Chapter 21: To Walk a New Path
Lily knew there was little chance of avoiding the questions. The moment she pushed the door into her dorm room Susan's scandalised voice pierced the silence, "What were you up to sneaking about at this hour Lily?"
It wasn't like she'd believe any excuse Lily could give so she chose to answer brazenly close to the truth. "Why, snogging Sev under the moonlight of course."
Susan snorted and rolled her eyes. Lily knew she wouldn't believe it. Nobody would.
And that made her all the more nervous to think about.
She'd be lying if she said the entire evening went exactly according to plan. The part about luring Sev out to meet her alone, that worked. There was no way that it wouldn't. Considering how protective he had been towards her just by the threat of the dissenting members of his house, she could imagine how he'd take her foray out into the night of the full moon. She took precautions of course, after roping in James reluctantly she had him promise to do his best to keep Remus away from the lake if it appeared the potion did not work, even try to send up flares if he was able to signal that it wasn't safe. She was glad things worked out well in that respect, she couldn't imagine how much it would kill the mood to have a rampaging werewolf chasing them about.
The rest of the evening however, was where her plans diverged. She had really only planned for the display of her Patronus, and the subsequent confession she hoped she wouldn't need to give. She had counted on Severus understanding the meaning implicitly and spare her fumbling for the right words and the worry of sounding too forward.
After all it was the same as his Patronus, what else could it mean if she could cast it too?
And he did get it. He realised her meaning immediately. Even cast his own Patronus, confirming everything she had suspected about her heart.
That it was a reflection of his.
That their hearts were one and the same.
There was no uncertainty in Lily's heart when she tugged his hand then, forcing him to meet her eyes. She smiled gently, searching his fathomless depth for a smile she hoped would finally emerge. That crooked toothed smile.
That smile never appeared.
Instead she drew in close. Suddenly so close.
Lily hadn't planned for this, but she had never been much of a planner. She would much rather go with her instincts.
And her instincts told her to close her eyes and lean in.
Lily's cheeks warmed with the thought, fighting the smile that threatened to spill over from her memories. That awkward little kiss he planted upon her lips had started off gentle and hesitant, as if he was testing the water for her reaction. A sweet kiss Lily melted into easily, her stomach summersaulting over her fluttering heart. A gentle kiss that turned suddenly passionate. Passionate but clumsy.
"Well I'll be darned. I do believe Lily was halfway truthful!" Marlene exclaimed as Lily failed her battle against her reddening cheeks. With a gasp of horror Lily shut her posters with a sweep of her wand, only to have her friend yank them apart with a devious smirk. "So a snog under the moonlight Lil's?"
Lily glared at Marlene, fighting the traitorous smile that threatened to out her. A sight the sharp eyes of a chaser did not miss. "I'm so right aren't I? C'mon Lil's who's the lucky guy?"
Susan drew to the end of her bed as well, eyes bright and hungry, lured by the scent of scintillating gossip. Even Mary looked up from her muggle novels, her usual distance to this childish display parted with a hint of real curiosity.
Only Pandora remained disinterested in the proceedings, or perhaps she was so engrossed in the mysterious neck-garb trinket turning between her fingers she hadn't noticed all her roommates had gravitated to the opposite side of the room. It had been a birthday present left for her by the House Elves the night before. A present from her own mysterious admirer that drove her into determinations to unmask. Nobody really believed she had any interest in the poor boy beyond the mental stimulation he provided. Even her haughty black cat Achilles peered at it curiously from her warm lap.
"So, spill Lil's." Marlene insisted aggressively, shining her lit wand straight into the poor girl's eyes. That was the last time Mary would be allowed to share her detective novels with the over-eager witch. "Which boy, how long, and mouth or cheek?"
"Honestly Marlene…" Lily muttered with a roll of the eyes, the effect somewhat detracted by the puffing smoke she was certain was emitting from her burning ears.
"Ooooh I do believe the answer is mouth!" Susan squealed, unfathomably delighted.
"Fine!" Lily exclaimed, done with the charade. "I wasn't lying."
The grin could split Marlene's face in two. "Yeah? Which boy though?"
"I mean… I wasn't lying..." Lily trailed off, her eyes cast to the side in a fit of shyness.
"You don't mean…" Marlene breathed, her grin replaced by an expression of wide-eyed horror.
"Yeah." Lily couldn't help the shy smile that bubbled forth.
Suddenly two hands gripped her shoulders so tightly that it hurt. "Lily! What? No!" Marlene shook her back and forth causing her teeth to rattle. "We've been over this! No!"
"What?" Susan asked confused, looking between the two.
Lily shrugged out of her friend's grip. "Yes I know,Marlene. And you would be right, if I didn't actually like him."
"Why would you like him?" Marlene asked aghast. "There's nothing to like about him!"
"Who are you talking about?" Susan almost begged, her eyes darting quickly between the two.
Lily sighed, struggling with an explanation. "Because he's changed." She offered to a dissatisfied Marlene. "I mean really changed. He's become a really good person." She couldn't explain what he had done for Remus without risking outing the poor cursed boy. "I like the man he's become, I really do. Plus, he is my oldest friend so…"
A scandalised gasp emitted from Susan's gossipy maw, "You kissed Severus Snape?"
"Like I said, Susan." Lily muttered, taking every fibre of her patience to hold back the eye roll.
"As in kissed him? On the mouth? Willingly?" Her disbelief was almost insulting.
"Yes." Lily answered defiantly.
Susan's gagging response was definitely insulting. Thankfully Marlene interrupted Lily before she could say something truly mean. "Why would you Lil's? He's not handsome, he's not rich, he's not… not anything!"
"He's very clever though." Pandora's voice lanced through the room, surprising everyone with her interest.
"Yes exactly!" Lily grasped at anything that was offered to her right now. "He's got assets."
Pandora nodded, putting down her book and swung her legs around the side of the bed, dislodging Achilles with her motion. The disgruntled cat darted straight under her neighbouring bed, hissing angrily. "I don't think he's a bad choice. Smart boys are rare."
"Then you date him." Marlene hissed.
"No thanks. He's too ugly." Was Pandora's unintentionally flippant reply.
Lily struggled to contain her utter exasperation and failed. "He's not that ugly!"
"Exactly what part of him is handsome?" Marlene demanded. "And don't give me that 'inner beauty' crap."
"It doesn't matter!" Lily exclaimed with a sweep of her hands. "He's not meant to look good for you anyway!"
"That's at least one point in his favour." her exasperating best girlfriend dryly replied, "He'll never be able to cheat on you. Because who'd he cheat with?"
Mary chose to enter the conversation then, a calm voice of reason that Lily could only be thankful for. "Let Lily choose whomever she wishes. She's a big girl with a good head on her shoulders, and screwed on tighter than at least half the girls at this institution."
"And she used this good head of hers to choose the ugliest, poorest, most ill groomed and least charismatic bastard possible. Slytherin to boot!" Marlene would not let up. "She had the pick of the stables and she chose Severus Snape?!"
Mary turned a questioning eye to Lily. "Oh yeah, didn't you have James Potter after you? What happened with him?"
Lily smiled wickedly at Marlene's sudden squirm of discomfort. If Mary knew this was the button to press she showed no sign. "Well you know. I stepped aside to let everyone else have a go."
"You traded James Potter for Severus Snape?" Susan's disbelief was back, though a lot more genuine.
"Look guys." The hapless redhead beseeched her friends, almost pleading. "I like Severus. I can't really explain why but I just do. Sometimes these things just don't have an explanation, or need one."
"Oh, I think I know why." Mary muttered, with a wink and a smile.
"Really, why?" Susan asked, surprisingly clueless to the suggestive tone that even sent Lily into a blushing fit.
"And that's perfectly alright you know." Mary continued in a far more sobered tone. "You celebrate life however you like girl."
"Mary!" Marlene exclaimed, her cheeks reddening as well.
With a frankly ridiculous level of comfort with the topic Mary waved Marlene away. "Oh pish. Don't go all conservative on me. It's the era of love out there."
"Seriously, what are you on about?" Susan asked, a little miffed she was being left behind again.
"Oh, you know. Severus Snape's other assets." Mary tossed casually, the remark sailing clean above Susan's head yet again.
"Not that much of an asset." Marlene exclaimed. Lily sat back aghast, not quite believing they're actually discussing this.
"Oh I don't know." Mary shrugged, "I'd say it's fair."
"Doesn't make up for an ugly face!"
"Blow out the candle and it honestly wouldn't matter."
"You'd be the authority, wouldn't you?" Marlene snapped unkindly.
"What are we talking about?!" Susan exclaimed loudly, yanking everyone out of their immersive, and to Lily, mortifying conversation.
Pandora then chose then to enter the conversation in her airy helpful way. "The incident by the lake, I think. The time when James Potter hung Snape upside down and-"
"Whoa!" Susan exclaimed, holding her finger up to Pandora's lips in a silencing gesture. "Etiquette lesson. We do not talk about the bits of another girl's guy. Especially not right in front of her!"
Lily hid her face behind her hands, for once feeling thankful Susan had said something.
Snape knew his day would start like this: forced to suffer from his own good deed. He had been hopeful the day would be blissfully Marauder-free when he entered Ancient Runes that morning and saw that there was no Lupin. Absence was the usual state for the werewolf directly after the full moon. Unfortunately, a side effect of the wolf-taming potion was a faster recovery time. By the time Defence Against the Dark Arts came around the Marauders were already seated, early for once, grinning fecklessly with their ragged and worn, but evidently far more hale than usual post-moon werewolf.
Their eyes turned to Snape when he entered. He hoped they got the message when he turned away sharply, purposefully ignoring them. Lupin however appeared to not have as he struggled from his seat, leaning on Potter for support. "Snape. Can I speak with you?" he asked in a hoarse voice.
It wouldn't have been too much of a stretch to pretend he didn't hear him. Snape strode away, headed purposefully for the back of the classroom. Without any more of a struggle the ragged boy slid back into his seat, the effort of standing up taking whatever he had got left.
Other students began filling in then. "Good morning Snape." Urquart greeted as he settled into his seat beside him, the usual desks filling up with familiar faces.
But there was only one face Snape wanted to see.
When Lily entered he could not stop himself from learning forward, hungrily seeking her attention. Her eyes flickered to the Marauders first, causing Snape to bristle with irritation, that even after all that passed between them, Potter and his cronies would be her first concern. Snape glared glumly as Lily's eyes met those of that ailing werewolf's, a radiant smile shared between them. A smile that remained upon her lips as she finally turned her bright green eyes to Snape.
Lily looked no different when she met his eyes, smiling that happy familiar smile. But rather than evoking a similar state of contentment Snape felt a bubble of alarm, and frankly confusion. Was she not affected by what transpired between them? Did that kiss mean nothing? It certainly seemed the case when Lily settled into her seat and turned her attention away, leaving Snape feeling flustered and irritable, his head swimming with confusing memories and thoughts.
Two nights ago they had kissed. A situation straight out of his wildest imaginations. But no amount of hormone-induced fantasies could prepare him for how wildly stupid he would react.
She had kissed him first, or so he kept telling himself. She had met his lips before he could even reign his mind in enough to decode the situation. And after that he was only in control of his faculties for the grand total of five seconds. He rushed ahead, humiliated himself, and then couldn't even meet her eyes for the duration of the entire walk back to the castle. He spent Sunday hiding and licking his wounds, convinced that if everything that happened on Friday was not actually a dream, then he destroyed his only chance with Lily with his own utter incompetence.
It was with great effort Snape dragged his focus to the front when Professor Leafley called class into session, resolving to settle things face to face with Lily after lessons.
Unfortunately, upon class cessation Lily wasn't the first in line seeking his attention.
"Snape. Got a second?" asked Lupin, leaning heavily against a desk in front, barely stopping himself from collapsing.
Snape scowled as he stowed his books away, keeping an eye on the Gryffindor girls at the front. Thankfully it appeared whatever heated discussion they were having was keeping Lily from slipping away too gracefully.
"What is it, Lupin?" Snape growled, sending a glare to the rest of the Marauders hanging back and watching on with a concerned eye.
"Umm… I kind of wanted a private conversation with you…" Lupin trailed off, casting a sidelong glance to Urquart.
The blond boy shrugged and shouldered his bag. "Your business." He remarked before sauntering off, taking Lester along with him. Mulciber however, hesitated, glaring at the solitary Marauder and back at Snape in an almost questioning way. It hadn't been so long that people had forgotten the bad blood between this band of lions and the solitary snake. With almost reluctance, Snape waved Mulciber away, hating how conciliatory the situation made him look.
"Well, spit it out. I don't have all day." Snape snapped before Mulciber was even out of earshot.
Lupin slowly turned a seat around and eased himself into it so he was facing Snape over his desk. "Well first of all, I have to thank you for what you did for me." Lupin started off in his inherently dishonest way. "And if there is anything I can do for you in return, anything at all, please don't hesitate to ask."
"For one you can keep away from me." Snape could see where this is going, and he felt no inclination to keep this civil.
"If that is what you want then I will. I won't come within five feet of you." Lupin agreed readily. "I will do as you ask. Only…" Here it comes. "I beg of you. Please. Will you keep making that potion for me?"
A nasty sneer came across Snape's face. "Always with the ulterior motives with you isn't it Lupin? Never does any offer of thanks come without."
A flicker of discomfort came over the werewolf's features. "Umm. I do believe this is the first time I've ever thanked you. Not that it should have been! I should have thanked you for saving my hide back in that corridor incident!" he quickly backpedalled, reaffirming to Snape exactly how disingenuous he was.
This boy was the very man Snape remembered. That outwardly polite but surreptitiously mocking half-breed, always hiding his false nature behind his kind words and gentle façade.
"I'll bet you've never given a thought to how difficult a potion it is to brew." Snape said in a dangerously low voice. "It takes eighteen days to brew this potion, two of which is taken almost completely. No error can be tolerated on any of its numerous steps, lest it bring harm to both brewer and imbiber, or if I'm lucky, only the imbiber."
A flicker of desperation passed across Lupin's dishonest face. "But you made no mistakes on the first try! The potion worked perfectly. It was everything you promised. More even!"
"Then is my debt not repaid?"
"There was never any debt." Lupin said with a shake of his head. "We told you we were more than happy to help Lily that time."
"Then all the more repaid it must be." Snape growled with a tone of finality.
Lupin drew back, the fight draining out of the boy's exhausted eyes. "Right. You're right Snape. It really is too much to ask of you." He stood then, his shoulders slumped more than just by exhaustion. "I am very thankful, you know." he offered quietly, "I mean it, Snape. You gave me one moon free of my curse. And I will be forever thankful for it."
The werewolf withdrew then, back to his friends, his limping gait worn with exhaustion and defeat. James Potter stared at Snape with an air of muted disbelief, whilst Sirius Black looked thunderous. Snape would not put it past the boy to curse him while his back was turned regardless of their truce and how thankful his friend purported himself to be. That pudgy little traitor Peter Pettigrew ran up to support his flagging friend, perhaps wasn't as stupid as he seemed. He was the only Marauder that didn't react like Snape owed them something.
But none of this mattered when he met those green eyes, darkened with such devastation.
It did not take much prompting to lure Severus to a secluded spot, that familiar hidden alcove behind the trick wall on the first floor. The far more difficult part was shaking Marlene off their tail. Her Gryffindor best friend still did not calm herself to the idea of Lily's fondness of Severus, and upon further reflection why should she be? It hadn't been that long since Lily and Sev reconciled from estrangement, a situation that all too easily reminded the girl of all the reasons why her Gryffindor best friend should be so concerned.
Severus had a mean streak and a vicious temper, and a manipulative mind. A bad combination in anybody, and a worse one for your best friend's boyfriend. Not to mention an unmentionably unpleasant past. A brief period of his life to be sure, but one he had participated in willingly and knowingly.
He had been a supporter of Pureblood ideologies and walked the path alongside so many of these dark wizards. A path that lead straight to the persecution of Lily's kind. It was genuinely unbelievable to her how their paths could have diverged so much so rapidly, a startling breakdown of their once fast friendship. She could barely fathom what lead them down that path such that they could no longer see each other as anything but enemies.
But just as suddenly as their friendship fell apart did Severus return, seemingly calmer, kinder and, frankly an all-round better person. Better beyond Lily's wildest dreams. Better than what she had ever believed possible, and better still as she was discovering more and more each day.
That he was able to give up his hatred for the Marauders even long enough to grant Remus one taste of freedom was enough to show her there was a path through even the darkest recesses of his heart.
A hope Lily chose to cling on to.
Because if he really did still take his history with the Marauders so personally that he'd refuse to help Remus any further when he possessed the power to do so then it would not bode well for the kind of man he really was.
The bench that Lily sat on curled about the circular wall such that sitting beside someone caused their knees to touch. She watched her Severus shift on the spot beside her, suddenly losing the ability to sit still. His hair swayed lightly by a breeze that strayed into the draughty castle, the ends puffed up in apparent extra volume. The result of an attempt to groom himself. The thought brought a smile to Lily's lips.
With a slow motion the silent girl brought her hand across the gap between them, finding his twitchy fingers. Severus stilled at her touch, his dark pupils glancing at her sidelong, his expression still clouded with uncertainty.
"I meant what I said." Lily offered softly, coaxing the boy to turn and regard her with those deep dark eyes. "I like who you've become."
His hand turned beneath hers, threading through her fingers. Lily saw his eyes soften around the edges as he turned fully to regard her, his words still silent.
"But-" she began, her words causing him to retract immediately, both physically and emotionally, "-we need to talk about this, Sev." His fingers separated from hers and his eyes turned clouded once more. Lily reached out to cup his cheeks between her palms to stop him from physically turning away. "If we are to be more than friends then we need to talk, Severus." she stated firmly.
The hard lines faded from around Sev's eyes. "Are you telling me we have a path forward?" His voice was almost disbelieving, but his dark eyes glimmered with hope.
"Well, I certainly didn't lure you out for a romantic walk under the moonlight just for fun." Lily quipped, feeling the heat rise with her smile.
Severus' hopeful eyes was touched by a hint of dark doubt. "You actually want this?"
"As opposed to what exactly?"
He did not answer, rather shrugging out of his hands and turning away, a scowl beginning to form upon his brow. "Don't… feel obligated." He muttered, causing Lily's heart to clench. He had spent the last six years of school mocked for everything that he lacked. Before that it had been Petunia, and perhaps others she was not even aware of. How can anyone go through life as he did with their self-worth intact?
But somehow, he still found the courage to confess to her, this boy who always deserved more.
"You are worth more than everyone would have you believe, Sev." Lily took his hand again, giving his fingers a squeeze. "I would not choose you if I didn't believe it."
"Then don't regret it." He growled as he suddenly drew in close, pausing only at the threshold of a kiss. Lily didn't flinch or draw back, returning his dark searching stare with her calm muted gaze. She was startled but struggled to hide it, lest he mistakes it as confirmation of his own misgivings.
He did not press forward, nor did he withdraw. He didn't move. Lily touched her fingers against Severus' cheek, trailing them up through several wayward strands of his long dark hair to rest against his temple. His dark stare eased as she rested her forehead against his, his own hand reached up to brush against her dark red strands.
"But. I still do want to talk Severus." she muttered, certain he felt the tickle of her breath on his lips. Severus withdrew, but not as hastily this time, his dark eyes still fixed upon hers. "I want to talk about what you did for Remus." A shudder went through him as if he struggled to suppress an outburst. "I admire what you did for him, and I want to know if it is possible for you to make it again?"
A scowl played along his lips, his dark eyes flickered away briefly, his blink lasting half a second too long. "It is."
Her heart sped up, the idea that he had the power to alleviate the poor boy's cursed suffering and refusing to do so jarred against her admiring belief of his changed nature, of his great nobility. Invoking the fear that she may have mistaken in her judgement. "Then… Would you?" she asked, hoping for more than just for Remus' sake.
"If you ask it of me then I will." he replied unsmiling, "I will continue to brew it for him until the day he dies."
Lily wondered how much of his reluctance came from the fear he held for the creature within Remus, but at this moment that was not her main concern. "Thank you!" she exclaimed happily, throwing her arms about his thin shoulders and drawing him into a crushing embrace. She could actually feel his ribs sticking into her, even after half a year's worth of Hogwarts eating he still didn't fully recover. "You don't know how much this means to me!" Because how could he?
She felt his hands reach around her back to return her hug, his body rigid with tension, and words she felt remained unsaid.
Evening had fallen when Lily finally found a spare moment to speak Remus. It wasn't so much because of Severus that she spent the day preoccupied. Indeed, she had really only spent the duration of the break period with him. It wasn't long after separating from their hug did Severus had to leave for Arithmancy, with a parting promise to see her again at Potions tumbling clumsily from his lips.
This was to be their relationship, and she had never seen him as unsure of himself as he was with her now. Though never really bristling with confidence, he was at the very least comfortable with her, back when they had been friends. With time he would be comfortable with her once again, she was certain of it.
After that, Lily's responsibilities took over the rest of the day's spare minutes, having to make arrangements for the upcoming Easter break. The Head Girl Angelica Tills made it abundantly clear she expected all Prefects to attend an after-class meeting, one she would have to apologise for the absence of Remus and take notes on his behalf. No matter how much haler he was looking after this full moon, he was still in no shape to limp about to these matters.
Head Girl Tills was an incredible stickler for even the most minute details and Robert Rowen the Hufflepuff Head Boy never appeared to have anything to say in these matters, seemingly happy to stand aside and let Tills lead. This resulted in long arduous meetings consisting of the most frustratingly trivial matters known to the magical earth, and with nobody able to reign in the madness.
The meeting actually ran for so long Lily arrived late for dinner and only made it in time for a little bit of steak and kidney pie before plates were cleared. All of this should have resulted in a very cranky Gryffindor when she finally ran into Remus but very little could kill her mood today.
"Remus!" Lily exclaimed excitedly, finding him waiting patiently for her by the fireplace, wrapped head to toe in quilt. Though faring much better than his usual post moons, he still would need several days to heal through the muscle pains and joint strain that accompanied transformation. Lily couldn't fathom having to deal this crippling monthly occurrence despite Black's jokes about its parallels with the female condition.
The ill boy smiled a small tired smile. "Ah Lily. I must thank you again for covering for me at one of Angelica's talks."
"Went on for half an hour about the importance of stricter enforcement of the uniform standards on robe length to maintain dignity and decency. I'm not even kidding."
A streak of cheek shone through Remus' tired countenance. "Can't imagine how Snape would react to the accusation of wearing his uniform indecently."
He didn't mean what he said in a cruel way but Lily couldn't help but feel that little protective rise over any jibe at Severus' poverty. It was not something he could help. "Come on Remus that's not funny. You know what it's like to not be able to afford new uniforms."
The smile retracted from the suddenly contrite boy's face. "You're absolutely right Lily. I'm sorry for my thoughtless words."
That was the nice thing about Remus, it didn't take much to make him see the errors of his ways. "Good. Because it's not right to insult the guy who's brewing your potion."
A shudder passed across Lupin while his face stayed adamantly void of hope. "I thought- I mean. He said-"
"He changed his mind." Lily smiled sweetly.
Hope shone in Remus' stormy green eyes but his brows was still creased with concern. "He made it very clear how much of a hassle it would be to brew it monthly. And how dangerous the process is."
The smile slipped off Lily's face in response. She hadn't realised it was dangerous too. She had thought when Remus retreated from Severus' table earlier today with shoulders slumped that it was simply a petty disagreement arising from their history. She assumed the worst without ever pausing to ask for Sev's side of the story.
"Well… I got involved. You're welcome Remus."
"You changed his mind?" Remus asked, a hopeful smile edging from his tired countenance.
Lily returned with a wink and a smile full of cheek. "One of the perks of dating him."
The smile fled from the boy's face. "You're actually dating him?"
"Hadn't James said?" Lily asked with a slightly defensive air.
"Yeah but apart from him we all thought you said what you said to specifically to stop James' advances."
"It may have been at first." Lily admitted, comfortable in the knowledge that Remus would keep what was said between them to himself. "Now it isn't. I genuinely like him."
A small smile touched Remus' lips, a little strained around the edges but Lily appreciated the effort. "Then you do what you wish Lily. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise." He reached out and took her hand, giving it a firm squeeze. "But if you have to get out of that relationship, don't even pause to consider me. Don't you dare."
"Gee, thanks for the encouraging words of support." Lily muttered dryly separating their hands.
"I only want what's best for you," Remus insisted. "I don't like the thought of you feeling trapped. If you really do like him and can convince him to give up much of his time and effort on my behalf then I'm all the more grateful for it. But if ever you feel time with him is up, then don't factor me into a reason to stay."
"I won't even think about you," Lily promised with an eye roll and a smile.
Remus leant back with a careful smile, as closed to satisfied with the situation as he could bear to be. His hand reached out yet again. "Now I do believe you have notes for me."
"It seems congratulations are in order." Dumbledore quipped lightly the moment Snape settled in his seat.
Scowling darkly Snape growled warningly. "My relationship with Lily is none of your concern." A deep worry gnawed at the thought of the headmaster's interference. "Stay out of my affairs."
"As much as I am delighted for the ground you found with Lily Evans that was not what I was referring to." The headmaster quipped as he gently strained his suspiciously copper red tea, apparently chosen to match the deep crimson red of his garish robes. "I was more congratulating you on finding a new method for transmutation that appears to be both novel and effective." To which Snape acknowledged with a muted nod, while refusing to touch his own cup of miscreation.
In alchemy class earlier that day, Snape had revealed to Flamel his solution to his own transmutation issue. Rather than force himself to practice a method of casting he had long known he had no talent for, Snape utilised his experience in spell creation to come up with a solution. Months of struggling fruitlessly and in the end the final piece of the puzzle was handed to him by Lily of all people.
The afternoon she gifted Slughorn with the transmuting goldfish was the afternoon he realised he was thinking about the problem the wrong way. The spells he needed already existed, he simply had to thread them together.
A Stasis Charm weaved into the Molecular Transfiguration spell was all he needed to do. With the focus stone grasped in his hand, he suspended the spell above the mouth of the cauldron like a net as he proceeded to liquidise the block of lead. Taking care to keep the substance churning, he then poured the lead out onto the table, allowing liquid lead to pour through the spells like a sieve, touching every molecule with the spell along the way.
The result of his demonstration was a lump of copper of almost equivalent molar mass to the lead he had used. A result achieved without ever needing to cast from his left hand. A result that had pleased the six-century-old alchemist to no ends.
"Over a thousand years this craft has persisted, yet not once had anyone thought to try to find a solution as you have." Dumbledore continued, smiling with genuine admiration.
"It is simply what happens when you have too many masters institutionalising a craft." Snape replied easily. "Nobody with the proper knowledge tries to find a solution for a problem they don't have. While those unable to master the skill are deemed untalented."
"While you have a good grasp on the theory, experience in spell creation, and a lack of talent for traditional methods. A perfect combination for creative solutions." Dumbledore could not be more unintentionally insulting with his assessment if he tried.
"Sometimes it takes the inspiration of the mundane to usurp the brilliant." Snape muttered scathingly in reply.
With a twinkle in his eye and a quick sip of his tea the headmaster changed the topic. "I would also like to congratulate you on the successful application of the Wolfsbane. I imagine Mr Lupin too was quite pleased with the results."
"It would be petty of him to complain." Snape sneered, but unable to put the level of vehemence he hoped for. Treating Lupin's condition after all was the entire reason he was able to catch Lily's eye, and if his continued treatment was what was needed to keep her then he was more than willing to do so.
A sliver of disgust touched his conscience at the idea of holding her hostage to her kind heart. That would be acting far less than he owed her.
Snape quickly looked away lest his emotions weaken his mind walls and let the prying headmaster a glimpse of his turmoil. No doubt he'd say something exasperating about the power of love, or perhaps worse, remind him about how inappropriate it was for a professor to be dating a student.
And unfortunately, with that thought Snape had managed to remind himself all too well of that fact all on his own.
"I will still need the Laboratory and access to the school ingredients stores." Snape announced hurriedly, attempting to switch his thoughts into less dangerous territory.
Dumbledore's eyes twinkled over his half-moon glasses. "I am certainly pleased to see you have decided to continue to treat Mr Lupin despite your adamance that it was to be a one-off kindness."
"Don't make me change my mind," Snape growled, his threat lessened with the knowledge that there was nothing that the headmaster might say that could actually change his mind.
However, knowing Dumbledore's enigmatic mind he already knew what was to be the case, or at least suspected. He was certainly was not treating Snape's threat with the dignity it deserved. "I cannot think of anything that could mark your heart as free from darkness as your deeds as of now. Truly Lily's love is your guiding light."
"Enough!" Snape flicked his hand about him as if warding away these galling compliments. "I do not do this for the benefit of that werewolf!"
"And perhaps you should. Seeing how much displays of kindness benefits Lily's perception of you."
The scowling man turned away, Dumbledore's words confirming his suspicions that the headmaster already knew of his twisted thoughts. Knew, and did not discourage him from his course. "I will not be manipulating her with displays of falseness," he muttered, "and do not intrude upon my affairs."
"Why of course Severus. You appear to have given this your attention with much thoughtfulness. I will not involve myself," the headmaster offered with surprising restraint, lifting his teacup to his lips once more with an air of nonchalance.
Snape had expected of Albus Dumbledore to have a fiercer opinion of his foray into love. A warning perhaps of the folly of the heart, or even the risks of getting Lily involved. Perhaps even chastise him for losing sight of the bigger picture. But then that would be too direct an approach for such a manipulative old man.
"Instead I would like to turn your attention to the war." The headmaster placed his cup and saucer down onto the desk with an air of seriousness, causing the dark thoughts within the younger man's mind to swirl about dangerously. "According to your memories Voldemort and his Death Eaters will be stepping up their activities soon, as will their atrocities."
With a slow blink Snape tucked his private thoughts into the recesses of his mind and settled himself for the task at hand. "Will you be acting?"
With a slow shake of his head Dumbledore confirmed Snape's darkest beliefs in the man. "I am afraid I take cannot take actions so brazenly, and so frequently, lest it compromises our advantage of surprise and foresight."
"Acting for the Greater Good?" Snape scathed, unable to stop himself from rubbing the sainted wizard's nose in his own sordid past.
A frown touched upon Dumbledore's bushy brow. "Do you believe me callous to prioritise the keeping of our foreknowledge secret over the lives that might be saved with its liberal use?"
Snape averted his eyes. He would be the first to understand the value of information, and the importance of sacrifice on behalf of subterfuge.
"Knowledge is our greatest weapon, and a weapon too easily compromised by thoughtless action." Dumbledore continued, "Though no life should be spent frivolously, the only way I can see that ensures the best outcome for all, is to bring about a speedy end to this war."
"Yet with all our knowledge we have made next to no progress upon our mission against these Horcruxes." Snape returned.
A twinkle appeared in Dumbledore's blue eyes, breaking from his serious countenance. "I wouldn't say no progress." And with that he procured from his desk the twisted form of a golden cup.
"Is that-?"
"The cup of Helga Hufflepuff, yes." Dumbledore answered with a solemn sadness. "A tragic waste of history, but something that cannot be avoided."
Snape reached forward to touch the twisted metal, feeling the darkness that permeated the twisted vessel. "Fiendfyre. So you have mastered that dark spell for this purpose," he acknowledged with a sharp glance to the headmaster. "What of the ring? Have you dealt with that too?"
With a quick shake of his head Dumbledore replied almost too lightly. "If by the time we have uncovered all the other Horcruxes we have not yet found another method of destruction then I shall dispose of it with Fiendfyre. For now I wish to keep it in hopes of preserving it intact."
"Why?" Snape demanded, memories of how desperately he fought to contain the necrotic curse struggled to the surface of his mind. He could not fathom the reason why the supposedly wise man would risk such a thing. "You have a method to destroy the accursed object! Why would you wait?"
Dumbledore acknowledged the younger man's concerns with a slow nod. "I understand this is the object that lead to my demise in your previous life, and I thank you for the forewarning that saved me in this one." Propping his fingers together under his chin in a gesture of patience he continued. "But understand this, the ring would never have tempted me had it not been for my own deficiency. There is something I wish to gain from it, and I do not believe I can rest easily without it. You can understand that can't you, Severus?"
"Fine." Snape sat back, not entirely satisfied with the situation but relented to let Dumbledore have it his way. "It is not like we're any closer to the other three in any case. We don't even know what the third object we are hunting are, and of the ones we do know we know not of their location."
"Oh I know where the locket is." Dumbledore replied, sending another lance of annoyance through Snape. He was becoming convinced the old man was not taking this nearly as seriously as he ought.
"Then why have you not claimed it as you have the ring and the cup?" Snape demanded.
In a quiet voice Dumbledore answered, "Because that had been the last task of my previous life." Snape fought the urge to flinch in his seat. He could never forget the night his hand was forced into that murder. Forced by the very man he murdered. "It was a task was far more arduous than I could have ever prepared for. It left me weakened, and I have no knowledge of how long that weakness was designed to last. Even with the foresight you gifted me, I do not believe it wise to attempt it without my affairs in order. This is why I choose to leave it until last."
With a slow nod Snape relented, he would not argue with the wisdom of patience and caution. "Then we must find a way to locate the other two first. We know of the diary, but have no notion of what the last piece even is."
A small smile peaked through the headmaster's white beard. "Oh do try harder Severus. Three young Gryffindors were able to figure that one out."
Snape bristled at that insult. "And they were given knowledge I hadn't been!"
"They were given all the knowledge you have been given this time around." The headmaster continued lightly, not at all seeming inclined to take mercy on the irritated once-professor.
"A grand magical artefact I'm sure," Snape growled, unable to keep the irritated sarcasm from his voice. "Because there are so few of those in rich pureblood families."
"Do you think the histories of all those artefacts would be equally appealing to an egotistical man like Tom?"
Immediately Snape's temper waned as he mentally kicked himself for being slow. Those items he had chosen as Horcruxes were not chosen at random. "A founder's artefact. Such as an item belonging to Godric Gryffindor."
"Or Rowena Ravenclaw." Dumbledore finished with an approving smile. "Our mysterious last item is not so mysterious after all. And since we know the Sword of Godric Gryffindor never made it into Tom's possession."
"Then it's likely an artefact belonging to Ravenclaw," Snape concluded, his scowl more for himself than for the man riddling him. "And the best method for finding the artefact is through questioning Helena Ravenclaw, The Grey Lady."
"Knowing the privileges that comes with the headmaster's position, you would agree that it is a task suited to me?" Dumbledore asked with a twinkle of his eye, causing Snape scowl with intense displeasure. He hated every reminder of how he had once stepped into that roll. A roll he never asked for. A roll that brought his life nothing but difficulty.
"The denizens of this castles will be more cooperative with you, I'm sure," the once-usurper scathed with as much vehemence as he could manage.
The headmaster's smile lessened as he appeared to take pity on his counterpart. "There is one thing however, that I believe only you can do." Snape's scowl lessened as he leaned in slightly, his own way to bade continue. "Basilisk venom. How difficult is it to procure?"
"Considering a living beast has not been sighted in Britain in four centuries I'd say it is quite difficult." The potion master answered flippantly, not even bothering to keep the sarcasm from his voice.
"Yet we must get a hold of the substance."
"I'll just brew some, shall I?"
"No. Not brew." That twinkle appeared in Dumbledore's eye once again, one of unspoken amusement. One that should have caused irritation in the younger man, but all he could feel at the moment was disbelief.
"You want me to transmute it?"
The incredulity in his voice did not appear to sway the Headmaster in the slightest. "You are being trained as an alchemist are you not?" Though his words were of a question but his voice sounded a statement.
"Being trained, being the key words!" Snape snapped. "You are the master alchemist not me."
"And I am unable to do it as I have never had the privilege of working with the substance." Dumbledore returned calmly, "And seeing that the first sighting of a Basilisk in four centuries happened right in the school you were a Potions Master at, am I wrong to assume that a sample of the venom must have passed through your hands?"
With a dark scowl Snape answered. "You are not wrong." After the perplexing demise of the great beast at the hands of a twelve year old, a small sample of the venom had been salvaged from the pages of a ruined diary by the Albus Dumbledore of that time. The venom had been passed on to Snape with the expressed orders to understand its properties, an order that made far more sense in hindsight, with the knowledge of the enigmatic man's hunt for a solution to Horcruxes.
"Then I leave this to you Severus." Dumbledore said with some finality. "I am certain you are up to the task. Or will be quite soon." That irritating spark of unspoken knowledge twinkled in his eye again, one that made Snape wish the headmaster fancied himself less of a riddle master.
A/N: Yeesh. Girls can be so mean.
A thank you to my Beta readers Sattwa100 and MrsNanna for your work on this chapter.
Next Update: Friday 1st December 2017 AEDT.
Chapter 22: Appreciation of Effort
Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter universe and do not seek to profit in any way, shape or form from this fan work.