Disclaimer: I do not own South of Nowhere or its characters. I own the plot of the story and the other new characters coming in that aren't part of South of Nowhere.

my-monster: This chapter is dedicated to you. I did not think you were still reading this soooo awesome that you still are. Have a good day! I miss you a lot : D

Chapter 21:

Rachel just fell asleep an hour ago. She still had to answer some phone calls because of some problems that her people at New York were having. Sometime while she was sleeping she felt someone staring at her which made her turn towards the source which was by the door.

"Where have you been?" Rachel asked when she saw that it was Ashley.

"Really Rach?" Ashley asked raising her eyebrows while smirking.

"I was just worried that's why I had Aiden follow you. I mean it's better than me following you." Rachel relented as she got into a sitting position in her bed.

"Better for you" Ashley said as she sat down on Rachel's bed.

"Ash I'm sorry and you" Rachel said a bit tiredly.

Ashley raised her finger which made Rachel tilt her head a bit and stop talking.

"Look I'm sorry for giving you a hard time and for worrying you too much. I know it's all because you care about me."

"What finally made you be nice to me? Not that I'm complaining 'cos well you're a teenager and all so I understand that you have to have all that angst in you."

"I'm not even sure if you're joking or being serious." Ashley said shaking her head amusedly.

"Yeah well that's the beauty of being the awesome me" Rachel shrugged.

"Sure" Ashley said rolling her eyes.

There was silence. Both were waiting for the other to say something.

"Leigh did." Ashley said softly breaking the silence between them.

"Leigh what?" Rachel said in the same soft voice.

"Leigh made me finally be nice to you."

"Is that the girl you've been with all night?"

"Yeah that's the girl" Ashley said sadly with a sigh.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I just don't get her. I don't get everything. And on top of that, I'm still hung up on Spencer. I seriously don't know what to do. I don't know how to let go. To let her go. It feels like she's all I've ever known and that letting her go is taking a big part of me away. I don't know what to do. I need her. I don't know what to do without her. I'm just soo soo lost without her." Ashley said softly her voice even though just above whisper is full of agony and sorrow.

"Ash… What can I do?"

Ashley just shrugged her shoulders.

"Sometimes I wish I never met her. Yeah I would never experience the happiness, the high she's giving me, the high she's making me feel, she made me feel. But I would not also, be like this. It's not like I was better before her. It's just now, I'm worse. It's like everything is falling apart ever since I screwed us up. My life is all screwed up ever since I screwed us up."

"You haven't screwed us up…" Rachel said with a smirk.

Ashley just glared at her wiping the smile off Rachel's face.

"Ok ok. It's time for me to be all adult like. Got it. Tell me what's really bothering you."

Ashley just rolled her eyes and then started talking.

"I just don't get it. I don't get how she would still stay with Carmen after what she did in that club. I don't get it. She didn't even let me explain why Aiden was here. Aiden was just being a friend. She broke up with me just 'cos Aiden spent the night?" Ashley said as she stood up obviously exasperated.

Rachel was about to open her mouth to say something but Ashley cut her off.

"Then all Carmen had to do was bring a bunch of cheap flowers and say sorry? And it was all okay? She didn't even look that sorry! She could have been assaulted there! And then she just forgave her like that."

"Ashley…" Rachel said hoping to calm the other girl.

"She never let me tell her what was wrong. I just really needed her. I should have called her. I should have told her my problem. I know that I made a mistake by coming to Aiden and not her. But, why would she have to break up with me? I'm trying to understand why. I am really trying soo hard. But I just can't."

Rachel could sense that the brunette isn't finished talking yet, so she kept silent hoping that later she would be able to say the right words to ease her cousin's pain.

"I wanted… no, I needed to talk to her. And she… she just slammed the door to my face, Rach! What was I supposed to do? It's one of those things that if I don't tell someone I just could never ever could. And I'm changing, I'm trying not to be selfish and not just think about me but about others too."

Rachel just looked on to her cousin helplessly not knowing what to say or do to make her cousin feel better.

"I needed her. I screwed up the day before. But I needed her, couldn't she have seen that? I just don't think it's fair. And all I'm thinking right now could be wrong, but I just really can't fucking see what she was thinking. What did I do wrong aside from talking to Aiden?"

"Ashley, just calm down okay?" Rachel said her voice laced with concern. She is worried that the other girl might be getting too worked up over it.

Ashley noticing the older girl's worried and panicky voice just took a deep breath and stayed silent, keeping her emotions in check.

"I wish I could give you the answers to those questions, but I have no idea. Only she knows the answers to those questions. I know you loved her very much and that you still love her. But believe me Ashley, she's the one who's losing out on you. I don't think she won the lottery with that Carmen chick."

Ashley was just silent and had a faraway look on her face.

"Hmm…. Look, you had a long day. And I'm pretty sure you haven't had any sleep yet. So, why don't you rest here for awhile? And I'm not asking Ashley." Rachel said gently but firmly after noticing that Ashley isn't going to talk anymore.

"M'kay fine" Ashley grumbled.

Rachel was stroking Ashley's hair and when she noticed Ashley's steady breathing she smiled and sadly sighed.

"Ashley I wish you'd just stop talking thinking about her. But I know you can't do that 'cos you really care and love her. I can see that but please don't let her break you like this. I just can't stand to see it, see you like this. It's breaking my heart. It's getting really hard staying out of your problems when I see you like this. It's just really hard." Rachel said softly while a tear slowly falls down her cheek.

After a few minutes of staring at her cousin's seemingly peaceful sleeping state, she laid on her back and just stared at the ceiling.

"You know what hurts the most?" Ashley said suddenly which startled Rachel.

"What?" Rachel asked turning to face her cousin almost afraid of what it is that she might find out.

"She never even asked me what was wrong. Not even a day or a week after. It's like she never cared at all. Am I really just nothing to her now? Did I lack on showing her how much she meant to me, how much I really love her?"Ashley said looking at her cousin straight in the eyes sharing her pain.

"Ashley, she doesn't deserve you. The people around you could see how much you care and love her without even seeing you two together. I think that the love you have for her is pretty strong and amazing. If she can't see that, it's her lost. You deserve someone better." Rachel said hoping what she's saying is getting through to her cousin.

"If my love is that great, then why don't I have her? Why is she with somebody else?" Ashley said.

Rachel tried to say something, opened her mouth a few times, but Ashley just shook her head sadly, effectively silencing the thoughts Rachel wanted to voice out.