Chapter 21 – Learning to See
A/N: Again life got in the way. It was half done ages ago and I've only got around to finishing it now. Should *hopefully* have more time now to get back into my steady posting rhythm. As always all comments and critiques welcome, hope you enjoy it;)
Toph didn't sleep much. She tossed and turned and sometimes would tumble into a turbulent form of unconsciousness plagued with nightmares taunting her hope of being able to see. To see. What did that even mean? Would she understand it? What would it feel like? Would it make her truly the greatest earth bender the world had ever known if she could do what the blind and the non-blind could do? Or would it make her lazy and lax in her bending?
Would Katara even be able to do anything about it?
Finally a glimmer of heat grew in the pit of her stomach telling her than dawn was approaching. She couldn't take the tension anymore and dressed quickly, creeping out and down the ladder in the hope of not waking Ty. Once outside Toph was unsure of what to do. She wondered slowly towards Zuko and Katara's hut and decided to sit on the steps. Whatever happened she wanted it over with, and the quickest way for that to occur was to talk to Katara.
Katara also did not sleep much. Instead, she read her notes by firelight and tried to draw strength from the moon. Here it felt so distant, that new moon that she knew was somewhere in the sky far above the canopy of the swamp. She wondered how the Swamp tribe managed to get in touch with their power - something they did with incredible strength. They did not know how strong they could be, and she did not want to fill their heads with empty promises of greatness. If she could just teach them to heal then they would be strong enough to survive ten such wars. Somehow she needed to tap into this hidden source of wisdom. But first she had to see whether she could do something about Toph's eyes.
In her moments of confidence she remembered Yan, the child she healed and brought back from the doors of death at the air temple. This could not be harder than that had been, surely!
But in her moments of doubt she wondered whether this was anything like those wounds, which she had caught fresh, before they had a chance to run their course, before the body had had a chance to give up.
Finally, as the dawn approached she felt a calm steal over her - adrenaline waking her from her torment. Zuko was also awake.
"There you are Toph!" they heard Ty Lee's voice call from just outside their hut. Zuko squeezed Katara's hand in encouragement but he could not bring a smile to his lips. He did not like this one bit. He knew the pressure Katara would put upon herself to help others, and he didn't want it to crush her if she didn't succeed. He didn't want her to hurt herself in trying to help Toph in the same way she had to help the Curer of the village or in saving Yan. However, they had discussed it the night before and she had made up her mind. He knew better than to stand in her way when she was determined.
He stepped outside into the damp greyness of morning.
"Toph, you should come in here," he told her, "you won't be disturbed."
Toph didn't reply. She merely gathered herself and stalked past him, head held high. She didn't want to talk to anybody right now. Her heart was hammering far too hard for her lips to work.
Inside she sat down cross legged and tired to calm herself. She felt Katara kneel down in front of her and gently touch her face. Slowly, Katara's breathing steadied, calming Toph. She tried to feel what Katara was doing but she could not feel anything - just perhaps a little more warmth than usual. Soon, Toph also fell into a half sleep in the stillness.
Katara's journey, though, was anything but still. She focussed on Toph's heart, beating faster than usual. She followed the blood flows in and out of it, traced them up to Toph's face; her throat and lips, her nose, her cheeks, her jaw - she could locate them all from inside the body… but her eyes?
Yes they were there, the blood flowed to them, the muscles worked like hers did, like Zuko's did. So why could she not see?
Again and again she followed the path of blood through Toph's body, but she could feel nothing wrong with it, nothing unusual at all.
Katara sat back on her heels and thought.
She thought about her own eyes - what as it that allowed her to see? It was not the blood ways for they were the same as Toph's and yet Toph could not see.
She thought of Yan - all his blood ways functioning yet no life in him. That time, she had looked for the small lightening that happened in her brain.
Katara dove back in and this time drew power from her stomach, following the lightening in Toph's brain. Now that she was less exhausted than she had been with Yan she understood that the lightening was not confined to just the brain - it spread out throughout the entire body, but so weak you could hardly feel it even when you were looking for it.
But it was this lightening that gave Yan his life force back. Could it be what was missing in Toph's eyes?
Katara retracted from Toph and followed her own lightening ways, identifying easily the strong connection to her eyes. Trying not to break concentration she searched for the equivalent ones in Toph.
But there were none.
It wasn't that the ways were broken - she could fix broken things. The body wanted to fix itself, she could just jog it into place. But she could not create what was not there!
With Yan everything was there, she shocked it into working right again - something his body knew how to do. But with Toph there was nothing there to shock into working! Her eyes seemed to be wholly unconnected to the brain - completely unable to send any information, and not even trying. Light could fall on them as it would fall on a precious stone, and that was all.
Finally Katara broke away, tears in her own eyes.
"I'm sorry Toph, I … I can't," she said quietly, voice braking slightly.
Toph rose to her feet, jaw clenched against disappointment. She said nothing. Just stood there for a moment before turning and walking slowly out.
Toph picked a direction and walked. She was more confident in the muddy swamp now - she was getting used to the water-earth slime that made up the ground. She could bend it easily, but now she could also feel where it led - more or less. Sudden changes would still happen but generally she could take care of herself. She pushed thoughts of beetle-snakes and other animals out of her mind and just focussed on trying to find somewhere quiet where she could think.
She sat on the roots of a tree, just breathing. Nobody tried to stop her, everybody let her go. She felt tears well in her useless eyes and overspill. She felt a sob rise up her throat. What had she been hoping for! How could she have been so stupid to allow herself to hope!
Toph brushed at her tears with the back of her hand angrily and banged her head against the large trunk of the tree.
"You seem upset?" said a voice by her side. Toph whipped around, standing up defensively. She hadn't felt anybody coming - but then again she hadn't been expecting anybody to.
"Got nothing to do with you," she growled back. There was a short pause.
"You are here with Katara of the Southern Water Tribe?" came the voice again. It was authoritative but kindly. It reminded her of Iroh.
"What of it?" she snapped. She wanted to be alone. Who was this man who thought he had a right to stick his nose into her business.
"Well then it has much to do with me. Come, I want to show you something," he said softly, not waiting for a reply but not allowing any disagreement. He walked away and in spite of herself Toph followed sulkily, taking one shuddering breath at every step while trying not to break down in tears again.
She did not know how long they had been walking. It could have been ten minutes or it could have been an hour, but the steady movement calmed her nerves slightly. She thought they were going uphill slightly, but she was focussing too much on putting one step in front of another while following the man that she didn't pay much attention to the lay of the land.
The man stopped by the base of a large tree - the largest she had come across in the Swamp so far. The ground beneath her feet felt firmer, the shapes she could make out were less hazy and this in itself calmed her further.
"I am Huu," he said finally, sitting on a large root. "And this is the Mother Tree," he explained. "Come, sit with me a while."
Toph obeyed but still said nothing.
"Why are you upset, Earth-Girl?" he asked gently.
Well she could hardly not reply now that she had followed him all this way.
"I am blind," she said simply, hoping he would leave it at that.
"You have been blind for a while, you are not uncomfortable in your blindness," replied Huu.
"I have always been blind," explained Toph, "but today a friend tried to heal me, and I allowed myself to believe she would be able to." Toph took a deep breath in an attempt at not breaking down in front of this stranger.
"Is your friend a great healer?" he asked carefully.
"She's the best I know."
"But I guess it is beyond even her to heal what is not broken," replied Huu. He let his words hang in the air in front of Toph. They sat pensively in silence for a while. Here, slightly higher than the rest of the Swamp, there was a breeze that played with Toph's hair.
"Let me show you something," said Huu after a while. He moved closer to Toph and took her hand, placing it on the trunk of the tree. "This is the Mother Tree. She is the Swamp - she is all the trees and all the animals and all the plants in the Swamp. Try to feel her power…"
Toph concentrated on the trunk in front of her. At first all she could feel was bark under her fingers, rough and strong. But then she could feel the light buzzing beneath the bark, just like she felt the heat moving the stone when she first learned fire bending.
The feeling extended, like flexing fingers into a void; the energy plunged this way and that beneath her - the roots - and the same above - the branches. But the roots seemed to form new branches and the branches new roots; the roots moved far too quickly, darting this way and that; the branches fell to the ground and flew to the skies; the tree was as alive as the entire swamp!
Toph retracted her hand quickly and found herself breathing quickly.
"What just happened?" she asked, confused.
"You tapped into the energy of the Mother Tree. You understood how the Swamp works; the animals that live on the tree and the tree that lives on the animals, the water that sustains them both and reclaims them both. Remember this, little Earth Girl; detachment is an illusion for we can never be detached from the whole. Death is an illusion as nothing disappears. And most importantly —"
"Time is an illusion?" guessed Toph, repeating Katara's words, this time catching a glimmer of understanding of their meaning.
Huu smiled.
"Yes. Time is an illusion since every moment depends and influences every other moment. The Mother Tree shows us this through her power. But this is merely a speck of the power of the universe around us, one that we are just as much part of as it is part of us."
Toph was silent, considering this. For somebody who had always tried to be independent and her own being she was taking this new lesson rather calmly. What worked on the small scale also worked on the large, and for as much as she might try to stand out and make her own way she knew now that with every fibre of her being she was part of a unity.
"You are just as broken as the Mother Tree," Huu told her, "for she has no eyes. Neither does she have a mouth or a nose or ears, but there are other ways to hold power, to channel it, to connect to the world around you. I believe you know this already. And if you remember nothing about our encounter remember this; finding the ties of unity will help understand balance."
—
By the time Toph and Huu wondered back into the village - this time in amicable silence - the sun was weakening. When they came into sight three figures rushed at them.
"Toph where were you?"
"We were so worried!"
"Thought you'd just disappeared…"
"I'm so sorry Toph, I really tried… Maybe I…"
Toph held up her hands.
"Stop! I'm fine. I'm sorry we made you try Katara, its not within your power," replied Toph softly. The three looked at one another uncertainly for a moment, but then Katara pulled Toph into a big hug.
Huu was standing a few steps back, watching the exchange and quietly studying each of them. Zuko, always a little aloof at these reconciliations was also standing a few steps behind the girls and found himself observing the newcomer. He didn't look like anybody wise, but he had spent years on a ship with Iroh pretending to be a simple fool to understand that there was more to this man than the rough, swamp-tribe exterior; the unwashed hair, the primitive clothes, the shoeless, muddy feet.
Their eyes met and Huu edged around the three girls who were still lost in updating one another on their days.
"I'm Huu," he said simply, nodding his head in salutation. Idly Zuko wondered how it was that the swamp tribe greeted one another.
"I'm… I'm Zuko…" replied Zuko, not quite hiding the blush that rose to his cheeks. Huu cocked his head to one side like a sparrow-hare and his eyebrows furrowed in thought. The blush intensified. He definitely knew who Zuko was, what his family had done.
"You are welcome to the village. When you leave, say hello to Iroh. I believe he and I will need to discuss Pai Sho sometime soon," said Huu finally with a smile. He patted Zuko on the shoulder and turned back to the girls.
"Katara, it is good to see you!" said Huu loudly during a lull in their conversations.
"HUU!" she squeaked. Zuko winced at the sound but stayed put was the two were reunited.
"You and Earth-Girl Toph have come to see me?" he asked after everybody was introduced.
"Well… and Zuko," added Katara, looking guiltily at Ty Lee. She felt bad that Ty was being continuously left out.
"I'm just here for the ride," said Ty in her usual bubbly way. She didn't want to be a weight on anybody.
"Then perhaps, as the moon rises I could talk to Water-Girl Katara and Fire-Boy Zuko? Earth-Girl Toph and I have spent a very interesting day together and she may need to rest. It was lovely to meet you too, Air-Girl Ty Lee," he added as he walked off, closely followed by Zuko and Katara.
"Huh, I wonder how he knew I could do acrobatics," mused Ty Lee at their backs.
"Oh please, I can't see you but I bet you have circus written all over you!" laughed Toph. "Come, lets get something to eat, I'm staaaarrrvvviiinnngggggg!"
—
Toph and Ty Lee had been given some food - some sort of soup. It wasn't Fire Palace quality but it was enough. They sat in their little hut talking late into the night.
"Look Toph, I'm sorry I suggested Katara heal your eyes. I didn't mean any harm from it, but just thought that maybe it would work."
"Yeah real insensitive Ty," replied Toph in mock anger. "No, don't worry, it would have been nice - I think - but Huu told me that you can't fix what's not broken. Maybe the spirits just forgot about me or maybe they meant it. Either way its not something Katara can do anything about."
They were silent for a moment.
"Still… I am sorry. I didn't mean to spoil your trip… or whatever this is…" continued Ty Lee quietly.
"Actually, it probably helped!" muttered Toph, taking a swig of water. "I'm bored," she declared. "Lets have some rice wine!"
Ty Lee giggled and sprang up the retrieve the small bottle the Curer had given them 'for the soul' after they had arrived. She poured out two small cups and held one out to Toph.
"To my eyes," she said and drained it dry.
"To your eyes," repeated Ty, following suit.
There was a short pause.
"Well?" prompted Toph.
"Well what?" asked Ty Lee.
"Come on Gigglypuff, its your turn to do a toast!"
Ty Lee giggled.
"Gigglypuff?"
"It fits. Deal with it!"
"Alright… uhhh… To the Swamp Tribe for their excellent rice wine!"
They both drained their cups and poured out another two.
"To Katara for being the most amazing healer I know!"
"To Zuko for falling in love!"
"To Gigglypuff for actually being fun and not all serious like Sugarqueen and Sparky!"
They drank again. The world spun somewhat.
"Why puff? Giggly - fine - but whats with the puff? Are you saying I'm fat?!" exclaimed Ty Lee, slurring her words slightly.
Toph paused a second then barked out a laugh.
"No! Well… actually you could be fat, but I don't think so. You didn't feel fat when we hugged and your steps are to light to be carrying much weight. Its cause of what that guy said… Huu… Air-Girl… cause you feel like a puff of air when you do your silly acrobatics!"
"HEY! They're not silly!"
"Are too! Maybe they look pretty, I wouldn't know, seems like you're just showing off," huffed Toph, grinning widely. She'd got her. She was finally winding Ty Lee up.
"Managed to beat you guys enough times with my silly acrobatics!" defended Ty Lee, taking another sip of wine.
"Really? I seem to remember you getting stuck in the sludge at the back of that stupid drill in Ba Sing Se…"
"That was ONE TIME!"
"Can't jump through earth though, can you?" mocked Toph, with a hiccupped giggle.
"Bet you can't do this though," said Ty Lee, standing rather unsteadily and going for a backflip.
She disappeared from Toph's senses for a second and then reappeared with a crash. Other things hit the floor with her.
"I'm alright!" she cried. "Oh shit. I broke the little table!" she was laughing and trying to fix the leg that had cracked as she hit it on the landing. "I think I may be a little drunk!"
"You don't say!" Toph crawled over to the mess and tried to find the contents of her sack that had been on the table.
"Oh crap all your stuff! Let me help," said Ty Lee, dropping down to all fours and also gathering things up without much of an agenda. She picked up the sack the wrong way round and something large and rock-like rolled out of it.
"Oooooh, Toph, what's this?" she asked, picking the incredibly smooth rock up.
"What's what?" asked Toph, heading over to her and reaching out to feel what Ty Lee had in her hands. Toph's eyes widened in shock. She had forgotten about the egg. Shit. She was frozen to the spot. What was she supposed to say now? A less hazy part of her mind was sending out warning bells - she couldn't explain a dragon egg to Ty Lee without explaining or at least insinuating everything else. She couldn't pass it off as a rock because why the hell would she bother carrying a rock through the swamp!
But the hazy part of her mind that was controlling the words coming out of her mouth was paralysed. She couldn't say anything.
However, in that long moment where Ty Lee looked inquisitively at Toph, and both sets of hands were holding either side of the egg, several things happened.
The egg started to glow. It was a soft glow at first, but it expanded quickly.
By the time it reached the outer edge of the egg there was a loud crack that frightened both of the girls, who tried to remove their hands from the egg. But the glow ran over their hands - Toph felt a heat that didn't burn, and Ty Lee saw the light pass into her skin, turning it golden and translucent.
Then just as suddenly as the glow expanded, it contracted back to the centre of the egg, where it stayed, slowly expanding and contracting like somebody breathing.
The two sat there, breathing heavily, shocked out of the worst of their drunkenness, but still holding the egg.
Toph swallowed.
"Its a dragon egg. And I think we just woke it up."