AN: Hey peeps, I know it's been an extremely long update with this, but with a suggestion from an awesome friend of mine, I'll post some Maury update chapters to see where our favorite guests have gone or done since their appearances on the show! But updates won't come AS quick, since I have other commitments at hand. Anyhoo, enjoy!
Eric Young and ODB - Honeymoon Sex Fail
Maury was sitting in front of some crowd members who were also sitting onstage, and this change of scenery only meant one thing - an update show!
"Ok, now we definitely couldn't have an update show without two of our favorite characters, ODB and Eric Young. Y'see, when we first met ODB, she came to us convinced that her boyfriend Eric was cheating, while she was laid out in a hospital bed for 36 days!"
"OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH!" the crowd exclaimed.
"Take a look."
Flashback...
Backstage, EY was shown combing his beard while ODB explained, "I was in the goddamned hospital for 36 days for accidentally shootin' myself in the foot!"
"WHOA!" the crowd exclaimed.
"How did you accidentally shoot yourself in the foot?" asked Maury.
"I thought that Eric was heading out to cheat on me, so I was shootin' towards him to steer him straight and keep him home with me, but I missed and the bullet ricocheted and got me in the foot." she explained, taking a swig of her liquor from her trusty flask. "And while I was in that damned hospital, he only visited me ONE time! *audience 'AWW'* He sent me ONE letter-"
...
..."But then, he disappears at night, doesn't he?" he asked.
"Yeah at night, he goes jogging for 3 hours, about 10:00 at night!" she snapped.
Maury was laughing along with the audience.
"Who the hell goes jogging for 3 hours at night time? Get with it, the Bradys are right down the road, go there, get your 'wham, bam, thank you ma'am' and come right back home and say to me, 'I LHUUUVE yooou!'" she cried, half drunk. "Ridiculous!"
The audience whooped with laughter and applauded at this.
Eric's backstage segment:
"Everytime I turn around, ODB's always accusing me of cheatin' and I'm not. In fact, ODB's breaking my heart by thinking that I'm doing this to her. She said that I had cheated on her with two of her friends while she was in the hospital, and I did NOT! We're two kids in love, damn it! I'm here today to prove my innocence, move on forward, and put this behind us so we can have our fairytale wedding!"
Later...
EY ran downstairs in his wrestling attire. His arms were in the air and he grappled Maury for a moment when he approached him, and then ran a victory lap across the stage before the stagehands had to calm him down and lead him into his seat. The crowd was in a mix between boos and laugher, as ODB cried, "Sit your happy ass down, ya moron!"
...
"Why didn't you visit your fiancee more than one time?" asked Maury.
"Because when she was in the hospital, Maury, it really hurt me emotionally and physically! I felt a...tug at my heart knowing that she was probably given sponge baths by strange men in there!" he exclaimed, but the crowd wasn't buying it.
"I don't buy that crap excuse! You're supposed to stand by your woman! He wasn't there!" she exclaimed as the crowd cheered in her favor again.
Back to today...
"So then, the lie detector results were about to be revealed, but before we got to that, it was time to show ODB what we caught Eric doing on hidden camera..." Maury began.
Flashback...
Hidden camera - "Oh, you haven't seen anything yet! So...you wanna see it?" he asked.
OMG! He EXPOSES himself! This part was not aired for obvious reasons.
After the tape finished, the crowd cried out in disapproval, and then began sending their boos towards Eric.
ODB dropped her flask and gave him a shocked look. "You SORRY (BLEEEEEEEEEEEP!) I'M GONNA KILL YA!" she screamed, leaping up and charging towards him, and the crowd cheered and laughed once Eric got terrified, and ran for his life by speeding back upstairs and backstage. She WAS strong enough to possibly kill him, after all. "'Ey, 'EY! You wanna butt full of FOOT?" she screamed after him, as three security guards had to hold her back.
"ODB, calm down!" cried Maury. "You need to settle down, all right?"
"NO! STOP IT! IT'S OVER!" she shouted to nobody in particular.
The Lie Detector Results are IN!
Maury continued, "You were asked if you cheated on ODB with one of her friends while she was at the hospital. You said no, the lie detector determined, that was a lie, you had a threesome with those three girls more than one time."
"OOOOOOOOHHHH!"
Eric just twiddled his thumbs and stayed quiet, while ODB shook her head, took another swig of her liquor, and tossed the empty flask, which hit him on the head.
"OW!" he cried.
She leapt up again. "You can get your goddamned bags and get the hell up outta my house, cause you ain't staying with me anymore, that is IT! Go back to your daddy's! GO BACK TO YOUR DADDY'S!" she screamed.
Backstage...
"WHY did you do that to me?" she demanded. "I'MA KILL YOU!"
"I-I'm just a MAN, damn it!" Eric cried, before stepping in a room and slamming the door in her face.
"Well, you can just go on back to your daddy's cause you ain't seeing *slaps her jugs* THESE babies no more! BAM!" she cried.
Back to today...
"Wow..." the crowd murmured.
"So, ODB swore it was over. So we were all shocked when we found out that not only did she take Eric back..." he began.
"Ooh..."
"They got engaged."
"OHH!"
"But before she agreed to walk down the aisle, she wanted Eric to take ONE...FINAL...lie detector test."
"WHOO!" they cheered.
New never before seen flashback!
Eric and ODB were sitting onstage alongside Maury, with him wearing speedos and a bow tie, and ODB wearing a camouflage wedding gown that suited her perfectly. Maury was a little weirded out by EY's attire, though.
"We asked you that since the show, have you cheated on ODB with ANYBODY, you said no...you're telling the truth!" he exclaimed.
"YEAH, BABAAAYY!" ODB cheered, sharing a hot, yet sloppy kiss with Eric while he did this victory run back and forth across the stage. "WE'RE GETTING MARRIED!" he cheered, while the audience gave them a standing ovation and applauded.
The two were sloppily kissing backstage before they fell to the floor, making out and rolling all over the ground. Some employees backstage were afraid and sort of ran for cover.
Back to today...
"So Eric passed! And in celebration of this momentous occasion and with the help of our friends from the McDonald's Restaurant, Hotel, and Casino, located in Las Vegas, Nevada, we threw them a wedding!" Maury tried to say over the overlapping chatter and laughter of the crowd, once a freeze-framed shot of ODB screaming with her mouth wide open riled them up. This was all the backstage production crew's doing. The host continued, "In true ODB and EY style, though, it was a DRAMA FILLED EVENT!" he shouted over the crowd's laughter. "Watch!"
In Vegas...
Maury VO: "It was finally ODB and Eric's wedding day, and they seemed to be ready to take the plunge."
Out in the sunny Nevada streets, the happy couple were first shown kissing some more, scaring some spectators in the process, and then happily holding hands and skipping down the road. Eric was still wearing his speedos, by the way.
VO: "And what better place to tie the knot than Las Vegas?"
(Cue techno-pop music while the signs and bright lights of Vegas were shown. Nice stock footage.)
VO: "Once they arrived to the McDonald's Restaurant, Hotel, and Casino, they were ready to tie the knot."
(Cue HAPPY dance-techno music while clips of the couple getting prepared were shown next. EY had to comb his beard at least 15 times for the occasion.)
VO: "Just like any other wedding, though, this one was full of drama."
ODB was talking to the one of the employees there, a guy in a Grimace costume. "I'm just scared that that boy's gon' cheat on me again and it ain't gonna work!" she cried. "I brought my trusty rifle just in case."
Grimace gave her a warm, toasty hug to make things feel all better.
Soon enough, it was wedding time! Grimace, the Hamburgalar, and Birdie were all acting as witnesses, as Ronald McDonald officiated the event. The wedding march played while the double 'M' doors opened to reveal ODB in all of her camouflage awesomeness, heading down the short aisle, with Eric smiling all the way. He even teared up a little. No wait, he had some dust in his eye. Soon enough, the vows began.
ODB began, "I promise..."
Eric added, "From this day forward..."
ODB continued, "To stay together..."
Eric finished, "For as long as we both shall live."
Birdie shed a tear and cried over Grimace's shoulder.
"You may now seal your marriage with a kiss! And ba da da ba ba! You're LOVIN' it!" Ronald exclaimed.
The two crashed into yet another sloppy kiss to seal the deal!
"Babycakes, I'm sorry for everything I put you through in the past and let's just look forward to the future and the nine kids that we're eventually gonna have!" EY exclaimed as the happy couple each took some chicken nugget appetizers and strolled off, arm in arm.
"These nuggets are GOOD!" she exclaimed. As they walked off through the double doors, the doors closed onto the end of her long dress, trapping her there.
Maury VO: "After an emotional wedding, it was time for Eric and ODB to have a fun filled honeymoon!"
"Whoo hoo!" Eric cheered as ODB lifted HIM over the threshold!
Later, the two were in their hotel room...
ODB told the cameraman, "We appreciate everything, thank y'all very much..."
"But you know what time it is now, it's time to knock some boots!" Eric exclaimed, grinning. "BYE!"
ODB spanked him. "BAM!" she cried before the door slammed in the camera guy's face.
Maury VO: "These two lovebirds had no idea what would happen next..."
Later that same night...
Ambulance sirens were heard! Uh oh.
"Maury, we just asked for some privacy, and now it landed us at the damn hospital." Eric told the camera guy. "But no worries, ODB's okay, and she's gonna make a full recovery! But remember what they say about Vegas! Haha!"
"Eric, get yer happy ass over here!" she called from a distance.
"Whoops, see ya later, Maury." he called, speeding off.
Back in the studio...
"We don't exactly know HOW she got injured..." Maury began with the audience's laughter in the background. "Or WHAT she injured..."
"HAHAHAHA!"
"But you and I know, what happens in Vegas..."
You know the rest, kids!
"...STAYS in Vegas!" the crowd joined in.
"I don't know what happened to those two, but all I'm gonna tell you is that it happened behind closed doors! So you figure it out...FOR...YOUR...SELF." Maury exclaimed, emphasizing those words with some pelvic thrusts!
Actually, that's pretty gross once you think about a 72 year old doing that.
"WHOOOOO!" the crowd whooped.
"Good luck to ya, ODB and Eric, we'll be right back after this!"
AN: More guest updates coming soon!