Not much farther to go my friends!
It seems that every bright light in Korea is extinguished before its time. Leaving the baby at the monastery is just another one added to the other side and it feels like the war is more stacked against him.
They filter into the Officer's Club feeling more exhausted than before. He is still shaky from holding onto a live grenade while Father Mulcahy searched for the pin. His nerves are shot and he could use a drink. When he orders, all eyes turn to him. It's the green ones that get him the most so he leaves his glass untouched. It's only two more days until he has a week of sobriety in.
She leads him to her now empty tent and he pulls her to him on her bunk. They lay in silence each contemplating their own thoughts.
"I miss her." Margaret speaks first.
He drops a kiss on her forehead. "I know."
They lapse back into silence and they can hear the sounds of the camp settling in for the night.
His eyes are heavy but his mind won't stop turning things over.
"Would you ever want kids of your own?" He asks before he really thinks about what he is saying.
He feels her tense against him but she is slow to respond.
"I use to think about it but I didn't think kids would fit in my life." She avoids answering his question.
"Do you think they would at some point?" He presses on.
She rolls away from him some and he can feel a chill from the loss of her body heat.
"I really liked having her here." Her voice holds a sad note.
He rolls onto his side and rises to prop his head up on his hand. "You were great with her." His smile is wide.
She laughs. "I couldn't get her to sleep! Could you imagine? I would be exhausted because my baby won't sleep at night." She giggles again at the absurdity. "You wouldn't get a bit of sleep and forget about any private time for us."
He can tell the moment she realizes what she just said. She goes still and draws a deep breath in but won't look at him.
"You still think about it." He says in the quiet.
She closes her eyes and nods her head. Of course she thinks about it. How could she not? He has become such a big part of her life that she isn't sure how she will be able to go her way when the war ends. She hates herself for the times she hopes it doesn't.
"It should be any woman's dream."
He frowns at her cryptic response. "But not yours?"
She shakes her head but still doesn't look at him. "You will find a wonderful woman that wants to spend her life with you."
He turns her face to his. "I already found a wonderful woman I do want to spend my life with."
"Don't say it, Hawkeye." He can see the plea in her eyes. "Please don't spoil what we have now by talking about the future."
Because it is late and he just wants to go to sleep beside her, he lets it drop for now.
0000
Meeting military brass does not usually rattle Hawkeye but this is not just another Colonel passing through.
"So you're the one seeing my daughter." Howitzer Al Houlihan's voice is deep and gruff.
BJ and Potter watch avidly in the Officer's Club.
"You could say that." Hawkeye does not want to tempt fate with the father of his…he's not sure what to call her really.
"Hmmph" is the man's only response as his eyes stare him down.
Hawkeye resists the urge to look away.
"You going to make an honest woman out of her?"
It's the dreaded question and Hawkeye isn't sure how to answer it. He hasn't exactly asked her to marry him but he has told her he wants to spend his life with her. She has twice now firmly made it clear she does not want the same.
"I don't think Margaret wants marriage." It is a very honest and risky response.
The man glowers at him and he thinks how ironic it is that both father and daughter have the same angry expressions.
"Maybe you're just not good enough for her." The Colonel's words are acerbic.
He ignores the shocked expressions of the other two men at the table. Potter starts to open his mouth to defend him but Hawkeye puts a hand up to stop him. He agrees with the man's assessment of their relationship. This is something that he has wrestled with since the beginning. He could argue but it would be pointless.
So he does the only thing he can do. "You're right. She deserves better." With that he stands and walks out of the Officer's Club.
0000
He returns to the Swamp feeling uneasy. It has been difficult enough being rejected by the woman herself but to have her father throw in his opinion does nothing for Hawkeye's ego. When the war ends, so do they. For as much as he hates the war, a part of him never wants it to end so she won't ever say goodbye.
The door to the Swamp opens and he is soon joined by BJ.
"Howitzer struck a bit of nerve didn't he?" He asks as he fills a glass from the still.
"You could say that." Is Hawkeye's vague response.
BJ is silent considering his words. "What makes you think Margaret doesn't want marriage?"
Hawkeye closes his eyes as he thinks about what to say. He hasn't said much to his friend about any of it and he thinks it is because he wants something that is untainted with these emotions so that when he is alone and feeling lonely he has something that does not remind him of her so much. However, this is his best friend and he is at such a low point with it that he needs to talk about it.
"She said when the war is over so are we." The camp is quiet save for a few crickets and the hum of music from the Officer's Club in the distance.
Margaret is career Army and has never hid her desire to move up the ranks. BJ knows that Hawkeye has no desire to have anything to do with the military when his obligation to it is through.
"Do you want it to be over? " BJ has been on the outside looking in. Hawkeye and Margaret both have been rather closed lipped about the nature of their falling out but he could see the toll it exacted on them both. They ran away from one another but still managed to come back together. He knows though she has a very different perspective of life than Hawkeye. After seeing how Hawkeye reacted to not having her in his life, he is more than concerned what will come next.
"I love her," Hawkeye's blue eyes are haunted with feelings he can't seem to shake. "I want her in my life and not just in Korea. I want it all."