Thanks to Jusice237 and x snow- pony x for reviewing.
I had sort of forgotten Olivia in this story. But I have an idea to that she will finally give a reaction to everything that's going on, because she would react to it. So there's an idea and it will be… I haven't actually started the chapter yet so I don't know if it will be in this chapter or in a future chapter. It will be in this one and I hope you'll like it.
This chapter is told from Gabriel's pov.
Oh, and happy new year.
Once in Sarah's office in Newcastle I sunk down on a chair on the opposite side of the desk from her, and even though I had just spent five hours behind the wheel and that after two days of waiting for a phone call it didn't feel as if I had ever been as far away from this ever before.
"You wanted to take this eye to eye rather than on the phone? Am I right Mr. Atwood?"
"Yes…. Yes. When it's about my son I want it eye to eye."
Clenching my hands on my lap I regretted it though. Why couldn't I just take it over the phone and I'd have known what the news were by now. By five hours ago actually. I hated every single meter of the road in between Dover and Newcastle.
"We have been talking to Patrick and Reyna. Whom you know, we've gone through what they found and what it means. Looked up your history and also Gabe's past. Now, there's pretty much no one that comes this far without any concerns…"
Sarah hesitated slightly and my stomach churned. Clenching my hands hard I could feel them shaking while she looked up something on her computer.
"There was something about a gun cupboard…"
And yes, this was the main part about why this whole story made me want to throw up.
"…And looking you up about that did take a bit of time. It is however finished now. You did have a license for the gun in that cupboard. Unfortunately, that license expired quite a long time ago… But then we had to ask ourselves… Did you use the gun anything right now? Or have you used it at all for ten years… The thing is, the license is expired- but this law doesn't say anything clearly about owning a gun if not using it."
I could hardly breathe- that damn gun. Why hadn't I handed it in?
"It was a gun- not loaded. In a locked cupboard. And the key was hidden where a young child would be able to reach it. Nobody would have found it if not knowing it was there. Is that the one and only key?" I forced myself to nod forcedly. "Where is that gun now?"
"I- I- I… I han- an…"
"Mr. Atwood. Please take a breath and then start over. I'll have no chance of understanding you when you stutter like that. Would you like a glass of water?"
"No thank you…." I forced myself to slow down that hysterical hyperventilating. "…I honestly don't think swallowing anything at all right now… sorry. I don't know why I told you that… Just give me a second."
Why did I say that? I just wanted to get through this.
"Mr. Atwood… There's something you should know about me… I have met a lot of people at this job. Adults, children, family members, foster family members, people who are abused and people that have turned out abusive… I feel terrible if I find out a child I've had here turns out to be abused or even worse…. But there is nothing you could say here today, nothing. That would surprise me. So take a breath, clear your throat and then answer my question… I know this is scary for you. Scarier than I could ever imagine. But freaking out like this isn't going to help… Okay… What happened with that gun after the social services had left your house on Tuesday."
I closed my eyes for a second, then did as I was told- drew a deep breath and cleared my throat…
"I handed it in at the police station first thing on Wednesday morning."
Sarah nodded slightly- it looked like that decision would help me.
I waited for her to say something but she kept the same straight face as Patrick and Reyna had done on Tuesday.
"And if I can say it myself…" She suddenly started. "That Patrick Wembley is so big he looks like he could crush you with his own bear hands. And now that's enough to scare anyone at all…" She checked something else on the computer and then turned on her rolling chair to be able to look at me.
"Yeah… I thought something like that when I met him too. That guy is huge."
For the seventieth time I rubbed of my palms on my jeans. It felt as if every second was at least ten years when I watched Sarah McKinley take a look on her computer screen and I just wanted to rip it around so that I could see what it said.
"As for Gabe and you… You can go and see him any time you want. You can too take him out over the day or so. But he has to be at Ashdene Ridge before the end of the day." I nodded and tried to take in it all. "And… We don't want you to have to pass in between Newcastle and Dover too many times since it's such a long way. But it would be good if you brought your family here… and we'll do our paperwork. And then you can take Gabe with you when you go back home."
If there was one moment I was left frozen with my chin dropped…
"You mean… I… wow… I… I don't know."
One part of me was just frozen in shock and didn't know where to turn or what to do or say. Another part of me wanted to jump high and starts screaming and jumping like a little girl. And I was left doing exactly the first…
"There has to be a lot of feelings going on right now." I could barely even nod. "I have a suggestion. Take in at a hotel. There are a few good ones of them downtown, in that direction…" She pointed. "I will now go and talk to Gabe and give him this news. But I'm going to suggest you don't meet until you have both calmed down slightly and obviously can breathe again. Maybe tonight or even tomorrow. I know neither of you really want to wait for that long but it's for both of yours best."
"Can I…" A million thoughts were spinning in my mind about what I wanted to ask and what I wanted to do. "Can I call my wife? Can I bring my son? My other son- Logan?"
It suddenly felt like one of the first things I needed to do before anything else was to see how they got along together. Maybe if Logan or Gabe just kept fighting, maybe if Liv was too much like Julianna and something scared Gabe or…
As soon as possible we all needed to know if something went terribly wrong. And I wanted them all to meet before Gabe could at last permanently move into our house.
Nothing was better than spending the good times along with your whole family. Wasn't it?
"I couldn't see why not…"
And that was the first time that day that I smiled. I didn't even have to force it, without anything my lips reached from ear to ear and I couldn't have stopped if I tried.
"And that's everything I have for today. But I'm guessing you know that this isn't the last contact you'll have with the social services. Later on you will meet someone new on the social services in Dover. But as long as Gabe lives here, you just have to give me a call if you're wondering about something. And I'd rather hear you're asking ten questions too many than that you'll be going wondering about something…"
"I'm not…" I panted. "…I think I have everything for now."
For a second my memories brought me back to when I picked up my phone when Alistair was calling, the one when he'd asked me to come to Dover. And how he had then told me about Gabe and then Gabe throwing up on me the first thing he did and that nice in the hospital…
It felt as if all of this must have taken at least a million years instead of a few weeks.
And then, when I had left the social services and walked down towards Newcastle's downtown, as I called and one signal after the other went by I didn't answer why it took so long before Liv picked up her phone. That wasn't like her.
"Yes?"
Then as soon as she answered I couldn't help but to start before I had even greeted her.
"Is it possible you think… It's still. It's two o'clock so it wouldn't be too late. But maybe you and Logan could get in the car… now. And then drive towards Newcastle?"
"I don't know Gabriel. You know I have to work."
"A day and a half won't do any harm. If that makes it any better then I'll call and…"
"Fine. Fine. I'm coming."
I frowned- Liv was sounding unusually annoyed. This wasn't like her. Then I shook my head and tried to let it go. If I had been pregnant and was in her situation too then I'd be annoyed too.
"So… You will come?"
"Yeah… I'll go now. I'll call when I'm getting closer."
"Thank you love."
Just as I hung up I saw a sign that said Newcastle comfortable hotel and figured that sounded like something fairly cheap yet nice and I walked up to check it, soon having booked a room with one king size bed for my wife and me. And one very soft couch that Logan could sleep on.
Every minute ticked by slowly, while one possible scene after the other passed by in my mind about how it could end up when I finally let Gabe meet my wife and then my other son. Everything from love to jealousy to hate passed by and the whole day I did everything to try and force the worse away.
With everything I tried to fight thoughts about whatever could go wrong, I took a walk, had something to eat (pancakes from the room service again), then went to a store and paced the lines of clothes for almost an hour just to have something to do.
I looked up where IKEA was in this town, checked the car and filled up the fuel which was almost full anyway, bought some snacks and then found myself back at the hotel zapping in between boring soaps and sports while it was still at least at least two hours until Liv and Logan would arrive.
I tried to shove away bad thoughts creeping up from the back of my head so badly I jumped when my phone suddenly started buzzing and called. And I didn't think about even see who it was before I put it to my ear.
"Atwood?"
"Hey… ehrm… dad."
"Gabe." I shot up into a sitting position from lying on the couch. "I… You… I… I guess you have my number."
"Yeah… ehrm… Sarah gave it to me. And I was just going to call and check so it was the right number and yeah… she wanted me to call you and check if we got it right. So… I guess it was…"
"Yeah I guess it was."
Some awkward seconds passed by. Thoughts were spinning in my mind just as before but worse- would there ever be a time when I spoke as easily to my oldest son as to my youngest or to my own father?
"Actually I called my wife. And I asked her to take Logan and come to Newcastle. You'll be getting a chance to meet them today or tomorrow or this weekend. Do you think that's okay? I'm not going to force you into anything of course."
"Well… ehrm…"
"I'm suddenly noticing how many ehrm's and well's there are in this conversation. We'll have to work on that…"
"Yeah… I guess we should. Ehrm… About your family. I guess my stepmum and half-brother… wow. I never thought I'd have such… Sure, I don't mind."
He sounded way more nervous than what he probably wanted me to know.
"I was thinking. Maybe the two of us or all of us. Well. You're going to have your own room and right now that room is empty. So I was thinking either we set the room up before you come. Or we buy the things you like… Or at least we need to buy a bed of your own and a lamp for the ceiling before you get there. And there's an IKEA here in Newcastle. So I was thinking if you see something you like. Just point at it and say "I want that" and we can get it for you… So maybe we should go to IKEA someday… or what do you think?"
The phone went all silent for a while, a few seconds. I was about to ask if he was still there but I had to remember who I was talking to and I didn't want to pressure him.
"I… Ehrm… I've never really been to IKEA. But I think I've heard about it… they sell furniture. Right?"
"Something like that. Furniture is the main thing I guess but then they have these fake rooms where they have books and stuff, and bags I think. So if you count everything I really think they have all kinds of things. Plus meatballs, don't forget the meatballs."
The phone went silent again. With hearing Gabe breathing I was sure he was still there.
"Actually, I think I was at IKEA once. I didn't buy anything I just… ate. I had meatballs and yeah. That was kind of eat… Wait for a minute…" I could hear him hold his phone down and someone talking. "…I have to go… But tomorrow. If you still want to meet up…"
"Of course I do."
"…Well. Maybe you can text me and tell me where you are and where we can meet. Mike said he could drive me if he just knows where we're going to be."
"That's great… I can do that… Goodnight then I guess."
"Goodnight."
The world seemed weirdly silent again when I hung up and the phone went silent. I laid it on the table where I still could reach it, and laid down on my stomach- with my head turned to watch the TV. But I barely knew what was on…
I was so far gone into my own thoughts I barely heard it when my phone lit up again with Liv calling and couldn't exactly come up with a creative, loving way of answering.
"Yes."
"We're getting closer to Newcastle now. Where am I supposed to go?"
"Downtown. I'm at something called Newcastle comfortable Hotel. So… if you can just use the GPS. And if you could… If you could just call me when you get here and I'll come outside and show you in. I have two keys here so you can have your own later. I have… I mean wow. I can meet Gabe. You can meet Gabe… I guess we're meeting tomorrow. Gabe already said it was okay and I… I can't wait."
Liv didn't answer, being so quiet wasn't like her. Neither was it when I went outside, lifted Logan up from his car seat and carried him with her going by my side to the hotel room where I laid him on the couch I had set up.
"Couldn't you have gotten a room with three beds instead of this? There isn't even a real bed for Logan to sleep in. And not that I have anything against it but you and I have to share. Still in the same room as him."
I suppressed a sigh. It wasn't like her to be this easily annoyed and maybe if I still hadn't been so touched about everything that happened earlier today I would have thought more about it and asked her what was wrong. But now I didn't- I just stood up and kissed her forehead slightly.
"It will be fine. You can take one day at the time and if you'll be staying for more than one night then I can ask for another room. Okay?"
Liv sighed, shrugged and went into the bathroom to get changed and ready for bed. I laid down and thanked whatever higher power there was that at least there were two single quilts instead of one, wide one. Liv was annoyed enough- if so had been I would have to sleep without a quilt too…
I must have dozed off in the middle of my thoughts, because suddenly I flinched awake and the first thing I saw was Liv standing up, standing by the sofa and Logan, she just slightly pushed her fingers through his hair, ending on his forehead- a mother's secret move to feel for a temperature…
"Are you okay?" I glanced to the clock. "It's two in the morning…" I got up and walked around the table so I could put my hands on her shoulders from behind. "Can't sleep?"
"No…"
"Is it the baby?"
Liv didn't answer to that, what she did was to push her hand through Logan's brown tresses once again and sigh. And it was with that sigh that I started realizing something was very wrong.
"He's just so innocent."
I tried to smile but it was too hard. And I just knew that whatever came next it would not be in my favor. I gave a slight sigh instead and when Liv lifted her hand to cross her arms over her chest I couldn't help but lift my own hand and started playing with his hair.
"All terrible stuff there is out in that world and he just doesn't know about it yet. Because where he's grown up we have been able to protect him from it."
I could sense what was coming. I had been afraid it would.
"And in will come this other boy who has been through so much. And he… he is just not this innocent. And I don't know… I know what you think Gabriel but I don't know… The decisions you are making right now… Will they be good for Logan? Will they be alright for our family?"
"Liv… He's my son."
"Logan is mine!"
I carefully ran my hand through Logan's fringe and stroke over his hair. Logan stirred in his sleep but turned on his other side and didn't wake up.
How much could I have ever known how I could love a person before I had had children?
"Logan is ours."
Something clenched my heart when Olivia didn't answer to my almost whisper at first. She just shook me off when I tried to put my arms around her and even from the back I could see how tense she was.
Then at last she turned and looked at me sternly.
"I think that you might have to make a choice about what is more important to you. The son you haven't met for fifteen years. Or the rest of your family. I know that makes me a terrible person to say so… But I don't want to put my son at risk of getting hurt."
Olivia went back to the bed without saying goodnight. If she had done so ten minutes ago I would have followed her and laid down right next to her- as the married couple we were side by side. But right now that just didn't seem right and instead I looked around, hesitated and then lifted up Logan. Logan stirred slightly in his sleep, but he didn't wake up, neither when I put him down in the bed next to his mum. He just turned slightly and I then took his stuffed bear and put it by the pillow before I laid down on the couch.
I could hear as Olivia fell back asleep. But once again I just couldn't, and instead I laid tossing back and forth during the whole night.
Was Olivia right? Were the decisions I was making the ones that would make it better for my family? For all of my family? Or would it make things better only for me and the conscience that had bugged me ever since I knew Julianna was pregnant.
Logan wanted a big brother, would he still want that after meeting his brother? When I had given more attention to Gabe? Those times when Gabe was hurt- and it was showing?
There would be such time. There couldn't not be after everything he'd been through.
Olivia was right, Logan was innocent. That would all change somehow sooner or later.
But was it any good to have it changing in the one place none of us would never be able to get away from. Our own home?
Don't be stupid. A little voice in the back of my head said. Logan is surrounded by people who loves him and cares for him. Gabe does not- he only has you.
"He doesn't have only me." I mumbled to the voice, under my breath. "He's got Libby and Mike and…"
My stomach hurt when I tried to figure everything Gabe must have been through to get up us until this point.
I had promised everyone that if the choice I was put was in between Olivia and Gabe I would choose Gabe in the blink of an eye. And I would have- but what about Logan and Emmalee? And their health?
Was I about to hurt my oldest child, that had already been so hurt, for the purpose of not having to risk my wife and my other two children to get hurt too?
Another cliffhanger! Mwahahahaha.
I'm not sure it made any sense that Sarah thought they should wait until the next day or so with meeting up. But due to the storylines I felt it was suitable. I also thought it might make sense that they'd get asked to wait until that worst rush of happiness is over. As people have a way with letting feelings control them whether they're good or bad ones… Please tell me you agree?
Happy new year guys.
Random fact
Have you guys ever been to IKEA? I And had meatballs? Haha, I have. I've been to IKEA in Sundsvall, Umeå and Haparanda. The world's biggest IKEA is in Stockholm. I'd like to go there.
And yes. I checked it. There is an IKEA in Newcastle.