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Chapter 21

Turning to face the woman who literally held his future and the future of his manhood, and with that also any potential children he might ever be of mind to have, in her hands and knees, John finally brought his gaze up to meet hers. Still keeping his hands in a protective stance in front of his crown jewels.

But any thought that Natalie might knee him was quickly erased by the tears he saw shining in her eyes.

Oh shit!! No no no!! Don't let her be crying!! Oh Fuck, he had made her cry! He was lower than scum! Lower than whatever it was that was under scum! Feeling his gut clench and the sweat start to break out across the back of his neck he stepped closer to her! Damn it! He'd rather take a well aimed kneeing right now than watch her cry!

"Natalie, please don't cry! Look I'm sorry! I shouldn't have spoke to your father like that, I know. But seriously, he is an ass! Shit! Sorry! Don't cry, okay? You don't need to do that, do you? Come on, please stop! Oh shit! Look do you want to kick me in the balls? Would that make you feel better? Because if it would, well go for it!" John took a deep breath and dropped his hands, his body tensing as if waiting for a kick.

Natalie couldn't speak. She was terrified that if she opened her mouth she'd start sobbing. Trying to take a deep breath to try and gain some form of control so that she could answer him, she almost choked at the look of him standing in front of her as if he really did expect her to kick him!

"John! First off, no I'm not going to kick you. Why would I? My gawd, you just defended me to my own father! Even if you didn't mean half of what you said, you said it! The only ones who have done that for me have been my Mom and uncle Bo. Thank you."

Okay, so she wasn't going to take him up on his offer of a free kick, that was good. No, that was great actually! But hold on! Even if he didn't mean half of what he'd said?! What the hell was that about?

"Natalie, I don't think you understand. What I said to Clint, well I meant every word. None of it was a lie or an exaggeration. It was all truths and facts. You do deserve respect and as long as I'm around no one is going to talk to you that way, not your father not anyone. And if I had listened to you in the past I could have avoided a shit load of problems, but I was stubborn as hell and now know better."

Her intake of breath sounded like a shudder as she tried to valiantly hold back from bawling like a baby. How could he say such sweet tender words and not expect her to end up blubbering like a complete fool? Men!

"I don't know what to say. Thank you."

Finally he couldn't stand it any longer. Reaching out his hand, he gently brushed a stray tear off her cheek with his thumb, caressing it like he had wanted to for far to long.

"Seems you are always showing up when I need rescuing."

Looking at this strong but delicate woman who could stand up to a psychotic serial killer yet be so wounded by just the wrong hurtful words humbled him. She was so much braver than he had been and in so many ways.

"No, you don't need rescuing. And you didn't tonight either. I just happened to be here. Don't doubt yourself or think you're weak Natalie, because you are one of the strongest people I have ever known, bar none. You remember that alright? And you also remember that you aren't alone in this because whether you want my help or not, I'm in this with you. I believe in you and if you say your gut is telling you Jared is a liar then we'll find out what his lies are."

Trying to smile she nodded. Taking another shuddering breath she tried to pretend she was stronger than she was feeling at the moment.

"Listen, you want me to take you back to Llanfair? We can talk about Jarprick uhh I mean Jared tomorrow. It's nothing that won't keep."

"No, uncle Bo is there and honestly I don't want Mom to see me like this. It'll only upset her even more and she's had more than enough of that the last few days."

Making a quick decision that he hoped she would agree to he finally removed his hand from her face where it had still been stroking her cheek.

"Why don't we blow this place and go somewhere quieter where you can just relax and rest, then when you're ready I'll take you home."

Trying to appear stronger than she really felt because right now her stomach was clenched and she still was afraid that if John said one more nice thing to her she'd end up on the floor in a sobbing pathetic mess.

"Thanks John but I should just go home and besides I have my car here." Although she meant the words to come out sounding strong and sure the wobble in her voice and hitch in her breathing made a lie of it all.

A small gentle smile graced his lips as he watched her try and act all tough and together. This was the Natalie he had known all along, the one who would let her anger and passion show but would always hold the hurt inside and hidden.

Or at least she always tried to. But he wasn't going to let her get away with it this time. This time instead of her hiding away with her pain he would do what he should have been doing all along. Taking care of her.

"Come on. Bo and Lindsay are with her and we can give them a call so they don't worry. After you've had a chance to relax you can go back home and Vicki will never be any the wiser to what went on. And as for your car, we can either come back and get it later or even tomorrow, that's no big deal."

He made a good argument, if she went home now and her Mom saw her she'd have no doubt that something had happened and Vicki being as smart as she was it wouldn't take her long to figure out just what and who the trouble had been. Maybe just hanging out with John for a while would be okay. She could calm down and be more centered when she saw her Mom later and no one would ever need to know that Clint had said anything to her again. And really what kind of trouble could she get into with John this time around? It certainly wasn't like last time, that's for sure!

The events of the last few days were catching up with her and in all honesty she hadn't slept well since the whole mess with Allison had started. The thought of just being able to sit and relax was suddenly more than just a little tempting.

"Okay, just for a while. And I really do need to let Mom know I'm okay, she's had enough on her mind lately."

She's not the only one, he thought with concern. He could see the toll this was all taking on Natalie, she was paler than normal and there were dark smudges under her eyes. And her usually bright alive beautiful blue eyes lacked the usual sparkle. He wanted to take care of her, to put the shine back in her eyes and a real smile back on her face.

"Come on, I know where we can go that is quiet where you can just be. Just sit back and relax with no interruptions."

Looking at him questioningly, she had no idea where he meant.

Smiling because he knew as soon as she heard she would definitely have a reaction but he wasn't going to let that stop him.

"My place."

Before she had time to even formulate an argument he had her jacket in his hands and was shepherding her out the door of Rodi's.

Maybe if he hadn't been focusing all his attention on Natalie he would have noticed the man at the side entrance who had been watching them for the last few minutes and continued to watch as they left together. His mind raced as he tried to think why she would be leaving with him and what they could possibly be discussing. He would have to keep and eye on those two, especially the fiery redhead. She could cause problems for him and as much as he hated the thought, if she did he would have no choice but to remove that threat. He had worked too long and too damn hard to lose it all now. And he wouldn't be the only one who would be upset if the plans fell apart.

John had ignored all the protests that Natalie had made on the ride over to his room at the ASH, literally he had ignored them! As she had rambled on why she should just go straight home he had driven calmly with a slight smirk on his face that by the time they had arrived at the hotel she had wanted to slap off his face. Damn it! Why did he do that? How the hell could he just ignore her and what she was saying?! Huffing in indignation, Natalie got out of the car and sullenly followed him up the stairs.

John knew Natalie was pissed, hell anyone walking by could tell just by the look on her face. Add to that her grumbling and huffing all the way up the stairs she was almost sounded like a disgruntled child. But at least her frustration with him had erased the sad despondent look that had clouded her eyes and covered her face. At the very least her eyes were back to being alive and blazing. Although he would have preferred her to be blazing with lust and love he was just happy there was life in them again!

He unlocked the door and stood back to allow her to enter which she did throwing him a half hearted glare and a slight snort. Trying to control the impulse to laugh, Because if he did he had no doubt she would in fact slug him. "You're welcomed."

Spinning around she cast him a frown that turned into a half hearted glare, what the hell did he find so amusing about all this? This situation was not even remotely funny. Here they were back at his place and well it was NOT funny, dammit! Just what the hell did he have to smile about?

She didn't know what to say and really was afraid if she started in on John all her emotions which were rolling around inside of her would spill out leaving no doubt in either of their minds just how close to the edge she was right now. So instead she huffed hard and turned to take her coat off and toss it across the back of his couch.

But she wasn't fooling anyone, let alone John. He could tell that underneath her blustering was a deep weariness. The result of too many days of strain and heartache. Seeing her like this and knowing she was trying to hide it from everyone including him made his heart tighten and seize. She was so focused on not letting others see her grief that it was draining the fire and spunk that had always been a part of Natalie. What made Natalie who she was.

The slight slump of her shoulders along with the bruises under her dull eyes told him he had made the right decision bringing her here. If he could just for a little while get her to relax her guard, knowing she was safe from verbal attacks perhaps she could start to heal and gain some strength back.

"Why don't you get comfortable on the couch while I grab us something to munch on." It was more a statement than a request because he honestly had no intention of letting her leave anytime soon. At least not until she didn't have that beaten down look that kept creeping into her sad soulful eyes.

"What? You mean you actually have food in this place? Food that's edible?" That she was even able to half heartedly able to tease was a good sign, and it made him feel a little better but he was still worried about her. She needed to rest and relax, to put all her problems, troubles and worries aside for just a few precious moments. She needed to reclaim her strength and that fiery spirit that made Natalie so damn irresistible.

"Yeah, yeah keep it up and I'll be giving you that box of cereal that was here when I first moved in."

Looking at him dubiously, "Didn't Michael toss that when he packed up your stuff after the accident?"

"For some reason he packed it away, it never got thrown out and now," he shrugged, "its like part of the place I guess. But to answer your original question I do have some food that hasn't become a science experiment. So you interested?"

For a moment she silently debated how smart it was to stay here, with him as opposed to going back to Llanfair.

But she was so tired, too tired to think about what was right and what was wrong. For the first time in a long time she didn't want to think things out. And as dangerous as that was, especially since she was here in this room with John, she couldn't help but feel herself start to relax.

"Sure why not." But as John started to leave the room she added. "At least this time we are eating and not drinking."

He spun around quickly but couldn't read her facial expressions as she had her back to him as she fussed with a pillow that was on the couch.

"Yeah well it doesn't matter whether we're eating or drinking I don't have any regrets about spending time with you."

This time it was Natalie that spun around only to see John's back as he made his way to the ultra small kitchen.

Not knowing what to make of his words and too tired to try and figure them out. The exhaustion hit her like a semi truck and her legs suddenly didn't seem strong enough to support her. Sitting down on the couch she settled in and leaned back. Telling herself she would only close her eyes until John came back she finally let her body go boneless.

When John came back with a couple of grilled cheese sandwiches he found Natalie curled up in the corner of the couch, sound asleep. Putting the plates down he took a seat on the matching chair and just gazed at her. He had missed this, just getting to watch her as she slept, it was one of those favorite things that caused such a feeling of peacefulness in him that it was truly frightening. But seeing how she was lying with her neck twisted he knew she when she awoke she'd have a hell of a stiff neck, and the couch certainly wasn't the most comfortable to start with.

Getting up and walking over to her he tenderly slipped his arms under her legs and shoulders, slowly and cautiously picking her up. Natalie sighed and snuggled into his chest causing his heart to melt. Slowly he walked into the bedroom noticing that she felt as if she had lost weight which could ill afford to lose.

Standing by the bed he wished he had thought this out first Because now he had to figure out how to get her under the covers without waking her. Finally putting her down, he pulled the covers on the opposite side down and then gently rolled her over. Before pulling the sheet up he removed her shoes and tucked her feet in, pulling the soft sheet and comforter up to her shoulders.

She made a few sniffling sounds but seemed to settle back into a deep slumber. Standing up straight he made sure she was still and then went to the other room to make a call.

"John, what's up?"

"Bo, are you still with Mrs. Davidson?"

"Yes, Lindsay, her and I are at the Palace just relaxing and having some coffee and dessert. Why? Is something wrong?"

"I just didn't want Mrs. Davidson or anyone to worry about Natalie if she didn't come home tonight."

There was a silence that wasn't entirely comfortable and then Bo asked the question John knew was coming. "I take it you know where she is and will be spending the night?"

For a moment John almost felt like he was back in high school meeting his prom date's dad who knew he had made a stop at the drugstore before picking up his innocent little girl. Which was foolish, hell he and Natalie had lived together but still there was that uneasy feel on the line.

"I met Natalie at Rodi's earlier and she didn't feel up to going home so we came back to my place for a snack but she ended up falling asleep and I don't have the heart to wake her, she needs to rest Bo."

But Bo could put two and two together and knew there was more to the story. He would wait to question the younger man. But he wouldn't wait too long. Bo knew John would take care of Natalie and if she was at ease enough to fall asleep at John's room then the best thing would be to let her sleep.

"I'll let Vicki know then not to expect her. Thanks for letting us know."

"No problem Bo. Talk to you tomorrow."

Hanging up then turning off the lights, John felt his own exhaustion making itself known. Walking back in to stand by the bed once again he wrestled with his mind and then just gave in.

Lying down beside the sleeping beauty, he rolled to his side to be able to continue watching her. As the moments passed and John's eyes got heavier and heavier his last thought was that too much time had been wasted when this was right where they both belonged. Side by side.

Natalie had no idea what it was that had awaken her but one minute she was peacefully sleeping and the next wide awake. Looking around in confusion she found herself lying in bed, John's bed to be specific. How the hell did I wind up here? I wasn't drinking! No, no I had nothing to drink! Looking down she saw she still had her clothes on and breathed a sigh of relief. Thank gawd!

It was at that time that a soft snore sounded to her side. Holding her breath she turned her head to find John's on the edge of her pillow. Oh my gawd! What the hell? How the hell? When the hell?

Okay, deep breath Natalie, in and out. That's it, nice and slow. Now what's the last thing you remember? Uhhhh, sitting on the couch. Right! I was waiting for John to bring us something to eat. And I just closed my eyes for a minute and then ... Shit! Double shit! I fell asleep! Mother of misdemeanors! Okay, but I still have my clothes on and he ... carefully as to not wake him, she lifted the comforter that lay across his chest, he still has his tank and... peaking further south she heaved yet another sigh of relief. And he still has his pants on!

Lying back flat she thought for a moment. What the hell do I do now? Turning to look at his relaxed face she felt her self control start to slip. What you do is get the hell out while the getting's good!

Slowly and carefully she started to slink her way to the edge of the bed but just as her foot was wiggling its way to freedom John muttered in his sleep and rolled closer. Now his face was pressed into her hair, his breath teasing her ear and neck.

Who did I piss off to deserve this? She looked up as if expecting a silent answer but getting none she tried once more to shift her body away from John's feeling the heat from his like a seductive song calling to hers. Managing to finally be able to sit up she started to turn to swing her legs to the floor.

But the hand that suddenly wrapped itself around her arm caused her to yelp in surprise as she twisted to look into John's not so drowsy blue eyes.

"Where do you think you're sneaking off to?"