Chapter 21

As she parked the car, she couldn't help but think back to her first time. She was six years old. Half her excitement was simply the fact that she was getting to do something alone with her Pop. She loved Frankie but sometimes it was just really neat to do something with her father as just the two of them. Tommy was just a baby so he wouldn't have been able to come along anyway. No, this time it was just Frankie that had to stay home and be jealous that she got to go. That added to the excitement of the moment too.

It was a birthday present. Something for just the two of them. And as the day drew closer and closer her anticipation also grew. She was beginning to understand that this was something special. Something that she would remember for a long, long time. The day couldn't get here fast enough. As an added bonus, she got to miss a day of school. That didn't please her mother but because it was a special occasion her Ma didn't keep her from going. She was only missing one day of first grade.

And finally, the day had come. She was up early. She really didn't sleep the night before. She was too excited. Too anxious. So, as the sun had barely broken across the sky, she had excitedly run down the hallway and into her parent's room. She dove onto the bed and practically screamed that today was the day. A morning wake up greeting that thrilled her father but annoyed her mother. Although to this day she was convinced she saw a smile on her mother's face when she was bouncing up and down on the bed excitedly.

There hadn't been any reason to be up at dawn. They didn't need to be anywhere that day until 1 pm. But the excitement was more than she could take and there was just no way to contain that kind of energy in a small bedroom. Her Pop understood. In fact, he had actually planned for this contingency. He had an agenda for the day to keep them both busy until it was to start.

First, he took her to breakfast. She had thought that was the neatest thing in the world. She had never had breakfast at a restaurant before. Lunch and dinner sure. But not breakfast. Breakfast you ate at home. But not that day. That day she got to have a special breakfast with her Pop at a place called Denny's. She had scrambled eggs, toast and orange juice. Her Pop had pancakes and coffee.

Next, Pop took her to the park to play. He had hoped that she would run off some her excited energy but it seemed to be limitless on that day. But, she had fun at the park. All the older kids who usually hogged all the good swings and slides were in school. She felt like she had the run of the park. Like it had been reserved for just her and her Pop. That portion of the day, breakfast and the park, would have been enough to make her 6th birthday one of the absolute best ever. But she hadn't even gotten to the best part of the day. Not yet.

Finally, it was time to go. They grabbed their gear and headed out. She could barely contain her excitement. She practically bounced out of her seat more than a few times during the drive there. That was back in the days when you didn't even to think of using a seat belt for a drive. On that day it probably would have helped contain the bundle of excitement that was Jane Rizzoli.

As soon as her Pop parked the car and they started to walk she was enthralled. All of her senses were overwhelmed. Sight, sound, smell all working overtime to process what she was seeing. There were hundreds, no thousands of people. Her Pop even reached down to take her hand so she wouldn't get lost in the crowd. The crowd. A sea of red all moving towards what she initially mistook as just an old warehouse building. That was until they got through the entrance and inside. Once inside, she knew it wasn't an old building. She knew she was at Fenway. For the very first time.

Her Pop took her towards their seats and she was almost overwhelmed by the size. Of everything. It was all so big. The grass was a shade of green she didn't think she had ever seen before. The brown of the dirt wasn't what the dirt at her house looked like. The people were everywhere. Everyone, including her and her Pop, wearing Red Sox shirts and hats. To this day she still remembers the contrast between the red of the people to the brown of the dirt to the green of the grass.

It hadn't been about the game itself that day. She would fall in love with the team and the sport as time passed and she watched and went more. That day, her first day, it had been about taking in the experience of being at a Red Sox game. Sights, sounds, smells. There was nothing else in the whole world like it. She could still make out some of the exact details from that day if she closed her eyes and concentrated really hard.

And besides the experience that was Fenway Park, it had been about spending a perfect day with her Pop. Just him and just her. Together. He was like an excited kid that day at Fenway too. He took in her reactions to everything. Smiling the biggest grin she would ever remember him smiling. He tried explaining everything to her. The Green Monster, the 'Triangle', 'Williamsburg', 'Pesky's Pole' all in an attempt to help create a mystique about the ballpark for his daughter. He had wanted the stadium to feel magical. And he had succeeded.

So much of that day would come flooding back to her when she would let it. Times when she was at another game she could still sometimes close her eyes and remember seeing the stadium for the first time. The day had been one of perfection and it would always go down as one of her favorite memories ever. So, it was no surprise to her that she was thinking about that day again on this day.

Parking the car she absentmindedly stared out the window. She let the feelings sweep over her. But this time, this time it was just a little different. This time was going to special too. But this time it was going to be special for an entirely new reason.

She turned her head and looked over at her passenger. A smile she privately knew matched that of the smile her Pop had on his face those 38 years earlier was plastered on her face. "Are you ready?"

The overly excited six year old boy with the Red Sox hat that was about two sizes too big for his head but he insisted wearing it anyway looked up with such excitement in his eyes and answered, "Yes Ma, I'm ready." Jane knew she was going to experience the other side of her son's first time at Fenway. The parent's side. And she felt like a kid again.

The funny thing about time is that occasionally it can be used to glimpse the future. For sometimes, when time stops the dreams begin.

"Come back to me Jane."

She heard it. And she immediately recognized the voice. Maura. Maura was trying to talk with her. Concentrating on the voice she waited to see if it really was Maura she was hearing.

"Wake up Jane. I need you to wake up."

Definitely Maura's voice. Jane knew there was not a sound on this Earth that sounded better than the one that was whispering into her ear. She focused on the task at hand. She focused on trying to open her eyes. Slowly, her eyes started to flutter open.

Everything was bright and fuzzy the first few times she tried to keep her eyes open. Too painful, she let her eyelids close. She waited a second and would try again. It took several more attempts before she could open and keep open her eyes. And slowly the world, the room, came into focus.

And Jane's eyes focused in on the most beautiful face she would ever know. Jane's eyes finally came into focus on the beautiful but worried face of her wife.

"Jane, hey. It's ok. You are ok," her voice was repeating that a few times.

"Maur….." Jane's voice was small, gruff at first. She swallowed and tried again. "Maura?"

Maura leaned and gently kissed her. Her forehead, the tip of her nose, her cheeks, her lips. The sensation of Maura's lips anywhere on her body both grounded Jane and helped snap her awake at the same time. Maura's touch always had such a magical effect on her.

"Hi," she said after her trail of kisses was coming to an end. She still had Jane's hand in hers. Had held it for over five hours and had no intention of letting it go quite yet.

Jane looked around and knew she was in a hospital. She just didn't remember why. "What…what happened?"

Maura didn't quite know where to start. She wasn't sure about several things herself and she didn't know what Jane did or didn't remember. "What's the last thing you can remember?"

Jane was quiet for a minute. She closed her eyes to try to think. Her head was fuzzy and she couldn't remember much. And then, "We were going to Harvard. Devin. Devin!" She said his name with a level of anxiety and she tried to sit up only to be met with Maura's resistance and her arms pushed her shoulders back down into the bed.

"Shhh! Relax Jane. Devin is in custody. We are both ok. Relax."

Jane looked around and again closed her eyes. She couldn't remember anything more than thinking they had been about to drive to Harvard. And everything else was just black. "How long?"

Maura understood that Jane was asking how long she had been out. "Most of the day the best I can tell. Like you, there are some gaps in my memory right now. But I would say about 10 hours."

Jane looked concerned and confused by the fact that Maura too was having memory issues. What the hell had happened to them? "Maura? Are you ok?"

"I've been checked out and I'm fine. No one else has been hurt."

"Tell me what you remember," Jane had some desperation in her voice. She needed to know what had happened.

Maura understood Jane well enough to know she did need to fill in the blanks as best as she could. So she recapped the day that she remembered starting from admitting that she, too, only remembered heading out to Harvard and then nothing until she came to on the couch in Devin's flat. She explained that Cavanaugh, Korsak, Frost and Cooper had all shown up in time and rescued her and apprehended Devin and how it was Frost that found Jane in the van. She explained about the Propofol and insisted that she had received less than Jane and was fine. And she assured Jane that Jane was fine, too.

Jane looked around the room. She hated black outs. They were disconcerting. "Does Ma know I'm here?"

Maura nodded. "Both the mothers are here. Together. Coffee run. And I think this time we are both in trouble," she offered trying to lighten the mood.

"Is Ma mumbling about my job and how it will be the death of her again?"

"I'm afraid so. And she's got Constance mumbling a version of that sentiment now too."

"If you look tired enough, you'll avoid the big lecture for a little while," she said with a smile. After a second she looked at Maura. "He's in custody?"

"Yes."

"And no one else got hurt?"

"No one else Jane."

"And you are sure you are ok?"

"I'm fine now that you are awake."

That put a smile on Jane's face. Looking up at Maura, Jane slide over in the bed and Maura immediate climbed up and into bed with her. They engulfed each other in a tight embrace and just held each other. Neither feeling the need to speak. Both lost in the sensation of being in the other's arms.

About fifteen minutes later the door to Jane's hospital room opened and both Angela and Constance walked in. Both were pleased at the sight that greeted them. Jane and Maura were curled into each other on the bed which was a sweet sight to behold. But what meant even more to them both was that Jane was awake.

"Janie! You're awake. Are you ok? How do you feel? Do you need anything?" Angela's questions went flying fast and furious at Jane.

It made Jane smile. It meant things were getting back to normal. "Yes, I'm awake. Yes, I'm ok. I feel fine except my head is a little fuzzy." And she looked down at the woman in her arms, "And I have everything I need right here."

Hearing this, Maura squeezed her tighter.

The four women spent the next hour together. Maura and Jane sat up but Maura wouldn't get out of Jane's bed. Constance and Angela took the chairs and all chatted about anything and everything except what had put both Jane and Maura in the hospital in the first place.

Eventually a nurse announced that visiting hours were ending soon and started to make reference to Maura returning to her own room. Maura wanted to stay with Jane but because it was the ICU she wasn't going to be allowed. Begrudgingly Maura finally got up to head back to her own room. She leaned in for a kiss from Jane and then Constance offered to wheel her back to her room.

Angela was about to head out for the night but Jane asked her to stay behind for a minute. Once Maura and Constance were gone Jane motioned for Angela to sit down.

"Ma? Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

Jane stared at her mother for a minute. "Maura wants kids."

Angela stared back at Jane. That wasn't a question. And she already knew that. So, she waited for Jane to get to what she wanted to ask.

"I can't go more than three months without ending up in a hospital bed. How am I supposed to agree to have kids when I can't guarantee I'm going to be around to help her raise them?"

"Sweetheart, is that what you are worried about?"

"I'm absolutely terrified. My job is dangerous. Maura and I seem to attract danger and trouble. How is bringing a child into that kind of life, this kind of life, how is that the right thing to do?"

"Jane, no one can make any kind of guarantee when it comes to the future. Your father and I didn't have dangerous jobs when we had you and the boys but neither one of us could guarantee the other that nothing would happen. No one can. Yes, you do have a dangerous job. And yes, you have endured more than your fair share of injury and trauma. But you are still here.

"You will never be able to promise Maura nothing will happen to you. You will never be able to promise her that you won't leave her alone. Just like she will never be able to promise that to you. No one can make that kind of promise. But that's no reason not to live your life to the fullest. You can't shy away from life, from your future, because you are afraid of dying. The only promise you can make to Maura is to love her and that you will do everything you can to come home to her and your family every night."

"Will that be enough?"

"Trust me Jane, that's more than enough."

A/N Only 1 more chapter remains for this story. It will be ready by tomorrow.