We'll Always Have Venice
Chapter 21
Life was perfect.
Antonio was thriving under the care of both his parents. He was just like the other kids and no longer felt different because he did not have a father. His favourite time of the day was when Erik picked him up from preschool. Not many of the other kids' fathers picked them up. It made him feel special.
Erik and Christine had fallen into a routine and were secure in their relationship. They were as in love with each other today as they had been five years ago. They hated being separated from each other and would try to spend as little time apart as possible. During the day, they would either work side by side or would browse the shops, looking for things for the baby and the nursery.
She had made such remarkable progress on her third novel that, for once, Christine did not mind that she had to put it aside. Just as she had with Antonio, she again found the pregnancy tiring. It was just as well that she had decided to put her book on hold; she had Erik's and Antonio's birthdays to shop and prepare for. Then only a few weeks after that was Christmas!
Erik was counting down the weeks until the baby was born. He would read magazine and books late into the night, trying to understand exactly what was happening to Christine and the baby. He was also driving Christine mad with his concerns for her health and safety. But, Christine could not help but smile; she had missed this aspect when she was pregnant with Antonio. No one had fretted over her welfare.
Only two things marred their halcyon days: Erik's fear that he baby would look like him and Christine's morning sickness. But both did their best to hide their concerns from the other. Erik was fairly certain that Christine would be able to love the child even if he or she looked like him. For hours, he would stare at the picture of the ultrasound that Christine had placed in a frame on her bedside table. The sonagrapher said the baby did not appear to have any signs of congenital diseases. And even if he or she did, it would all be all right. Christine loved him, so it was not completely impossible that she could also love a child that looked like him.
As Christine looked at Erik's face, relaxed in sleep, she smiled and dropped a light kiss to his lips. She did not doubt that she and Erik would be together forever.
Everything was perfect.
After a long day out at the park, playing in the snow with Erik and Antonio, Christine returned to the apartment nauseous and tired. Her temper was frayed. She looked at Antonio and sighed when she saw the dirt smeared across his face.
"Come on, bubby. Would you like to have a bath?"
Antonio looked up at her and shook his head.
She sighed again and shared a suffering look with Erik. "You're going to have a bath. Now, who would you like to give you a bath?"
"Daddy! He gives me bigger baths!"
Handing Antonio over to his father who just grinned at Antonio, Erik pulled him down the hall, saying, "Mummy doesn't know how to use bubble bath!"
With a weak laugh, Christine headed to the kitchen, prepared to start tea. She wished that Antonio had chosen her to bath him. She was not looking forward to enduring the smell of cooking meat. Maybe she could convince the boys to have vegetarian pasta tonight.
Wandering down the hallway to the bathroom to ask precisely what they wanted to eat, Christine stopped short at the sight of Antonio sitting alone in a deep bath, his toys floating around him.
"Where's Daddy?" she asked, unable to keep her anxiety from her voice.
Antonio shrugged and then returned his attention to his boat.
Unable to leave her son unattended in the bath, Christine sat on the edge and supervised him as he played. A few minutes later, Erik returned and stopped short when he saw Christine.
"I thought you were cooking tea," Erik said, surprise lacing his voice.
"I was until I came in to ask what you wanted to eat. It was just as well that I did; you left Antonio alone!"
"Only for a couple of minutes."
"But anything could have happened in that time, Erik!" Fear for her son made Christine's voice sharp. "He could have slipped and drowned!"
"He can swim," Erik said as he recalled watching a video of Antonio at a swimming lesson. He could not understand why she was so upset.
"That's not the point! Someone needs to stay with him at all times while he's in the bath. You can't leave him alone! You have to stay with him."
"You're overreacting," Erik responded calmly.
Christine shook her head. For almost four years she had raised Antonio on her own and was used to making decisions. After the conversation she and Erik had shared a few days ago, she promised she would hand over more control to him so that he could have more input his son's life.
"There's an ad in the school newsletter for dance classes," Erik had said to Christine one night as he handed her the paper after he had finished reading it.
Christine nodded, distractedly accepting the newsletter but not looking at it. She was busy checking off a list of things she still needed to buy for the baby.
"I thought Antonio could take up dancing," he continued, undeterred by her lack of attention.
At that, Christine pulled her thoughts away from the list and stared first at Erik and then at the paper. "I don't think so, Erik. Antonio will be picked on at school if the kids learn that he's taken up dancing. I won't let that happen to him."
For a moment Erik said nothing. He had expected that. "I don't want that either. But I think he should do it, Christine. It will develop his coordination and rhythm and he'll also have a chance to interact with other children."
"Erik, I still don't-" She stopped as she read the ad again and considered Erik's suggestion. "You really think it's a good idea?"
He just nodded. He could see that she was beginning to waver, but he didn't dare push his luck.
"If you're sure, then we'll enrol him in dancing. It will be good for him to use his musicality in another way."
But, Christine assured herself as she glanced down at Antonio playing with his boat, she was justified in her reaction. Her son's safety was at risk!
"I suppose you've left him alone in the bath before?" When Erik opened his mouth to comment, Christine put up a hand and lunged to her feet. "I don't want to hear it!"
"Christine-"
"If you won't stay with him, you can cook tea," Christine informed him loftily as she folded her arms across her breasts.
"Chris, you're overreacting."
"Forgive me if I want to protect my son from drowning!" she snapped, furious as she wiped at the tears falling down her cheeks before kneeling awkwardly on the tiles to wash Antonio.
Sighing, Erik left Christine to get started on dinner.
Christine returned from picking Antonio up from preschool to find Erik sitting on their bed. His suitcase was open and half-packed. She stared at his back, too distraught by his words to speak.
"I don't think I can do it. She's being too demanding; expecting that everything be done her way," he said to the other person on the phone. "I think I'd be better off without her."
Erik paused as he listened to the speaker. "I would hate to lose him. However I am well aware that it is both or neither. If I don't have to have to have her, I am sure I can live without him."
Erik spoke for a few minutes, but Christine heard nothing as she stumbled back to the family room where she had left her son. She clutched her hand to her stomach, worried she was going to be ill. Numb, she began to prepare dinner, simply going through the motions. Erik had had enough of her? He thought she was demanding and honestly believed his life would be better without her? She could not imagine living without him again.
And Antonio! He would give up his son because he could not stand the sight of the mother of his child? All along, she had been trying to protect Antonio and his heart from becoming attached to Erik unless she knew he would stay. But what about her? Who was protecting her heart? Just when she thought she could trust him never to leave, he was planning to walk out on them. She believed that she would be able to trust Erik, but it seemed she was wrong.
"Have I done something to annoy you?" Erik finally asked as he and Christine readied for bed.
Dinner had been incredibly strained with Christine giving him a cold shoulder that could freeze hell. He tried several times to talk to her but had not got anywhere. Finally he had had enough of her moodiness and demanded an answer.
"No," she muttered as she lay down, presenting him with her back.
"Have I said something?"
Christine sat up and looked pointedly at the suitcase. "So you're leaving. You were just going to pack your bags and leave? When were you going to tell your son and me that you were leaving? Or don't we rate a mention?"
Confused, Erik looked at Christine. "I'm leaving first thing tomorrow morning," he responded, unsure why she was so mad about his business trip.
"I guess it's nothing like you expected, huh?" she continued sarcastically. "And both or neither isn't really fair."
"That's just how it is." Erik nodded slowly, wondering if they were talking about the same thing.
"Damn right that's just how it is. Since that's the way it's going to be, you might as well get used to sleeping alone."
Erik looked at her truly confused. "Christine, I love you. Talk to me."
Infuriated by his proclamation of love, Christine's temper finally snapped. "Get out of my bed!"
"I'm not in your bed," he responded childishly, taken by surprise by her sudden anger.
"Good. And you won't be sleeping here tonight…or ever again."
"Christine, it's just a few days."
"Oh, that's they all say! But days become weeks, which become months, which become years. I'm not going through that again. God, I wish I could have spared Antonio!"
"Christine, I love you," he said softly, earnestly as he pleadingly held his hands out to her.
Angered once again, Christine rose from the bed and glared at him. "You love no one but yourself." She picked up her book and threw it at him, narrowly missing his head.
He shook his head. Surely now she knew that she and Antonio were the only people in his life that he loved? What love did he have for himself? They were the best things that ever happened to him!
Unwilling to sleep with her in such a mood, Erik grabbed his pillow and went to find another bed.
Christine rocked Antonio in her arms as he continued to scream. She wiped ineffectually at his tears and held him tighter as she walked through the apartment, trying to calm him.
"Where's Daddy?" he asked between hiccuping sobs.
"He's gone away for a little while," Christine lied.
He had been gone for three days and she doubted he was ever coming back. She had to try to spare her son's feelings. She had to keep hope alive in his little heart; one of them had to hope that Erik would return and they could be a family again. The irony that this time he had walked out on her, leaving her expecting yet another of his children, was not lost on Christine.
"I want Daddy!"
"I know you do, bubby," she said, her own tears beginning to fall down her cheeks. "But he's not here now."
"I want Daddy!"
Unable to hold back her sobs for another moment, Christine allowed the tears to flow freely. She carried her son to her bedroom and curled up on her bed, hugging Antonio tightly to her.
Taking a break between auditions, Erik dialled Christine's mobile number and waited for her to answer. She had not answered any of his calls over the last four days and was forced to assume she was busy writing. Again, she did not answer his call. He hung up, concerned. When he left the theatre, he would look for Phoebe's number and have her check on Christine and Antonio.
"Erik rang me last night," Phoebe told Christine with a concerned look. "He wanted me to check on you because you haven't been answering any of his calls."
"Why would I speak to him when he left us?"
Phoebe shrugged before she covered Christine's hand with her own and gave it a reassuring squeeze. "Maybe you should speak to him. Maybe it's all just a big misunderstanding."
Christine glared at her friend. "Talking wouldn't get us anywhere. You should have heard what he said about me!"
"I don't think he would leave you. I just can't imagine Erik leaving his children," Phoebe said softly, worried about Christine's wellbeing.
Christine placed a hand on her stomach that she had long since given up trying to hide. At almost seven months pregnant, she knew it was a waste of time. She hated the pitiful and knowing looks the mothers gave her when she went to pick Antonio up from school. Christine was clearly pregnant and Erik had not been there in almost a week.
It had not taken the mothers long to realise that Erik was a devoted father and nearly almost always took his son to school and picked him up. Erik, Christine and Antonio gave off the image – until recently – of being a perfect family. The mothers were all convinced that there clearly was trouble in paradise. It had to be terrible if Erik were absent from his son's life. They all felt sorry for Christine, wondering what had happened to cause a rift between Erik and Christine.
"How is Antonio coping with Erik's…" Phoebe tactfully trailed off.
"He's taking it hard," Christine confessed. "He has cried himself to sleep for the past few nights. Apparently he's been acting up a bit at preschool. Neither of us has been sleeping well. I told him not to do this to us! I warned Erik that he could not just walk away from Antonio!" Christine's anger faded as quickly as it had arrived and she burst into tears.
"Get out of here! Stop wasting my time!" Erik shouted, infuriated by the poor audition of a young woman. "You cannot sing! Get out of my sight! Next!"
The woman's eyes filled with tears as she rushed offstage. Blinded by her tears, she did not see the other woman who was trying to make her way onstage.
"Sorry," the woman in tears muttered.
"Are you alright?" the other asked, sympathetically. "That really was horrible of him to say that to you. You can sing. These producers tend to get a little short when they've been watching auditions all day."
"Miss Jamari Fitzroy! If you don't hurry up and get on stage, I'll assume you don't want the part!" Erik's voice echoed through the theatre. "You have five seconds!"
The woman sniffled and continued on her way. Jamari walked slowly onstage and shot a lofty look in the general area where she believed the producers would be sitting.
"When you're ready, Miss Fitzroy," Erik said, his voice filled with suffering.
"Oh, I'm ready. However, I would prefer not to start until I know that you are all ready and willing to give each performer an equal chance. I don't intend to waste my time."
Erik's chuckle echoed softly through the auditorium. He liked this Jamari; she had the spunk that the character needed. "In your own time, then."
With the opening night only four weeks away, Erik, the director and the new company – consisting of Jamari and Marcel – were busily rehearsing.
"What do you think you are doing?" Erik shouted at the director. "This is not at all how I wanted my musical to be performed. I thought there was a purpose behind all of those bloody phone calls! Why did you bother ringing me when you have not implemented a single thing I said? Why have I spent hours on the phone with you, putting everything on hold when every piece of advice appears to have been wasted?
"Take a five minute break while I deal with this incompetent director," Erik instructed the company before turning his attention to the director.
Jamari and Marcel stood together in the wings. She gave him a wide-eyed look; worried that Erik would soon be turning his attention from the director to the leads. She really did not understand why he was so furious and taking it out on the company or the director.
"The man is bloody insane! He wouldn't know courtesy if it bit him on the arse."
Jamari looked over her shoulder to make sure that Erik had not heard Marcel's insults. Erik's face was purple with rage and his eyes flashed angrily. She shuddered and rubbed her hands over her upper arms in an attempt to ward off chills, wondering if Erik ever smiled and spoke softly.
Phoebe dragged Christine to La Fayette while the boys were at preschool. In an attempt to distract and cheer her up, Phoebe forced Christine to go shopping with her. She had hoped that getting her friend out of the house and spending money would help, but Christine was withdrawn and distant as ever.
She had also noticed Christine's reluctance to talk about the baby and feared that she may have had a change of heart about it. The only time Christine ever spoke about the baby was when she complained about not being able to see her feet. She would buy something for the baby; that would surely cheer her up!
As the women wandered through the underwear section, Christine's face fell as she recalled the time that she and Erik had spent together in Venice. They had gone underwear shopping together.
Tears filled her eyes but she quickly blinked them away, not wanting Phoebe to see how upset she was about Erik; although she could have easily put it down to her hormones. She gave her friend a weak smile and tried to engage with her in conversation, when all she wanted to do was cry and pine over Erik.
It had been two weeks since she had heard from him and still she was no closer to moving on. There were days when she was very happy to forget all about Erik and begin her life again with Antonio. However, some days – like today – she wished things were different. She wished that he had not just walked out of her life.
Pleased with how the production was coming along, Erik finally believed that it was time to return to Paris. He could finally trust the company to perform his songs properly. In fact, he had to admit that he was relieved that Corinne and Laurent had left the show. They would not have been able to do the characters and show justice the same way as Jamari and Marcel. Nodding with approval, Erik was convinced that everything had worked out for the better.
Over the past few weeks, Erik's mind had been filled with thoughts of the musical and Christine and Antonio. He had not been able to stop thinking about his family. Nor could he explain why Christine was refusing to answer his calls. Things had been strained when he had left Paris, but he had hoped that after a few days of separation, Christine would be willing to talk to him. They belonged together.
The day before he planned to return to Paris, Erik was wandering through the shops as they were closing. He paused in front of a jeweller and stared at a sparkling antique diamond ring. Smiling to himself, Erik strode through the door.
Christine glared at the clothes Erik had left in the drawers and closet. He had even left that blasted coffee machine! The appliance was meant to be his way of telling her that he would never leave her. Now, it just taunted her.
Her hands on her hips, she wondered why he had not taken everything with him when he left. Weeks after he had gone, she was finally ready to put his things away. It was most definitely time to forget about Erik and move on. By the time she was finished, she planned to leave no trace of him ever living there. With a new, grim determination, she went in search of a box and a hairdresser's phone number.