what?" Saying it louder then he intended but at the same time he totally did.

"Come on D just hear me out." She then goes into the details of what was said in their brief conversation, omitting the neutering part. "He wants to apologize to you at the very least ok. He's scared, just like you were, on what will happen if anyone finds out. And that fear drove him to do something he regrets deeply, I can see it in his eyes D." If D could see her eyes they were pleading with him to show a little kindness even to those he thought didn't deserve it. "At least give him a chance to say sorry."

Edd understood what fear can make you do, it made him throw her away for a over a year and she forgave him. It made him afraid to be himself and forced him to collapse in upon himself, afraid to express himself in case someone noticed something wasn't quite right about how he moved his hand or said something. Even the way he turned his head or looked at someone was under his own scrutiny never allowing himself to be himself to afraid of the consequences. Sure Kevin had hurt him, but where will we be as people if we never learned to forgive. "Ok I'll hear him out, but only if it's over the phone or if Ed and Eddy are there."

"That's fair, I'll let him know." Angelica had done her good deed and was quite satisfied with herself. The following day Angelica delivered Edd's terms to Kevin, the jock seemed very happy at the news. But now a week has gone by since she had told him and still no word from Kevin has come to Edd or Angelica's ears on when where or how he wanted to deliver this apology. Edd had given up any hope that Kevin was going to follow through with his words, and was beginning not to care whether he did or didn't at this point. It was lunch time now and Edd had gone to his locker to put his books away and then head to the cafeteria to meet his friends. But yet again there was a note in his locker from Kevin.

"To Edd

How do you say you're sorry
When your heart is full of worry
That you will be shunned
For what you have done
Denied all the time to say
The price you came to pay
To try and make it right
And undo that one night
When blinded by rage
I had set the stage
For my own down fall
No longer to stand tall
While locked in your gaze
My shame is a blaze
Give me one last chance
And perhaps we may glance
A bright new day
Where you will stay
And hear me out
So I don't have to shout
That I truly regret
All that you have met
At the mercy of my hands
That was never my plan
Perhaps what I do next
Will prove more than this text

From Kevin Anthony Barr"

After reading the note he closes his locker and then Edd was swung around by a hand grabbing his right arm and his shocked blue eyes were locked to apologetic green. "I'm sorry Edd." Kevin reaches up and holds onto the back of Edd's neck and locks their lips together in the middle of the hallway with what felt like half the school watching them.