Funny fates 21.
The fates were at it again. I had long already given up on trying to find out what I had done previously to wrong them so extremely that they kept fucking up my current day to day life.
I had learnt quite a bit on my journey to and from Kiri these past few weeks, more so about Konoha's relationship with the Uchiha Clan. I more or less knew at the back of my mind that my inappropriate activities with one (informal…?) aforementioned clan heir would very probably reach Ame well before I did, because such was the nature of the shinobi world, but I suppose I hadn't really accepted it.
The array of facial expressions, therefore, that greeted Itachi and I when we arrived, ranging from shock, indifference, grudging acceptance, humour, admiration, and of course, rage, reminded me that missing nin or not Konoha Shinobi would always remainthe same.
"TEEEEMEEEEEEEEEEE," Naruto yelled, blue eyes narrowed with undisguised fury as one of his clones created a rasengan on his palm. Before it was even fully complete he was already sprinting in our general direction, with the delusional thought that he even had a chance of landing it. At the very last second, Itachi gracefully side-stepped him, causing Naruto to somewhat harmlessly fly past and into a few trees behind him. A barrage of expletives loud enough to be heard from the trunks he buried in followed that would make the Hyuuga Clan matriarch faint.
I raised an eyebrow. I had no idea Naruto was that crude. He'd been hanging around Hidan too much, it seemed.
"Did he force you?" Shishou grumbled, eyeing Itachi up and down as if contemplating to punch him into a dark-haired, indifferent pulp.
I refused to blush. "No."
"Did he seduce you?" Kakashi-sensei asked casually, flipping a page of his porn. He probably saw this coming. He is a genius after all.
The blush happened, against my internal struggle to contain it. "Yes."
"Did you enjoy it?" Shisui asked in a sing song voice. My eyes narrowed.
I calmly picked up a small pebble and lacing it with some chakra, flicked it in his general direction. It hit him on the forehead and he flew some ten or so feet backwards. I smiled sweetly at him, noting with sadistic satisfaction that his head was already pounding from the inside out. "Yes," I yelled, my sadistic amusement increasing when I saw him wince followed by a grumble along the lines of extensive vocal cords.
"Why so soon, though?" Pein asked, sending a sly smirk to both of us, causing me to blush even harder. Konan tried (and failed) to stifle her giggle. My eyes narrowed further. I didn't like where this was going.
Itachi returned Pein's sly smirk. "First of all, she is mine. Secondly, I knew we wouldn't have a chance to…indulge in each other once we came back."
Well…quite the choice of words there. Indulge in each other indeed.
"About time, too. At the rate the sexual tension was building up between the two of you, I was almost requesting Godaime here to medically deal with both of you," Sasori noted, calmly sipping his coffee, brown eyes shining with revelry.
Sasuke, also blushing as furiously as I was, simply sent a dark glare at Itachi, which he ignored. I opened my mouth to say something, but the narrowing of his sharingan'd eyes promptly informed me that he did not even want to hear it. I couldn't really blame him though. In his position I'd be as embarrassed and furious as he was. His older (hotter) brother had just screwed the ever living shit out of one of his best friends and teammate. How the hell do you deal with that kind of awkward situation?
I suddenly noticed Konan walking away, a slight bounce in her step. I also noticed that the infirmary wall was fixed, no doubt Diedara's handy work. What?!
My eyes widened as it dawned on me.
"KONAN!?" I screeched in indignation, much to Pein and Shisui's complete amusement.
I looked up the heavens. Why, fates? Why?!
…
She did it. She was behind it all, the conniving bitch.
"Well, she did get you there, hands down," Kurenai-sensei said, smirking at me as she coaxed little Roku to sleep.
"You didn't stop her? Why?" I whined, still not very sure what emotion I was experiencing.
"Because we all knew it would work. You noticed Shizune, Tsunade-sama and Kakashi, three very dangerous shinobi to cross and the most over-protective people concerning you here didn't do anything about it."
Remember all those months ago when I broke the wall of the infirmary which Pein refused to have Diedara fix and made me…cohabit with Itachi? Well, Konan was very intent on having Itachi and me hook up so that the multiplication of the Uchiha Clan can be guaranteed, so she came up with the brilliant idea that Pein shouldn't fix that bloody wall and demand that I stay with Itachi 'until further notice'.
Ha, until further notice indeed. I swear Konan is the she-devil herself. What the fuck?!
Naruto and Sasuke, on the other hand, had totally refused to talk to me. There was no way in hell they could beat up Itachi because of how powerful he was, so they settled on sulking instead like a bunch of overgrown spoilt brats. At this point in time there were other much more important things to deal with and I really didn't have the mental energy to deal with them. It's not like it was my fault. I was entirely helpless in this situation. The Fates were conniving with Konan, goddammit.
"Yo, Kisame," I asked when I spotted him in the kitchen. "Have you seen Shisui? I wanna talk to him."
"Go check out the training grounds. He was trying some stuff out with Kakuzu."
"Thanks," I said, as I sprinted towards the training grounds.
When I got there, it looked almost as bad as when Shishou and I do taijutsu training. Deidara, who has rather large chakra reserves almost always collapses in near exhaustion restoring the grounds to what they once were.
"Deidara's not gonna be happy about this," I muttered, looking around at the extent of the destruction, no doubt Kakuzu and his million souls' work.
"He's gonna have to take it up with Pein," Shisui retorted, panting.
"Anyway, Shisui, I need to talk to you. Got some time?"
"Yeah, sure. Can I just go shower first? I feel like shit." He sniffed his armpit, causing me to cringe. Boys can be so yucky. "Smell like shit too."
"I'll meet you in the sitting room," I muttered, still cringing in disgust. How can you just lift up your arm and sniff yourself? I doubt even cavemen did that kind of uncouth stuff.
Forty five minutes found both of us in the sitting room. One look at the look on my face and Shisui became much more sedate than usual.
Goofiness might have skipped a generation or two in the Uchiha clan, but perception for sure did not.
"I need to talk to you about some stuff. It's a little private, I suppose, which is why I don't really want anyone else to listen in."
He eyed me intensely. "Itachi-chan took you there, didn't he?"
Yep. Perception definitely never skipped a single generation of the Uchiha clan. I nodded in response to his question.
"Did he tell you everything?"
I nodded again.
"Very well," he said, his voice betraying nothing. "Ask your questions."
"Where were you guys when Madara infiltrated Konoha to annihilate your clan?" I murmured quietly.
Shisui sighed, then swallowed heavily.
"I'm sorry," I blurted out quickly upon realising that I'd brought back memories he'd rather not remember. "It's okay if you don't wanna talk about it."
He looked at me and half-smiled, half-smirked that sad, sad expression like Itachi's. I'd never quite realised just how good-looking he was until now.
"No, kid. It's okay. I need to talk about it. Bottling it is isn't healthy." He sighed again, much more shakily this time.
"We were sent out on a mission. It was a recon to go talk to one of Jiraiya-sama's toads, but Yondaime was rather vague about the details. Itachi-chan was immediately suspicious because he and I, being high calibre ANBU operatives were almost never sent on missions together. I suppose he knew Madara would attack then, and strong as we were we would most definitely fall to his blade. He needed an excuse to get us out of the village ASAP, and this mission was the best one. Sasuke-chan was easy to hide, being genin and all. I'm still not sure whether my and their parents were dead yet by the time Madara got to Konoha since they had left Konoha earlier on, but when we found them they were already destroyed. Turns out they were going to give Tsunade-sama the Uchiha tome to hide it from Madara. Luckily for us, they succeeded."
His voice held that same sad, regretful quality Itachi's had a few days ago. It as well never faltered, cracked or wavered. It was clear and quiet, and significantly lower.
"We got to the place and found Gamahiro. He simply handed us a note left by Jiraiya-sama and disappeared, and it was obvious he had strict instructions not to say anything. The note was from the clan head and chichi-ue. It explained the tome and instructions for Itachi-chan and I to master the katon techniques in there, as well as the explanation about Madara, Konoha and our clan. It ended with them, Yondaime and Sandaime apologising for not being able to protect us, but the sanin would always have our backs. They even gave us the background story about us committing our clan's genocide to keep the Konoha Council off our backs for the time being until shit got sorted out. We later on encountered the Akatsuki, and Pein took us in. Probably by then he was already secretly working with Jiraiya-sama and an indirect ally of Hokage-sama and Konoha, but who knows what goes on in his head?"
He laughed quietly, sadly at that.
"What about the tome?" I asked, only just refraining from pulling him into my arms for an embrace.
He shrugged one shoulder. "We found it and mastered the katon techniques. Some of them are rather complex, but we're Uchiha. Itachi-chan mastered his Eternal Mangekyou about a year and a half after we joined Akatsuki. I just recently mastered mine, about the time you joined us. Sasuke-chan is gonna start his training real soon, probably tomorrow. No way in hell he's gonna master it by the time we go to full war, but we are sure he'll be able to activate it, and that's our goal, I suppose. He'll get the katon techniques in a month tops. Naruto's subjugated the kyuubi, you're really strong too, we need Sasuke to be on par with you guys if we're to defeat Madara."
At mentioning my ability my eyes narrowed imperceptibly. Did he know that I was capable of activating my hyakugou? As I was busy contemplating this, he laughed quietly again.
"I'm an Uchiha you know. I can't study your chakra flow, but I can tell where it's heavily concentrated. You most definitely can activate your hyakugou, because you have the exact same chakra concentration on your forehead as Tsunade-sama."
My eyes widened in shock. Did Itachi and Sasuke know too?
"Only Itachi-chan, Kakashi, Shizune and myself know, so don't get your panties in a knot, kiddo." He suddenly smirked mischievously. "Considering how massive your forehead is, isn't the diamond thingy supposed to be wider so that it doesn't look ridiculous when you actually activate it?"
Smiling sweetly, I flicked his forehead with my middle finger and he flew from the sitting room through the dining room into the kitchen. His rough collision with the island is what stopped his further momentum. I'd used just enough strength to make sure he wouldn't destroy anything.
Suddenly, I felt a strong, menacing pattern. It was as if this shinobi just reeked of death, violence and destruction. It was ridiculously strong, and I knew that if I was a lesser kunoichi I'd have collapsed. Itachi and Pein immediately appeared, kekkei genkai activated and ready for combat.
"Well fuck," Jiraiya-sama muttered, the first time I'd ever heard him curse.
"Shishou," I asked the moment she appeared to Itachi's left. "What is going on?"
"Uchiha Madara is here."
Cliffy bitches. Beg me to continue this. BEG ME! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA *cough* *cough* *hack* *cough* *clears throat*