Author's Note: Hello everyone! I hope your holidays are going amazingly and that this will brighten them even more. Enjoy!
Forgotten Hope Chapter 21- Back to Reality
JPOV
I never thought it would be like before, but giving Alice a piggy back ride and singing to her was as close as it could ever come. I kissed her arms... it felt like heaven being able to do that again. It was like the weight of the world was momentarily lifted from my shoulders...
And how she breathed on my neck when she spoke sent my mind buzzing at a million miles a minute. It threw it into a frenzy of memories. I could see her in the morning, snuggling into my bare chest, breathing into my neck....
This wasn't just as close as I would get to the past, but as close as I would ever get to heaven. It was... breathtaking.
I heard Alice cough a little harder than she had been earlier, and my tranquil mindset vanished.
"Are you all right?" I asked, stopping a moment when she coughed again.
"Yep, my throat just hurts a bit...." she whispered weakly. She sounded a bit out of breath, but that would be understandable after coughing. I could tell she was trying not to worry me though.
"We'll get you some water when we get inside," I said as we turned the corner into the Cullens' driveway. I felt a bit reluctant go there after leaving Emmett hanging like I had yesterday. I just... had not been myself and I didn't want to risk hurting anyone. Now that I had Alice with me, though, I would be fine. I would never act that way in her presence....
I quickened my pace to get her inside sooner. There was a cool breeze outside and I didn't want her getting cold or getting any sicker than she was. After what she did last night, I was surprised she wasn't already feeling more sick.
I jogged up the steps of the house, still keeping Alice perfectly balanced on my back.
"I can walk now," she told me, trying to get down, but I held her tight.
"You can get down once you can sit inside," I insisted, feeling my overprotective self come through. It seemed like I hadn't had the chance to protect her in so long....
Alice didn't fight me, which told me that she really wasn't feeling so good. Usually, she would have fought about it. She was stubborn like that.
I knocked on the door and waited, rubbing her thighs tenderly.
Esme opened the door and her eyes instantly flashed with happiness as she saw us standing in front of her.
"Jasper—Alice!" she breathed in pure happiness, her arms outstretched for us.
I let Alice down then, but kept a tight hold on her so she wouldn't fall. We took turns hugging Esme.
"Hi Aunt Esme," she greeted kindly with a bright smile.
"Oh, dear, you're shaking," Esme whispered as I watched her look over Alice carefully.
Alice shifted uncomfortably and shrugged.
"Don't shrug at your aunt like that," Esme chuckled, putting a hand to Alice's forehead. "Goodness, Alice, you're awfully warm. Are you feeling okay?" she asked, concern now written over her face.
My eyes snapped to Alice's, and I wondered why she hadn't said anything. I raised my own hand and touched her forehead, feeling the abnormal warmth of it.
"Darling...." I murmured, stroking her cheek sadly. I wished she would tell me these things. She was still the same as before-- trying not to worry me.
"I feel fine," Alice shrugged, giving me a certain look. I could see the small glimmer of hesitance in her eyes.
"You still can't lie," I heard Emmett laugh.
My eyes rose from Alice's and I noticed Emmett leaning on the wall of the hallway, watching me with a wide grin. His eyes slowly lowered to our entwined fingers.
Alice glared darkly at him. "I'm not lying, Emmett." I could tell Alice wasn't really upset by his comment, though. She smiled warmly at him.
"I'll go get Carlisle," Esme let me know. She squeezed my hand and then rushed up the stairs.
Emmett walked forward, his eyes filling with questions.
"So... I didn't know you were coming...?" Emmett trailed off, questioning Alice. He raised an eyebrow.
Alice laughed and leaned into my side. I wasn't sure if it was because she needed support, or if she just wanted to stay close. "Neither did I," she smirked at him with a shrug.
"I'm glad you did," Emmett grinned, reaching his arms out for his baby cousin. "I missed you."
Alice walked into his embrace, giving him a warm, loving hug.
"So... does this mean you and Jasper are together again?" Emmett asked as she pulled away, his eyes sparkling with excitement.
Alice's eyes flashed with pain and she shook her head dismissively.
"Not exactly...." she whispered. I watched her eyes travel away from both of us as she thought.
I heard Emmett sigh in disappointment. Oh, I'm right there with you big guy....
I heard footsteps and turned, seeing Carlisle and Esme walking down the stairs together. Carlisle had his doctor's bag in one hand and Esme's hand in his other.
"Jasper," he said welcomingly, letting go of Esme's hand as stopped in front of us.
I hugged him, feeling very relaxed at the familiar embrace from Carlisle. It still felt like the most fatherly touch I had ever felt in my life. I cherished it. I don't know what I would have done if I had stayed away from this family. They truly were my family. They had told me that so many times....
Carlisle sighed in the embrace. "I missed you, son," he told me with that same firm certainty that he always held in his voice when it came to talking to any of his children. I always knew he was telling the truth when he used that tone of voice.
"Missed you too, Carlisle," I replied with the same certainty.
Carlisle pulled back, patting my shoulders. "I heard what you did for Johnny yesterday. I'm proud of you. You did the right thing with Colin. He shouldn't have tried to ruin that little boy's day," Carlisle frowned, disappointed that the situation had occurred. But pride gleamed in his soft eyes for me.
Right thing? I had been about to kill the man. Sure, stopping him was the right thing to do, but not trying to kill him.
"No one would have been able to stop easily. Child abuse is a disgraceful action, Jasper. You know that more than anyone," Carlisle assured me, sensing my hesitance in his pride.
My body relaxed at his words. He was right. I knew that more than anyone... but I still would not let myself off that easily. I should have been more in control of myself, especially around Johnny.
"Thank you," I whispered with a small smile. He patted my shoulder once more and then slowly turned to Alice.
"Alice, Alice, Alice," he laughed softly, giving his niece an adoring look.
Alice smiled widely and skipped over to him, jumping up to give him a tight hug around the neck.
"Hi Uncle Carlisle," she laughed, as she pecked his cheek.
He leaned down to press his lips to her forehead and then his eyes narrowed with worry.
"Esme was right. You do have a fever," he murmured, pulling back and walking her to the living room. I followed closely, worry taking over all of my senses.
Alice slowed down, waiting for me. I quickened my pace and met her, wrapping my arm around her waist supportively. She leaned into me as we walked. I watched her shiver against me and my worry increased... it was warm in the Cullens' house.
Carlisle sat down on the couch and patted the spot beside him for Alice, then turned to his bag. I sat Alice on the couch and then sat on the loveseat close to it. Esme sat beside me, laying her hand reassuringly on top of mine.
"It's not a high fever, dear, don't worry," Esme assured me as I watched Carlisle's every move. He asked her a lot of questions, some about how she was feeling now from her cough and fever, and then others about her headache and if she had been remembering anything.
Alice thought for a moment about the remembering question. "Kind of...." she whispered.
Every part of my body and mind shifted to her. "You have?" I asked anxiously. I could feel the Hope filling my veins... the warmth coming to my hard heart. My eyes connected with hers and she nodded in confirmation.
"Nick was talking about something... he said something and it sounded so familiar, like I had heard it in another life or something. I didn't know if I had heard it somewhere else or from another person. I asked him and he said that he had said it to me before... I didn't exactly remember him saying it... but I remember it?" Alice rambled in confusion, looking at Carlisle for assistance. Carlisle's lips tugged upward on the sides.
"Fantastic. That's good, Alice. The damage to your cerebrum must be healing. This is a good thing," he assured his niece, making a note on a paper.
No words could express the happiness I had in me at their words. She was remembering! It was just up to time now. It would happen though... she was remembering!
Alice's cough cut off my happiness, though. It was becoming more harsh at every second.
Carlisle's proud smile became a deep frown.
"Now for this cough... I'm worried you might be developing a case of pneumonia... especially if you were sick before you spent hours out in the rain," he sighed and stood up. "You'll need to rest and I'll pick you up some antibiotics," he instructed her, nudging her gently to lie down on the couch.
He turned to me. "Watch her," he chuckled, knowing she would try to get up.
I nodded obediently and stood up, letting go of Esme's hand and walking to kneel in front of Alice.
Pneumonia... couldn't that kill a person if it got bad enough? I swallowed roughly, trying to keep myself in control. She wouldn't die. She had just gotten it. If she had it, she would be fine. Carlisle was getting her medicine.
Alice rolled her eyes at me. "Stop looking at me like that, Jazz. I'm fine," she laughed, raising her hand to flick my nose.
"You're sick. I have the right to worry," I grumbled, leaning down to press my forehead to hers.
"Whatever," she grumbled back, but pulled away from my face quickly. I was worried she didn't want me close to her, until I saw her start to cough into her hand.
I sat her up quickly and rubbed her back, trying to help calm the coughing. I grabbed a tissue and handed to her when she was done, but stopped when I saw her face become white as a sheet.
My eyes searched hers, but only saw fear. What was wrong? Why was she afraid?
My eyes flickered to where her hand was holding the tissue I had given her. Against her skin, there was a little bit of blood.
I took a quick breath and hurriedly stood up, rushing from the room. "Carlisle!" I shouted frantically.
Carlisle came in quickly. "What's wrong?"
"She's coughing up blood!" I told him, my voice panicked and hard.
Carlisle frowned and put his hand on my shoulder. "Okay. It's okay. It's just a sign that she probably is developing pneumonia. I hoped I was wrong," he sighed, walking back into the living room with me.
Alice sat there motionlessly, looking utterly flustered.
"It's okay," I whispered, kneeling back down and kissing her forehead gently.
Carlisle knelt beside me and looked at Alice.
"It'll be fine. We'll get you the medicine quickly... I already ordered it. Then you'll just need to rest for about a week, and then you'll be able to move around while your body heals itself. I'm going to pick up the prescription now... you just have to rest, okay?" he assured her, smoothing her hair out affectionately.
Alice nodded mutely and lay back down.
"I'll go get you a blanket," I told her quietly.
Again, she nodded without a word, and I rushed out of the room and up the stairs. I went to my old room and took the blanket off of the bed and then ran back down the stairs, trying not to leave her for long.
Esme entered the room at the same time as me with a glass of water.
I tucked the blanket in around Alice snugly. "Is that warm enough?" I asked as I watched her shivering.
She sniffed sadly and nodded.
My heart broke at the fear and sadness in her beautiful eyes.
"You're going to be fine," I told her firmly, pressing another kiss to her forehead. "Just take your sleeping pill and drink this."
I turned to open her purse, grabed the bottle of sleeping pills, and took one out before giving her the water.
Alice pulled herself up enough to drink and take the pill. After swallowing the pill, she drank about half of the glass of water and then fell back onto the couch.
"Can Mack come here? I still wanna meet him," she said, a small pout forming on her lips.
I sighed loudly at her request. She got over that fear quickly....
"After you sleep," I promised her.
She nodded, agreeing. I noticed her eyelids drooping already. She definitely only needed the sleeping pills for her dreams; she was tired enough already.
"I'll call him now," I assured her.
I made a quick phone call to Mack, explaining the situation and that Alice wanted to meet him. He seemed thrilled, but then extremely worried, just as I was, about her sickness. He promised that he would come over later in the afternoon so that Alice could get some rest.
"Sleep..." she began to trail off in exhaustion, "with me...?" she whispered, looking through her half closed eyes at me.
Could I ever refuse?
I slipped my shoes off and then moved to her feet, slipping her shoes off as well. I climbed over her, trying not to disturb her. The couch wasn't too big, but once I curled my arms around her, we fit perfectly.
I awoke much later that day. I could see out the window that the sun was lower in the sky.
I shifted slightly to look at Alice. Her face seemed troubled as she slept. Her eyes were shut a bit tightly and there was a thin layer of sweat forming on her forehead. She looked even paler than earlier.
I then noticed a small bottle of pills sitting beside the glass of water on the coffee table in front of us.
"They're Alice's antibiotics. Carlisle said that Alice should take two immediately after she wakes up," I heard a familiar voice say from across the room.
My eyes flickered toward the sound of the voice. Mack sat on a chair with a book in his hand. How did he get here? When did he get here?
"Carlisle let me in. I didn't want to wake you guys, though," he explained with a shrug.
"Oh. Well, hey," I chuckled weakly at him.
"Hey," he smiled. He got up from his chair and walked to the loveseat to sit closer to us.
"I should probably wake her up so she can take those pills...." I murmured, mostly to myself.
I leaned forward slightly so I could reach her ear. "Wake up, darling."
I shook her gently, after whispering, to try to bring her out of her troublesome slumber.
She stirred in her sleep and then her eyes slowly began to flutter.
"That's it, love," I encouraged her, regretting waking her up because that meant she could be in pain. But I knew she needed the pills to get better.
Alice moaned quietly and her eyes opened fully.
"Jazz..." she slurred, shivering. She turned around and cuddled close to my chest, probably trying to warm up.
"Carlisle brought your pills," I informed her, trying to keep her awake. I pulled away, struggling slightly as she held onto me tightly, needing the warmth.
"It'll just take a second," I promised her, sitting us both up.
Mack grabbed the bottle and popped the lid off. I watched him freeze for a moment, staring at the bottle of pills. His eyes filled with emotions. I saw his other hand turn into a fist and he hurriedly handed me the bottle, his hand shaking.
"Y-you should take care of those for her," he stuttered unstably. He was a recovering drug addict... the fact that he was able to give them over to me said a lot.
Alice's eyes shifted in confusion at the sound of another voice in the room. Her eyes slowly focused on where Mack was sitting beside us.
"Jazz?" she asked curiously, slowly starting to come out of her tired state.
"Alice, this is Mack," I introduced her, which felt rather weird, knowing she knew him much better than I ever would.
Mack flashed her a grin and reached his hand out for hers. "Hey beautiful." His voice filled with a tone of happiness that I knew he could only ever attain when he was near her.
Alice's lips formed a smile. "Hey handsome," she replied, seeming totally at home with him.
"Couldn't stay away from trouble for long, eh?" he chuckled, walking over so he could kiss her forehead tenderly.
Alice coughed quietly as she began to speak.
"I--" cough "didn't get in--" cough "trouble," she said stubbornly.
Mack raised a curious eyebrow at her. "You flew from New York to Forks, then ran all over town in a rain storm, then sat in the rain for a few hours. That's not trouble? Seems a little rebellious to me," Mack teased her, picking up her glass of water for her as I handed her the two pills.
Alice took the pills and then shrugged. "I had a good reason," she grumbled at him.
"You always do," he chuckled, then took one of her hands and gave it a squeeze.
"I missed you," he whispered, his joking self leaving for a moment as he looked straight into her eyes with intense adoration.
Alice's thumb grazed over his and she smiled. "I think I missed you, too," she said, grimacing as she coughed, but then gaining a happy look on her face.
I smiled too, happy that she was happy. Mack's relationship with her had always been very important to her... maybe she could feel that even without her memories.
"I bet you did," Mack joked, winking teasingly at Alice.
Alice laughed, but that quickly became a violent stream of coughs and her smile disappeared. She whimpered in pain into my chest after her coughing fit and then took a deep breath.
I winced at her whimper and took the remains of the glass of water and brought it to her lips. She drank the rest and looked at Mack.
"I wanted you to know I was proud of you," she whispered quietly and very weakly. I thought I was going to die soon from her weakness and sadness and pain... I wished I could take it away. I'd do anything to take it away. I used to spend many nights outside in the rain when I lived with Steve--I could handle being sick. I'd be sick in her place in a heartbeat.
Mack tilted his head and sighed softly at her. "Don't be too proud... I haven't done much, really."
Alice scoffed, but again it turned to a cough. "You're ridiculous," she laughed quietly. "You've done more than most people ever could, Mack—"
As she began to cough again, Mack grabbed the cup and hurried out of the room. He was back in a matter of seconds with a full glass of cold water.
"Here," he said with a shaky voice, handing the glass to me.
"I should go before I end up killing you by making you talk to me," Mack joked, leaning over to kiss her cheek now.
Alice frowned deeply, upset by the short visit. I knew she wanted to talk to him and get to know him again, but this definitely was not the time for her.
"I'll call you in a few days," he promised her, noticing the broken stare.
"Promise?"
He grinned and nodded. "Of course. I'm glad you still want to talk to me... your friendship means a lot...." he admitted.
She shook her head. "Of course I want to talk to you. Make sure you call me. And keep doing whatever you're doing 'cause it means you're getting better...." she said quietly.
He nodded and then his eyes lit up again.
"Oh, one last thing."
He kneeled down in front of her and took her hand, looking into her eyes. I noticed the look of mischief in his eyes.
"If beauty were time, you'd be eternity," he murmured flirtatiously to her, winking at her.
Alice squinted in confusion and then looked to me.
"Thank you?" she whispered questioningly.
She looked utterly confused. I knew what he was doing, though. They had some sort of ritual where he would tell her a lame pickup line.
"You'll remember," Mack assured her and stood up, reaching his fist out to mine. I tapped my fist to his and nodded.
"Thanks again for offering to let me stay at your place," I said gratefully, giving him a smile.
He waved his hand dismissively and started to walk out of the room.
"I know you'd do the same," he replied nonchalantly. With one last smile, he left the room.
Alice took another sip of her water, her eyes squinting at the pain of swallowing it. "I liked him. I wish we could've visited longer...." she said.
I nodded and smiled down at her. "We'll see him again, don't worry."
I looked down to glance at my watch. It was 7 o'clock in the evening in Forks, now. Meaning it was ten in New York. We had to get going soon... Alice had wanted to leave tonight.... But was she too sick to fly? I wasn't sure.
Alice noticed my watch, though, and gasped. "It's ten. We need to go."
I watched her struggling to stand and stood to help her.
"Maybe we should stay another night... just so you can rest?" I suggested with uncertainty. She shook her head though, refusing.
"We can't Jazz. I-I said we'd be home. We have to leave...."
I listened to her obediently. This was her decision. Carlisle was walking to the living room as we were exiting it.
"Where're you going?" he asked us suspiciously.
"We have to catch our plane," I told him, sitting down Alice on the steps so I could help her put her shoes back on.
"That's probably not a good idea," Carlisle informed us.
"I need to go home, Uncle Carlisle...." Alice whispered painfully and started to cough again.
Note to self: Do not let her talk anymore. It was just making things a lot worse.
"Shh," I whispered, pecking her cheek. "Rest your voice."
"It'll be fine, Carlisle. Thank you so much for your help. Really... we appreciate everything you do for us," I told him genuinely.
He looked deep in thought, so I spoke again.
"I'll keep you updated on her condition. She just wants to be home in her bed right now," I explained to him seriously, not leaving it up for discussion. She told Spencer that she would be home tonight and I wouldn't make her a liar. I would get her home on time, whether or not I wanted to.
I didn't want to let this time we had over the past day go away yet... but I had to do what she wanted. She would remember me soon enough. I could deal with letting her go for a night or two... I knew now that she needed me....
Carlisle nodded stiffly, obviously not in agreement.
"I'll drive you to the airport, then," he offered. Like me, he did not leave it up for discussion.
I hurried to the living room and grabbed Alice's purse and pills and then came back out. I helped her lift herself onto my back, so she wouldn't have to walk far, and then we were off to the airport.
We were leaving Forks to go back to New York... back to reality.
NPOV
After lunch, Spencer asked if we wanted to stay, but hinted that he had some work to catch up on. I decided we should let him work... and I didn't know what to expect from Chloe, so I figured it'd probably be best if we let him be.
He thanked us for stopping over, though, and we promised to keep each other updated on what was going on with Alice if we heard anything.
Chloe was still acting strange as we headed out to the taxi. She was so tense and oddly silent. I was used to her being a little quieter when she was thinking, but she usually kept me posted on some of her thoughts... or at least talked to me every so often. She had barely said a word the whole rest of the time we were there.
I was starting to worry. I needed her to not be so tense... especially without letting me know why.
I could feel my frustration building with every second of silence. If she didn't look more like herself again soon, then I didn't know what I'd do. She was really making me nervous....
I lifted my arm up and rested it on the back of the seat of the car behind her, trying to offer my support. But like earlier, she didn't seem to notice my presence at all. That made my frustration grow to an impossibly high rate....
Come on Chloe... please just smile! My mind screamed.
I mindlessly started to play with the ends of her hair, needing some kind of distraction. She just let me, though. It was like she didn't even notice that I was touching her. Instead of distracting me, it just made me feel worse.
"Sweetheart...." I whispered, sounding like the most needy, desperate fool I had ever heard in my freaking life. But I couldn't help it.
Chloe's glazed eyes blinked and she finally looked over at me.
"Mm hmm?" she murmured. She looked more distant than usual. Her thoughts were taking her away from me, I could feel it. She needed to stop thinking so deeply for a little while... it looked exhausting.
"Are you sure you're okay? You seem... kind of distant," I asked her, concerned.
"Yep, I'm okay," she said quickly. Way too quickly. Her eyes flickered away and I had a feeling they were avoiding mine.
I took a deep breath and continued. I knew if I didn't continue asking and get it out of her, I was going to blow a cap. Control was getting a lot harder today. I didn't know if it was because Jasper was still away, or because I was worrying about Alice, or because of Chloe's sickness and mood swings... it could be all of them put together, I guess.
"Are you positive...? You don't seem like yourself today...." I said quietly, hesitantly.
I noticed Chloe's whole body tense and she took a deep breath in. She turned to me.
"I can't always be who you want me to be, Nick!" she shouted at me out of nowhere, her eyes welling up with pained tears.
It felt like my rock hard heart had been shattered. It was like someone had hit it with a hammer and crushed it.
"I-I... I-I" I tried to speak... tried to get anything out. I just couldn't find my voice. What did she mean she couldn't always be who I wanted her to be? ....Was I forcing her to be someone she didn't want to be? Did I really suck that bad as a boyfriend that I had been doing that and didn't even realize it?
"I-I'm not trying to make you someone you're not.... I want you to be you, Chloe. I swear, sweetheart. I-I just was worried about you 'cause you were so quiet and tense and you're not usually like that around me. You don't have to try to be someone that you aren't for me. Never do that."
I stumbled over my words, trying to reassure her and tell her what I was truly feeling. Obviously I hadn't been doing a good job at that so far. I wanted her to know that I would never want her to change. She was so perfect already... why would I want to change that perfection?
Chloe's broken, overwhelmed eyes overflowed with tears. I caught them quickly, wiping them away with my thumbs.
"Please don't cry. I promise I won't make you be someone you aren't anymore. I'm sorry. P-please, Chloe. I'll do better," I begged her, ignoring the glances from the taxi driver. Nosy bastard should just mind his own damn business. Did this look like a show? Some kind of soap opera? No! This was my relationship... and Chloe was upset because I was forcing her to be something she wasn't. I don't know how I was doing it, but I was going to stop.
Chloe's hands reached up and held mine on her cheeks, shaking her head quickly from side to side, sobbing now.
"N-no," she whispered painfully.
No what? No what?
But relief came over me as she cuddled herself into my chest, sniffling. She wasn't mad. She wasn't too mad at least. She didn't hate me... not yet.
"You aren't doing anything wrong, Nick," she promised me. I could feel her wet tears on my neck, which made my throat swell as I tried to keep my own tears back. I couldn't cry... I was the man in the relationship. I was supposed to be strong.
"I'll do better," I promised back, ignoring the thickness in my voice as I pressed a kiss to her hair.
Her arms tightened around me and I felt her head shaking again. "No. It's all me. You're fine... you already do better than anyone, sweetheart. You're already so perfect for God's sake," she murmured in frustration, pulling back to put her hands on both sides of my face. She was making sure that she had my attention and that I was listening to her.
"I'm--" she sniffed loudly, trying to pull herself together.
I leaned forward and gave her a tender kiss on the lips, trying to show her that I cared and that I wanted to be better. I knew I wasn't perfect....
Her lips stayed with mine, kissing back, even in the public view of the cab driver. She pulled back after a second, her hands still grasping my face, keeping me watching her.
"I didn't mean what I said, Nick. I'm just—I don't know... being sick is clouding my mind. I can't think straight. Forgive me, sweetheart. I didn't mean any of that. You always want me to be me. You are so...."
She didn't even finish what she was saying. Her lips came back to mine and for once, she was at a loss for words. Her thoughts didn't cloud her mind this time... all attention was on me. I felt the sweetness and care in the kiss that overwhelmed me. My heart ached at the purity of her kiss.
"Don't ever change," she begged me, as I kissed ever stray tear off her face. "Promise me?"
"I can't promise," I told her, shaking my head, refusing.
Her face fell in defeat and her eyes filled with pain and regret. I finished what I was saying before she could become more upset.
"I can't because I change everyday that I'm with you, Chloe. I become a better person, a better boyfriend, and a better friend every second that I'm with you. You make me feel... almost like a new man. You make me feel good about myself," I whispered to her, adoringly. She needed to know what she did... how much she did for me. She was better than anything I had ever had before. I had never felt this way. If someone had told me years ago that I would end up like this, falling so hard for a girl, I would have laughed in their face. But now it all just felt so right.
Chloe's eyes softened to liquid. Her thumbs caressed my cheeks with care.
"You do the same for me," she whispered. The truth in her words was beautiful. I knew she couldn't be lying or using me like so many girls had in my life. She just wanted me for me and I just wanted her for her.
Lost in these thoughts, I started to forget about how strange she had been acting earlier. She had probably just been feeling sick....
There was no one better than her, I was convinced. There was nothing more I could ever ask for.
SPOV
I tapped the tip of my pen on the sketch pad quickly, repeatedly, watching the minutes on my clock tick by. It was twelve thirty and she still wasn't home. I was running out of things to keep my mind off of her in Forks with Jasper.
I could feel my whole mind, soul and heart breaking all over again. Nothing would have happened between them in Forks, though, would it? Alice wouldn't leave me... this was my Alice... my Alice loved me more than anything. I knew that.
Or at least I used to know that.
Now my mind was full of doubt. Every touch and every kiss weren't enough to take the doubt out of my mind. I knew that despite how much she told me she loved me, she was still confused....
I was going to do something about it, though. I was going to make sure she was mine forever. I had a plan. I just had to get her back home and hope with all my heart that she would say yes.
I sighed deeply and looked down at my sketch. Of course, instead of working, I had drawn a picture of Alice and me at our cabin. I didn't know if I was just joking myself, hoping that the past would come back. Or maybe I was just living in the past while everything was changing here in the present.
No one could blame me for fighting for my girlfriend this time, though. What else did I have, other than Alice? Some money... a job... sure, but no life. She was the only person I talked to... the only one I longed to see. She was my best friend... the first thing I saw in the morning and the last thing I saw when I went to sleep. She has owned my heart and mind since we were kids... my world revolved around her.
What was I supposed to do, other than fight for her?
Sometimes I thought I should just give up and let her be with Jasper again. He obviously needed her, too. He might even need her as much as I did, if that was possible. I knew that and I felt guilty and wrong for keeping her with me... but I had as much right to have her as he did, didn't I? She was my destiny. We were destined from birth to be together....
I dropped my pencil as I heard the doorbell ring and rushed out of the living room to the front door in a matter of seconds. I pulled the door open and saw Jasper holding Alice in his arms.
He had a worn out look on his face, which was accented by a few cuts. Those must have been from the fight he had been in. He took a step into my house and I reached out for Alice instantly, needing to feel her.
Jasper seemed hesitant. "I can carry her up," he assured me, though I already knew he could. I just needed to do it myself.... But I avoided a fight and let him carry her. I shut the front door and followed him up the long staircase and into my room.
I hurried in front of him to remove the covers so he could lay her down. I pulled the covers over her and took a long look at her. Something was off, though, I could see it. Her skin was much paler than usual and her lips were bluish. It wasn't that cold outside and she had a jacket on... why did she look so cold?
I touched her cheek. She was warm, despite her appearance. She was too warm. My eyes flickered to Jasper's questioningly. What was wrong with her?
Jasper cleared his throat, looking troubled. "Carlisle thinks she has pneumonia," Jasper whispered, his eyes squinted in worry.
My breath caught in my throat. "S-she has what?" I asked, not believing what I had just heard. She had been sick before she left, but not sick like that. She hadn't been coughing or anything. She had just had a headache and stomachache, which had nothing to do with pneumonia.
Jasper ran his hand through his hair and sighed. "Pneumonia... she was out in the rain for a while last night...." he explained, his eyes pained.
I took a long deep breath, feeling anger rise in my throat. I couldn't say anything yet. Jasper would never let her get sick, this was all by chance. It wasn't his fault, I told myself, trying to calm down.
I just nodded and sat down on the edge of the bed, watching Alice sleep.
"Carlisle gave us some pills," Jasper informed me, rummaging around in Alice's purse for them, probably.
"Is it bad?" I asked quietly, brushing the hair out of her face. I knew that pneumonia could be very serious in some cases and in others it could just turn into a bad cold after treatment.
"No, Carlisle said it wasn't. He said we caught it fast, so if she takes the pills and rests she should be up and moving next week," Jasper said quickly and reassuringly. He handed me the bottle of pills.
"'Kay," I murmured, looking at the bottle of pills.
"I—I guess I should go," he said reluctantly. I watched his eyes flicker from Alice to me and back again.
Yeah, she'll be staying with me, without you, my mind growled at him. I shook the thoughts off quickly, not knowing what was coming over me lately.
"I'll call you if it gets bad," I mumbled to him, standing up and reaching my hand out politely.
"Thanks. Really. And I apologize for the other night... it's just tough being without her, now," Jasper whispered, avoiding my eyes. He accepted my hand, though, and shook it firmly.
"No problem. Good luck with Nick," I replied, knowing that the night was probably just going to get worse for him. I could tell by the way Nick had avoided any conversation about Jasper earlier that he was not thinking very kindly of him at the moment.
Jasper's whole frame stiffened at my words and he nodded. "Yeah... Nick... thanks," he mumbled, then walked past me to go to Alice.
He leaned over her and touched her cheek, which made me freeze. I hated to see him touching her like that. But I knew he hated to see me touching her, too....
"Sleep well, darling," he whispered and kissed her forehead. I took another soothing breath in.
First, he had taken my girlfriend away from me. Then once I had finally gotten her back, he just thought he could take her again. Yeah... that was not how it was going to be this time. I wouldn't give her up so easily.
I knew I couldn't live without her. The life I had had for those months without her were the darkest places I had ever been in my life. I needed Alice. I didn't know how to function without her....
Jasper straightened up and cleared his throat. "Good night." He nodded in my direction and left the room.
My attention was automatically on Alice from there. I hurried to my bathroom to fill a glass of water for her, and then came back into the room and sat down on the bed. Alice stirred restlessly in her sleep, moaning painfully.
Was it possible to feel someone else's pain? Sometimes I thought so. Every time I saw a pained look on her beautiful face, I could swear that the pain went through her eyes and directly into me.
I was sure that I sat beside Alice for hours, watching her sleep. But she quickly awoke and began to cough. It wasn't a normal cold cough either. This was a harsh, very bad cough.
I picked her up quickly and placed her on my lap, rubbing her back soothingly.
"Shh, baby," I cooed lovingly, picking up the glass of water and helping her drink it.
"Spence," she whispered, leaning into me, drinking the water. "My throat hurts... and my head... I feel like I'm spinning...." she grumbled painfully with a shiver.
I moved us to the head of the bed and pulled the blanket over us, continuing to rub her back.
"Just keep sipping the water, it'll help," I urged her, bringing the water to her lips again.
She shook her head and moaned, squirming in my lap.
I cringed at her pain.
"It hurts to drink," she rasped, coughing.
"You have to try to drink," I instructed her, bringing it to her lips again. It hurt to make her be in pain, but I knew it was going to make her better. Or at least, I kept trying to tell myself that.
She took a small sip and then shoved her face into my neck, whimpering.
"Shh, it's going to be okay soon, hun," I whispered reassuringly to her, kissing her hair.
Alice nodded weakly into my neck, but then started coughing. She turned her head slightly to my shoulder and I held her to me, trying to keep her calm, because I knew that was all I could do for her.
I hated this... so much. If she hadn't gone to Forks, she would have been fine... she would have been with me and I could have taken care of her.
"I'm sorry, Spence. I'm s-sorry," I heard her start to cry. I was confused about what she meant, but then I turned my head and saw the little spots of light red on my undershirt.
Coughing blood was not good. I knew that.
I slowly lay us down together and took my now stained shirt off. Alice already looked exhausted, but her eyes stayed open and her arms reached out for me the moment I let her go to take my shirt off.
It reminded me of all the times when we were young and she was scared. She'd always reach out for me to hold her. The vulnerability in her eyes killed me a little inside.
"I'm right here. Don't worry," I assured her, hurriedly wrapping my arms around her, keeping her firmly against me.
I felt relaxed with her holding me so tightly and with such need. It assured me that she still needed me, even after being in another state with another guy. She still loved me and needed me. I was with her through her whole life... she knew me... she knew I could take care of her, and that's why she was so comforted. She felt protected near me. Just like she was my home, I was hers.
Alice let her eyes close, but I put my hand on her cheek to stop her. "Don't forget your sleeping pills, hun," I reminded her, rolling over to pick up the sleeping pill bottle off of the night table.
"Thanks," she whispered, strained, as I handed her the pills and the cup of water. She glared slightly at the cup as it came to her lips, but she grudgingly drank some of the water to swallow her pills.
I put it back and then wrapped her closely to my body again.
"Why were you out in the rain, baby?" I asked her, wondering what she was thinking. She hated when she got rained on... it wasn't like her to just sit out in it for hours.
Alice shrugged into me, her eyes filled with confusion. "I don't know, Spence. I was so confused...." she answered honestly, shaking her head from side to side.
I sighed and smoothed her hair out. "You should have called me. I would have gone with you...." I whispered sadly, kissing her forehead tenderly.
Alice shook her head in disagreement, which kind of hurt.
"I had to do it by myself," she told me quietly. I noticed that her breathing wasn't at a normal rate. She was breathing quickly and in short breaths, like she was having trouble breathing.
She whimpered after that and pressed her head against my shoulder in pain. "Everything hurts, Spence," she grumbled, biting down on my shoulder.
I rubbed her back gently, hoping it would help in some way. "I know, Alice. Try to sleep, hun," I instructed her, humming gently to her, hoping it would help her relax.
Her eyes flickered up to mine at the sudden sound of my humming. It seemed like her eyes were struggling with something. Emotions were flying around in her eyes until she shut them, seeming frustrated.
"I love you," Alice whispered into my shoulder. Her voice sounded like she was determined, but I didn't know why.
"I love you too, baby," I chuckled, flashing her the smile I knew she loved.
She sighed and cuddled into my chest, quickly falling asleep in exhaustion.
I gave Nick a quick call before going to sleep, warning him that Jasper was on his way. This would be hard for him and he might as well be ready for him.
I fell asleep rather fast, too, as I felt her in my arms. We were together again and I was more at peace with her here with me....
But despite that, the doubt in my mind would not rest.
NPOV
I sat motionless on the couch, cell phone still in hand. Spencer had just called me, letting me know that Jasper was on his way home now.
Chloe had come back to Jasper's apartment with me because she knew that he was coming home tonight. I think she knew as much as I did that I needed her here.
If she wasn't here, I'd probably end up hurting him or myself.
That was what I was afraid of now. What if I lost my temper in front of her? I might end up punching Jasper in anger, or doing something worse, and she'd be in the room watching the whole damn thing. She would be terrified of me....
I scoffed quietly to myself. But that was what I was waiting for, wasn't it? The day when she would realize who she was really dating--a freaking psychopathic killer. I knew the day would come... and I had no idea what I would do when the truth came out.
I was coming to realize that she was becoming my everything very quickly. Honestly, I was scared shitless.
I wouldn't let her find out who I could be tonight, though. I could keep my temper in check... especially if I was already anticipating it. I could be mad without throwing punches, couldn't I?
God, I needed a drink.
I ran my hands stressfully over my face. Maybe I should just take her home and then go find a bar and drink myself senseless.... Maybe that would save a few lives... or at least, a few relationships.
The fact that I was still wanting to get drunk to numb the anger pissed me off even more. I hated that I was thinking like that, still. Especially with Chloe around now....
"Done!" Chloe exclaimed from the kitchen. I could hear happiness in her voice, which helped clear the misery out of my mind a little bit. I liked that she was sounding happy now. She had been a lot more at ease after her mini breakdown in the taxi.
Chloe came out of the kitchen holding a big bowl full of ice cream. My flickered from her to the ice cream sundae and back again.
"Who are you and what have you done with my girlfriend?" I asked her, raising a curious eyebrow.
Chloe laughed and plopped down onto the couch, handing me the bowl.
I looked at the bowl in my hand, still shocked. It was covered it sprinkles and chocolate sauce and everything Chloe would usually flee away from.
"You are giving me mixed signals, sweetheart. Do you want me healthy or not?" I chuckled roughly.
Chloe shrugged sheepishly. I had a feeling she was as confused as I was.
"You like sweets and I thought maybe... it would help relax you or something?" she said, trailing off with uncertainty.
"It's worth a try," I assured her, leaning over to kiss her lips gently. "Plus, now I know that all I have to do is get stressed out and you'll make me ice cream sundaes," I joked. "Thanks, Chloe."
She stuck her tongue out, her eyes sparkling, and then pointed to the bowl impatiently, waiting for me to start eating.
"Shiiit Chloe, you're getting bossy," I laughed, but then froze when I saw her wince and look away.
Great Nick... swear and then call her bossy. You know she's been sensitive about shit all night... are you asking to be dumped?
"I was joking," I whispered, taking her hand and squeezing it tightly. "You are the most unbossy person I have ever met in my life. Truly," I promised with a smirk.
Chloe laughed shakily, looking back at me. I felt reassured that she was okay when she began to lean into me, trusting my word. "'Unbossy,' huh?" she teased me for my grammar.
"Yep!" I exclaimed, dipping the spoon into the ice cream and putting it into my mouth.
Wow... for being a person who hated unhealthy food like this, she definitely knew how to make a good sundae. Odd. But then, she did seem to be good at everything.
"You have to try this," I hummed in appreciation.
Chloe rolled her eyes. "Nice try, but it's all yours."
I took another scoop of it and shrugged. "It's amazing. You should really try your work."
She shook her head, refusing. It kind of made me happy, though... she wasn't just giving in to whatever I wanted.
I took a big bite of the ice cream and let some sit on my lips, then put the bowl on the coffee table in front of us. I knew she wouldn't refuse this.
I turned in my seat and Chloe's eyes turned suspicious. Her eyes slowly moved down to my lips and she frowned.
"Nick you've got—"
I cut her off with a quick kiss, smearing the ice cream on her lips as well. Chloe was about to complain, but I leaned in for more, connecting my lips with hers, tenderly.
I was right, of course. Chloe didn't pull away. Her lips moved slowly with mine.
"Tastes amazing, right?" I smirked against her lips, teasingly.
Chloe smiled back and kissed me again, letting me feel her affection.
"Mm hmm," she murmured, pulling back and licking her lips. "I don't think it's the ice cream, though," she giggled, reaching up to stroke my bottom lip with her finger.
"Did you just flirt with me?" I gasped melodramatically.
Chloe's face burned with a blush. She then shoved me playfully, smiling brightly.
I grinned back, leaning forward to kiss her. She kissed back happily, running her hand through my hair.
I sighed contently against her lips and fell into her kiss, forgetting about everything. My mouth was cold from the ice cream, so she felt so much warmer than usual. I slowly, hesitantly placed my hand on the back of her head, gently, as we kissed. Her whole body was relaxed with me, and I smiled against her lips.
The most amazing kiss ever only lasted a moment, though. It was broken by the sound of the door opening.
My head snapped away from Chloe and my eyes focused straight on the familiar face of Jasper. She squeezed my hand tightly, as if she was trying to keep me calm... keep me in the state I had just been in.
My smile faded away and I felt the anger begin to flood through my veins like poison.
Jasper cleared his throat, his nervous trait.
"Hey...." he mumbled, gently putting his bag on the ground.
"Hey," Chloe smiled at him. I could see pity filling her eyes. Why the hell did she pity him? He was the one who left. I wished I could see the world through her eyes....
Jasper's eyes flickered to mine. His eyes weren't guarded, like I had thought they would be. He made me look into his soul, seeing him struggling.
I pushed it off, flexing my jaw angrily. He had left me. Alone. He had told me to move on and now he wanted me to pity him, too? Yeah, right.
"Welcome back, brother," I spat the last word at him viciously.
Jasper shut the apartment door behind him and took a deep breath.
"I'm sorry, Nick," he whispered, looking at me, painfully. I could see the overwhelming regret filling his eyes.
I got up from the couch, letting go of Chloe.
"Sorry? Really? For what...?" I asked him, walking closer to him until we were nose to nose. He didn't back down, but that just made me more mad.
Don't lose it in front of Chloe. Don't lose it in front of her. Don't scare her away....
"Sorry for leaving? Sorry for telling me to move on? Sorry for, what, breaking every promise we've ever made? Sorry for doing all of those things over a fucking girl?! Tell me, Jasper!" I shouted at him, letting out of my anger on him.
Whatever. If she leaves you, then you probably deserve it.
Again, he didn't flinch. I should have known he would have been expecting this. He knew me as well as I knew myself...
But didn't that just give me more reason to be anger? After everything he knew about me, knowing he was the only one I had ever fully let in, he had still left.
"Yes. I did it all for a girl and I regret ever doing any of this to you, Nick. You know that. You know it as much as I do. I... I'm so sorry," he whispered sincerely. He ducked his head down, looking weak. "I wasn't thinking straight, I-I don't even know why I did that. What does running away ever do, especially when you leave your best friend behind?"
I shook my head at him. "You only came back for Alice," I hissed, blocking his caring words out of my mind.
Jasper flinched this time and I saw his jaw flex. "And you," he added on in a rough voice, still not looking at me.
I scoffed at him. Yeah right... that's why he had only come back after she went to get him. He hadn't even called me once.
"No. Not for me, too. You didn't give a shit whether I was here dying or not. You were just thinking about yourself. Oh and just so you know, it felt like I was dying. I didn't know what to do. I never thought-- I didn't-- not from you, Jasper," I struggled to get my words out. "I've never felt so betrayed or abandoned. Not ever," I told him.
Jasper looked up. His eyes were vicious and hard now, matching mine.
"You felt like you were dying? Nick, do you have any idea how I've been feeling for the last month? What would you do if Chloe left you? Tell me!" he shouted in my face, gritting his teeth together.
I glared darkly back at him. "Don't bring her into this," I growled. I couldn't look over at her reaction to this argument, though. I hated that she had to be here for this....
I already knew what I would do if she ever left me... I'd end up running back to Texas and probably never be able to feel something like that again. I'd probably end up drinking for a while... I'd go back to who I had been before everything had happened. With Alice's memory of me gone, and Chloe gone, the only person who'd be around to see me fall would be Jasper. And that's why I'd end up leaving... before I'd bring him down with me again, too.
But I wasn't going to tell him that. It was different, anyway. This way, I still had his back. I would only be leaving to protect him from me. And if he needed me, then I'd be there. I wouldn't be leaving him....
"I know what you'd do Nick. You would leave, too," Jasper snarled at me, ignoring me. But then his eyes suddenly changed, becoming calmer. He had learned to control himself a lot better than I had....
"But... I do know that you wouldn't ever leave me like I left you... even if someone broke your heart. If I asked you to stay, like you asked me, I know that you would." He ran his hand threw his hair, sighing.
I fisted my hands, hating the warring emotions inside of me. Half of me wanted to forgive him and go back to before, but the other half wanted him to get the hell away from me.
"If you can't forgive me, that's fine. I can't forgive myself, either," Jasper shrugged. I watched him press his lips together, trying to hold back his broken emotions.
"I—I...." I couldn't think what to say to him. I needed time to think. I couldn't react right now.
"I'm going to Chloe's for the night...." I grumbled quietly, kicking his bag out of the way and walking past him. I knew she wouldn't mind... but if she did, then I'd just... roam around.
I just couldn't deal with it all right now. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know if I could trust him again. I wanted to, but I didn't know if he was just going to leave in a week or two weeks or two months or whenever Alice might say she didn't want to be with him.
I heard Chloe saying something to Jasper before she joined me outside of the door. I didn't want to see the look on her face, though. I was afraid that she would be scared of how I had acted....
It was just the fact that I didn't know what to do now that was making me like this.
I wasn't ready to lose him, but I couldn't just forget about what he had done. Not yet.I needed time to think.
Author's Note: So many struggles for the Hope characters right now... Will time work it all out? We shall see. I hope you guys all enjoyed your weekly update. Let us know in a review.
Oh, and just to let you all know, there is a new story on my profile called Hopeless, this is going to be a collection of Hope & Forgotten outtakes and such. There is one chapter in it right now, so go check it out!
Also, we will have another interview up later today, so check out the blog as well!