The Big Hellsing: The Forks Affair

Chapter Twenty-one: Road Trip

Disclaimer: I don't own any publicly recognized characters in this story. I do however dream of one day moving to Spain and marrying a man. Not really.

Washington DC, the Whitehouse

Alucard was in Washington, and the tears of America never tasted so sweet. It was pouring rain outside and thundering. Alucard was taking shelter under a Barack Obama umbrella, one of a dozen souvenirs that he'd gotten for himself before burning the Whitehouse to cinders.

He had to admit, the sight of the Whitehouse burning in the middle of this heavy rain was so iconic. Before long, the firefighters would appear and try to save some of the rubble, but before then the rain would put out the flames.

Alucard hadn't seen anything burn this beautifully since the Reichstag building. A part of him wanted to stick around and roast his Barack Obama marshmallows over the fire, but he was on a tight schedule. The five hundred year old vampire had wasted enough time as it was purchasing the Barack Obama baseball cap, Barack Obama ascot, Barack Obama beer, Barack Obama barbecue sauce, Barack Obama double barreled shotgun, Barack Obama shotgun shells, Barack Obama Casull rounds and Barack Obama TNT.

Temporarily placing his merchandise down, Alucard pulled a cellular phone from his jacket. Integra would want a report now that he was in Washington.

With a push of a button, Alucard's ear was greeted with the sound of a ringing telephone.

In a pinch, his Master's masculine voice came across the line, "What is it, Alucard?"

"Master, I'd like to report that I'm now in Washington and need now only to scout the town of Forks. That's when I find it though."

Integra paused for a moment, considering her response, "Are you in the right Washington?"

Alucard was confused, "What do you mean, Master?"

Integra snapped at him, "Are you in Washington DC or Washington State?"

Now Alucard was very confused, "Wait, you're saying that there are two Washingtons? Why wasn't I told about this?"

Integra had little patience for her servant's ignorance, "Perhaps you should learn to read a map, idiot!"

And without so much as a goodbye, she hung up on him. Alucard fumed, how dare she talk to him this way! He was the trump card of the Hellsing Organization and she just talked down to him like he was one of the chipped trash vampires. With a mighty swing, he flung his new umbrella as far as he could.

Well this was just perfect. Now he was getting wet. Dejectedly, Alucard picked up his merchandise and walked towards his umbrella.

Washington state, Port Angeles Airport

Alice had seen Alucard's arrival in DC before he'd even arrived there. She'd seen things before that made her regret her clairvoyance, but nothing like Alucard. When she saw him in her far seeing eye, she not only saw him but saw the immense evil that he carried in his heart and worked with his hands.

Now that he'd intruded into the lives of her family, she was seeing more of him. During the plane's final descent, she'd have another vision of Alucard. He wasn't committing any serious crime, he was just masturbating.

Alice had had a vision of Alucard masturbating. She'd never felt the need to barf before, but for five whole minutes she'd experienced revulsion worse than anything else she'd seen before.

Oh she'd done her best to put the vision out of her mind, only watching the No-Life King beat his meat for twelve seconds. But she'd be seeing that for a while, burned into her mind's eyes. Jasper had picked up his wife's potent feelings of revulsion and had been so overcome by them that everybody on the plane was feeling what Alice felt.

That was in the past now, they were safely in the Port Angeles Airport to meet with their family.

As per an earlier vision, Carlisle and Esme were there to greet the new arrivals. Carlisle smiled warmly and bid Alice and Jasper, "Welcome back you kids. We've all been worried about you."

Esme's response was far less subdued; she immediately jumped towards the young lovers and hugged Alice like she'd been returned from an Iranian prison. Even harder, she hugged Jasper and started to pepper his cheek with motherly kisses. Immediately, the Cullen matriarch started to weep motherly comfort, "Oh Jasper, that maniac hurt you! I'll never let him hurt you ever again! Please tell me you're alright. Please say that you're alright!"

It was all too much for Esme and she started to dry weep for her adopted son. Jasper said nothing to Esme's emotionally charged query. Rather than try to calm her down, he simply stood there and basked in the comfort of her motherly emotions.

Ignoring the crowds that were all staring at Esme's hysterical outburst, Carlisle asked Alice, "Did you find what you were looking for in Boca Raton?"

Alice looked over at her finely sculpted fashion, who caressed his weeping mother, "I think that we found just a little bit of healing. We're still working on that."

The blond Cullen father nodded, "I'll see if I can play the psychiatrist to Jasper some time."

"Where are Edward and Emmett, or Rosalie?" The cute pixie asked her adopted daddy.

Carlisle answered readily enough, "Edward is driving Rosalie through Seattle. She said something about a tattoo and that I probably don't want to know. Emmet is watching over Bella right now, she's doing well by the way."

Alice looked sad, "I saw Bella in a vision last night, her clothes are very, very poopy. I need to head over to her house right away and make her pretty for the world."

Carlisle understood Alice's need to decorate and beautify everything around her. Bella however, took to Alice's treatments like a hot needle to the eye. "There's something you need to know, Alice."

Before he could continue, she interrupted, "I know, Alucard is coming to Forks. But we have time, he's been delayed! He's in Washington DC right now and-"

"Alice, I invited Alucard to Forks."

Alice just looked at Carlisle with an expression of utmost shock. She whispered softly, "What?"

Carlisle grimaced, it wasn't easy to explain to Edward, it was harder to explain to Rosalie and Emmett, and it wasn't going to be any easier with Alice. "Alucard's Master is meeting with a leader of organized crime and they need a place to meet. Bella's wedding will be the perfect place for that meeting to happen."

Alice was aghast; it was like Carlisle was betraying her, "How can you invite him here, after all that he's done to us."

"Alucard is a friend, a very close friend. I would have done the same for Tanya, Benjamin or any other of my true friends."

Alice was taking a tone with Carlisle that she'd never taken before, "That thing raped my Jasper. I can't forgive that."

"I don't ask you to forgive him, or like him, or tolerate him for that matter."

Alice shook her head, "Jasper and I are going to run home, if that's alright with you."

About facing, Alice walked towards Esme and Jasper, who were more or less oblivious to the interchange between herself and Carlisle.

Esme had stopped sobbing but was still holding Jasper in a crushing grip. It was literally a crushing grip; Esme hugged him hard enough to bend steel. Also, Jasper was no longer so eager to be in Esme's embrace. He'd had his fill of turbocharged motherly emotion and now longed for Alice's far gentler pixie hug.

Gently, Jasper tried to tell his mommy, "Uh, mom, can you let go now?"

Voice cracked with feelings, Esme howled, "Until Alucard is gone forever, I'll never be able to let you go!"

Jasper took a moment to grasp the implications behind this. Oh darn it, how will he get by with his mother watching him like an infant?

Alice stepped onto the scene. She tried to tell her mother in the gentlest terms possible, "Mom, if you could let go of Jasper. I'd really like to give him a hug now; you've had your turn." Reluctantly, Esme peeled herself off of Jasper.

With mom fueled vigor, Esme flung herself around her husband like a drowning person clutching a flotation device. Still highly strung, Esme begged Alice, "Please, ride in the car with us. I need to see you kids safe."

Giving a pained smile, Alice ground out, "Sure Esme, we'll ride with you." She'd badly wanted to run home in order to spite her stupid father, but her mother's feelings came first.

And with no further ado, the four began to exit the airport. Their little show had not gone unnoticed; Esme had been far too troubled to keep her voice down.

One man said to his companion, "Think that lady's on her period?"

His partner frowned; his friend always blamed a woman's irrational behavior on their periods. "I've seen periods and I've seen menopause. She must have been hopped up on crack cocaine."

"Desperate housewives, man."

"You think that's bad? You should see my wife when she drops a tab of acid."

The first man's jaw dropped, "You must have the greatest marriage ever!"

The second man said, "Believe me, you don't want to step into my shoes."

Forks, Washington, Swan Home

"Edward wants me to wear a chastity belt?" Bella knew that her fiancée was a very old fashioned type of boy. He opened doors for girls, held her hand when she walked down the stairs and talked like a super sophisticated narrator for a college level romance novel. Bella was okay with that; she didn't mind her Edward's olden ways. In fact, she enjoyed Edward for his funny little quirks.

But if Edward was into freaky old fashioned stuff like chastity belts, making her wear a full length dress in summer, having her clean for him and sit down only when he sits down, she was going to have to put her foot down.

Emmett tried to reassure her, "Bella, I know it seems like something way freaky, but trust me when I say that it's for your protection."

Bella held up the highly expensive silver, leather and iron chastity belt, "What's this going to protect me from? Edward and I don't need protection from sex. He's really safe with sex and stuff like that."

Emmett held up his hands in a defensive gesture, "Take it easy Bella; don't shoot the messenger." Not waiting for Bella to ask, he informed her, "I just talked with Edward; he says that Alice told him that Alucard is coming back."

For some reason, vampires like Edward Cullen and Seras Victoria had been unable to read Bella's mind. Despite this, Bella's face was an open book, you almost didn't need to read her mind if you knew her well enough. And now Emmett could see her apprehension as plainly as the nose of her face. Edward was old fashioned and so was Alucard.

But where Edward was old fashioned like the stereotypical Victorian gentleman, Alucard was old fashioned like Genghis Kahn and Joseph Stalin, chopping heads left and right and generally scaring the shit out of their enemies and allies alike.

Bella looked at the chastity belt and at Emmett's face once more, "How come Edward didn't come to show me this, instead of you?"

Emmett explained in his usual friendly, brotherly fashion, "Rosalie needed Edward to help her find something in Seattle. She needed his talent to make sure that what she finds will work."

"What is Rosalie looking for?"

Emmett answered too quickly, "Nothing."

"Why are you wearing a turtleneck?" It was true, Emmett usually preferred to go around in tight muscle shirts and show off as much of his rippling muscle body as was decent. Today however, he was wearing one of Edward's turtleneck shirts. The poor shirt looked like it'd explode into a mass of black threads.

Tight as it was, it was hard not to notice how muscular Emmett was. Still, it was out of character for him to wear so much fabric outside of school.

Emmett pointed a finger at Bella and said in a voice more fitting for a police interrogator, "I'm wearing this shirt because I damn feel like it. Never ask again about it or Rosalie again."

Bella held the chastity belt a little closer to her chest, "Alright, don't get upset."

With his piece said, Emmett returned to his normal teddy bear self, "Normally I don't agree with Edward I'm-so-proper Pretty Boy, but between you, me and the wall over there I think that this belt thing is a great idea."

Relaxing a little, Bella put the chastity belt down on her bed and sat down next to it. "You really think so, Emmett?"

Emmett chuckled, "You bet your bottom dollar. Look, I haven't been around long. At fifty years old I'm the baby of the family. I haven't seen that many evil vampires out there, but Carlisle and especially Jasper have seen plenty."

Bella didn't invite Emmett to sit. He was Unstet; he could stand still like a statue for hours. He never needed to sit down because it as impossible for him to feel fatigue.

Emmett went on, "Those two guys have seen all kinds of evil vampires. But nobody compares to Alucard. He's like Repo Man, Sweeney Todd and John Dillinger all rolled into one."

Bella had no idea who any of these people were but she assumed that they had to be pretty bad men.

"Alucard is just a crazy, mental vamp. When he's in town, you'd better wear this thing. Because believe me, you don't want to wake up one morning and find out that you've been knocked up by a crazy, mental vampire."

Bella frowned, "Is that even possible? I thought vampires were sterile."

Emmett elaborated for the clueless human, "Unstet are sterile. Nosferatu can mate with a human to produce a dhampir."

"What's a dhampir?"

Edward's brother shook his head slightly. He could see how Bella was hot in a subtle sort of way; he could easily imagine her pouting lips on his big John. But sometimes she was ridiculously slow on the uptake. "A dhampir is a half human, half Nosferatu. Those mother scratchers may look calm and peaceful, but watch out. A dhampir can be just as crazy and mental as their parent vampire."

Bella touched the chastity belt, "And this thing will keep him out if he tries to . . . you know."

Emmett's laughter boomed out, "If Alucard even looks at this thing; he'll be blasted across the room. Carlisle used to be an Anglican priest; he had me and Edward standing there for hours just blessing this thing. We had holy water, anointing oil, incense and the whole nine yards. Trust me; it'll keep out any frisky Nosferatu, male, female or hermaphrodite."

"How do they keep them a secret", Bella looked up at Emmett, "I mean, how do they keep creatures like Alucard a secret?"

"First of all, there aren't many Nosferatu in the world, and us Unstet just don't like to cause trouble. If any Nosferatu do get troublesome, they have to deal with the Volturi and Hellsing. Nobody in their right mind would cross either of those two groups."

Bella asked Emmett, "Can this stop a dhampir?"

Emmett drew in a breath, this was a tricky question. "I'm not too sure. Holy relics and blessings don't really hurt them unless you get it into an open wound. Unless it was a weak or very young one, I don't think so."

Bella got up from the bed and started to put the chastity belt into her clothes drawers. She did not want to have to explain to Charlie what she was doing with a chastity belt and where she got it.

Emmet moved from the spot where he stood with a sudden and graceful animation. "Hey, want to hear a funny story?"

"Um, okay."

"Okay, I was . . . oh crap. I hear Charlie pulling up; you'd better put away that thing."

Bella could only nod with agreement.

Volterra, Italy

Albert Wesker finished putting on his bow tie. His disguise was now complete. Fifteen minutes ago, he'd looked the part of the evil genius bent on global destruction and subjugation. Now, he looked about as sinister and harmful as cream cheese.

As Wesker slowly gained the trust of the Volturi, he began to perform more and more tasks around the castle in addition to his research duties. One duty that Wesker had been recently assigned was to manage the tours that daily entered the castle.

The massive castle that the Volturi lived in was a major tourist attraction in the city. Hundreds and thousands of tourists every year visited the Castle while never knowing that it was the home of the rulers of the vampire world.

Originally, tours in the castle had been handled by one Gianna. Gianna was dead now and her DNA was used to create clones of her who would then be transformed into Tyrants.

In the intermediary period, tours had been managed by some clueless human who was paid too much money to ask why some of those tour groups would go into the castle but never come out.

Wesker understood perfectly well why some of those tourists simply disappeared. Volterra was the safest city in the world in terms of vampire attacks. Not counting Dracula's reign of terror, the number of vampire attacks in this city over the last three thousand years could be counted on one hand.

With his bow tie done up, Wesker stepped back and surveyed himself in the mirror. Amazing, Wesker surprised himself at his ability to become harmless looking. His usual black business wear had been abandoned in favor of a tasteful but subdued brown suit and matching shoes. Albert's omnipresent sunglasses were also gone. In their place he wore large coke bottle glasses as well as colored contact lenses to disguise his crimson and golden eyes.

Changed also was his hair, his normally stylish hair was now redone in a fashion fitting a stereotypical nerdy scholar. The wolf had put on sheep's clothes. No, not a wolf, a poisonous snake.

Contractually, he wasn't obliged to lead every tour that went into the Castle. However he was required to see a few gaggles of tourists to their deaths. A side benefit of this was that when Wesker tired of the city's selection of whores, he could just grab a comely lady from the doomed tour groups.

This group that Wesker was leading now was from Spain, the country from which Ada Wong had procured a sample of the mind control parasite, Las Plagas. How interesting.

Leading the group of lower middle class Spanish people down the Castle's corridors, Wesker sounded the part that he was playing. His normally nasal voice was comical instead of diabolical.

They were entering into the deep parts of the castle now. There were no humans in this part of the castle, just security cameras and vampires that were not showing themselves just yet.

Not breaking character, Wesker began to direct the tour group towards the inner most chambers of the Castle.

The fact that he spoke a dozen languages made him the perfect man to lead multinational tour groups. In flawless Spanish he explained, "The chamber up ahead was used by the rulers of this castle during a hypothetical siege. In the event that an enemy breached the outer walls, the highest ranking members of the court could enter this room and seal themselves off. The walls of this room would have been strong enough to hold off nearly any attackers long enough for the King and cohorts to escape via the tunnels beneath this building."

Wesker led the group into the center of the vast underground chamber. In actuality, this room served as the Volturi's throne room. It was here where they doled out life and death as they saw fit.

The room was empty; three thrones carved from granite lay at the far end of the circular chamber. The upper levels of the Castle had possessed of themselves a medieval and historical feel. The lower levels were altogether a different story; down here in stone corridors lit by torch light you really felt like you were lost in the Dark ages. Everything about the lowers levels was designed to oppress the human spirit with dankness and murk.

Famous architects from across history, the most recent being Albert Speer and George Trevor, had left their mark on this ancient eldritch building.

All of the tourists were in the middle of the circular room. Now the jaws of the trap could be sprung.

Though he kept his humble attire, Wesker cast aside his façade. Calmly, he took off his thick glasses. In the torchlight, the red of Wesker's eyes began to shine through the colored contact lenses.

Several of the tourists, a family of five, had noticed his eyes and were looking as though to bolt.

Wesker muttered to himself, "The world will not end with a whimper, but a scream." Depressing a button on his watch, the giant doors of the room noiselessly swung shut.

Only a few of the tourists saw it at first, but rapidly more of them saw that they were now trapped in this timeworn chamber.

The first stirring of panic made themselves felt. Some of the people asked if this was part of the tour while others demanded to be let out. To all of them, Wesker informed, "I'm afraid that you've breathed your last, farewell."

Into a hidden microphone in his clothes, Wesker intoned, "It's time." From there, it all devolved into a living nightmare.

A hidden door opened on the far wall, concealed too cleverly for human eyes to ever see. A figure stepped out of the doorway, clad in a black robe.

The figure had two arms, two legs and a complete face, but it was not human. No human could be that beautiful, surely it must be a god descended from the heavens. The eyes of the thing though, were the eyes of the devil. Perfect orbs of dull burgundy gazed over the humans like a hunting hound leering at game. All that he needed was the order to feed.

In the walls, more secret doors opened and let in more black robed figures. There were two small ones, twins, like beautiful androgynous cherubs. Some of the figures were female, creatures whose allure was nearly equal with the queasy revulsion they inspired. There was one, a male with a black ponytail, who looked like the earthly personification of all human cruelty.

The creatures came from everywhere, trap doors in the floor opened in the midst of the petrified humans. Some of them fell from doors in the ceiling where they either landed silently as snowflakes or creeped down the walls like gargantuan spiders.

Families held each other, lovers said their goodbyes. Religious folk said their prayers while children averted their eyes. Fiery ones called out, "Diablos!" And they were right, these were devils; devils of the blood drinking variety.

Among their number, only a single man was without fear, and he was no longer fully human. He had his eye on one of the women, the mother of the family who saw his eyes. His hate filled gaze made the woman quake with fear.

At last, from behind the three granite thrones, a last hidden passageway opened. Three figures came with ethereal grace. They were like their minions in that they possessed equal parts alluring beauty and repulsive alien aura. They were also unlike their minions, for their skin was thin and translucent, like that of an onion.

If you looked closely enough, you'd see that their burgundy eyes were clouded over to different degrees. Despite their frail appearance, their movements held no less grace or vitality than those beneath their station.

In contrast, Wesker's footsteps were heavy and his movements were harsh. Like a hawk, he swooped in on the mother and snatched her away from her family. The father tried to take back his wife from the soulless man, but Wesker was brutal. A punch to the man's face completely shattered his skull; instant, bloodless death.

The three children, ages five, six and eight, screamed for their fallen father and abducted mother.

In vain the mother tried to run back to her brood, but Wesker's grip was as unbreakable as the suffocating embrace of a constrictor.

Fury colored his voice as Wesker called to the three brothers, "My lords, I take this woman with your permission!"

Marcus did not react. Aro looked to Caius. Caius's face was stone, then he nodded.

A savage smile split across Wesker's face, as surprising it its appearance as one of the trap doors. Dragging the screaming Spanish housewife behind him, Wesker exited out of one of the trap doors just as the first blood was spilt.

I hope that you've enjoyed your romp in this neck of the woods. Review and give me your praise, your criticism, your reviews and even your flames. I'd like to thank a few of my steady readers, Lion in the Land, Shallowswan, EZB and Shadow's nightmare. Check out their stories, you'll find it a worthwhile use of time.

Ta

Master of the Boot