Author's Note: Wow, it feels like it's been forever since I updated, but it's only been like a week! Weeeird. Anyway, I really hated this chapter. I'm no good at the sentimental-yet-humorous thing. Anyway, tell me what you think!

Thanks to everyone who reviewed! I honestly love it when you guys review with suggestions, because I really appreciate the help and want to get better at writing, which I currently have no talent at. :D

Disclaimer: I can get away with stealing gum, but I can't get away with stealing Harry Potter! No dair! -is cornered by police- Umm...

Chapter Twenty-One: Cabbages, Zebras, and Pants
(This chapter is K)

"James?" A voice asked quietly.

I closed my eyes tighter, pulling myself against whatever I was hugging hard.

"James, wake up, please?" The voice repeated.

I'd rather be the fat lady's diet counselor.

I slowly cracked open my eyes involuntarily, to see my arms wrapped tightly around a blue pillow and a very frazzled looking Lily Evans gazing at me, arms hugging her knees.

"Lily," I greeted gloomily, pulling myself into a sitting position, "What's up?"

Lily gave me an incredulous look, "What's up is you, in my bed, in only your boxers, right after we've had a fight."

I blinked, realizing that she was right, and grabbed the closest article of clothing to Lily's bed – a sweater - and pulled it on.

I sniffed, "So? Is there some law against this?"

Lily nodded violently, "Yes, actually. Number one, boyfriend and girlfriend do not sleep with each other when they are fighting. Number two, boyfriend and girlfriend don't sleep with each other half-naked, without doing… Other stuff. It's positively forbidden."

Yeah, so now where will we go, huh? Lover's jail? You know, like she stole my heart?

…Sorry. That was really sad, as I'm apologizing to myself for that crack.

"Aw, Lily," I said, shaking out my hair, "You're being silly. I just felt bad so I wanted to accompany you here."

Lily crossed her arms over her chest and leaned back against her pillow, tears glistening in her eyes again.

I heaved a sigh. Gosh, girls are such cabbages.

"Lils, come on. What's wrong?" I asked soothingly slowly inching closer to her.

Lily sniffled, "What's wrong is that you cheated on me."

"No, I didn't," I exclaimed, raising my hands in irritation, "I'm not like that, believe it or not. I don't do that, Licorice Stick. I know Sirius may, but he doesn't have a guilty conscience."

And I'm way too much of a wuss.

Too my surprise, instead of crying harder, Lily nodded, "I know."

What?

I frowned, "You know?"

"Of course," Lily cried, wet eyes gazing at me, "I know…"

…She's crazy.

Still confused, I pulled her into my arms, allowing her to rest her head on my chest. Soothingly, I began tracing circles on her back and stroking her hair, "Come on, Lils. Talk to me."

She sniffed. "Part of me knows… Knows that you care. I mean, you did chase me for so long. B- But the other part of me is so confused," She lifted her head to gaze into my eyes, "Why won't you tell me where you were?"

This would be a perfect time to say 'None of your business, beyotch', pull out my wand, and do a quick memory charm.

Too bad that I would probably be slapped in the face before I could do that. And my wand isn't with me.

I looked away, pretending to be very fond of the hangings. Well, they were a pretty nice red color. And the gold tassels… Mmm…

"James, tell me," she begged, voice hoarse.

I turned to her. Tears were slipping down her cheek. I couldn't do this anymore.

"I can't believe I'm doing this," I whispered, closing my eyes.

She gave me a pleading look, "Please."

"I really shouldn't be telling you this," I continued, opening my eyes to look at her warily, "But I love you, and I hate the fact that you're in pain."

Lily gave me a watery smile, "It can't be so secretive, can it?"

I laughed mirthlessly, "You'd be surprised."

"Come on," she begged, taking my hand. She looked at me through her thick lashes and gave my hand a tight squeeze.

Oh, for the fathers of Merlin…

"Remus is a werewolf," I said plainly, looking directly at her.

Lily's frowned, "Excuse me?"

Is she deaf?

"Remus," I repeated, "Is a werewolf. A wolf that wears."

"I'm serious," Lily said, shaking her head, "Are you kidding me?"

Bad time for a pun, I'm guessing.

I sighed, "It's true. He was bitten as a child, and every full moon he transforms in the Shrieking Shack. All those excuses about his mother being sick or whatnot are really for full moon nights. He just doesn't want anyone, including you, to know, at the risk of being judged for it."

By now, Lily's eyes were the size of bludgers. How attractive.

"You have got to be fuc-" Lily began incredulously.

"Ah, dear, let's mind the language," I hissed, looking pointedly at the little stuffed rabbit at the side of her bed.

Lily smiled sheepishly, going red, "Erm, sorry. But, honestly, James. Werewolves can't go to school!"

"Moony-Boy has permission from Dumbles," I said, examining my fingernails coolly.

Lily shook her head, and then brightened; "Now those ridiculous nicknames make sense. I mean, Moony, honestly. But why are you Prongs? Are you secretly a pitchfork or something?" She paused and then wrinkled up her nose, "Ew, I made out with a pointed utensil thing."

Isn't she the sweetest?

"Oi," I said, giving her a slightly offended look, "I am not."

"Then what are you?" She asked lightly, the upset mood totally gone now.

I shrugged. I had gotten this far, why not tell her the rest?

"You see," I began, "When we first worked out that Remus was a werewolf – he hadn't told us before, of course – we confronted us. He admitted what he truly was but we also came to know that it was painful for him to transform. He almost always ended up in a horrible condition. So, over the years, Peter, Sirius, and I secretly taught ourselves to be animagi."

The bludger eyes were back.

"Are you trying to tell me that you're an illegal animagus?" She asked faintly.

I cleared my throat, "Well, when you put it that way…"

"James!" She scolded, looking nervous, amazed, and angry all at the same time, "How could you? You boys have done some pretty dangerous things. But this. This…" She fell back against her bed, "This is just wow."

I sat there, staring at her. I mean, how could I reply to that? Sure I could be all insensitive and prattish – no comments there – and say something like, 'Oh, Babe, you know everything about me is wow, so why don't we just prove that in a broom closet… Say right now?', and then get myself killed, but hey, at least the awkward silence would disappear.

Wow, I'm really weird.

"Let me try to figure this out," Lily said while pulling herself into a sitting position, "Hmmm… What do you call Black again?"

We call him Idiotiboy.

"Padfoot," I replied, leaning in to show my interest.

Lily put a finger to her chin thoughtfully. "Padfoot, eh? Erm… Pads on the feet. Paws! So, Sirius is a… Bear!"

I gave her a weird look, trying to imagine Sirius with a big bum, licking honey off his 'pads', "Sorry. You were close, though."

Lily's eyes lit up, "Really?"

No.

"Wait, wait, I got it... Hmm… Is he a raccoon? A fox? A wolf? A cat? A tiger?" She began carefully.

I don't have time for this…

"He's a dog, damnit!" I yelled, glaring at her.

She looked offended, "Sorry. Fine, then, what's Pettigrew?

"A rat," I replied, crossing my arms over my chest, "Although you would think he was a frog."

Lily went red, "I would not!"

I scoffed, "Oh, yeah, sorry, you would have thought he was a zebra."

Lily pouted, "You're mean."

I grinned and pulled her into a hug, "I try, Love."

She beamed into my chest, looking at me carefully, "So… What are you?"

I puffed out my chest, "I am a stag."

And I stayed in that position, waiting for applause. When nothing happened, I turned to look at her in irritation, "Come on! Any comments?"

Lily blinked, "What's a stag?"

I groaned. Does she have to spoil all my moments?

"Look it up," I instructed teacherishly, leaning back against the headboard of the bed.

She shot me a glare and grabbed a dictionary on her side table, quickly flipping through the pages.

Why anyone would keep a dictionary so close to their bed, I'll never know.

Lily suddenly giggled, clearing her throat loudly, "Found it."

I gestured towards the book, "Go on."

"Stag – Adverb; without a companion or date," Lily read, smile on her face.

I gawked at her. Oh no she didn't.

"Excuse me? I have had more dates than most boys have even dreamed of having," I snapped touchily, "Now give me another definition."

Lily quirked an eyebrow, but continued, "Adjective; intended for male audiences and usually pornographic in content."

Okay, she has got to be kidding me.

"I don't – Sirius is the one who reads Playwizard magazines, honestly. Eugh, I'd rather see someone who I know naked…" I moaned, feeling my stomach churn.

Lily frowned. She was not happy.

I sheepishly shot her an apologetic look, "Continue. Now give the real definition."

"Noun;" She read loudly, "a swine or bull castrated after maturation of the sex organs."

Now she's crossed the border. That bloody border which is not meant to be passed. Bad things happen if you cross the border. Especially to morons like… Okay, I'll stop now.

"DAMN YOU, BOOK!" I barked, snatching the book and tearing into shreds.

Lily shot me a look, "You know you'll have to buy me a new one, right?"

After a few moments, I was back in my original spot, ripped up pages surrounding me, "Yeah, I know."

We sat there in silence, both of us smiling at each other. I, frankly thinking, couldn't believe I had just told her Moony's secret.

"So, you're a male deer?" Lily asked, eyeing me with a smirk.

I frowned, "You knew?"

"Duh," Lily replied, "James, that was the first definition. There are multiple definitions for word 'stag'. I was just messing with you."

How unkind.

"But James," she continued, "I think that's really, really hot." She smiled slyly and seductively began sliding her finger across my chest.

I gulped, feeling my face warm up, although part of me was smirking with pride.

"Lils?" The familiar voice of Larissa Hopkins interrupted. Instantly, I stopped breathing and Lily pulled away, a blush overtaking her pale cheeks.

Okay, one thing you should ALWAYS keep in mind: Do not let the vicious, rude, teasing members of your Quidditch team catch you in a girl's sweater on your watery-eyed girlfriend's bed.

"Yes?" Lily called back in a high-pitched tone, grabbing her pillow in anxiety as I shrugged off the sweater.

There was a sound of shuffling feet, "Lily, are you alright? Gosh, you've already missed breakfast."

"Fine," Lily replied quickly, "But if you don't mind, I'd like to be alone."

"Okay," Larissa replied rather curtly behind the hangings. Lily and I sat silently, waiting for her footsteps to completely fade away.

I turned to Lily abruptly, "Come on, we should go. The boys are waiting, plus we'll be in huge trouble if we get caught."

She shot me a smile and nodded. I took her hand and carefully lead her out of the room and down the stairs to the common room.

Sirius, Peter, and Remus, were all staring at us.

There was a tense moment of silence as the five of us simply stood there, until-

"Oh Merlin, James Potter's not wearing a shirt!"

"Look at him. Walking around like he's some saint. Disgusting."

"I told you he had an eight-pack."

"Oh, he so wants me. Maybe even as badly as I want him…"

Lily turned furiously towards the loud, chattering students which had gathered nearby.

"Alight!" She yelled, pointing her finger out at them, "Let's get a few things straight. First of all, James Potter is my boyfriend. And I, being is girlfriend, do not like you drooling over him. Secondly, he has a six-pack, not an eight-pack."

You know, you would think that she'd express her love in nicer ways…

The murmuring group parted, leaving the five of us again.

There was more silence, but this time not as long.

"You told her, didn't you?" Remus asked quietly, eyes looking straight into mine.

Uncomfortable by the gaze, I looked away. Knowing I couldn't ignore it, I quietly replied, "I'm sorry."

I waited for Remus's reply, but I never received it.

"Remus," Sirius intercepted, "Cut it out! So what if James told Evans? It's not like she's going to yell it out to the world. You should trust James, and James believes that Evans is loyal."

We all gave him a look of awe.

Remus hung hid head, "I'm sorry. Sirius is right. Look, James, I was just afraid… You and Lily will break up one day, and then who knows what Lily will do with the information."

I shook my head, slightly upset that my friend was predicting the break up of the love of my life and I, "I won't. I trust Lily, Moony. And I don't plan on any break up happening soon. I love Lily. And it's not just some school fling."

Now, it was Lily's turn to look shocked, "Really, James?"

I smiled at her nodded, "Really."

Lily looked amazed, "Wow. I – I didn't know that."

Yeah, I just chase around any random girl for six years.

"The point is," I continued, "We're your friends. Even if something happens between Lily and me, she'll always be your friend, and I will, too."

Remus cracked a smile.

"I feel silly for acting like that yesterday. Come on, let's go eat," Remus said, shaking his head, "I'm sorry, Lily."

"It's fine," Lily replied brightly, clearly glad that the fight was over, "Let's get some breakfast."

I sighed in relief. No more monologues for me! Ecstatic, I began my way towards the Great Hall.

"James, put on some pants," Everyone called from behind me.

I went scarlet.

A/N: Okeeeey. Review, pweease! Next chapter on April Fools Day, and I promise it WILL be much lighter than this one!