"I know, but we gotta- we gotta just leave him alone for a while, Sanji."
"Are you even LISTENING to yourself? Goddamn it, you can't possibly think what Marimo's doing's RIGHT!"
"I didn't say that! But half the time he doesn't even wanna be in the same room as me, so if I keep pushing- if he thinks I'll try 'n MAKE him stay- he's gonna freak out. He might decide he's leaving NOW, even though he's not ready. Chopper says he's not healing like he should 'cause he's pushing himself too hard, and I don't-" Luffy makes a low noise of frustration and resumes pacing back and forth across the balcony, neck and shoulders rigid with tension. "I don't want Zoro getting hurt or killed 'cause I chased him away before he could get better."
"GET BETTER? Who the fuck are you kidding, Luffy? He's not going to GET BETTER, not by slinging those bloody weights around or picking fights with half the island- and not by pulling this lone swordsman shit either! I don't know what the hell that idiot thinks he's doing or where he thinks he's gonna go, but he doesn't belong OUT THERE," the cook argues, flinging out one arm to indicate the horizon before them. "He belongs HERE, with you, with me, with the whole goddamn crew!" To Sanji's disgust, the captain shakes his head, and he utters a growl of exasperation. "Can you honestly, for one second, tell me you actually WANT him to-?"
"IT'S NOT ABOUT WHAT I WANT!" The younger pirate snaps, eyes flashing dangerously as he whirls to glare at the blond, but in the next moment, his shoulders sag in defeat and he turns away to rest both hands on the railing. "What I want doesn't matter as long as Zoro's happy. Even if that means he needs to be- needs to be somewhere else instead of- instead of-" Instead of here with me. With us. He doesn't finish the thought aloud, but it isn't necessary.
Captain and crew aren't only thing Zoro intends to leave behind, and they both know it. He's also abandoning his partner. Lover. Nakama. Family.
Sanji doesn't know how to respond to this, and for several minutes they stand in uncomfortable silence, until-
"Oi... Sanji-?"
He realizes the rubber man's trembling, fingers shaking so violently where they're gripping the wrought iron that the entire railing's quivering, and when Luffy glances back over his shoulder, his expression's twisted with misery and he's crying, cheeks wet and nose leaking thick, clear streamers of mucus.
"Sanji- what am I s-s-supposed to do without him? Wh-What am I supposed to do without ZORO?"
It's not a question for which Sanji has an answer, and the cook doesn't know what to do for his bewildered, lonely captain other than reach out and drag him into a tight embrace, ignoring the copious tears and snot and holding on stubbornly when the younger pirate makes a low noise of distress and tries to push him away. Eventually Luffy stops fighting to escape and starts desperately clinging to the other man instead, both fists bunched in his shirt and forehead smashed against his collarbone as he endeavors, unsuccessfully, to muffle the harsh braying sobs escaping his throat.
Shit. Shit. This whole thing's so WRONG, the blond thinks, raising a hand to adjust his crying crew mate's straw hat to prevent it being crushed between them, unaware that he's swaying slightly, rocking his dark-haired friend in his arms. That shitty mossball oughta be the one here now. Not me. Goddamn it, Zoro- don't do this to us. Don't do this to Luffy.
xxx
The captain may have given orders, but a few hours later when Sanji walks into the Sunny's dining hall to discover Zoro seated sideways on a bar stool at the counter, staring wordlessly out the front porthole window while the crew's doctor fretfully examines his lower belly, the blond's hard-pressed to honor Luffy's wishes and hold his tongue.
The swordsman's shirtless, damp with sweat and clearly fresh from one of his brutal training sessions- or possibly yet another fistfight, given the new bruises blooming on his collarbone and one pectoral. As the green-haired pirate shifts uncomfortably in his seat, gaze darting towards the door to see who's entering the room, the light falling across his face reveals another large contusion darkening his left cheekbone.
Although he doesn't completely relax upon identifying the intruder, Zoro loses a little of the wariness he wasn't quick enough to hide in the first place. Not that masking his expression successfully would've helped much anyway; not when the person he's trying to deceive doesn't need to rely on sight alone to catch him doing it.
He thought I was LUFFY, the cook realizes with growing dismay and disgust. Guess he sensed my haki but couldn't read it, so he figured it might be Luffy checking up on him. Shit, no wonder he's so damn twitchy even when people knock- his Kenbunshoku's still all screwed up.
His intention's to ignore Marimo and slip behind the counter to resume sorting through the scorched, broken crockery and dented pots and pans that failed to survive the fire as well as the ship's subsequent gymnastics in the assault on Impel Down, but he finds his gaze automatically drawn to where Chopper's Heavy Point fingers are swiping gingerly at their first mate's exposed abdomen with a saline-saturated square of gauze. The sutured skin he's cleaning, visible between unbuttoned trousers and rolled-up haramaki, looks painfully irritated, and Sanji can't help wincing in sympathy because the last wounds he remembers being that inflamed-
Thing's gonna scar. Just like his chest and ankles. And his eye. And- well, anywhere he got sliced up when Chopper wasn't around to-
"Oi." Spoken in a voice so low, it's almost a growl. "Sure you haven't got anything better to do than fuckin' stare?" Highly conscious of the way he's being scrutinized, Zoro's glaring at him, body gone stiff and radiating hostility.
"I don't know. Do I?" The cook fires back, abandoning all pretense of disinterest. "You were out starting shit again, weren't you."
"Not that it's any of your goddamn business, but you might wanna keep in mind- I FINISHED whatever I STARTED."
"Zoro- Zoro, I need you to hold still," Chopper cautions his patient in a shaky, pleading tone that makes it clear he'd rather be anywhere else than caught between feuding crew members. " S-Sanji, could you please just- give us a little space?"
"Drag his ass in the infirmary then. I don't need his shitty attitude in my kitchen."
"I'm not IN your fucking kitchen," Zoro snarls, emphasizing this point by slamming a fist down on the counter separating the dining hall from the kitchen proper, and the blond flinches despite himself- not because he's truly startled, but because the swordsman's used his right hand without consideration for his own injuries and it's impossible to miss the intense pain that flashes across his face as contact with the hard surface jars the healing wounds.
"ZORO!" The reindeer crouching beside him cries, reaching instinctively for the damaged appendage, but their first mate shoves him away and struggles to his feet.
"Don't worry- you won't have to put up with me for much longer." He spits at the cook, voice seething with venom. "In your kitchen OR your dining hall OR ANYWHERE ELSE on this goddamn ship." And then he's gone, throwing open the door with one shoulder as he barrels through it while fumbling clumsily to readjust his clothing, efforts hindered by his maimed, throbbing hand. It slams shut behind him with enough force to rattle the lamp fixtures, and there's a loud, immediate thud overheard as Franky flings his hammer in disgust and starts shouting angrily at the swordsman and anyone else in earshot, asking just how the hell he's "expected to fix ANYTHING around here when you guys keep breakin' shit!"
"Shit," Sanji mutters, running trembling fingers through his hair. "Luffy's going to kill me."
"Why couldn't you just leave him alone?" Chopper demands, throwing down the wad of soiled gauze he's squeezed into a crumpled ball, where it joins several others scattered beneath the stool. "Do you know how long it took me to get him in here? And what's all that stuff he said about Sunny?"
Too taken aback by the furious resentment creasing the normally cheerful doctor's brow to protest the mess on the floor, Sanji collapses onto the seat beside the one Zoro just vacated. "God, I think that's the most I've heard him say in weeks..."
"SANJI-"
"Fine, fine," the cook sighs, slouching against the counter as he rummages in his shirt pocket for a cigarette. "Apparently Marimo told Luffy he's leaving... and I was kinda hoping the stupid moss-for-brains was just blowing steam- but it looks like he's serious."
"Zoro said WHAT?" Chopper's returned abruptly to his usual form, and his large, expressive eyes are now swimming with tears as he stares up at Sanji in confusion and horror. "He- he CAN'T! He-" There's a thousand and one reasons evident in his trembling jaw and drooping ears, but when he opens his mouth to give them life, all that emerges is another explosive "HE CAN'T!" and then he's fleeing the dining hall as well, stumbling outside crying for Zoro to stop- to wait- to listen. To stay.
"Way to go, dumbass," Sanji mumbles aloud to himself when the reindeer's gone, taking a deep drag on his cigarette and holding the smoke in his lungs for a moment or two before exhaling noisily. "Captain says to leave the guy alone, so what do you do? Can't even make it through the bloody day before you lose your shit and bust the poor bastard's balls anyway- and if that's not enough, then you get other people hounding him too." He blinks, irritably swiping moisture from his lashes with his shirt cuff. Damn breeze, blowing smoke in my eyes. Guess I better go shut that door.
xxx
News of Zoro's impending departure spreads slowly but surely throughout the remaining crew. Gathered around Iceburg's long banquet table a few nights later to share yet another awkward meal almost entirely devoid of even the most menial conversation, the Straw Hats pick listlessly at food that turns to bitter ashes in their mouths, most of them trying to avoid meeting the eye of the swordsman who's deliberately chosen a seat that leaves several open chairs between him and them.
It's not difficult. Not with Zoro's gaze fixed on the food he's bolting down almost faster than he can chew it and his stiff frame repelling all hesitant attempts at communication, making clear his intentions to finish his meal as quickly as possible before heading back to the docks and resuming his endless drills until exhaustion forces him to retire to the crow's nest bench for a few hours of sleep. He's been spending day and night on the Sunny, determined to take full advantage of the gym and its equipment before he's forced to leave it behind, and he only returns to the mansion when it becomes absolutely necessary to refuel his aching body or to hit the bathhouse for a quick shower since Franky's still working on Sunny's plumbing.
The green-haired pirate doesn't know what they'll do with the larger dumbbells after he's gone, considering no one else but the shipwright or the captain himself's ever been able to shift the heaviest of them more than a few feet- but in a short while that won't be his problem anymore. Once he's gone, they can dump the damn things in the harbor or even donate them to the Galley-La shipyard to melt down as scrap metal for all he cares.
Kitetsu and Shuusui and the remains of Wado will be coming with him, of course, but otherwise he plans to travel light. Despite the many places the crew's visited during the length of time he's served as their swordsman and first mate, he's accumulated very little in the way of personal effects. Everyone else has always managed to fill the ship with their own junk: the cook's kitchenware and his extensive wardrobe of finely cut clothing, Usopp and Franky's half-finished gadgets, Robin's volumes upon volumes of books, Nami's maps and those odd bits of treasure she deems too precious to trade or sell, Chopper's medical texts and infirmary equipment, Luffy's collection of interestingly shaped sea shells and other random shit he's collected during their travels...
But years as a bounty hunter taught Zoro to carry only what's absolutely needed, and even before the fire that scoured the ship and destroyed the majority of everyone's personal effects, his locker was empty except for a few thread-worn shirts, a haramaki or two and his katana maintenance kit.
Not that what's left of my kit'll do me much good anyway. Not with Wado in pieces and Shuusui bent like a fucking boomerang.
He's concentrating so intently on inhaling his dinner, barely tasting it much less having any clue what he's even eating, he doesn't feel the two sets of eyes burning holes into him as the despondent captain stares in his direction, absentmindedly pushing barely-touched food around his plate while Sanji glares across the table at them both, angry and frustrated and seriously contemplating just grabbing them both by the hair and smashing their heads together because this whole thing's just so-
C'mon, you idiots- just LOOK at each other for more than five seconds, goddamn it! Can't you see what you're doing to yourselves? What you're doing to the rest of us?
Rather than serving the meal as usual and forgoing his own in favor of dancing attendance on the ladies, the cook's sitting with the crew, exactly as he's done for the past three days. His own thick blanket of depression's rendered him incapable of preparing anything edible for the nakama he's grown so accustomed to feeding. He'd initially attempted to continue business as usual when they arrived at Water Seven, but after days of watching Luffy push away half-filled plates, he'd found his confidence shattered.
Following his confrontation with Zoro in the Sunny's dining hall, he'd been so distressed he'd found it impossible to follow even his simplest, most familiar recipes, and when he'd finally kicked in an oven and frightened the kitchen assistants so badly they refused to continue working with him, Paulie had taken him aside and told him that the Galley-La employees would handle things from then on- and to please leave the kitchen before it suffered any further damage.
He supposes he ought to be insulted, but in reality he doesn't really care. The joy and peace he usually finds in cooking's no longer attainable, and he's lost his interest in showering their female crew members with culinary delights, because perfectly arranged platters and artistically designed desserts don't mean shit when the first mate's on the verge of permanently ducking out and, despite crying himself to sleep every night, the captain's showing no signs of stopping him.
We're falling apart, Luffy- don't you understand? You let HIM go, and what's going to hold the rest of us here? If HE leaves, it's only a matter of time before-
"-or shall I pass it to someone else?"
"Hmm?" The cook blinks dumbly at the salad bowl under his nose, then at the woman holding it. "Ah, Robin-chan. Thank you."
"You're welcome, Cook-san."
She's calling everyone by their old names again- the ones she used before we rescued her from Enies Lobby...
Sanji's not entirely sure what that means- but he knows it's not a good sign. The historian's reestablished a certain emotional distance between herself and the others, and the blond's disturbed to realize that while he doesn't remember exactly how long ago it started - days? weeks? - she's been referring to everyone by their occupational titles for quite some time now.
I don't know, but I think- every day, it's getting worse. But even if that's true... the sooner TODAY's over, the better.
No one's dared mention it, but he's sure his crew mates are both equally and painfully aware of the day's importance. Before circumstances required otherwise, Chopper had promised Zoro he'd do his best to perform the laparotomy around thirty-nine weeks gestation, explaining the pregnancy would be well-advanced enough at that point to ensure the baby would be born fully developed and unlikely to suffer complications from premature delivery. But the doctor had also given the bed-bound swordsman a due date tentatively based on actual childbirth averages, in hopes that having a fixed deadline- or, more aptly, a goal- might make the wait a little less stressful.
It's difficult to say how much the older pirate's affected by the knowledge that today would have marked his son's arrival, given his renewed refusal to speak more than a word or two at a time to any one of them, but there's a tension in Zoro's demeanor that makes the cook think their first mate - he stubbornly refuses to consider the man as anything else while he's still taking meals with the crew, declaration of departure aside - is set to explode like one of Usopp's Gunpowder Stars.
Luffy's a different story. The rubber man, normally notorious for his poor memory, doesn't have any trouble whatsoever remembering what was supposed to happen today, and he's spent the afternoon wavering between tearful despondency and severe agitation, barricading himself in their empty rooms only to emerge moments later to stalk the hallways with hands shoved deep into his pockets and bloodshot eyes blazing with conflicting emotions. Regardless of his location, however, his angry despair's been evident in his clenching, unclenching fingers and his tendency to snap terse words at anyone who lets their gaze linger on him for too long. Even now, he's quiet and withdrawn and hasn't eaten more than a bite or two of his food.
Sanji knows their captain's thoughts keep straying to a calendar laying somewhere onboard the Sunny, pages turned to the current month- with today's date circled repeatedly in Nami's mapping ink and marked with a badly-drawn smiley face and several fat exclamation points.
"C'mon, Sencho- just 'cause Chopper pulled that particular date outta his ass doesn't mean it's really gonna be the kid's birthday! I mean, I sure as hell don't wanna wait that long- I'd like to see my goddamn feet again sooner rather than later."
"Shishishi! Zoro's so impatient."
"Damn it, Luffy, look what you- Nami's gonna wring your neck for wasting her ink. And mine for not stopping you!" A sigh of exasperation. "Look, you made a frickin' mess- you even got it on your FACE for fuck's sake. C'mere and lemme- oi, now what's so funny?"
"Nee hee, look, Zoro's got it smeared on his belly."
"Shit! Here, take your stupid calendar and get the hell outta here so I can take a nap before your brat wakes up and starts kicking the crap out of me again."
The blond nudges his barely touched plate away, knowing he's completely lost his appetite.
He's leaning back in his chair with his eyes shut, listening to the click and clatter of Zoro's fork as the swordsman impales potato wedges with ruthless efficiency and the faint rustling that betrays his crew mates' movements as they shift uncomfortably in their chairs, and he's wondering if every one of them - himself included - is simply going slowly but irrevocably mad, when someone finally breaks the silence with an apologetic clearing of their throat.
"O-Oi, Luffy?"
"... hmn?"
"Today's- well, I don't wanna say it was SUPPOSED to be important 'cause I know it's definitely still a b-big deal even though-"
Sanji's eyes immediately pop open, his gaze darting down the table to fix on the sniper who's sweating and stammering but stubbornly persevering nonetheless. What the hell does that long-nosed idiot think he's-?
"A-Anyway, I- I've got something for you. I was planning on giving it to you a-after, for the- but now you won't be able to-" Usopp takes a deep breath, blinking furiously as gathering tears begin to sting his eyes. "I-It got damaged in the fire and I figured it got thrown out while we were cleaning out the men's quarters, but then I found it again when I was digging through my locker after you asked me to repaint the Jolly Roger, so I saved it- and- and-" The sniper, face painfully scrunched as he fights to keep his composure, wipes the moisture from his cheeks with his forearm. He withdraws a small wooden object from the pocket of his overalls and offers it hesitantly to the nonplussed captain. "I don't know what you'll do with it. B-But I still want you to have this. It's- well, I guess I don't need to tell you why I made this and not an animal or a- a rattle or something."
"Oh," Nami says very quietly, her own first tears escaping unnoticed down her cheeks as she bunches the tablecloth in knots between her quivering fingers. And then even more softly. "Oh."
Luffy accepts the carving in trembling hands, features largely unreadable and composed save for the nervous tic of muscle jumping in his jaw. Unaware he's risen to his feet and swaying unsteadily in place. Unaware that somewhere down the table, his swordsman's frozen with fork hovering between plate and open mouth. His voice fails him completely the first time he opens his mouth to speak, so he clears his throat, swallows, and tries again. "Usopp... th-thank-"
"WHAT THE FUCK."
That furious, disbelieving snarl's the only warning the rubber man's given before he's struck unexpectedly from the side. He staggers, nearly biting through his own tongue and unable to finish expressing his choked gratitude as the wind's driven from his lungs, because after setting down the fork he's just bent in half and rising silently from his chair, Zoro's lunged across the empty seats to claim the object they've all been staring at with slightly widened eyes, hitting his partner hard enough to knock him not just off-balance but nearly off his feet entirely.
Mouth set in a firm line, the swordsman stares down at the slightly blackened toy sword - a dagger, really, only five or six inches from rounded hilt to blunt tip - that he's ripped from the captain's hands. For a moment his crew mates are convinced he's going to faint as the color continues draining from his already pale face, but then a hectic flush spreads across his nose and cheekbones, and he bares his teeth in a horrible grimace as he raises his knee, fingers tightening on opposite ends of the carving to bring it down with punishing force.
"DON'T!" Luffy shrieks, leaping forward to intercept him. The resulting impact sends the wooden trinket shooting out of his enraged first mate's grasp and spinning end over end across the tabletop, bouncing off plates and silverware. The younger pirate's scrambling to intercept it when Zoro's fist collides with his jaw, snapping his head back and sending dishes flying in all directions when the blow sends him careening into the table with enough force to move its heavy frame several inches across the carpet. Most of those still seated leap to their feet, shocked.
Luffy himself rises more cautiously, the blood trickling from his split lip to mingle freely with the dregs of someone's overturned wine glass dripping from his chin and collar.
In the stunned silence that follows, Robin brushes a few stray lettuce leaves from her lap onto the floor. Hand still loosely curled in a fist, Zoro stares at their captain through one slightly widened eye, momentarily startled by the overwhelming ferocity of his own actions, but then his gaze hardens and the room erupts into chaos as everyone starts shouting at once.
"SHIT!"
"Somebody, grab him before he-!"
But although the green-haired pirate's advancing on his opponent, he's stalking past and not towards him, glower fixed on the toy sword that's come to rest between Brook's water glass and the bread basket, wobbling lightly on its stubby hand guard.
"Leave it alone!" Luffy barks when he realizes where the older man's headed, his sharp order backed by enough haki to make those nearest- Sanji included- wince and clutch at their heads, but Zoro doesn't so much as glance back at him. Carelessly dashing blood from his mouth with one wrist, his eyes narrowing as his pupils constrict, the captain snatches for the swordsman's collar and knots his fingers in the fabric at the older pirate's throat, pulling him off balance as he yanks him around so they're glaring at each other face-to-face. "I said LEAVE IT ALONE!"
"Don't touch me, goddamn it! LET GO."
"NO. Usopp gave that to me- it's mine 'n I don't care if Zoro doesn't want it, but he's NOT gonna break it!"
"What the hell are you getting so goddamn worked up about-?" Zoro growls back, prying at the fist knotted under his chin and cursing when he can't break the iron grip. "It's just a fucking shitty piece of driftwood he hacked up with a bloody pocketknife! IT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING!"
Usopp flinches, and a snarl of outrage bursts from the Straw Hat captain. "IT MEANS EVERYTHING, YOU STUPID-!"
"YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S STUPID, THINKING A FUCKING CHUNK OF WOOD'S WORTH SOMETHING WHEN IT'S NOT WORTH SHIT!" His partner roars in reply, spraying spittle as his vocal cords strain with the volume of his rebuttal. Face no longer pale but positively blazing with color.
"Oi, that's enough!" Sanji shouts, gripping the back of his chair in preparation for shoving it aside and moving forward to break up the fight, but following a quick word from Chopper, Franky takes the cook's shoulders and pushes him gently but insistently back into his seat before he can twist away. The blond struggles, unleashing a furious torrent of verbal abuse on the cyborg, but the shipwright refuses to let go because the agitated reindeer at his side's right; their nakama's liable to get himself seriously injured trying to step between the feuding pair when his body still hasn't fully recovered from Akainu's punch. At the moment they're ignoring everyone except each other in their dispute over Usopp's gift, but there's no knowing how they'll react to direct interference.
"If it doesn't mean anything, then why'd you wanna break it?" Luffy hisses venomously, tightening his grip on both fistfuls of his first mate's collar even as he jerks his own head back, narrowly dodging the vicious headbutt aimed at his face. "Zoro's a shitty liar!"
"Get your fucking hands OFF me," Zoro snarls, abandoning all attempts to pry the younger pirate's fingers loose to seize Luffy's forearms, bearing down on them so forcefully that only the rubber man's unique constitution keeps the bones within from snapping like dry twigs. The pressure required for such a crushing hold tears open the healing flesh on the stumps of the swordsman's missing and truncated fingers, painting his crew mate's arms and bunched sleeves with smears of blood as the two pirates struggle in each other's grasp, but the pain doesn't deter the older man. "You don't understand-"
"I DON'T understand! I don't understand why it's only gotta be about YOU. BECAUSE ZORO ISN'T THE ONLY ONE WHO LOST SOMETHING!" The captain screams in his partner's face, abruptly shaking him with such violence that he loses his footing and staggers sideways, nearly pulling them both down when he still refuses to let go. When he regains his balance, however, his back's slightly hunched, and after a moment or two, several bright blotches of crimson begin blossoming through his shirt and haramaki- evidence that several stitches in his abdomen have given way.
Horrified, Chopper rushes them in Heavy Point and tries desperately to pull them apart before they compound the damage already done, but he can't budge either man, and they're too busy shouting at each other to even notice his presence.
"WHAT THE HELL WOULD YOU KNOW?"
"HE WASN'T JUST ZORO'S- HE WAS MINE TOO!"
"Oh my god, Luffy- Zoro, please- just please stop," Nami groans through the fingers clasped over her mouth, stumbling backwards until her shoulders and rear bump into the wall and she slides to the floor covering her face with both hands, and then Robin is beside her, wrapping a supportive arm around the navigator's quaking shoulders, while the others strive helplessly to defuse the situation.
"Guys, c'mon, don't do this-"
"Perhaps if you'd both just sit down and-"
"Franky, let go of me, goddamn it- before they fucking kill each other!"
"Oi, Mugiwara, don't-"
Ignoring his crew's barely-contained panic, blood dripping steadily from his mouth and nostrils, the captain slowly overpowers the older pirate, forcing him to his knees. "He was my son too, and he was- he was-" Luffy's fighting tears now, his eyes stinging furiously as he's bombarded by memories: the endless walk through the Soldier Dock to the open starboard-side hatch while the briny scent of seawater assailed his nostrils, the weight of the baby's body heavy like a stone in his arms. The sudden, shocking absence of that weight when he'd-
I let go. I LET GO. I tried to take it back- I TRIED- but-
His hands resemble pale starfish as he plunges them through the water, lunging forward undeterred by the weakness already stealing through his flesh, because all that matters is hooking his fingers into the trailing sailcloth that's sinking further and further out of reach beneath the surface, and his mind's screaming "I LET GO I LET GO I LET GO" over and over and over, and even though he'd told himself he'd do it- he'd do this one terrible thing so Zoro wouldn't have to- HE WANTS TO TAKE IT BACK. That moment when he-
Robin's arms close around his waist, hauling him back from the edge- hauling him back inside the ship- before he can follow his son - MINE, MINE AND ZORO'S AND WHY DID I LET GO - into the ocean's depths, and the historian's embrace is gentle as she pulls him close but her eyes are wide and filled with tears and fear because he's struggling against her, groping for the hull and the water and that last faint glimmer of disappearing sailcloth and telling her "NO, NO, LET ME GO" and in that moment, he means it. In that moment, he wants to follow his child, knowing full well it means his certain death.
But she doesn't let go. She refuses to release him, her trembling arms a passive reminder that she needs him, the crew needs him, ZORO needs him- now more than ever- and that moment passes and the urge to hurl himself overboard passes, although when he buries his face against her breast to muffle the howl of regret and grief ripping its way from his throat, those words are still caught inside him and glowing like a red-hot brand seared into his mind. Let go, let go, I LET GO.
Heart aching, he'd gone back to Zoro, and now here they are, locked in combat, and he's dodging an awkward kick aimed at his groin, catching his partner's boot heel high on his thigh and loathing every moment of this. Feeling as though he's caught a tiger by the tail, because Zoro's BLEEDING, AGAIN, and it's his fault, AGAIN, but he's afraid to let go. As soon as he lets go, Zoro will probably either run away - this time for good - or try to kill him, and part of him feels like he deserves to die for being the cause of the pain and confusion and suffering visible beneath the anger on his lover's - no, I can't call him that anymore, even though I do love him, because it hurts too much, but I don't know if I can call him my swordsman anymore either or even my nakama, because he doesn't want me anymore and Zoro's not MINE anymore and oh god I hate this, I hate it so much - on the other man's face.
"Luffy, he's going to rupture more stitches," Chopper warns, hauling anxiously on the younger pirate's sleeve, but the rubber man jerks away from the doctor without looking at him, dragging the snarling, struggling swordsman with him as he moves down the table to retrieve the wooden sword.
"O-Oi, wh-what are you going to do with that?" Usopp asks nervously, so frightened and bewildered by his overwrought crew mates' unpredictable behavior that he's half-convinced Luffy intends to stab first Zoro then himself in some horrible, vindictive act of murder-suicide, but to the sniper's relief, the Straw Hat captain simply stuffs the toy into the sash tied over his shorts- presumably for safe-keeping- and releases his grip on their first mate's shirt.
On his knees, blood seeping down the crotch of his trousers to drip slowly to the floor below, the older pirate reaches out to catch the hem of Luffy's shirt with one hand to prevent him from walking away, the other groping clumsily for the hilt protruding from his waistband. "Give it- to me!"
"No," Luffy insists, but although he's wrestling to maintain possession of the weapon, the fury and fight's left him, leaving nothing but grief and exhaustion in their wake. "-'cause Zoro's just gonna try to break it again. And it's- it's the only thing I have to remember Ace." And now he's crying in earnest despite his best efforts to hold back the tears as they roll down his cheeks, hanging briefly suspended from his chin before falling to dampen the swordsman's shirt.
Zoro flinches at the captain's use of their son's name. His pupils constrict, shrinking until they're barely visible and his face goes deathly white as he sways slightly on his knees, fingers frozen where they've closed on the pommel of the wooden toy- that roughly but lovingly-rendered object which made the emotions he's sought to blunt and bury deep inside suddenly snap back into sharp, painful focus the moment he saw it cradled in Luffy's hands with the same reverence and tenderness he remembers the younger pirate displaying while holding their child's carefully wrapped body.
"Careful, Sencho," Robin murmurs softly from where she's sitting on the floor beside Nami, stroking the navigator's auburn hair as the younger girl cries soundlessly against her shoulder, well aware that whatever the captain says next will determine whether the situation ends in more bloodshed and tears- or something slightly different.
"He had a name, and he had people who loved him and-" Luffy takes a deep breath, swallowing the whimper caught in his throat, and when he continues, his words are punctuated by the broken sobs he's no longer struggling to contain. "I CAN'T. I can't- make myself forget him, Zoro- I tried at first, but it felt all wrong and- Ace didn't do anything to deserve that. So I can't- I can't do it, Zoro. I can't forget OUR BABY." He squeezes the blood-smeared fingers wrapped around the wooden sword's hilt. "If you gotta go, then- I won't- I won't stop you- if it's really what you w-want. But- at least- let me keep this? Please?"
The younger pirate's cracking voice is full of such pure, raw emotion that it's surely capable of drawing tears from stone, and as desperately as the swordsman's tried to harden his heart, it's composed not of diamond or granite but vulnerable muscle that's now beating at a painfully rapid rate inside him. Even so, it's strange how much an organ made of flesh can feel as though there's fine fractures spider-webbing across its surface, splitting and widening into fissures that rush inwards straight to his core, and while there's no audible, telltale crack within his ribcage, he feels it just the same when the callous shield he's constructed quivers- and breaks.
Zoro's chest hitches, his clenching throat stifling a hoarse sob. Color first creeps, then rushes, then floods back into his face as the first drops of moisture spill from his brimming right eye, tumbling slowly downwards like a trickle of water wandering through a dry river bed- and then, without warning, the dam bursts, releasing a deluge from one eye and a steady stream from the other despite its damaged lacrimal gland. Tears pouring unevenly down his cheeks, more than he's cried since his oath to remain undefeated following his humiliation at Mihawk's hands and possibly since Kuina's death, the swordsman throws his arms around Luffy's waist and shoves his wet face against the captain's stomach with a low, ragged wail of misery.
The younger pirate stumbles and sits down hard, teeth clicking shut on his tongue tip, but he barely registers the flaring pain because his first mate's clinging to him in desperation, back and shoulders heaving with heartbroken sobs as he truly grieves for the first time since he woke to discover he'd failed to protect their offspring- failed to protect ACE. He cries for the baby, himself, his partner, and the crew, and he cries for everything that's been lost- everything that's been sacrificed or wrenched from their grasp.
"Finally," Sanji breathes, running a shaking hand through his hair and exchanging a helpless glance with Usopp, who looks as though he doesn't know whether to be horrified or relieved that his simple gesture's miraculously breached the wall they've watched their nakama building around himself, cutting off contact with those who care about him.
Seated on the floor with his swordsman bawling uncontrollably against his chest, Luffy raises grief-stricken, imploring eyes to the watching crew, mouth trembling and twisting as he struggles to voice the one thing they've all requested of him at one time or another but that he's never asked for himself. Neither he nor Zoro. "H-" He swallows hard, now so blinded by tears he's seeing nothing but motionless blurs where they're standing or sitting. "Help?"
It's barely a whisper, but the Straw Hats move as one, answering their captain's tremulous plea.
Sanji reaches them first, stubbornly ignoring the ache in his rib cage as he kneels to enfold both men in a cautious embrace, wrapping one arm around Luffy's shoulders and gingerly offering Zoro the other, unsure of his reception and ready to withdraw if necessary. To the cook's surprise, however, Marimo doesn't push the intruding limb away but merely raises his head, bringing his flushed, tear-streaked face into view and although the green-haired pirate's sobbing too forcefully to speak, there's acceptance and gratitude in his crumpled features.
Chopper, no longer in Heavy Point, crawls into their laps without hesitation. The doctor, fur thoroughly dampened by his own tears, immediately begins working to staunch Zoro's bleeding incision and wounded hand, but he can't resist pausing frequently to hug all three of them- particularly the swordsman he's treating.
Usopp joins them next, and then Nami and Robin and Franky and Brook, until the entire crew's gathered in a tightly intertwined, companionable huddle with captain and first mate cradled securely in the center, flanked on all sides by protective, supportive nakama, and it's not long before those who weren't yet crying are also shedding plentiful tears, mourning a loss that's deeply affected each of them regardless of whether they recognized or acknowledged it.
They remain that way for a long time, and when a concerned Iceburg and overly anxious Paulie eventually enter the dining hall to find out why the kitchen staff's hovering outside, fidgeting and murmuring nervously to one another, the Galley-La's president and vice president take one look at the tangle of weary, reflective Straw Hats curled on the carpeted floor and immediately back out, closing the door quietly behind them and warning the mansion's employees to leave their guests undisturbed.