When I awake the next morning, Akisame is still fast asleep and practically draped on top of me. I squirm, trying to adjust my position so that I can sit up slightly against the pillows. Akisame is apparently so soundly asleep that my movement doesn't even faze him. This is unusual because he is normally such an early riser. He must be even more exhausted than I had realized, but emotionally not physically.

After a little bit of careful effort, I manage to get myself somewhat sitting up. His head is cradled against my chest and his big body is draped over me like another blanket. It never ceases to amaze me how heavy he is! It's due to all those muscles he keeps so carefully hidden. Sakaki may be bulkier than Akisame, but I would guess that they're probably equal in strength. Sakaki told me something once about Akisame conditioning his body in some special way that was unusual.

All I know is the feeling of his bare skin is amazing. I run my fingers through his hair and then smooth my hands all over the soft skin of his back. I decide to stay just like this, caressing him gently, until he decides to wake up. To say that his response to my emotional episode yesterday surprised me would be the understatement of the year. I expected the distance and the assumptions I confronted him about. I never in a million years, however, had expected to see him cry.

I could never tell him this, but I am actually glad that the others managed to keep him at bay. I'm afraid that he wouldn't understand if I tried to explain it. It's not truly that I wouldn't have wanted him with me. It's so much more complicated than that. The very thoughts that sent me into my tailspin all revolve around Akisame, and it frightens me to think of how I might have responded with him there. I am glad that Hayato was there to guide me.

I also feel better after talking to Shigure last night. I value her perspective more than anyone I've yet talked to. I felt especially bad, since she was the one I was talking to when I'd gotten so upset. I tried to explain to her that I don't think my flashback had anything to do with the dress, or because of anything she said. I just suddenly felt like my perspective on the world was shifting onto its head. I still feel that way. But I realize now that I have time simply to explore it. It doesn't matter whether I know what's real or not real… I can just take time to figure that out.

As Shigure washed my hair, I asked her what she thought about love. She said she didn't know. She told me in her typical broken patterns that she didn't think she had ever been in love personally. But she said that her lack of experience didn't rule out its existence. She said she thought she could see love in the dojo. The Elder and Miu love one another as family. Miu and Kenichi are obviously attracted to one another, but they are also friends. I suppose you could consider friendship a form of love. But if that were true then I automatically love Akisame and everyone else in the dojo.

But all of this leads me back to my core problem. I realized, standing there and remembering Sakaki's words, that I don't even have a definition for love. I feel like I know that love is a lie, the same way that I know that one plus one equals two. When I think about it, it just feels like a fact. But how can I believe something doesn't exist so strongly… When I couldn't even say what it is? How can I tell Akisame that he does not really love me, when I can't explain why? I realize I need an answer to my question. I need to decide what love is, to understand it and to define it, before I can make a decision.

I do not know whether Akisame truly loves me or not, but it's obvious that he believes he does. My pain seems to cause him pain even though it's really only happening to me. This makes me feel terrible. Akisame has done nothing to deserve pain like that. I wanted Akisame to hold me last night. I wanted the comfort and the warmth his arms always give me, but it was a selfish thing. I wanted to feel better, and Akisame could give me that. But it seemed so different for him. He needed… something. He seemed almost desperate as he kissed me and clung to me last night. I wish I knew what it was that he needed so badly. I would have given him more if I had understood how.

He begins to stir beneath my hands, gently nuzzling his face between my breasts. He's mostly nuzzling silk, but I can catch the faint hint of his mustache on my skin and it makes me giggle. My body reminds me insistently of how much I want him, sending a flood of heat between my legs. I sometimes dream of him taking me this way, draping his big body over me and sliding all over my skin. I close my eyes and remember the possessive intensity of his kisses back at the clinic. The memory of them alone is enough to make me want to moan, and I catch my lower lip in my teeth.

"That…" Akisame suddenly says in his roughest morning voice yet, "is a dangerous look."

I look down and meet his moonlight eyes staring at me hungrily. I can't help but give them a rueful smile. He's caught me fantasizing, and he knows it. But I'm not ashamed of it.

"It's a shame," I drawl. "It would be a lot more fun if you were participating."

"I think I'm going to go see what's for breakfast," he says, changing the subject as he stands to his feet. He's out of the bed in a flash retrieving his shirt from the floor. He puts it back on and straightens the entire ensemble. He has the door halfway open before he hesitates. He turns back to look at me and says, "Are you all right?"

The concern in his eyes is humbling. If I am reading him right, he's not asking out of mild curiosity. He needs to know, and this confuses me.

"I'm alright," I assure him. "You don't need to worry about me."

He rolls his eyes as though that's the most foolish notion on the planet. Then he leaves, and I decide I had better get dressed as well. I head for my closet, and I'm confronted by the green dress. As if I needed anything to feel any more terrible about… This is a reminder that I let him down. He put so much obvious effort into convincing me to go to dinner with him, and then I freaked out and ruined everything. I have to somehow make it up to him. I'll have to ask him for a rain check on that dinner. Better yet… I should ask Kensei.

I quickly change into one of my standard outfits, composed of a mix of Shigure and Miu's clothes. Today I have on one of Miu's purple stretch tops and one of Shigure's black skirts. I'm not sure how she manages to get around in these without flashing the world, but perhaps my rear end is just larger than hers. I head down the hallway and begin to shimmy down the rope that serves as a set of stairs, when I hear the unmistakable click of Kensei's camera from below me.

"Why you little…!" I leap down and just miss snatching the camera from his hands. "How dare you!"

"Kensei!" Akisame shouts, scaring the wits out of me with the anger in his voice. "I suggest… that you give that camera to Sachi before I find a more creative place to put it." His tone sends shivers down my spine. I never imagined Akisame as someone who could be frightening, but this is quickly changing my mind.

"Now, now, Akisame," Kensei says, crouching across the room from both of us. "There's no reason to get violent. I was just uh…"

"You were just taking a photo which puts you at particularly high risk for injury," Akisame states coldly.

Suddenly, I don't care about Kensei or his dirty photos anymore. I just want to take that look out of Akisame's pale eyes.

"Kensei, go away." I order simply, turning to ignore him completely. "Akisame…"

Akisame refuses to turn his eyes away from Kensei until I physically grab his face with my hands and force him to look at me once again. His face is obviously displeased.

"You shouldn't allow him to…"

I cut off his rhetoric with a kiss. I put my arms around his neck and shoulders, pulling myself against his hard frame. For a few moments he kisses me as if he's only half paying attention, but I let a hum of pleasure purr from my chest and finally pull him from his other thoughts. He lifts me effortlessly against him, up off the ground, by my rear end and kisses me until I believe I may actually faint.

Suddenly, he pulls away and growls, "Kissing me is a pretty poor strategy to distract me."

"Nothing is a poor strategy," I whisper breathlessly, "when it works."

"And when I suddenly take what you've always offered me?" he challenges with a growl, "What then?"

I trail my lips up to his ear, sensing that his resolve is weaker than I've ever felt it before. "Then I win." I trace the lobe of his ear with my tongue and his body shudders in response.

"Ahem…" Sakaki clears his throat loudly from down the hallway. "If you two love birds are done making babies in the hallway… I think breakfast is ready."

I suppose Sakaki has a point… damn him. Akisame takes a deep breath and sets me down on the floor again gently, but not before surprising me by giving my ass a gentle squeeze with his soft hands. Wow. I have really pushed his buttons. He then calmly walks right past Sakaki and into the kitchen. I expect Sakaki to follow him, but instead he comes and towers over me with his arms crossed over his chest.

"Look, little woman," he says with a serious voice. "Akisame is my friend. I understand that you two are playing some sick game of 'Sexual Tension Death Match,' but you should learn when not to press your luck."

"Excuse me?" I challenge, not believing my ears.

"Look!" He shouts as a whisper, which I'm amazed Sakaki even knows how to do. "That man has been pushed further than any man has a right to expect. Did you happen to see the giant fucking hole in the ground out in the training yard this morning?"

I shake my head no, confused by the question.

"Well you should take a peek at it sometime," he continues. "That's how deep we had to plow your boyfriend into the ground to keep him from tearing the house apart to get to you last night."

"Are you suggesting that I did that on purpose?!" I shriek in my own whisper. "Do you have any idea how embarrassing it is that you even know about it?!"

"I'm not saying it was on purpose, woman!" he whispers, throwing his hands in the air. "What the hell kind of a man do you think I am?! I'm saying… lay off him for a while! Akisame is one of the few people on Earth I never want to see snap, and you're the first thing I've ever seen that might succeed in doing it!"

His statement suddenly diffuses me, and I feel my world start to rock uncertainly again. Sakaki's face shifts from angry to panicked in moments.

"Hey… wait a minute hot stuff," he says, grabbing my shoulders gently. "Fucking hell… please don't freak out on me again. What's wrong?"

I can feel my lip tremble slightly, and I shake my head to clear it. When I look up at him again, I'm determined to add more pieces to my puzzle.

"Sakaki… if I ask you a serious question… do you promise to give me a serious answer?" Sakaki looks more nervous than ever. "I need your help."

"Uh…" he mumbles, unsure. "I won't answer anything I don't think he'd want me to…"

"It's not about Akisame," I clarify. "Well, not really."

"Uh… sure."

"What is love?" The vivid memory I have of Sakaki telling me that love simply isn't what I think it is runs through my head again. He must have an opinion.

"WHAT?!" he whispers. "What the hell kind of a question is that?"

"It's a real question!" I hiss back. "You told me that you thought love isn't what I think it is. That means you must have an opinion about it! What do you think love is?"

"Awww hell… I dunno!" he says, throwing his arms into the air again. I glare at him and turn to leave, but he catches my arm to halt me. "How am I supposed to explain something like that?!"

Sakaki stands awkwardly for a long time, rubbing the back of his neck while his ears turn bright red. "I can't believe… have to… Jesus…." He mumbles, "… need a beer…. Shit… okay… Alright look! Love isn't something you just explain okay? It's uh… it's like a feeling." I focus on him completely, trying to decipher what he's trying to explain. "It's like… the way you feel when someone special is with you… ya know. It's somethin' only that person can make you feel. And sometimes… sometimes you want 'em so bad it hurts." He struggles, turning more and more red. "It's uh… it's a feelin' that you… you know you could never hurt 'em or let 'em be hurt. You'd… you'd do anything to make 'em happy. You'd kill anything that hurts 'em."

Sakaki closes his eyes and sighs deeply. "It's the way Miu smiles at the Elder. It's the reason Kenichi trains so hard to try and protect her. It's the way Kensei smiles when his little girl is around and he thinks no one's lookin'." He turns to meet my eyes. "And it's the way Akisame looks at you."

I can tell from the intensity of his eyes, and the set of his jaw that he's being completely serious with me. I'm still confused, and I know my face shows it. I shake my head again, trying to understand. I feel like I've learned nothing concrete, other than that Sakaki completely believes that Akisame is somehow desperately in love with me.

"Hey, little woman," Sakaki says, grabbing my chin. "You'd better not pout like that at breakfast, or Akisame might decide to chew on part of my ass. Personally, I'd like to never get that close to the man."

The thought makes me burst out in giggles. I find the mental image of Sakaki balled up like a pig on a platter with a fork stuck in his rear end hilarious. I try to hold my laughter back, but it only makes it worse and soon I am holding my sides and trying to breathe through my hysterics.

"You two must find something awfully funny," Akisame's voice cuts into my awareness once again.

He has come back to find us. Sakaki is laughing with me, and we both burst into a complete uproar and collapse on the floor.