Chapter 21

It is over. It is over, and Anakin is alive, and well. And he won the race. I cannot begin to record the amount of tampering and cheating and trickery that is involved with this, but it is over, and has turned out well. Qui-Gon said afterwards that this is the most infamously dangerous amateur race in the galaxy. I'm glad I did not know that until it was over. We did not think Ani would make it – he had a slow start, and a few very close calls. Thousands of spectators gathered to bet on their favorite racers, hoping to win a fortune, or to cheer at a particularly horrendous collision. Padme and I watched every moment of the race on a holocast. Tears of pride came to my eyes at the victory of my young son. He is the first human to have ever won this race, they tell me.

But that is not all. I did not know this, but part of the wager Qui-Gon made with Watto was for our freedom. But he would not have it – Qui-Gon told me this very gently after the race. I am to remain a slave, but Anakin is to be freed. He is so excited to be flying in a starship with a Jedi knight.

I am so happy for him. Not for a moment would I wish that he would remain on this hot horrid planet just so indulge a mother's love. I completely trust Qui-Gon with my child. But I still can't help but think this is going to be the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. To say goodbye to my son.

He is going to be raised to be a Jedi – Qui-Gon said he will personally train him. He did a blood test just a few hours ago, and I overheard Obi-Wan, who was back on board their ship with Padme, repairing the generator, say that he had a higher midi-chlorian count in his blood than he had ever seen before in a sentient being. Now I must go. If I am strong enough, I will finish this after the departure.

He is gone. An embrace, a last conversation, and my little son is gone. I am going to record every word we said, so that I can read it again and again.

I said to him last night when Qui-Gon told me that he should go. He asked why I couldn't go too, and steadying my voice, I took his hands in mine. I told him that my place and future was here, but that his could be anywhere he wanted. I told him to let go – to let go of me... It made it so much easier to say that he is letting go of me, when in reality it is I that must let go of him.

"I want to stay with you," he said to me. "I don't want things to change." I told him that changes happen, and we can't stop them, no more than we can stop the suns from rising and setting. He thought about this for a while, and then I said,

"Listen to your feelings. They will tell you what is right." When he looked back at me, there were tears shining in his deep blue eyes – eyes I will always have in my mind, and on my heart, every moment of the day.

"I'm going to miss you so much, Mom..." he whispered. I could only nod, and tell him to run off and gather his things as quickly as he could. Qui-Gon was left standing in the entry way, in his kind face a nameless emotion in a vast amount.

"Thank you," I told him. I meant it. Anakin will have a much better life than he could ever have staying here on Tatooine.

"I will watch after him. You have my word." In two long steps he crossed the room and stood before me, placing a heavy hand on my shoulder. I covered it with mine and closed my eyes, daring to lean against him for a brief moment. "Will you be alright?" His voice was gentle. I straightened. I still don't know why I did what I did, but I will be forever grateful to his kindness.

"He was in my life for such a short time," was all I could think to say.

Then before I knew it, he was bidding goodbye to his friends, and then began to scamper off after Qui-Gon who had started up the street ahead of him. Then he turned. I will never forget how he looked, the rough loose clothing that he always wore rumpled, and his thick hair catching the suns' rays. He came hurtling back down the street and into my arms, crying quietly.

"I can't do it, Mom. I just can't," he gasped. I knelt and put my hands on his shoulders.

"Remember when you climbed the great dune to chase the herd of banthas away from the hunters? Remember how you kept collapsing and thinking you couldn't do it? I know how strong you are, Ani. I know you can do this. You must..."

"Will I ever see you again?" The question struck me like a laser beam in the heart.

"What does your heart tell you?" My voice, unlike my emotions, sounded calm and controlled.

He wiped his face and squinted in thought and at last nodded. "I hope so... yes... I guess."

Giving me a fierce hug, he whispered against my shoulder, "I will come back and free you, Mom."

I told him that no matter where he is, my love will be with him. I told him to be brave, and not to look back. If there is anything I have learned in my life of hardship, it has been to never look back.

Now I must hold myself to the charge I gave my son. Somehow, I feel that if I am strong, he will be too, and yet, I know that as long as he is strong, he will by my strength as well, no matter where he is. I watched them until the bright sun reflecting on the hot sand hid them from view.

The house is so quiet.