Life Support
The longer time went by without seeing Bella, the worse off I had gotten.
I hadn't left the house with Jake in three days. In fact, I hadn't gotten out of bed in three days, except to use the washroom. My clothes were soiled, my bed was raunchy and I was all around a useless mess.
This right here was why I wasn't good enough for Bella. Time passed with us apart and I couldn't handle it. A normal man, he would be able to handle this, I couldn't.
I only moved when my phone rang. If it was Bella, I answered and I did my very best to sound like I wasn't completely broken at the seams. But she had only called twice in the last three days.
She assured me everything was fine, other than her being busy. But every time she assured me, I worried that she was over compensating for something else. That maybe, by chance she was lying to me about how perfect we really were.
My phone rang and my heart sank when I saw it was Alice. She had called me fifteen times in the last day and a half. I didn't care to talk to her. I only cared to talk to Bella.
My sweet, beautiful, perfect Bella.
My eyes closed and I imagined I was with her. That she was in my arms and we were happy. I imagined that I was showing her the things I learned. I imagined what she looked like naked and what I could do to her body.
In my thoughts, I wasn't scared. I wasn't worried. I was confident in what I could do for her. I was confident I would show her as soon as I saw her again.
When my eyes opened, and reality once again set in that Bella wasn't there, my insides felt as if they were being ripped out of me.
Moisture slowly covered my pillow as the tears flowed freely from my eyes.
I wasn't good enough for Bella.
Bella.
Bella.
I hardly noticed as the door to my bedroom was opened.
"Fuck it's disgusting in here, Edward," Alice said as she gagged.
"Bella…" I whispered.
"No Edward, it's Alice and thankfully for that. I don't think Bella would like to see her dog out there playing near his own shit."
Bella.
"Edward, when is the last time you moved?"
I could see her standing before me. She looked to the bed and hesitated before she sat on the edge.
"It stinks in here. What's wrong? Last time we talked, things were good."
Bella.
"Edward, you know I'm not Bella, right?"
My body shook. The tears continued to flow from my eyes. She wasn't Bella…Bella would never come back now.
Alice placed her hand to my forehead briefly before I flinched back.
"Okay, it will be okay."
My eyes closed again and I felt the mattress move as Alice stood up.
She closed the door behind her and I could hear her talking through the door, but it was muffled. Not that I cared to pay attention.
All I wanted was Bella.
When the door opened again, I prayed that time had passed and Bella was back with me.
My body sunk when I realized Esme was there.
"My son, what is happening?" she asked in her motherly voice. She was here as a caregiver, not as a physician.
"Bella…" I whispered. At least, I felt my mouth move, but I wasn't sure the sound came out.
"Alice, what happened?"
"I don't know. I found him like this. Last time we talked, Bella was here and he wanted to kiss her, but ended up passing out. We talked a bit and I didn't hear back, so I assumed all was well. As the weeks passed, I thought I would give him a call to check in. I would have come sooner, but I was busy with work." There was pain in her voice. Did she feel responsible for how useless I was?
"So things with him and her are serious, huh?"
Bella…
"Thinking so. They are living here together, but she's been away. I asked Jasper about her and I guess Carlisle has her out in New York. I think that is the problem. He can't handle her away. Remember when they first met and she left? He just about lost it. I think that's what the problem is now."
"How does this girl have such a reaction on you?" Esme asked.
"Bella is perfect," I whispered.
"I'd say so."
"Esme, he's left the house with her, and without her. He has come far. I think he needs to go be with her."
"I…I don't know. Walking to the mailbox and back is a lot different than flying to the other side of the country."
"He can do it. It might take some meds, and I will stay with him the whole time, but he needs this. Trust me."
The two of them continued to bicker about me and flying to Bella. Esme was on the fence and Alice was all for it.
Esme finally agreed and that was when everything around me went black. Even my thoughts of Bella.
"Wakie wakie, sunshine," Alice whispered into my ear.
My head was pounding and I felt like I had cement in my shoes.
My shoes? Last I remembered I was in bed. I felt for the warmth of my bed, but it wasn't there. Instead my hands were met with cool leather.
My eyes blinked open and closed. I was in the back of a car. I looked around me, and as my breathing started to increase, it quickly leveled back out.
"Wh-wh-where are we?" I asked.
"Airport. I hope you don't mind, but Esme and I showered and changed you. You stunk, like really bad and as much as I love you, I wasn't going to subject myself to that stank for a flight."
I blinked and looked at my clothes. I was dressed in a pair of sweats pants and a sweat shirt.
"Airport?" I croaked out.
"Yeah, we are going to see your girl."
"Bella?"
"Yep. Now look, I had Esme and Carlisle there to help you from the house to the car, but I really can't carry you to the plane. They have wheelchairs in there, but I need you to help me get you out of the car. Can you manage?"
I nodded my head. I had to try, right?
Alice slid out of the car door and was back quickly with the wheel chair.
It took us a while to get me from point A to point B, but eventually I was there, in a wheelchair like the cripple I felt I was.
Alice pushed the wheelchair and someone else walked behind us with our bags. I realized she must have packed for me.
The airport was relatively empty and that shocked me. I had been expecting something busier, but there wasn't much going on.
Eventually, I realized that it was because we were at the executive airport where the Cullen plane was stored.
As Alice and I waited for boarding, she leaned over to me. "I thought this would be easier on you than getting on a commercial airplane. As much as you have been out of the house, with as down as I saw you earlier, I didn't want to add any stress to you. There will only be a few other people on this flight."
"Th-thank you." I nodded my appreciation. My head felt heavy and I rested it over onto Alice's shoulder.
Normally this wouldn't have been something I would have done, but I felt dead on my ass.
My eyes opened and I was seat belted into the airplane seat.
"Wha-wha, Alice?" My head whipped around as fast as I could move it. It still felt heavy and everything around me was in slow motion. My eyes blinked slowly, but it was clear, Alice wasn't there. "Alice!"
"Shh, chill. I had to go pee. You were crashed out. I didn't think you would be waking any time soon."
Alice patted my shoulder and took a seat next to me.
"Airplane?"
"Yeah, Edward. This is an airplane. We are somewhere over the Midwest by now."
"Ho-ho-how long did I ssleep?
"You have been out about two or so hours."
"Wha' she give me?" My words were slurred.
"Not sure, but it knocked you out, and got you on the plane. She said it would last about twelve hours. So, close your eyes and I will wake you when we land."
I think I nodded my head as the meds once again took over my body.
The cool New York air slapped me awake. Alice was wheeling me out of the airport when I came to.
I looked around and the world seemed to be moving in slow motion.
People were walking around me, almost touching my arms and legs as they over hung the sides of the wheelchair. Every time I thought my breathing was going to increase, it leveled out.
Whatever Esme gave me had definitely helped. I hated that I was medicated and I prayed it would wear off before I was face to face with Bella, but at least it got me to her. That was all that really mattered.
The whole experience was trying, and I was asleep for most of it. I would have hated to see how this would have turned out had I been awake and not at peace in my mind.
"Okay, Mister, I will need your help again."
My head rolled to the side. You would have thought that six or seven hours after the meds were given I would be less of a ball of mush, but I wasn't.
I smiled up at Alice, well I think I did. I attempted a smile and that's what counts.
She rolled her eyes in some crazy slow motion way as she helped me into the car that had pulled up in front of us.
I tried hard to keep my eyes open and focused as we drove to wherever it was we were going. If I had to be out, I wanted to see the world around me. I knew the chance that I would ever get to go to New York again was slim to none, so I needed to make the best of it.
The car pulled to a stop and I was again awoken by the door being opened. I had missed the entire drive.
Somehow I made it, on my feet from the car to the reception desk at the hotel.
"Bella?"
"She will be around later."
Alice helped support me in the lobby and then to the elevator after a quick stop at the concierge to pick up an envelope.
"Now, Bella won't be here for a bit, so you can rest and maybe work all these drugs out of your system."
"Mmmmkay." My head felt heavy again as the elevator opened.
I shuffled my feet down the hall, and it was a very long hall, until Alice stopped at a door.
She slid a key in and when the door opened, I knew Bella had been here. The smell of her soap and perfume flooded my senses.
"Bella…"
"Yeah, this is her room. Soon she will be here. It's already seven, so I would hope in a few hours she will be here."
"Bella," I said again with a smile on my face.
I was ready to see my girl.