Kylana - Thank you for the review. Rachel will continue to have more flashbacks as they come to her. Hang on to your seat thought there is a whole lot more to tell.
BMontague - WOW - how do I respond to such a beautiful review. I am grateful, touched and humbled that you appreciate it. I too work in the field and what made this story so close to my heart is that i wonder everday where the children and families I work with will be in five years, ten years or even twenty. I am so glad that you can see the depth that I put in each week in each character to have them stay believable. They will all continue to have struggles with their pasts but know the girl she will get what she wants. I know my response it limited but I am blown away by your words. Thank you so so much!
TheTBone – I won't lie – I missed your review! Thank you for coming back and posting an epic review as always. You always capture some of my favorite moments in your reviews and I love that – I am hoping I don't disappoint in this chapter because this chapter offers little comic relief – pretty angsty and emotional stuff so hold on – and I will await your loving review.
dogsrock7699 – Everyone is hurting and the hurt will continue but there will be healing and happiness I promise. Thank you for reviewing.
Renata – My sweet Brazilian – thank you for always reviewing! Addiction is never a good thing but when it comes to my story its ok with me! I hope you like this one! Santana is going to have to talk and she will fight Shelby tooth and nail but Shelby is up for it. Rachel will start to open but she will also unfortunately have to learn some lessons the hard way.
Cookie – If you love Santana there is a lot more for you to love especially in this chapter. It is very hard for her because she has built so many walls but she will come around because deep inside she is a very lovable girl. Thank you for your review.
MaJorReader619 – Rachel knows bits and pieces of what has happened to her but she was only 2 ½ when it happened so she only knows what she has been told and what she is piecing together for herself. She will continue to learn more though. Sorry for making you cry for Quinn – she has had it rough. Thank you for your review.
broadwaybound2016 – it is gut wrenching what Rachel knows. You are right not to trust Will let's hope Rachel guards herself. Thanks for reviewing my story.
dragonrider94- Well get the tissues ready before reading this chapter. Thanks for reviewing.
NayaFan – Thanks for reviewing as always. Shelby and Quinn have a long way to go but they will continue to work – it won't change overnight. I love Bear too! He will help all of them and try to keep creepy Will at a distance.
Sarah11650 – Santana and Shelby have a strong relationship but because of who Santana is she is very stubborn she knows her mother loves her. Thank you for reviewing.
endlessdreamer13 – Lots of Santana in this chapter but it is angsty. It is still a bumpy ride for sure for her but Brittany is patient and strong so if you stick with me I hope not to disappoint you. Thanks for the review.
Stevensone – Thank you for dedicating a weekend to my story. I am glad that I pleased you. I hope you are just as excited about the rest of the story.
Tcathing – you are right everyone does need an uncle like Bear! Santana will open up a little but she has many walls to breakdown so she will be working with Shelby a lot. Rachel will try and listen to Uncle Bear but she wants to do a lot on her own so we will see. Thanks for reviewing
FacingFuture – unfortunately what happened to Quinn will be out in the open more than she will want but the people that love her now need to know and will help her through it. Shelby is exhausted but she is strong and with Joey and Bear around she will need to lean on them a little more again. Judy is a piece of work and she needs lots and lots of parenting classes before anyone is going to allow Quinn back with her anytime soon. Thanks for the review I love them!
w1cked – the sex talk is so needed for all of the kids and it will be an ongoing thing even though it is not a comfortable topic of conversation to have with your mother. Thank for your support with your continued reviews.
Gleek1990 – Shelby has a very strong heart she will be ok but she will probably be keeping a closer eye on Santana – although her and Quinn are grounded for like forever so it should stop it for a while. Rachel wont run away because that is not who she is but she will have to adjust to it but she will have people there to support her. Thank you for reviewing.
SuzQQ – Thank you my faithful reviewer! I always like your reviews. Not sure if we will see Bear and Joey's kids anytime soon but they were raised by Bear and Joey without the trauma of the Corcorans so they are great kids. Sam and Mike are good for the kids too but with the Corcorans and Quinn being grounded it may be awhile for them to hang with them. Quinn will begin to share more and more whether it is by choice or not. Her story will be told as well as Santana opening up more. They need to allow people in again.
amandaes417 – Your words are so kind! I am glad you liked my changes update. I am sorry it has taken so long to post. Thank you for sticking with it. Rachel is awesome and I hope to continue to have her grow the way a healthy eleven year old should.
Chris – Sorry I did not mean to confuse you – things will be pointed out more clearly in later chapters I don't want to spoil anything. Thanks for reviewing.
btvscharmedgirl – I think you will see why she has the alarms on the window in this chapter. Even though they scare Rachel they serve a double purpose. Thanks for reviewing.
piecesofyourheart – I will give you a heads up when you need to start torturing some of the people in this story. Bear will keep a close eye. Thanks for the review.
LebaneseForNayaRivera – They are all getting talks including Noah and they will continue to talk about it because lets face it one talk is not going to help these girls in the least. Quinn has been hurt a great deal by her family and while she knows it is completely wrong – she needs to know none of it was her fault. Thank you for your kind words – I hope you enjoy this chapter.
NinjaGleek21 – you are correct Mr. Schue is a creeper ! but I will give you the heads up when to get that lighter back out – Thanks for your reviews!
OTHangels – I love Joey and Bear too and there may be more coming! - thanks for reviewing
HIsland429 – I am glad you love the length – I am always amazed because I outline what I want in the chapter but I never seem to get to all of it because of the length – I am afraid people don't like long chapters. Rachel will learn and maybe with the help of Quinn but Quinn needs to process it herself so I don't want her giving Rachel bad advice because they have both been through so much. Finnocence and Shitney should go away but …. Soon trust me soon.
marinka4 – ok sorry you want to hurt people and there maybe some in this chapter as well but they will all be getting better. It is a long process though. Thanks for sticking with me.
TommyH – Thanks for the review. Puck and Rachel will be good again real soon!
ddbddb123 – I am so happy that you love my story and took the time to let me know about it. I love the bug nickname too. Thank you for reviewing the story.
AN: Finally for all of you who have sent me PM's recently – thank you so much and I am in the process of responding to all of you – thank you so much for your interest and kind words – the reviews and the PM's are ALWAYS welcome.
ON TO THIS CHAPTER: …. Please be warned that this chapter may trigger. There are intense discussions and flashbacks. Please read with caution.
Chapter 21
Shelby watched her daughter walk slowly into the room. She knew she was ready for a fight. She had just sent Quinn upstairs to clean up for dinner and take a nap. Even though she was grounded, she knew she had to give the girl some space. She knew that these kids weren't the same as most children. However, just because they weren't conventional didn't mean they weren't good. Most children had pre-established foundations that associated between right and wrong, safe and dangerous and were responsive to a firm scolding and grounding. However, she was realizing that her children, while they have come a long way, still had cracks in their foundation. They still questioned it all. And Quinn, her foundation needed to be rebuilt completely. Progress, Shelby knew didn't happen overnight. She knew that her children weren't going to respond immediately. They weren't going to change overnight. She saw that Quinn was triggering insecurities even if they didn't. They were reverting back to old behaviors. She needed to help them take those integral pieces that so many took for granted and emphasize them with greater focus. It wasn't simple and it surely wasn't easy or produce fast results.
And now Shelby needed to focus her energy on Santana. She took a deep breath as she watched her eldest daughter collapse on the couch trying to mask her anxiety about the situation.
"Santana," Shelby began
"I don't think we need to talk about this anymore," Santana interrupted. "I won't do it again."
The mother narrowed her eyes. "Do what again exactly?"
The girl's face faltered. She waved her arms. "There's nothing more to say, Mom."
"Clearly, there is, Santana. Our conversation this morning demonstrates that there is so much to say."
Santana shook her head. "No, Mom, there isn't."
"I asked you a question this morning, Santana and I expect it to be answered."
She stared at her mother in disbelief. This wasn't happening. It just wasn't. "You can't asked me that."
"I'm pretty sure I can," Shelby said firmly.
"No, you can't!" She stood to her feet and started to walk away.
"We're not done here!" Shelby said quickly.
"You know what?" she screamed. "Let's talk, but let's not just talk about me, shall we?"
"Santana," Shelby said in a voice that aggravated her in its calmness.
"Don't talk to me like that. I'm not a child!" Santana turned sharply on her toes and swiftly knocked the side lamp over with intention. Shelby didn't jump. This behavior was all too familiar. At least she wasn't climbing through windows anymore, she thought to herself avoiding the broken ceramics.
"I've coped!" Santana pointed to her chest. "I have made mistakes. I know that I'm not a perfect person! But I'm not a perfect person because of you!" She screamed. She turned her finger back at her mother. "I'm dealing with my shit. Yes, I may be a slut but I'm a slut because of you! Because you left us!"
Shelby tried her best not to tremble at her daughter's words. She heard her. She understood it. She knew though that her daughter was looking for a reaction so that she could take the focus from her. She knew what buttons to push. She was pushing them. And, Shelby knew, she was pushing them because that was her instinct. What Shelby hated most of all was that her instincts were coming out. It wasn't that they were making an appearance as much as the reason that they were coming out worried her. Santana felt the need to protect herself, and that hurt most.
"Santana, you're not a slut. You're a strong, incredible girl, who deserves so much more than-"
"Fuck that psychologist SHIT, Mom!" Santana screamed. "I'm not that little girl you left. You need to stop seeing me as her. I will never be her again."
Santana collapsed on the stair. She squeezed her eyes shut. She never thought about it until that moment. However, as she stared at the back of her eye lids and heard the echos of the nasty things she had just screamed at her mother, one memory stuck out. It was one she would rather not remember, but one that she realized was a moment that changed something in her that she could never get back.
She screamed in pain as the belt hit her exposed flesh for the millionth time. The pain radiated all over; it felt as if her whole body was throbbing. She whimpered out a cry when she felt his hand on the hot flesh of her bottom. Her face was turned to the side on the mattress and the tears from one eye were stinging the other eye.
She heard the clanging of the belt. Fear muddled in her heart. She knew she couldn't take much more. "Please," she whispered. "Please stop. I'm sorry." She actually didn't remember what she did. However, she was still more sorry than ever. They had been living with him for barely two weeks and her life had turned out to be a nightmare.
She gave a grunted moan when she felt him sit on the backs of her knees. He bent down and ran his hand along her bare spine and then along her beaten flesh of her bottom. He always insisted on taking her clothes off. She knew it was the same for Rachel, but she wasn't sure about her brother. He shifted above her and she groaned in pain.
"I'm going to make you a woman one of these days," he whispered in a husky voice. "But for tonight," he said as his hand parted her legs and cheeks beneath him. "We'll just have a little warm up."
She screamed and kicked her legs as she felt his finger enter her. He used another hand to spank her as he reached underneath to get better leverage as he pumped his single digit into her. She kick against him. She didn't want this. She didn't want this at all. She felt him pull out. He slammed his other hand against her inflamed cheeks and she screamed as she felt him enter her with two fingers. He plunged in and out of her roughly with grunts as he slammed his free hand repeatedly onto her reddened bottom. Her wails morphed into screeches. He pinned her more furiously against the mattress as she struggled, the heels of her still-socked feet dug deep into his lower back as she fought against him.
She felt something hard pushing against the underside of her bottom alongside the pain of his fingers inside of her. He was moving fast and hard on top of her, grinding against her. She screamed and moved trying to get away.
"No! No! No!" she screamed. He lifted her by her shoulder and slammed her into the mattress, hoping to silence her.
"Shut up, Santana! Enjoy this! Shut up!" he yelled, but his movements never stopped. His grunts turned into moans. He continued to move roughly between her aching thighs but she never stopped kicking. Her body was throbbing but she wasn't going to give into him. Not now. Not ever. Finally, with a sudden jerk he stopped.
He climbed off of her and she could feel the weight shift. She grunted at the release. "Fucking cunt," he muttered and he left the room.
She wasn't sure but she thought she was crying. Her cheeks were wet with tears but she wasn't sobbing. It was as if she herself forgot to cry but her eyes remembered. It was still light out, but she continued to lay there. She had no where else to be.
"Santana? Santana?" She shifted her eyes and saw her brother standing next to the bed. She was still in the bed. She looked up. The room was dark save the light from the lamp next to the bed. Had she been laying there that long? "Do you want me to help you?" Her eyes were still wet.
"No," she mumbled. "I... I... I'm okay."
She watched as her brother's eyes scanned her body. He worried about her and Rachel enough. That's what big brothers do, especially when they were as old as Noah. He would be ten soon. A girl at school told her that once brothers hit double digits they went into a weird protective mood. Santana was worried because her brother had always been too protective way before he hit double digits.
"You're- You're bleeding..." He stuttered.
She groaned and sat up. "I'm fine." She looked down. She was, but it was only a small amount of blood, like a bad paper cut...
She pulled up her underwear and pants and avoided her brother's looks. She wasn't sure what she felt. She wasn't sure if it was shame or hurt or sadness. It felt like all of that. Could you feel all of that at once? After a few moments she met his eyes. However, he wasn't there. He was shaking, angry.
"Noah? Noah?"
He was still staring at where she was just laying. "He touched you there..." he said. It was more of statement more than anything.
She looked down at her hands in a mixture of shame, anger and resentment. "Yeah..." she said quietly. Suddenly her body and mind caught up with one another and she released a sob. "Yeah..."
"I'm gonna kill him!" he screamed. "I'm gonna kill him!"
"Shut up," she hissed, looking at the door in fear. "Just shut up." She licked her lips and started stripping the bed. "Where's Rachel?"
"I'm gonna kill him!" he screamed.
"Where's Rachel?" Santana snapped.
"He's changing her diaper," he said still shaking his head angrily.
She reached out to her big brother. When you're young, big brothers were always big brothers. They always seemed stronger and wiser, even when they weren't even ten yet, but sometimes you had to reign them in. "I'm fine," Santana said. She wiped away her tears furiously.
The door slammed open. "She won't stop crying," Hiram hissed pushing a sobbing Rachel into the room. Santana picked her up with ease and avoided Hiram's glare. "Shut her up," he shouted. "Or I will."
Santana could feel her sister shaking in her arms but as soon as she was able to make two soothing circles on her back, the tiny toddler seemed to calm. "Sanny's got you," she whispered. That's what their mother used to say. Santana wanted her mother to hold her right then. "Mommy's got you," she remembered her mother saying quietly in her ear. She closed her eyes and imagined her arms engulfing them, protecting them.
Hiram started out of the room.
"I'm going to kill you," Noah hissed barely above a whisper. His fists pounded against his stocky frame.
"Noah, please shut up," Santana kicked him in the shins. She wasn't sure if she said it out loud but she said it loudly enough with her eyes. He needed to be quiet. The man just needed to leave. Noah looked over at her. His eyes softened.
Hiram stopped. "What did you say?" he growled.
"Nothing," Noah said as his eyes still locked with Santana.
"No, I'm pretty sure you said something," he barked.
"I just wanted to know if I could make them something to eat," he said with his chin up. "She might be hungry. Maybe that's why she's crying. They haven't eaten yet today."
Santana held her breath as she watched the man stare her brother down. She gripped on tighter to Rachel and she was sure the tiny girl felt the tension because she felt her thin arms grip tighter around her neck.
"You have five minutes to find something in the kitchen and make it," he said. Santana released a sigh relief. Hiram glared over at Santana. "I'll be counting."
Noah followed him quickly out of the room, knowing not to waste time. He exchanged a look with Santana. She shook her head silently. That had been close. Santana held on tighter to Rachel trying to drive away her own fear and anxiety. She still ached all over.
"Sanny?" Rachel muttered into her neck.
No, she was a big girl now. She was eight years old. She wasn't going to cry. She was going to be strong, just like her big brother.
"Santana?" Shelby said putting her hand on her shoulder.
The older girl pulled away. "Leave me alone," she hissed.
"Santana, I need you to answer the question. And you will," the mother said clearly. "It's not an option. I've made an appointment for you early next week. We're going to get you tested. I don't care how safe you are. I'm almost certain you cannot look at me and tell me that last time you were checked for STDs."
Santana looked in her mother's direction but avoided her mother's eyes. She was right. Her 'screening' had been a question, not anything medical. Mostly it had gone like this: "You good?" "Yeah. You?" "Yup."
"So you can either tell me the number now or do it in front of your doctor." Santana frowned and looked at her mother with a scowl.
She looked away. She wasn't going to answer.
"Fine," Shelby said. "You can be mad at me all you want. I love you. And I'm sorry, Santana."
"For what?" Santana hissed.
"You don't think that I wonder every day of what things would have been like if I never went to London." The sincerity in her mother's voice could have caused her to emerge from her hardened shell, but she refused the opportunity.
"No, I know you do," Santana said dryly. "But you're not thinking about 'what things would have been like." You think specifically about how we wouldn't be as fucked up as we are."
"Santana!"
"Don't Santana me!"
"I get that you're angry," Shelby said. "I get it. But your rudeness is out of line."
"Back off, Mom!"
"You're angry because you didn't want me to know," she said. "You don't think I know that. I do. I get that you're just building this angry, mean wall in hopes that I won't break it down. Well get used to it, little girl. You're my kid. I love you and I'm not going anywhere. I'm not disappointed in you, Santana. I'm disappointed in your actions but never in you."
Santana deflated. No, she scolded herself. Not going to happen, she wasn't going to give in.
"Well you need to be," Santana scolded as she took a picture frame off of the wall and threw it down the stairs. She started to run from Shelby. Shelby grabbed her hand.
"Couch now. You're going to sit there until you're ready to clean up after yourself. You can be mad but you have to clean up. And because it's glass, you need to make sure you mop the area too. I'm sure your aunt is bringing her small rat-dog this evening and I don't want to hear about it ingesting glass."
Santana frowned, but let her mother lead her to the couch. She felt like a child again. Shelby sat across from her. "I'll be here when you've calmed down."
As much as Santana didn't want to sit with her mother, somehow throwing things prompted her to sit with her mother. It was a familiar pattern. As much as she wanted to break it, it was her immediate response and she wasn't ready to fight it. So she did all that she could do: sit.
…...
Quinn leaned against the back of her door. Shelby had sent her up and she was eager to get away. She took a deep breath and then realized she was breathing heavily, as if she just sprinted across the field. She couldn't focus. She couldn't think. What had just happened downstairs? She wasn't sure in the least. She sighed and stared at her room. She paused. "Her" room?
She looked at her makeshift bed in the corner and then over again at the bed. She just told the only person in the world who had ever said "I love you" to her to go fuck themselves. She was pretty sure apologies weren't going to be enough. She wasn't sure words were even enough . She bit her bottom lip. Shelby had told her to lay down. She wondered if she was fighting everyone and making mistakes as they pushed her under the metaphorical water. Maybe the water was inevitable; maybe instead of waiting to be pushed she should just dive. She walked over and grabbed her lamb and with a breath, she apologized the only way she knew how: in silence. And slowly, Quinn laid down on the bed and fell asleep.
…...
Shelby stared at Santana as the girl set her jaw and was wringing out her hands. She took a deep breath. There was so much that she wanted to say and know but badgering Santana couldn't get her anywhere. She knew her daughter and she wasn't in the mood to listen, talk or communicate. It would be destructive, rather than constructive.
She glanced over her shoulder and spotted her son still scrubbing dishes in the kitchen as if he hadn't heard the yelling. She looked back at her daughter. They had been sitting there for almost twenty minutes. Santana was still sitting there. However, Shelby noticed her brow had softened.
"Santana?" The girl shifted her head but didn't make eye contact. "When you're ready, you may start picking up."
She nodded like she always did but continued to sit there. She wasn't going to give in. Not on her mother's time. She would decide when to get up. She always decided. With her lips pursed, after about five more minutes of sitting she stood up and tightened her jaw and walked over and retrieved a broom that was still at the bottom of the stairs from when they used it in the upstairs bathrooms.
"Thank you for taking the time to yourself," Shelby said calmly.
"Your psycho-babble doesn't work on me," she mumbled.
"Santana, consider yourself lucky then. Because while I haven't decided the topic of your other essay. Tomorrow you'll be writing one about the history of glass."
Santana groaned but began to clean up. She grabbed the trashcan and started disposing of the glass. She had broken so many things that she was an expert of cleaning up sharp edged objects like glass. She sighed and and swept it up around the shattered frame. She heard her mother walk into the kitchen. She wasn't sure that it was the adrenalin of the moment was gone, or that she was relieved that she didn't have to say anything. She felt calmer. "Sometimes you just need to yell," her father told her when she was younger. She didn't yell as much when he was around. She knew what she had said wasn't very kind, but she realized it had been true. Right? she thought more intensely. She squeezed her eyes shut. It was true for her, not for her mother. Mothers don't choose to see their daughters that way. She looked up the stairs. Maybe all but Quinn's. She paused. there were a lot of bad people out there who didn't fit the standard of a good parent. Who was she kidding? She should know that.
She took a deep breath before she started moving over to the lamp but she stopped when she realized she didn't know what the picture was. She turned it over and she softened. It had been taken about five or six years ago, shortly after they moved to Lima. The three of them were curled up and sleeping on top of each other. Rachel was sitting in Santana's lap and leaning her head against the crook of the older girl's neck. One hand was in her lap while the other was caught in Santana's then longish and messy hair. Santana slept with her head resting on Noah's shoulder. She had one arm securely around Rachel and then another laying limply in her lap next to the tiny girl, their fingers entangled. She was sporting a blue cast on her arm. She gave a tiny smile that was before he got that stupid mohawk. His hair was big, thick and wavy. Santana inherited her hair from her father, it was dry and even curly-messy when she was young, and it showed in this picture. Meanwhile, Noah and Rachel got their wavy locks from their mother.
Her smile had faded slightly. They had all fallen asleep because of a bad day at school. She frowned remembering. She had threatened to run away and attempted to climb out the window for the fourth time since they moved to Lima, except this time, she missed the tree and fell, thus the cast. She frowned. Not long after that her mother had the alarms put in. It had been a long time ago. She had been angry then, and she was still angry. She frowned; she just didn't have any windows to climb out of anymore. She extracted the photo from the broken frame and put it in her pocket.
….
"We're royalty Quinn," Finn said with a smile. "We're meant to be together forever."
She was a freshman. He was a junior. They went pretty well together. She had to admit that, but it wasn't because they were powerful or good, it was just for what they stood for. She chewed her lip and forced a smile. Last night her father had taken something from her so sacred that she felt like she was floating around in pieces and there was no way she could put herself back together. She stared at her dumb boyfriend. She noticed his mouth moving. Shit, Quinn, she told herself. Listen.
"... And someday I'll have the shop and we'll have awesome kids and you'll make great mac and cheese..."
Quinn may have frowned at the ridiculousness of his statements, but after the night she had when her father climbed on top of her and covered her mouth and for the first time... Her thoughts trailed off. Children, he had said children. She felt bile rise in her throat. Oh my god, what if she was...
She looked up at Finn with determined eyes. "My parents are at the club tonight. After school you're coming over."
"What?" he asked with a face that looked more like he was trying to poop but couldn't.
She tried her best to relax and smile. "You've been wanting something from me. And tonight, I'm alone. You have to come over."
She watched him smile in realization. She needed him to come over. She didn't want him to; she didn't know mentally how she could force herself to grin and bear the situation. She felt dread boiling in her stomach. However, as she forced herself to smile and kiss him on the lips, she reminded herself that she had to. She had to for so many reasons, but for the most important one: her father didn't use a condom.
Quinn awoke with a start and stared around the room. The sun was low, but it was still out. She realized where she was and looked down at the bed.
She got up and climbed into the blanket pile on the floor. She had tried. She really had.
…..
"Noah?" Shelby asked as she entered the kitchen.
He was scrubbing a pot vigorously at the sink. "Yeah?"
"Noah," Shelby said walking to him. "The pots were clean... you're just giving them another wash. They don't need to be scrubbed."
"Mom, this is what you asked us to do," he said throwing down the pot. "I'm sorry." He shook his head. "But no amount of cleaning is going to fix any of this crap."
"Noah," Shelby said with a deep breath. "I know you're upset."
"Actually you really don't, Mom," he said with vigor. "This is all... This is just..." He waved his hands in the air. "This is just... I don't know. It's just not going well..." He shook his head. "I can't talk about this with you. I'm sorry. I am. You …. must know that I am. but... I …... I can't scrub clean pots, Mom. I just... I can't."
Shelby looked at him. "Noah, I need you to hear me. I need you to understand why this isn't okay and not just because you were caught."
"Fucking scrubbing pots won't teach me that!"
Shelby put her hands up. "Noah. Calm down. If you need to go and bang some pots or have some time with the punching bag downstairs, you-"
"Mom!" he yelled. "I can't talk to you about this!"
"I know this seems overwhelming, Noah."
He was leaning with his arms on the sink. He looked up at her slowly. "Mom, this whole day... and yesterday and the night before were all overwhelming by themselves. Together... they're unbearable. So please, I'm not talking about this with you."
Noah stormed out of the room and down into the basement. Everything was just too much.
…...
Joanne finished rinsing off the plates as Rachel loaded them in the dishwasher. The phone interrupted their quiet routine. The woman dried her hands and leaned over her niece to answer the phone.
"Hello?"
"Hey," Shelby said with a tired sigh. "Is Rachel alright?"
Joey looked over at her niece who was now laying on the couch with Bear and the dog. "She's fine. What's up? How's the cake coming? Or should I not even ask? I told Melody over at the bakery that we might need a cake she's saving us a sheet cake for us to -"
"That last thing on my mind right now is cake, Jo," she said quietly. "I need to talk to Bear."
"What's going on?"
"Bear. phone now." Shelby said.
Joanne sighed and handed the phone to her husband. She watched as a pensive look draped on his face and then how was disentangled himself from Rachel and went into the kitchen.
"Yeah, I'll be over," she heard him say. He hung up the phone and looked at his wife quietly. "I have to talk to Noah." She frowned. He continued. "Apparently things aren't going well and she needs me to try before Noah breaks his hand again on the punching bag." He looked back over at Rachel who was touching Charlie's ears and watching them twitch. "Maybe you should have a girl talk with her."
"About Charlie?" Joanne asked as she peered around the corner to have a better view of her niece.
"No, about i don't know. Stuff." He frowned. "We always have known that there was a lot going on in her head, but I've never been this worried about it. So...yeah."
"Get out of here," Joey said with a smile. "You're the best father, husband and uncle I know. And tell Shelby I'll bring over the cake and dinner. Clearly she doesn't have it together."
Bear frowned. "I'm not getting involved in that."
"Bear! Bear!" Joanne called after him. When he disappeared from sight, Joanne noticed Rachel frowning at her from the couch. "He's a cop-out."
"He's the chief. So of course he's a cop," Rachel replied and returned to the dog.
…...
Noah punched the bag with vigor. He needed to get out. He couldn't do it. He just -
"Noah."
He looked up and his uncle was standing there. He gave a sigh and wiped his brow. "She called you because I flipped, didn't she?"
The tall man nodded with pursed lips. He raised his eyebrows. "Pretty much."
"Well, I'll tell you what I told her," Noah said simply. "I don't need a lecture. I know I screwed up."
"Well, man, you kinda did. And I'm glad you know that, but we're still talkin'," Bear said. He held the punching bag steady. "Go on, take a hit."
Noah frowned. "Stop," he said finally after a few moments of searching for something in his uncle's eyes. "I don't need this from you either."
"Need what?" Bear asked. "I just came here to listen. Noah, I get it. Sex is a good way to blow off steam."
He put his hands on his head and groaned. "Please! I can't talk about this! I won't get caught again. Jesus. I won't even have sex again, but I sure as hell can't talk about it with you or anyone."
"Noah, this isn't about sex. is it?"
"Why does it have to be about one thing or that or this or whatever," he said. "It's about all of it. It's about me trying to break the balls of every guy that looks at San funny. It's about me trying my best not to burn down the prison with Russell in it. It's the fact that I scared Rachel. It's all of it!"
"I get that this is hard. I get that this is not what you expected on your birthday, but your family loves you. I love you. You played fabulous game last night. You're going to get out of Lima and do wonderful things and we're going to support you 100%. The weight of all of this doesn't have to be on your shoulders, son."
"It doesn't have to be but it is. And who said I wanted to leave Lima."
"Noah you are not just a good player – you are an all American player. Haven't you been paying attention? The scouts and recruiters that came to the game have been drooling over the chance for you to come visit their programs. Now when you turned down the opportunity to even listen to Michigan State when they called recently, I didn't say anything, but Noah, Ohio State, Notre Dame, Vanderbilt and Michigan, all schools in the top 10 rankings for college football have their eyes on you, bud-"
"I don't care," Noah said with a quiet shake of his head. "Don't you get that. It's not that I think I can't leave. I don't want to. I made a mistake with Whitney. I know. I've made a lot of mistakes. I can't talk about this with you."
"Well then who are you going to talk about it with? Huh, Noah?" Bear asked as he leaned close to him. "You going to go out and have sex with some other girl?"
"Shut up," Noah screamed. "Just shut up! I'm not... I was with Whitney for over a year. Over a fucking year! Don't make me out to be that guy! Don't make me out to be that guy!"
Bear wasn't sure if the boy knew that he repeated himself or not. "I tried my best with Whitney. I didn't love her and I didn't want to. Yeah we did it, but she's the one that always asked. I never pressured her."
The man frowned. "I never said you did, bud." He bit his lip. "You're not him. Okay? Do you hear me? It's okay to have urges and even without being evil."
Noah stared at him. He held his gaze for an eternity. Finally, without breaking it, Noah spoke. "When you're the man in this house, with sisters who have..." He shook his head. "I can't have those urges. Because I am him if i do... People talk about teenage boys not being able to control themselves like some crazy rabid, animal." Noah pointed at the ground with an angry frown. "That's who he was. He couldn't control himself! He couldn't do it!" He hit the bag with ferocity. "Do you know what it's like to have your little sister tell you that sex is casual? She's hurt so much that she can't even see it. I can't protect her. I never could." Noah shook his head. "She …. I don't know." He walked closer to his uncle. "Urges? San says it's just physical. It gets you by. But when you're a man, in this house, urges aren't just urges. They're not punch lines to dirty jokes or funny storylines in the sitcoms, they're the tip of the iceberg of how it all fell apart." He looked at the floor, suddenly realizing his cheeks were wet with angry tears. "That bastard had sex with Rach until she couldn't move, breathe or stay awake." Bear watched as she boy crumbled in front of him. "Santana won't tell me what he did to her," he shook his head. "But I know..." He pointed harshly at his chest, banging on it with his index finger. "I know..." He shook his head again and punched the bag. "And Quinn... I …... I know no one has said anything about that either but it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what dear ol' daddy did to her. She's going to Rachel's therapist for Christ sakes, who specializes in that shit!" Noah combed his hands through his hair. "So you cannot come down here and tell me that my 'urges' are normal." Noah pointed toward the stairs. "Because the same urges, those same FUCKING URGES are what ruined everything for them." He kicked the chair in the corner. "And that's why I can't talk to about this."
Bear looked at the boy. He took a deep breath. He had been in that courtroom when they showed the damage that had been done. He had been there when pictures of his youngest niece were handed to jurors like school handouts.
"Noah, just because you feel some way doesn't make you a bad person. Yeah, a lot of men have sex urges but what separates men from anything is the choices they make."
"No," Noah said shaking his head again. "It's not about choice. It's the same in all men."
Bear reached out and pulled the boy to him and cupped his face. Noah was tall but Bear was taller. "Yes, it's the choice and you will never be that man. What you feel isn't wrong, Noah. It doesn't make you the monster."
Noah continued to shake his head even with his uncle's hands cupping it. "It still feels like it."
…...
Rachel opened the back door of the house and wandered in. It was quiet. It was always quiet when people were in trouble but this was even extra quiet for that.
"Hello?" she asked.
"Rach," Joey called behind her. "Please help me here."
The eleven year old looked over her shoulder and her aunt was balancing take out bags, a pizza box, her Mary-Poppins purse, it was full of neverending things, and a covered cake pan.
"I'm holding the dog," Rachel said seriously. "I shouldn't touch the food."
Joey narrowed her eyes. "You're your mother's daughter," she said as she put things on the counter.
"Shelby! Kids! Dinner!" Joey screamed. She saw Rachel grimace. "What?"
"What did you bring?" Santana asked as she wandered into the kitchen. Quinn and Shelby followed behind her with similar exhausted looks.
"You know," she shrugged. "Called the place on the corner. I got a couple deep dishes, three large salads, wings, because I had a craving." Rachel shot her a look. "But not after a lecture about chicken mills; however, we all know these are the best wings in town. And pasta, because clearly we also need us some pasta."
Shelby shook her head. "This is ridiculous as is your insane metabolism because I know you and Bear eat this crap at least five times a week."
"We've cut down to three," Joey admitted as she motioned the girls to help her take things out of the boxes. "Let's get these in the dining room okay?"
Santana gently pulled Rachel to her side as she rummaged through the bags with one hand. She began asking her quietly how her time was, even though Rachel could sense the tension in her sister's body. She glanced over at Quinn who seemed to be lost in space.
"Where's Noah?" she asked quietly.
"He'll be up in a few minutes," Shelby said catching her sister's eye. "Girls, carry this stuff to the dining room please."
Slowly the three of them sauntered out of the room.
"What?" Shelby asked looking at her sister.
Joanne sighed as she grabbed three beers from the refrigerator. "I know you have a lot on your plate right now," she began.
"But?" Shelby said annoyed.
"Rachel's been saying some stuff that you really need to talk to her about."
Shelby frowned. "What do you mean?"
"We were baking this afternoon and she was rambling about Quinn and how much she liked her but she was mad at her still but she knows how much they have in common." Joanne locked eyes with her sister. "And earlier this afternoon she was talking about how she's not a virgin and how she was ahead of girls in her class. I dont know what's happening in that tiny head of hers, but I think we need to." She took a deep breath. "I'm starting tho think she remembers more than we have assumed."
Shelby looked over her shoulder at the girls as they set the table. Crap, she did not need this.
…...
Plates and silverware clanged together on the table. Rachel kept staring at her brother and he kept looking away. Santana kept looking over at Rachel. Quinn was staring at her food as if she was having a conversation with it.
"Well, what a game on Friday, huh?" Joey tried to break the tension. Fail.
"I'm kinda full," Noah said looking at his pizza.
Shelby sighed. Of course they wouldn't eat.
"Noah?" Rachel said quietly. "We made you cake." She said it in such away that it almost sounded like a question.
He forced a weak smile. "Thanks."
"I'll get it," Bear said as he stood and went to the kitchen.
"Happy Birthday, buddy," Shelby said with a smile as Bear put the cake in front of him. "We can sing if you want."
Noah stared at the candles. "No," he said quietly. "It's fine."
He blew them out. They continued again to silently sit there and eat cake.
"See you can't even tell it's vegan," Rachel whispered to Quinn who tried her best to nod with a piece in her mouth.
"Can I be excused?" Noah asked suddenly. "Are we done here?"
Rachel looked at his barely touched piece of cake. She frowned. He looked away and back down at the cake. He shoveled the rest of it in his mouth and gulped it down with a glass of milk.
"Excuse me," he muttered. "Thanks Rach for the cake."
"Noah," Shelby called. "You need to stay here. I'm sorry. You're still grounded. You're not excused."
Another blanket of tension fell on the room. Noah was still standing behind his chair.
"Are you kidding?" he asked.
"Sit down," Bear said in a voice that rarely appeared. It was his cop voice. "Now."
Noah shook his head but took a seat. Happy birthday to me, he thought to himself.
Rachel watched him sink into himself. She had thought cake might make it a little better. She realized she was wrong.
About twenty minutes later, Rachel and Santana were clearing off the table in the dinning room. Quinn was in the kitchen with Noah, Bear, Joey and Shelby. Rachel left a slight streak on the table as she wiped it off.
"Rach, you missed a spot," Santana said as she gathered the last of the placemats.
"Why do you care?" Rachel asked with a frowned.
Santana chuckled in amused surprise. "Because I spent the whole day cleaning this stupid house."
"That's not my fault," Rachel said with a frown.
Santana set the mats down. "Okay, what's wrong?"
"Nothing!"
"Is this about your cake?" Santana asked gently.
Rachel pushed her. "Shut up! And no! It's not my fault that you're in trouble for something I don't even know what you did this time!"
The older girl put her hands up. "Calm down, Rachel. You're just mad because he didn't eat his cake!"
Her frowned softened with she saw Rachel's fierce eyes fill with tears. "It's not the cake!" the girl screamed. "Mom pulled me out of school!-"
Santana frowned. "What?"
Rachel didn't seem to hear her. She went on, "And then I'm excluded from whatever happened here because you all messed up! I'm never given the opportunity to do ANYTHING! I'm just like Charlie!"
Santana frowned. "How are you in anyway like the dog?"
"Never mind. Leave me alone," she said. "You just don't get it."
…..
Joey watched Quinn move carefully around the kitchen. Her pacing was so familiar.
"Jo, can you pass me those plates?"
The arguing from the dinning room made its way into the kitchen. The family seemed to look on. Shelby gave a sigh and walked in.
"What's going on?" she asked.
"What don't I get?" Santana asked.
"Everything!" the girl said.
"Rachel, you're tired, just go and sleep," Santana said waving her hand.
"Then what's your excuse? Huh? You're mad at everyone but never me. Get mad at me, San!" Rachel's fists curled at her side. "You're mean and you don't tell the truth and you bribe me with things to keep me happy when you're not happy at all."
Santana could just stare at her. She wasn't sure who this person what that was yelling at her. She didn't understand where this was coming from.
"Yell at me!" Rachel said. "Come on do it! You yell at Quinn! You yell at Noah! You yell at Mom! You scolded the lady at the coffee shop. Why never me?"
Santana looked at her with a frown her mouth slightly open. Rachel was pleading with her. She was begging and all Santana could do was stand there.
"Rachel, that's enough," Shelby said. "Go upstairs please. I'll be up in a few minutes."
Rachel shook her head and let her indigent tears fall as she left the room.
"Santana?" Shelby asked. The girl had her back to her. "Santana?"
"I'm fine," she hissed as she grabbed the place mats and headed back into the kitchen.
…...
Bear walked Noah up to his room.
"Are you going to watch me sleep too?" the boy asked in a frustrated tone.
"Hey, don't be a smart ass," Bear said with an annoyed cock of his head.
"Why did you follow me up here?" he asked.
"Would you rather me get your mother or Joey?" The boy didn't respond. "Have you been safe?" he asked finally.
"What?" Noah asked.
"When you're with girls have you been safe?"
"Of course," he replied.
"For real?" Bear asked.
Noah nodded. "Yeah."
"Have there been a lot?" he asked folding his arms and leaning against the door frame.
"Why, does it matter?" Noah hissed.
"Yeah, actually, Noah. It does. I know you party. I know you have sex. Every kid has those moments when they're sloppy and it's... well... SLOPPY! But you, Noah. You have so much anger in you that I don't want that anger to become a child in nine months that you need to love and care for for the rest of your life." Noah looked at his uncle for a moment and then looked away. "You're allowed to be angry, son. But you can't allow your need to express your anger become that big of a problem."
"I know that," Noah said. "I'm careful. Trust me. Whitney and I even went to the clinic to get her on birth control and I even..."
He trailed off. Bear frowned. "You even what?"
He looked up at his uncle. "It's not my thing to tell."
"It is if you were involved," he retorted.
Noah chewed his words and then finally spit them out. "I made sure San was safe too." He looked at his uncle. "You don't need to give me the baby lecture. I gave it to San."
Bear chewed his lip. He gave a heavy sigh. He hated that he wasn't more shocked.
…...
"Rach?" Shelby said as she sat next to her daughter in bed. Her daughter looked at her and then turned back away from her. "Rachel."
"I'm sorry about what I said to Santana," she muttered.
"Don't apologize to me. You need to apologize to her." Shelby sat next to her. "Aunt Joey told me about a conversation you had with her and Bear."
Rachel turned on her back and looked at her mother. "About what? Why?"
Shelby sighed and looked at her baby girl. She tried not to see how young she looked with her hair sprayed over her pillow and her tired eyes looking up at her. She took a breath and laid down next to her daughter. She wrapped her arm around her and Rachel instinctively rolled into her side. Shelby gave a soft smile. Rachel always let her snuggle.
"She said you had a bad dream but she also said that you're upset because you believe I wanted you out of the house for the talk I had with the other kids."
"The sex talk," Rachel said casually into her mother's side.
Shelby nodded. "Rachel, I need you to tell me about your nightmares lately."
"I don't want to make you sad," Rachel said quietly. "I know I'm okay once I wake up."
Shelby felt her heart break a little. "Sweetheart, the fact that you're having them makes me sad. I want to hear about them."
Rachel searched her mother's eyes. Finally, she spoke. "They jump around a lot, but mostly they're of him taking me to the room."
Shelby frowned. "The room? Who's taking you there?"
"Hiram," Rachel whispered. She moved closer to her mother but sat up slightly and pulled her knees to her chest. "There was a room where we stayed. He used to tell Noah and San that he was changing my diaper." She paused. "I...I …. remember that room."
Shelby froze. She had had long talks with Elyse. They had concluded long ago that Rachel hadn't remembered that. Noah had told Shelby and then later the court about how Rachel would always comeback from that room in tears and later they discovered she had bloody diapers. Hiram had been raping Rachel in that room. He admitted in court that it was "just with his hands or other things." At that moment when he admitted that on the stand, Shelby had to leave the courtroom. She had to leave not only because it was unbearable to hear but because she had to throw up and she did in the hallway. He had stuck things in her baby girl while she lay there sobbing, begging for him to stop.
The mother looked at the back of her now eleven year old daughter's head. She sat up and pulled Rachel to her kissing the top of her head as she combed her hand through her hair.
"How much do you remember about that room?" Shelby managed to ask.
"He was mean to me," she said quietly. "He would yell at me and throw things at me. Then he would come for me and lay me down on the coffee table."
Shelby came into the conversation knowing it would be hard but her heart and stomach were in knots. She hadn't been expecting this. Buck up, she told herself. Her daughter had lived it, she could bear to hear it.
"He would hit me and then he would push me down and he would hurt me...down there... a lot. It always hurt down there," Rachel said still in a soft, distant voice. "I've been dreaming about that room lately."
Why hadn't she said anything about this before? Why was this coming out eight years later? Rachel had told some about what she admit some about living with Hiram but mostly about how he was angry and hit her and how she was scared, but she never talked to them about the "other stuff." They knew she knew about the rape, but only knew, not actually remembered it.
"Is something different that I need to know about, Rach? Anything that you think might prompt these dreams?"
Rachel was silent for awhile. She was looking at her hands. Shelby couldn't see her eyes. "Rachel?" she asked after a few moments.
"Did it hurt so much because he...he went inside?"
Shelby felt a bile rush up in her throat. Rachel looked up and saw her mother's look. Her head immediately snapped back to her hands. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry," she said hurried. "See? This is why I never say anything. You get sad. I'm sorry."
Rachel climbed over her mother and ran toward the door. She flung it open and saw Santana standing on the other side of it with a similar haunted look. She cried harder and pushed her sister away.
"I'm sorry," Rachel cried as she ran down the hallway. Bear walked into the hallway from Noah's room and Rachel practically ran into him. "I'm sorry," she said again. He carefully picked her up and she didn't struggle in his arms. "I didn't mean to," she whispered as she buried her face in Bear's neck.
"It's alright," he whispered. "It's alright."
Rachel felt a two hands under her arms. She flinched.
"It's just me, bug," Shelby whispered. "I'm sorry. I was just wasn't prepared for that question. I will answer it and we can talk more about this if you want to."
Rachel turned and reached out for her mother and Shelby carried her back to her room. "I'm sorry," she murmured to her mother.
"Don't be, bug," Shelby said. "I'm sorry. You have nothing to be sorry for."
She carried her daughter back to Rachel's room but not before sending her older daughter a faint smile and her older sister a pleading look. Joanne took her queue and approached the girl.
Shelby laid back down with Rachel and hugged her tightly back into her so that her cheek was flush against the side of her head.
"I'm sorry I reacted like that, bug," she said softly. "It's just that I wasn't prepared."
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry," Rachel murmured repeatedly. Shelby couldn't help but wonder how many times the girl had sobbed that when Hiram told her she "had been naughty."
Shelby rocked her gently. "You have nothing to be sorry for. It was my mistake. You can talk to me, bug." She frowned. "Is this the reason you've never said anything before? Because you're afraid of how I'll react?" Rachel half shrugged her shoulder. "Sweetheart can you look at me for a second?" Rachel looked over her shoulder and then looked up slowly at her mother. "You need to know you can come to me when you're scared. Whenever you have bad dreams is this what you dream about?"
Rachel nodded. "I'm okay when I wake up," she said searching her mother's eyes. "I do come to you when I'm scared or San. I know I can talk to you... I just..." she frowned and looked at her hands. "I just don't."
"Why didn't you talk about it with Elyse?" Shelby asked.
Rachel shrugged. "Because I …. I was..." Shelby saw tears cascading down her cheeks. "People know... what happened... I'm... I'm on Google...I see how people look at me. I thought maybe I wanted to process it in my head first... and I …. I'm still processing."
"You don't have to process alone, bug," Shelby said as she combed her hair back with her hand and wiped her tears with her thumbs.
"but... I do..." she whispered. She looked up at Shelby with teary eyes. "Everyone... knows but me... and I want to figure out... what I…. what I know. Does that make sense?"
Shelby watched Rachel look at her with fear and worry. She kissed Rachel on her forehead. "I love you. And It does. But I would really like if you share with me what you're processing. you don't have to, but I would love for you to give me a chance and we can work together."
Rachel looked away and back down at her hands. "I... I didn't realize it until recently... I don't know...I always...knew, you know? but,...it comes back in bits and pieces ….I don't know what to say... I just... " She looked up at her mother. "I remember him on top of me...I think...I think that's when it was... but I remember crying and he was... on top of me..." Her glossy eyes looked up at her mother. Shelby held onto every fiber of her being not to look away and cry. "That really happened, right?"
Shelby looked at her tiny girl and took a deep breath. Her daughter needed her to be strong. "Yes, Rachel. It did."
She looked up at her with her big eyes. "Oh," she said looking at her hands. "I just... wasn't... I wanted to check."
She leaned back into her mother and Shelby took her safely into her arms. She never thought that she would have this conversation like this. Shelby knew that she would have to eventually. She could prepare for it, but she realistically couldn't. Based on what she has talked about with Elyse in the past eight years, they concluded she didn't remember a lot and they weren't going to push it. They knew that she remembered some but not all. But against, hindsight was 20/20 and as Shelby lay in the bed holding her baby girl she realized that she and Elyse didn't factor in Rachel's feeling, not about the trauma but about others. Even as a baby she was the most observant one in the family. She would sit on the floor, in the playpen, or in someones arms, just watching. She was quiet and she just soaked it all in. Shelby leaned down and kissed the top of Rachel's head as she combed her fingers through her long thick hair. Rachel never said anything because of everyone else, because she saw how they already reacted. And Shelby once again felt like a bad mother. How could she not have seen that? How did she miss what was going on in Rachel's head? You knew, she scolded herself. You knew that her nightmares should have been discussed, but you were too scared to push her. Eight years may seem like a long time to people on the outside. Time brought change in so many areas, but it also stood still in a majority of them. Their problems were still there, waiting for their turn to be addressed. This was only the beginning. Maybe Quinn had been right. She had been treating Rachel like she was broken. Perhaps she should give her more pace.
…...
Santana stared at her sister's door. She could hear the murmuring of their voices.
"Santana, let's go to your room," Joey said with her hand on her niece's arm.
"I don't want to talk to you," Santana said. "So please. Don't try."
"Santana," Joey said. "Let's go to your room."
The brunette walked ahead of her and sat on her bed. She could see Quinn sitting on the floor through the open bathroom doors.
"What do you want?" Santana asked. "Because honestly, I'm too exhausted to care."
"Cut the attitude," Joey said. "You need to get some sleep."
"I don't want to be in here talking to you. I don't..."
"Let your mom have some time with her," Joey said gently.
"No," Santana said. "I belong in there too."
"Santana," Joey said. "Stay here please."
"Don't you get it?" Santana said with a shake of her head.
"Actually, I do. I've been here," Joey said.
"Bull," Santana said brushing past her and into the bedroom across the hall, to where she was actually needed.
Santana opened her sister's room and saw Rachel laying sleepily on their mother. Shelby looked at her with understanding. "You sleep here, San, but that's it."
The girl gave a smile of thanks and crawled into her sister's bed.
Joanne gave a heavy sigh and looked over at the adjoining bathroom. Quinn was sitting on the floor with her hands folded with a look that said she needed to escape.
"Quinn?" Joey asked as she walked into the room. The girl jumped.
"What?" she said with a mask of fierceness.
"It's time for bed."
"Well I'm not tired," the blonde replied.
"Fancy that," Joey said sitting next to her. "Neither am I."
The blonde teenager looked at her in disgust. "You're not going to sit with me are you?"
"Maybe," Joey said with a shrug.
"I changed my mind," Quinn replied. "I'm tired. Please leave."
Joey tried to conceal her smirk at the girl's demand. She stood up. "Well, then good night, Quinn."
…...
Quinn laid in bed for a purposefully long time. She pretended to be asleep when Shelby came in to tuck her in. She pretended to be asleep when Joey peaked in a little while after that to confirm that she was 'asleep.' Quinn waited until the house was completely silent, until she was positive that people were asleep. She stood up and silently crept down the hallway. She made her way down the stairs and out the front door, not noticing the figure laying awake on the couch.
She wandered through the streets of Lima. They were familiar. The darkness of the night didn't scare her. It never did. there were far more scary things out there. She let her feet carry her around the neighborhoods until she found the place that she felt safe. The one thing that had been consistent. She took a seat and dove into the darkness of the old swing and allowed herself to escape.
"You shouldn't have left," a voice said gently.
Quinn looked up. Her heart was out of her chest by nature.
"Hi," she said to Joey. "I was going to come back. Are you going to tell?"
"I have to," Joey said. "But I knew you were going to come back. Also... I might tell Shelby we just went for a walk." She sat next to the girl on the swing. "Did you know Shelby and I grew up in Lima?"
She said it so casually.
Quinn nodded. "Yes, actually I did."
Joey laughed. "Your mother didn't like me," she said.
Quinn nodded. "Oh I know. She said a lot of terrible things about you and your husband."
Joey nodded. "Did she ever tell you we were friends?"
Quinn frowned. "What?"
"We were friends... Your mom and I." Joey said. "She and Shelby never got along, but your mom and I," Joey laughed. There was something about this brunette woman's laugh that lit up a room, or a dark park. "She and I got into so much trouble."
Quinn frowned. "I know she hates you. She always talked about what a disgrace you and your liberal ideals were to this community."
"They were once hers too."
"Well people grow apart. Get over it," she grumbled.
"I know," Joey said seriously.
The blonde teenager shook her head. "You're not going to give me some heartwarming hallmark channel lecture about how life and bad choices just caught up with my mother and that she'll come around, are you?" Joey looked at the girl, but Quinn couldn't read her. She went on. "Because I'm pretty sure that woman that I know and the woman you think you know, are two very, very different people."
"But in reality they're not Quinn," Joey said. "The Judy I know is in there somewhere."
"I'm pretty sure my mother's 'goodness' died a long time ago," she frowned. She shook her head. "I told her."
Joey stopped swinging and looked at her. "What?"
"I told her. I told her what he did. She knew. She knew about how he would beat me with the belt and sometimes she would even do it. But I told her that he..., I told her what he did when I was fourteen..." She looked at Joey in the pale moonlight. "Do you know what she did?" Quinn shook her head. "I thought that she was going to slap me. But instead, she laughed and then she beat the shit out of me. Those marks that that police report talk about? My father didn't give me those. I might still have some hope for my mother about other things, but...don't make her out to be some lost school girl, some Lima loser who got washed up in a bad situation. I don't need you to fight for her."
Joey watched the girl. Millions of thoughts collided in her mind. She knew where the girl would be and that she would be coming back because the look in her eyes was too familiar to the friend that she lost decades ago. Quinn looked at her waiting for a fight.
"Okay," Joey said. "I won't, but I'll tell you this. You have me. I know you don't know me and I don't know you, but I promise that I will fight for you."
Quinn shook her head. "Why?"
Joey looked at her softly with a smile that was more genuine than Quinn had ever scene. "Because I'm the best god damn lawyer around and," she said with a little sigh. "Why not?" She looked up at the moon. "You don't know this yet, but you deserve for people to fight for you. Not just me."
Quinn watched her in he darkness unsure of her intentions. The older woman stared up at the moon and remembered the last time she made the promise and how it had been misplaced. She had made the promise to a young Judy Garner who later became the infamous Judy Fabray. This time, Joey told herself. She would fight harder.
"I don't need you to," Quinn said standing up. "I'm not someone to save because you couldn't stay friends with my mother. I won't be your second chance. Can we leave please?"
Joey looked at her and to the girl's surprise she smiled. "Yes, we can leave. And whether you want, need, or bought it, you're getting my support, Quinn."
The girl frowned as she watched the older Corcoran walk to the car. She stood still. "Are you coming?"
"I guess, I am," Quinn mumbled and she followed Joey through the dark of the park toward the car.
A/N: This was a long one, again. Let me know what you all think.