Chapter 21

I lie in bed staring at her for the longest time. She is so peaceful when she sleeps. I could watch her like this all night. The demons are creeping in though, putting doubt in my mind. They tell me that she will never accept who I really am. How could she I'm a monster? I will never be able to share everything with her and therefore never truly have more. I can't stand it any longer I decide to get up and play music. Since I was 6 it has been the one constant therapy that is effective. It helps me forget for a little while.

Reaching out I notice Christian is not in bed. I look to the clock, 3am. I pull his t-shirt on and decide to go look for him. Once in the main room I hear the most beautiful music filtering through the house. Glancing to the windows that span the living area I see him, shirtless in pajama pants pouring his heart into the piece. I stand and listen for a few minutes he is so talented and seems to feel every note. He mentioned he played the night of the NDA disaster, but this is much more than just playing. He has become the music. As he finishes I make my way to him. He glances out the window and I speak softly.

"That was amazing! You said you played, but that was….something much more."

"Music has gotten me through some of the hardest times in life. It is the one thing I can always turn to."

I reach and touch his arm, remembering the fear in his eyes when I tried to touch his chest in the shower.

"Come back to bed."

"Lead the way, Miss Steele."

"Do you mind if we just spend the rest of the night wrapped in each other. As much as I would love for you to take me again, I really just want you to hold me."

"There is nothing I want more."

I wake as the sun rises. Lying, looking at his face, calm, relaxed, so beautiful, I can't believe this is my life. This is a man that has women falling at his feet, who would love to submit to his every command and yet he is with me? I don't understand how simple, plain, ordinary me attracted Mr. Christian Grey. I ponder on this for a few minutes taking him in then I decide to get up and get a shower.

Coming out of my pleasant dreams of Anastasia I reach out to touch her finding she's gone. I am struck with panic. The last time this happened was the night I brought her home from the club. I can only hope she hasn't slipped away again. Getting up I check the bathroom, no Anastasia. Where could she be? I hear her voice coming from the kitchen. When I enter she is in my t-shirt with her wet hair piled on top of her head. She is talking on the phone while traveling around the kitchen cooking breakfast. I don't think she has ever been so sexy. I could take her on the counter at this very moment. I sneak up and place my arms around her waist kissing the back of her neck. She smells amazing and feels so natural under my touch. She turns and smiles continuing to talk, mouthing, "one minute." I stay holding her until she is hangs up. She immediately turns to me greeting me with a kiss and a huge smile.

"In a good mood I see?"

"Oh, Christian, that was Williams Publishing they were calling to offer me the assistant editor position. I could not be happier. I start tomorrow."

I am thrilled that I won't have to take the job with Jack Hyde. Although now with things going so good with Christian it would have been nice to be closer to GEH. We will just have to make a point to do lunch regularly.

"That is great Anastasia. I don't know much about publishing, but I have heard good things about the Williams family. The Greys and the Williams have always run in similar circles. I am sure Grace and Carrick will know more, you could talk to them about it at the event on Saturday. Since you start tomorrow I'm going to clear my schedule and spend the day with you. We can shop for Saturday."

"I would love to spend the day with you, shopping, hmmm, I really wish you wouldn't spend your money on me. I could just borrow a dress from Kate." I just want time with him and not his money.

"Let me worry about how I spend my money Ana, your feelings are dually noted."

Pick your battles Ana. You have to learn to give on this he is a man with means and you can't possibly think he won't buy things for you. However, you must make sure and assert your opinion if he seems to go overboard.

"Let's Eat!" I need to change the subject

"Where did you send Ms. Jones off too?"

"Christian, I am really not accustomed to servants. I have already expressed that time in the kitchen is therapeutic to me. Let's just say I struck a deal with Gail. I can live with being doted on if she will allow me some latitude to cook for you every now and then," I say winking.

"You are quite a negotiator and already on first name basis with the help. I have clearly underestimated you, Miss Steele," I'm impressed.

Breakfast is delicious and I must admit I am looking forward to her spoiling me with her culinary skills. After I finish eating, while Anastasia cleans up I make a few phone calls and hop in the shower. I wonder if she realized that I had Kate pack her a bag and sent Taylor to pick it up last night? I knew I could get Ms. Jones to just wash her clothes, this way somehow seemed, better. I walk into the bedroom to catch her changing from the overnight bag I made sure to leave in full view.

"I see you found your clothes," I am smirking.

"Mr. Grey you never cease to amaze me. How did you make this happen?"

"You have no idea the things I am capable of, Miss Steele."

This is true on so many levels. I fight back my dark thoughts. Today I will stay in the light with Ana. She gives me a grin and just says thank you. I have never had a woman affect me like she does. I have a feeling this is the beginning of something I am not prepared for, but I love the feelings she provokes.

"Are you ready for our day?"

"As ready as I'll ever be, I am sure I look the part in my jeans, t-shirt and converse," I say sarcastically.

Christian stalks toward me, grabs my face, looks me in the eyes and says, "I love what you are wearing, it is who you are and I will be proud to have you on my arm anytime." I instantly melt.

"For someone who doesn't do relationships you sure know how to make a girl feel special, Mr. Grey." I am falling hard for this man and I know I need to be careful.

He just smiles then kisses me softly on the lips and neck.

"If you keep that up Grey we won't make it out of this room today."

"Is that a promise," I continue my assault.

"I would much rather you take me to bed than shopping."

"I can't believe I am going to turn you down, but I am taking you shopping and I will take you to bed later, and that's a promise Miss Steele. Always negotiating aren't you?"

"You can't blame a girl for trying," I bat my eyelashes at him.

We spend the morning shopping in ridiculously expensive stores. After inconspicuously glancing at the price tag of a few of the dresses and seeing $15K+ price tag my anxiety kicks in. There is no way that I can accept this kind of gift from anyone, much less a man I have known less than a month. My mind begins to create scenarios to help me escape the situation. I continue modeling all of the dresses as they are brought to me. I slip into a royal blue, one shoulder, floor length gown. I have to admit that I feel beautiful and as I step out of the dressing room I realize Christian thinks so too.

"Oh, Ana I think we have found it. I don't think I have ever seen anything so breathtaking."

"I love it too, but it's so expensive. I can't possibly let you buy it."

He walks to me, in a calm and authoritative voice speaks.

"Anastasia, this is not up for debate. I understand your hesitation. However, I want to do this for you. I will have the privilege of having you as my date and then having you in my bed Saturday so there will be no arguing."

I am blushing as I feel the heat in my core rising at the thought of him taking me out of the dress on Saturday.

"I will give on this Mr. Grey. You drive a hard bargain. I still want my objection noted, again!"

"Noted."