Hello. It has been several weeks since I've written, but I have not really been in the mood. An update is in order, I suppose: the weather is fine, but overcast, the sort of day that I like, so far the year has been tolerable (in that very literally, I have been able to tolerate it), I turned 17 and am properly in my last year of school here, I am wearing a proper uniform which I got secondhand – in case you were laboring under the delusion that my wardrobe was from Twilfitt and Tatting's – and I am not sitting under my elm tree as I write this. From past experience it would seem that the Marauders had designated it as their primary spot to find me when I was in need of tormenting, so I abandoned the post and now am sitting in one of the empty classrooms. It is my sincerest hope that no one disturbs me.

Many things have changed. Not the least of which is the famous James Potter, who returned with his family from their holiday in France, and to whom everyone has taken a new liking. If only they knew what I know. He has grown – he is nearly as tall as I am now – and has a disgustingly handsome aspect about him. His speaking is different – he no longer boasts that dreadful northern pitch to his voice – and he has caused hardly any trouble in class. At least nothing that has landed him or any of his other precious foursome in detention. Everyone, even the professors, say he is destined for great things. He is even nearly civil to me. I hate him.

Pettigrew is failing his classes, Sirius has become a bit tamed by Potter's change, and I haven't the faintest notion of what Lupin is doing these days. I saw him earlier today while in the library, reading "Hairy Snout: Human Heart," which is an anonymous autobiography of a wizard with lycanthropy. Fitting choice for the creature. Rosier saw him reading it as well, and piped up:

"Lupin! What is it you're reading?"

Lupin held up the book, and shrugged. "The interest it purely academic."

"Right. I've been wondering something, actually. You may be able to help." Rosier gestured toward the book, and the creature nodded.

"Sure."

"What happens when you moon a werewolf?"

All within earshot erupted into a symphony of chortles and Lupin turned an odd colour and muttered, "I don't know," hurrying off. I was ashamed of the whole lot, Roiser for making such stupid jokes, the others for laughing so uproariously at something that was not even funny, and everyone at once because out of the lot no one had a proper answer that would show Roiser just how stupid his joke actually was. Do not think for an instant I am defending Lupin. Only demeaning the idiocy of Rosier at that particular moment.

Ah, but I am being interrupted. I hate being interrupted in anything that I do. It is Lily. She is ever the exception. More later.

Lily came into the room, and I knew it was her without even turning around. She has grown taller over the past year, become more formed, and is even more beautiful, if that is possible.

"Severus!" she said, her voice sending echoes up to the ceiling of the chamber. "What are you doing down here? It's a fine day."

"It is overcast and threatens rain," I responded. "I thought you liked sun and wind."

"I do, but this is your idea of fine, isn't it?" She put a hand on her waist and looked at me with an unidentifiable expression, which quickly changed to one of curiosity.

"Is that your journal?" she said quietly, gesturing and crossing the floor, tugging on the bench from the row of desks in front of of me, and sitting on it backwards so that we were across from each other.

"Yes," I replied, nodding, and pulling it out of reach. "It is private."

"Severus, everything you do is private," she replied reproachfully.

I heaved a sigh. "Yes, well, it must be that way, mustn't it?"

"Why?"

"So that no one can see what it is I really think."

"Are you ashamed?" Lily toyed with the end of a long strand of her hair, but kept her eyes fixed on me. I must be careful, they are the sort of eyes into which one can be caught inadvertently staring for an inappropriately long time.

I looked away. "Not ashamed. Just secretive."

"Secretive?" She smiled, and left off twirling her hair, leaning forward. "Tell me."

I shook my head. "You won't like it."

"I like this even less."

"It's nothing. Just my thoughts, and what happens to me. As if I'd ever want to remember, or anyone else to find out." I snorted. "I've the private intention of burning it as soon as the book is filled."

"No!" Lily looked aghast. "You wouldn't dare!"

I nodded. "I would. It's just to have someplace to put my thoughts. Once they're deposited here I have no further use for them."

"Keep study notes in there," Lily said, bobbing her head with finality. "That will increase it's value to you, and you'll never dare burn it."

I chuckled, muttering, "Why would I do that..."

Lily's eyes were sparkling, and she leaned forward once again, changing the subject. One thing I love about Lily is that she does not press in where she's not wanted. Though Merlin knows that if I had no pride I would tell her all that is written here. Sometimes I feel that I would do anything for her.

My face grew stiff and my heart felt dark when she started speaking anew.

"Have you talked at all to James this quarter?"

"James?" I hissed. "Is that what you've come to call Potter?"
"It's his name, Severus," she reproved me. "We're in Gryffindor together. It would be unsportsmanlike to keep calling him by his last name, we're in our final year."

"No, I haven't," I replied. "And I don't intend to. Potter can keep up this head-boy act for as long as he cares. I know who he really is."

"But that's what I wanted to talk to you about," Lily began.

"Well, I don't want to speak of it."

"You're my best friend, Severus –"

"Then have some pity and shut up!" I exploded.

The room rang with echoes following my outcry.

Lily took a deep breath. "Just consider that we might have all been mistaken."

"I am not mistaken," I muttered. "And you? You used to say he was an arrogant toe-rag."

"He was," Lily agreed, nodding vigorously. "But people can change –"

"Not this much."

Lily met my eyes. "Talk to him. I think he might even apologize if you asked him."

"An apology!" I barked. "I don't want an apology from the likes of him! It means nothing, Lily, nothing!"

"Settle down," she said, taking my hand, but I snatched it away.

"He's the enemy," I whispered. "Don't you remember?"

"He's a Hogwarts student, Severus. We're all on the same side."

"You fancy him, don't you."

It just slipped out. Lily was dumbfounded.

"What?"

I shook my head, unwilling to repeat it. "Never mind. Nothing."

"Severus..." She looked at me so reproachfully. I was ready to do something drastic to change the conversation. So I took her hand again, and she looked at it, then back at my face.

"How are you?" I asked.

She blinked. "How am I?"

I nodded. "With... your mum, and all."
"Ohhhh." Lily took a deep breath. "Alright, I suppose. It's not so bad now that I'm back at school, and busy, but..." She sighed. "I try not to think on it too much. And to not be mad at Petunia when we're so far away from each other. Mum never liked it when we fought, you know."

I nodded, and decided that enough physical contact had been given, so I released her hand, and stood up.

"Is the day still fine?"

We paused, and the drumming of the rain of the windows high up in the walls of the basement room confirmed my sentiments. Lily giggled, as I said in a grumbling tone:

"Well, I suppose we must go and be in it."

It is a fact that we spent the rest of our free period in complete silence, walking about the quadrangle, getting drenched in the downpour. And yet, it was very nice. I almost forgot about the conversation we'd had about Potter.