Disclaimer: Not mine
*. . .* denotes thoughts
Yes, here is a new chapter. I know that I'm not updating regularly, but I'm very busy with school and all. And I didn't really know how to continue this chapter. I've got the main plot in my head, but working that plot out. . . Not easy.
So I just write what comes to my mind, and I hope you like it. Make sure to let me know!
Warning: some not so pretty language here. Also some heavy emotions.
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Bleeding the tears
After Xander had done his homework, he went to visit Ron in the infirmary. He also found Hermione there, lecturing about the necessary precision of potion brewing. They hadn't noticed Xander.
"You have to be very careful when you are brewing a potion Ron! You were too distracted, I saw so myself! Why were you so distracted?"
"Didn't you notice that Xander took a seat next to Malfoy?"
"I noticed Ron. But I, unlike you, did also notice that it was the only seat left!"
"Yeah, sure. If you are so smart, Hermione, then why don't you tell me why he slipped a piece of paper to Malfoy!"
"There could be lots of reasons. Don't jump to conclusions, Ron!"
Hermione seemed irritated. Ron always jumped to conclusions, and never allowed anyone to explain themselves.
"I'm not jumping to conclusions, 'Mione! First he lands into the infirmary and he won't tell us how it happened. Then he finds out that Snape. . . you know. And now he's fraternizing with the enemy!"
Hermione looked helpless. She couldn't explain to Ron why Xander would do such a thing. She didn't understand herself. But she trusted Xander. They were friends. Xander wouldn't betray them, right?
Xander felt a mix of emotions. Anger, sadness, disappointment. He walked closer and Ron noticed him. He said nothing for moment, but anger was clear on his face. Anger that was directed to him.
"Traitor!"
One single word. One word that hurt like no other had. Xander felt mortally wounded. It stung like a needle a thousand times over.
Ron wasn't finished yet.
"You filthy, no good traitor! I can't believe I ever considered you a friend! You just keep secrets and now you're up to something with that dung eating Malfoy! I never want to talk to you again, you son of a bitch!"
Hermione didn't look at Xander. She just kept looking at the ground, wishing that this wasn't happening. Not again. Not with her caught in the middle. She was always trying to help, always trying to do good. Always being the negotiator. But this time, she said nothing to salvage the situation. In reality, there was nothing she could have said to salvage the situation. Ron his temper wouldn't allow it. And Xander. . . She didn't know how Xander would react. Finally she looked up, only to find that Xander was gone. She stood up and left with Ron calling after her. She didn't answer, she didn't say anything. She just wanted to be alone for a moment.
Xander was heartbroken. He was mortally wounded. His soul bled the tears he couldn't cry. He did it again. Ron accused him again without knowing what was going on. He had insulted him and worse. Xander couldn't stay in the same room as Ron. He couldn't talk to him, he couldn't rage at him. All he could do was stay silent and leave.
Xander was heartbroken.
He had trusted Ron with all he had. There were just things you couldn't tell him because of his hot temper. But beside that, he was the most trustworthy person you could ever have.
Xander was mortally wounded.
He was dazed. He couldn't believe that Ron had called him a traitor. Had he so little faith in him? Was he really a traitor? He wasn't, was he? He just got to know Draco from another side. And he wasn't that bad. He even was on the good side. He considered him a friend.
His soul bled the tears he couldn't cry.
Xander had arrived in his chamber. He was hurting. Merlin, he was hurting. He just wanted the pain to end. He still couldn't believe it. Ron had called him a traitor, but it was him who felt so betrayed. . . .
Hermione was sitting in the library, reading some 'light' material. But her mind was not into the books. She kept thinking about Ron and Xander. Ron had a point, but he shouldn't have insulted Xander like that. But Xander had secrets. He had told them that he had secrets he wasn't ready to tell about. So Ron wasn't exactly right, right? It was so difficult! If only Ron hadn't such a hot temper. If only Xander didn't have secrets. If only. . . She turned her mind back at the book and tried to read.
Xander wanted to cry. He needed an outlet for his emotions. He wanted to yell and rage and throw with things until they were broken, but he just couldn't. He knew only one way. But he had promised his father to go to him if he felt like cutting himself. But he had a staff meeting right now. He couldn't possibly bother him now. He reached for the knife he had hidden in his trunk and held it into his hand. The weight was so familiar and comforting. He slowly cut his arm. And again. And again. . .
Draco had been training quidditch on the field and now he was tired. Happy and tired. He decided to say Xander goodnight before he turned in. He walked the stairs to Xander his room and opened the door. The sight that greeted him stunned him. Xander was cutting his own arm. And he already had scars there. Why was he cutting his own arm?
"Xander, stop cutting yourself!"
Xander looked at him, eyes lacking emotion. He kept cutting his arm, no longer paying attention to Draco. Draco ran to him and grabbed the knife.
"Why Xander? How long. . . ?"
Draco performed a healing spell on Xander his arm. He motioned for Xander to sit down. He lifted up Xander his chin so he could look into his eyes. Draco saw infinite sadness in them.
"Why?"
Xander just sighed.
"I don't want to talk about it."
"Tell me!"
Draco didn't mean to yell. He just wanted to know why.
"It's Ron. He is angry with me. He called me a traitor because he saw me passing that note to you. As for why?"
Harry sighed again.
"I know I shouldn't cut myself. And in case you wonder, father knows. He told me to go to him if I felt like cutting myself. But it isn't that easy, you know."
"You still haven't told me why."
"Because it helps. It helps to release my emotions. To dim my pain. I'm. . . bleeding tears instead of crying them. Because I can't cry, Draco. I just can't. What is wrong with me?"
Draco was unsure of himself. He never comforted anyone before. His father would have beaten the crap out of him if he had. But He had to try, Xander was his friend. His only real friend.
"Nothing's wrong with you. Trust me on that Xander."
"You wouldn't say that if you would really know me! I'm not who you think I am, so why don't you leave me alone!"
Draco's eyes went cold and his whole manner radiated anger.
"I. Am. Not. Leaving. You hear me? You are my friend, even if you have secrets. Even if I don't really know you. And you know why? Because I trust you. I trust you with my live. If you don't like it, tough luck!"
Xander looked at Draco. He saw that Draco really meant it. He felt tears gathering in his eyes. For the first time in a long while he cried, even if it were only a few tears.
Review please!!!!!
*. . .* denotes thoughts
Yes, here is a new chapter. I know that I'm not updating regularly, but I'm very busy with school and all. And I didn't really know how to continue this chapter. I've got the main plot in my head, but working that plot out. . . Not easy.
So I just write what comes to my mind, and I hope you like it. Make sure to let me know!
Warning: some not so pretty language here. Also some heavy emotions.
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_
Bleeding the tears
After Xander had done his homework, he went to visit Ron in the infirmary. He also found Hermione there, lecturing about the necessary precision of potion brewing. They hadn't noticed Xander.
"You have to be very careful when you are brewing a potion Ron! You were too distracted, I saw so myself! Why were you so distracted?"
"Didn't you notice that Xander took a seat next to Malfoy?"
"I noticed Ron. But I, unlike you, did also notice that it was the only seat left!"
"Yeah, sure. If you are so smart, Hermione, then why don't you tell me why he slipped a piece of paper to Malfoy!"
"There could be lots of reasons. Don't jump to conclusions, Ron!"
Hermione seemed irritated. Ron always jumped to conclusions, and never allowed anyone to explain themselves.
"I'm not jumping to conclusions, 'Mione! First he lands into the infirmary and he won't tell us how it happened. Then he finds out that Snape. . . you know. And now he's fraternizing with the enemy!"
Hermione looked helpless. She couldn't explain to Ron why Xander would do such a thing. She didn't understand herself. But she trusted Xander. They were friends. Xander wouldn't betray them, right?
Xander felt a mix of emotions. Anger, sadness, disappointment. He walked closer and Ron noticed him. He said nothing for moment, but anger was clear on his face. Anger that was directed to him.
"Traitor!"
One single word. One word that hurt like no other had. Xander felt mortally wounded. It stung like a needle a thousand times over.
Ron wasn't finished yet.
"You filthy, no good traitor! I can't believe I ever considered you a friend! You just keep secrets and now you're up to something with that dung eating Malfoy! I never want to talk to you again, you son of a bitch!"
Hermione didn't look at Xander. She just kept looking at the ground, wishing that this wasn't happening. Not again. Not with her caught in the middle. She was always trying to help, always trying to do good. Always being the negotiator. But this time, she said nothing to salvage the situation. In reality, there was nothing she could have said to salvage the situation. Ron his temper wouldn't allow it. And Xander. . . She didn't know how Xander would react. Finally she looked up, only to find that Xander was gone. She stood up and left with Ron calling after her. She didn't answer, she didn't say anything. She just wanted to be alone for a moment.
Xander was heartbroken. He was mortally wounded. His soul bled the tears he couldn't cry. He did it again. Ron accused him again without knowing what was going on. He had insulted him and worse. Xander couldn't stay in the same room as Ron. He couldn't talk to him, he couldn't rage at him. All he could do was stay silent and leave.
Xander was heartbroken.
He had trusted Ron with all he had. There were just things you couldn't tell him because of his hot temper. But beside that, he was the most trustworthy person you could ever have.
Xander was mortally wounded.
He was dazed. He couldn't believe that Ron had called him a traitor. Had he so little faith in him? Was he really a traitor? He wasn't, was he? He just got to know Draco from another side. And he wasn't that bad. He even was on the good side. He considered him a friend.
His soul bled the tears he couldn't cry.
Xander had arrived in his chamber. He was hurting. Merlin, he was hurting. He just wanted the pain to end. He still couldn't believe it. Ron had called him a traitor, but it was him who felt so betrayed. . . .
Hermione was sitting in the library, reading some 'light' material. But her mind was not into the books. She kept thinking about Ron and Xander. Ron had a point, but he shouldn't have insulted Xander like that. But Xander had secrets. He had told them that he had secrets he wasn't ready to tell about. So Ron wasn't exactly right, right? It was so difficult! If only Ron hadn't such a hot temper. If only Xander didn't have secrets. If only. . . She turned her mind back at the book and tried to read.
Xander wanted to cry. He needed an outlet for his emotions. He wanted to yell and rage and throw with things until they were broken, but he just couldn't. He knew only one way. But he had promised his father to go to him if he felt like cutting himself. But he had a staff meeting right now. He couldn't possibly bother him now. He reached for the knife he had hidden in his trunk and held it into his hand. The weight was so familiar and comforting. He slowly cut his arm. And again. And again. . .
Draco had been training quidditch on the field and now he was tired. Happy and tired. He decided to say Xander goodnight before he turned in. He walked the stairs to Xander his room and opened the door. The sight that greeted him stunned him. Xander was cutting his own arm. And he already had scars there. Why was he cutting his own arm?
"Xander, stop cutting yourself!"
Xander looked at him, eyes lacking emotion. He kept cutting his arm, no longer paying attention to Draco. Draco ran to him and grabbed the knife.
"Why Xander? How long. . . ?"
Draco performed a healing spell on Xander his arm. He motioned for Xander to sit down. He lifted up Xander his chin so he could look into his eyes. Draco saw infinite sadness in them.
"Why?"
Xander just sighed.
"I don't want to talk about it."
"Tell me!"
Draco didn't mean to yell. He just wanted to know why.
"It's Ron. He is angry with me. He called me a traitor because he saw me passing that note to you. As for why?"
Harry sighed again.
"I know I shouldn't cut myself. And in case you wonder, father knows. He told me to go to him if I felt like cutting myself. But it isn't that easy, you know."
"You still haven't told me why."
"Because it helps. It helps to release my emotions. To dim my pain. I'm. . . bleeding tears instead of crying them. Because I can't cry, Draco. I just can't. What is wrong with me?"
Draco was unsure of himself. He never comforted anyone before. His father would have beaten the crap out of him if he had. But He had to try, Xander was his friend. His only real friend.
"Nothing's wrong with you. Trust me on that Xander."
"You wouldn't say that if you would really know me! I'm not who you think I am, so why don't you leave me alone!"
Draco's eyes went cold and his whole manner radiated anger.
"I. Am. Not. Leaving. You hear me? You are my friend, even if you have secrets. Even if I don't really know you. And you know why? Because I trust you. I trust you with my live. If you don't like it, tough luck!"
Xander looked at Draco. He saw that Draco really meant it. He felt tears gathering in his eyes. For the first time in a long while he cried, even if it were only a few tears.
Review please!!!!!