What Adulthood Looks Like

Hermione hadn't returned to the townhouse in weeks, but the second she appeared in the kitchen she knew something was amiss. A cabinet was open that she was sure she'd closed. She tightened her grip on her wand and eased through the house, feeling ridiculous doing so in an evening gown and heels. In the study, her potions cabinet had clearly been rummaged through. The memories were still thankfully in their bottles, but they'd definitely been moved. On heightened alert, she made her way upstairs where the bedspread was pulled back in the bedroom she shared with Viktor. She hurried down the hall to the nursery and was relieved to find the locking charms still in place. She knew she needed to empty it, to let go of the pain it represented, but tonight was not the night for that. Finally, she went up to the top floor and her suspicions were confirmed when she saw that the photo of her and Ron had been removed from the drawer of the nightstand and left out. She gritted her teeth and grabbed a piece of parchment from her desk. She scribbled out a note and then used her wand to cast a spell to call for an emergency owl. It was expensive, but this message couldn't wait.

xXx

Across town, Ron was standing on the balcony of his new flat in Diagon Alley. It was just a one bedroom, but it was on the top floor of the most fashionable building in the alley. It was close to the shop he'd opened down the street and suited his new lifestyle. He was surprised to see an owl flying toward him at this time of night. When it landed on the balcony railing, he took its letter and gave it a treat from the jar he kept outside.

The letter was brief:

Since you feel the need to come in uninvited, I've revoked your Apparition privileges for the townhouse.

The letter wasn't signed. It didn't need to be. He knew he should be ashamed of himself for invading her privacy that way but he wasn't. It all felt inevitable: his behavior, her response. Testing that charm for her had felt like a step in the right direction, at least to being friends again. The problem was he didn't want to be her friend. He wanted all of it back, and if he couldn't have it all, he didn't want crumbs. That was probably immature, just like going through the townhouse had been, but he didn't care. They'd known each other since they were children. He felt like he was allowed a bit of immaturity when it came to her. What was she doing on the other side of London at this time of night anyway? She should be down the alley at Viktor's. He looked in the direction of the townhouse as if he could see through all the buildings all the way across town and into her parlor. If she hadn't just revoked his Apparition privileges, he would go to her. He contemplated just showing up on her doorstep and knocking, but with his luck, she was there with Viktor.

xXx

Hermione looked through all the drawers and closets in the room she shared with Viktor and came up with nothing but an old camisole that was too small and a pair of Viktor's socks. All of her clothes were at Viktor's. She'd sent all her parents' clothes to OxFam. Desperate, she went upstairs and rummaged through her old school trunk but then remembered she'd also given all her old uniforms with the exception of her first-year jumper to charity. She held up the small jumper with its Hogwarts crest. That wasn't going to help. Then she found a plastic bag from St. Mungo's with a flannel shirt and jeans in it. They'd been cleaned but cursed blood doesn't come out and they were heavily stained. There was some old underwear in her upstairs dresser. She took off her elegant evening gown and the thong she wore under it and put on a fresh pair of knickers. They were plain white cotton, which is why she'd left them at the townhouse. Viktor's tastes ran a bit more exotic. She pulled on the flannel shirt, took an extra blanket out of the hall linen closet, and went back downstairs to the parlor. There was nothing to eat or drink in the house, and the markets were closed at this hour, so she went into the parlor and made a fire and sat down in front of it with the blanket wrapped around her.

She didn't understand what had happened tonight at all. Viktor was clearly furious with her and had put her out of the house, which seemed like a relationship ending kind of thing to do, but she wasn't sure. Perhaps she was meant to go back to his flat and collect her things tomorrow, but it was hard to imagine he'd make such a harsh decision over a charm test. She hadn't even wanted Ron to do the bloody testing. It was Thomas that had agreed to that. She was fairly certain she hadn't explained that to Viktor, but if she went back and said it now, it would sound like a made-up excuse. This was all so unfair. She was certain, had their roles been reversed, that she would only be mildly annoyed. She absolutely wouldn't break up with him over something this stupid. She stared bewildered at the fire. Clearly, Viktor didn't think this was stupid.

xXx

She was still staring at the fire at six o'clock the next morning. When the clock chimed the hour, she stood and gathered the blanket around her like a long shawl. She went into the kitchen for a glass of water before going upstairs to braid her hair and put on the jeans she'd found last night. There was a big tear mid-thigh on one side where her snapped thigh bone had torn through the material. Like the shirt, they were disturbingly stained. In the trunk she also found a pair of old boots and Viktor had left a pair of team socks in their bedroom on the second floor so she grabbed those. She didn't have a coat, but it didn't matter, she pulled her wand and Apparated directly into Viktor's kitchen.

He was at the table staring into a cup of coffee and her sudden appearance startled him causing him to jump slightly.

"Sorry," Hermione said.

He arched an eyebrow at her. "What are you wearing?"

"What do you think? You put me out of the house in nothing but an evening gown."

He frowned at her. "I did not put you out of the house."

"Really?" Hermione said, frowning back. "What would you call it?"

"I sent you home," Viktor grumbled.

"Wrong. You sent me away. This is my home, which is where I keep my clothes. I was lucky to put this outfit together."

He turned his head, looking away from her. "I assumed you had clothes there."

"You asked me to move in with you, so I did. Why would I keep clothes at the other house?"

He shrugged sullenly. "Well, you found some, obviously."

"Yes," Hermione said, sitting down in the chair opposite his and pulling off one of her boots. "They were folded in my school trunk in a bag from the hospital. Want to guess when the last time I wore them was? Here's a clue, see this big stain on the side of the shirt or this one across my thighs. Somethings can't be completely cleaned, even by elves."

Viktor glanced at her but then averted his eyes again. "Why would you keep those?"

"I didn't. Harry must have stuck them in my trunk. Why he thought I'd want them, I can't imagine, but I was grateful last night."

She pulled off the other boot and then took off the socks and dropped them on the floor. "Those are yours."

He glanced at the socks for a moment before returning his gaze to the wall.

Hermione huffed and went into their bedroom for another pair of socks and to retrieve his Christmas present. It was already paid for so she might as well give it to him. She came back into the kitchen and set a cracked teacup on the table before sitting down to put her boots back on.

Viktor glanced at the cup and then at her. "What is that?"

"It's your Christmas present. I got us a week at a resort in Pamporovo. I thought we could go for a few days before Christmas, relax, do some skiing, and then you could see your parents for Christmas dinner or something, before coming back to the resort for a few more days off. Todor and Pietra are meeting us there. Well, I guess now they'll just be meeting you. Your activation window is today between eleven and one."

"You a booked us a week in Bulgaria?"

A tear slipped down her cheek and she wiped it away. "It's your country. You haven't been back for a significant amount of time since the attack. I made the Portkey and booked the rooms under an alias. It's a Muggle hotel. No one will recognize you. You should be safe. Just make sure you set up strong wards around the room."

He didn't say anything. He just stared at the cup.

"Well," Hermione said. "Happy Christmas." She stood to go back into their bedroom. Clearly, he didn't have anything else to say to her, so there was nothing left to do but pack. Oddly enough, she was meant to pack for the trip anyway, so in a way her morning was going as planned. Two more tears escaped and she brushed them away. She hadn't cried last night, but it was so much harder to keep it together now that she was faced with him and the reality of the situation. She opened the top drawer on her side of the dresser but it was too much. She stood there staring at her underwear and trying to think how she'd messed things up so badly.

Viktor appeared and leaned against the door jamb. "Why did you not just tell him no and test it yourself?"

"I did, but Thomas outranks me and he agreed with Ron."

"Then why did you not come home outraged?"

Hermione sighed and sat on the end of the bed. "Because I wasn't outraged. I was upset. It was awful watching Ron fall off that broom over and over again."

He shook his head. "You still should have told me."

"Yes. I should have. I'm sorry that I didn't. I know I don't always handle him well. It's complicated."

"Yes, because you have not let go of him."

"No, that's not it. I've moved on but moving on in the present won't change the past. He was one of my best friends for years. We shared everything. Just because we no longer do, doesn't change the fact that we once did. That's why he came here last night, just to see what my life looked like now, because for years he knew exactly what it was like, because it was tangled up with his, but now it isn't."

"If that is all it was then why did you hurry him out of here? Why not just show him around and let him see?"

Hermione let out an exasperated sigh. "Because you were already so cross with me, and frankly, I didn't want him to see that. If he's going to take a peek at my life, I would rather he do it on a good day. Not that it matters now anyway." Another tear slipped.

He sighed. "Hiding your interactions with him feels a lot like cheating to me."

That hurt. She looked at him, no longer even attempting to hold back the tears. "I have never—"

Viktor held up a palm. "I said it feels that way not that it is that way." He inched closer to her. "I could not sleep at all last night. I felt very bad about telling you to leave. Many times, during the night I thought to go get you."

"But you didn't. It's not surprising really. It seems to be my lot in life for my relationships to end when I'm put out of the house." She shook her head, deeply saddened by the reality of that statement. "Clearly I'm no good at this. I try to make the right choices, to do the right thing, but I end up making a mess instead. I swear to you that I never meant to embarrass you."

"I know that and yet you did."

"And I wasn't sneaking around with Ron. He happened to be there and we were friends long before we were lovers and for a lot longer too. He saw a situation where he could help and he jumped in and Thomas agreed. I thought all night about why I didn't just tell you and I think the answer is that I didn't want to potentially upset you over an incident that amounted to nothing. It didn't change the project in any way so I proceeded as planned. I know that sounds stupid now and that it just set this whole thing up to blindside you, but I didn't consider the possible consequences of my actions at the time. I was more focused on the charm."

"Ah yes, work always has the majority of your attention."

"That's often true, but it's not always true, and frankly, you're every bit as focused on your work as I am on mine. It just doesn't bother me as much not to have your full attention." She was frustrated over his double standard when it came to work.

He raised his eyebrows. "You do not think that says something about our relationship?"

"It probably does, but I don't think it's necessarily negative. We're busy people with compelling jobs. I don't think that's a bad thing. Look, when you go off to play away games, I don't always join you because I have my own work and I trust you. I operate on the assumption that you're honorable and trustworthy and if you wanted to be with other women you would say so and leave." She wiped her face with her shirt sleeve. "I thought we had something good here, but then I've been wrong before."

Viktor stepped in front of her and closed the drawer. He turned to face her. "We do have something good here. I do not want to go to Bulgaria without you. I would miss you very much if you were not in my life."

"I would miss you too. I missed you last night. That's not at all how I intended our evening to go."

"Oh," Viktor said, stepping closer to her. "How did you intend for it to go?"

She gave him a slight smile. "Well, I got some of the details right last night. I was intending to get out of that gown, and I did have visions of being on the floor in front of a fire, but my intention was not to do those things alone."

He tucked an errant strand of hair behind her ear. "Ah yes, this time of year does put me in the mood to have you on the floor in front of a fire."

She arched an eyebrow at him. "To have me?"

"Most definitely."

She gave him a shy smile. "Well alright then."

He sighed. "But for future reference, if you are doing a project related to Quidditch, I would like to be informed sooner rather than later in the process."

She nodded. "I doubt I'll do anything else related to Quidditch, but if I do, I'll let you know as soon as possible."

"Good," he said and kissed her.

xXx

Further down Diagon Alley, Ron was taking the morning post from an owl. He was delighted to see a letter from Kenya inviting him to an international business conference. He smiled. His business was doing so well he was gaining international attention. Wasn't that something? Harry and Ginny had been on his case to take a break from working so hard. Maybe this could be his break. He could mix a little business with pleasure. He'd go for the conference and then stay to do some touring. Kenya would be a welcome warm break from the cold English winter. He pulled out a quill and began to pen his reply.

xXx

Back at Viktor's, owls began arriving with the post. Hermione was delighted by all the Christmas cards. There was one from Todor and Pietra, one from Oliver, one from Molly and Arthur, and one from Harry and Ginny. Harry had taken the time to write a brief note on the inside of the card.

Dear Hermione,

We must be better about getting together in the coming year.

We miss you.

Love,

Harry

Hermione smiled at the note but sighed. She knew he was right. It was just so tricky with the whole Ron situation, not to mention that bloody article, and the fact that Ginny now knew what had actually happened in the woods. Harry and Ginny had both assured her that Ginny understood but it still made Hermione uncomfortable. On the other hand, she really missed them. As she and Viktor packed for their ski trip, more cards arrived. Viktor's parents sent one addressed only to Viktor. Luna sent one and signed both her and Neville's name. Hermione had sent Neville a Christmas card, but hadn't sent one to Luna, so she sat down and immediately signed a card and sent it out with the owl that had brought Luna's card. There was also a card from George and one from Fred and Angelina. Hermione had sent them cards earlier in the week and was pleased that they had reciprocated. There was also one from Bill and Fleur with a nice note from Fleur to both of them. She knew it wasn't much, but that small contact made her feel less adrift, and given last night's argument with Viktor, that feeling was important.

xXx

A few hours later Hermione was standing on a balcony overlooking a snowy slope in Bulgaria. She'd just finished casting protective wards around their suite. Viktor had gone downstairs in search of hot chocolate and he came out on to the balcony and handed her a cup.

"It is a beautiful day. We should try and get in a run before Todor and Pietra arrive."

Hermione took a sip of her cocoa. "Exactly how good of a skier are you?"

"I am brilliant," Viktor said with a grin.

Hermione snorted softly. "Naturally. Well, I'm only so-so. I mostly stick to the green runs, sometimes if I'm feeling super confident, I'll try a blue one."

"Ah," Viktor said. "I mostly ski red and black trails."

"Right, so I don't want to hold you back."

"Not to worry, we will ski a green trail this afternoon and then come back to the lodge."

"You're sure you don't mind?"

He smiled at her and kissed her forehead. "I do not mind."

She couldn't help worrying. She wanted this trip to be perfect. Last night had been awful.

As if he could read her mind, Viktor said, "Stop worrying. Last night was bad." He shrugged. "We argued. I should not have sent you back to the townhouse. I am sorry I did that, really, very sorry."

"I'm sorry about the whole thing."

"Okay. So now we are better. I am sorry. You are sorry. We are okay. We will have a good time. Do not worry."

She hugged him and pressed her face against his chest.

xXx

They went skiing that afternoon. Viktor was right, he was a very good skier. Hermione less so, but they both had a good time. They returned to the hotel room for a shower and to await the arrival of Todor and Pietra. Viktor went to get them hot chocolate with peppermint schnapps. When he came back they curled up on the sofa in their suite in front of a large gas fireplace.

A little while later there was a knock on the door. It was good to see Todor and Pietra but after greetings and hugs, Hermione could tell something was wrong. When they were all sitting in the suite's living area. Viktor voiced what Hermione had been thinking.

"Is everything okay?" he asked. "Was there a problem with your Portkey or something?"

"No, the trip was fine," Todor said. He glanced at Pietra.

"We've just had a rough week," Pietra said.

Viktor raised his eyebrows. "What happened?"

"Do you remember Boyka's girlfriend, Marianna?"

"Of course," Viktor said.

"She died of an overdose last weekend," Todor said.

"No," Hermione gasped.

Pietra nodded. "Sleeping draught."

Hermione felt sick. She remembered the night she and Marianna and Boyka had made dinner in Amsterdam and how playful they were. "I'm so sorry."

"Me too," Pietra said. "Boyka has been with us all week. She's beside herself with grief. I'm very worried for her. I would have cancelled this trip, but she's with her family for the holidays and I'm hoping it will do her some good."

"That is awful. Why would Marianna do such a thing?" Viktor said.

Pietra sighed. "Boyka blames herself. She said they were at a party earlier this year and someone slipped them drugs. Apparently, Marianna was assaulted. She was in counseling but I guess it wasn't helping."

"That doesn't sound like it was Boyka's fault," Hermione said quietly.

"We didn't think so either," Pietra said, squeezing Todor's hand. "But she's inconsolable. I'm hoping being home will help. We haven't had a lot of sleep this week. We're both exhausted."

"Thank you for inviting us," Todor said to Hermione. "I do not think I have ever needed a holiday as much as this one."

"I'm glad you both could come," Hermione said.

Pietra yawned deeply. "I'm so sorry," she said standing. "I know it's early, but I just want to shower and go to bed."

Todor kissed her hand. "I will be there in a little while."

"Take your time," she said.

Todor watched her walk into their room and shut the door, but it wasn't until he heard the shower go on that he spoke quietly. "This week has been a nightmare."

"I can imagine," Viktor said.

"Every day I expected the truth to come out at any moment, but Boyka didn't mention any of us, and I finally spoke to her alone, and she has no intention of telling Pietra the whole of what happened."

Hermione breathed a sigh of relief. "Good."

"I am so sorry. Marianna was such a sweet girl," Viktor said.

"Yes," Todor said. "But apparently she had a horrible childhood and…well…what happened in Amsterdam brought it all back."

Hermione covered her eyes with her hand. "That's awful."

"Yes," Todor said. They all sat in sad silence for a few minutes before Todor finally stood. "I'm going to go to bed too. Goodnight."

Hermione reached for her cigarettes and went out on to the balcony. A couple of minutes later, Viktor joined her and handed her a small glass of amber liquid. "Rakia," he said.

She took a sip of the strong fruit brandy. "Thanks."

"Are you alright?" Viktor asked leaning against the railing and sipping his own drink.

"I guess. Are you?"

He shrugged. "I do not know how I feel."

Hermione blew a long stream of smoke into the night air. "Do you feel like you were assaulted?"

Viktor shook his head. "Maybe a little. Not exactly. For me, I feel more like I was tricked into something I would not have done otherwise. Does that make sense?"

She nodded. "It does."

"How about you?" Viktor said.

"I don't know. The whole thing is such a blur. Clearly, I was in no state to give consent, but I remember enjoying the dancing and I remember wanting to be with you and Todor, so that part doesn't feel like assault at all, but then it gets a little hazy. I'm not attracted to Todor sober though, so…" She shook her head. "I don't know and I've never been attracted to women, but as the evening went on I'm pretty sure we were all in one big pile."

"Yes," Viktor said.

"So, I'm sure I at least had my hands on Marianna, so does that mean I assaulted her?" The thought made her sick.

"I doubt you were who she took issue with," Viktor said somberly.

"Did you have sex with her?" she asked quietly.

He shook his head. "Like you, I am sure I had my hands on her, but I did not penetrate her. I did with Boyka, but we had been together some years before."

"Really?" Hermione said, arching an eyebrow. "I thought she was gay."

"Marianna was gay. Boyka is bi."

"Oh," Hermione said. "Did Todor have sex with Marianna?"

Viktor shrugged. "I do not think so, but I am not positive. I can barely remember how my evening went. There was a lot of contact but I am fairly certain Filip did."

Hermione made a noise of pure disgust. "That bastard."

"Yes. We are lucky he did not cause you and Todor to overdose. Todor probably would have if he had not shared with you."

"A silver lining," Hermione said.

"Yes," Viktor agreed.

She sighed and took another sip of Rakia. "I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about any of this."

He shrugged. "Me either."

"I'm not really one for casual sex with people I don't know."

He smiled and kissed her forehead. "I know."

"But, I could see everyone's magic. We were all glowing. It was beautiful and alluring in the moment."

"That's the drugs," he said.

"I know and I definitely wouldn't want a repeat, but the experience itself was…unique."

"Yes." Viktor nodded.

"So now I feel weirdly connected to all the people in that room, even that bastard, Filip. So, Marianna's death is…I know I barely knew her but…"

"It is upsetting," Viktor said sadly.

Hermione nodded. "Yes. Very." He put his arms around her and hugged her close. She thought about Marianna and the desperation that drives a person to suicide. She'd been very close to that point just a year ago. She felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude to Viktor for showing up when he did. Then after that, the pregnancy and subsequent loss of the baby had been so much more devastating than waking up after a drug fueled orgy that, by comparison, it seemed of little consequence. Alas, clearly it had been far more significant to poor Marianna and now Boyka suffered the loss and everyone was hurting. She hugged Viktor tighter.

xXx

The rest of their holiday was spent skiing and hanging out together in the evenings. It turned out that Pietra and Viktor were the advanced skiers while Hermione and Todor hung back and stayed on the bunny slopes. Generally, they went out to dinner somewhere nice at night and then either to a bar or a disco. Todor and Pietra spent Christmas Day with Todor's parents. Like Hermione, Pietra had lost her parents to the war. Viktor had lunch with his parents alone, unwilling to subject Hermione to his mother's vitriol. He returned after only an hour away and they spent the rest of Christmas together. He bought her clothes and books. She bought him books and a couple of charmed golf clubs. Since Todor and Pietra were gone until Boxing Day, Viktor and Hermione spent the night in front of the fireplace exactly as they had last Christmas, except this time, they had pillows and blankets.

By the time their last day rolled around, Hermione felt like she and Viktor were on the same page again and ready to go home. They had already packed to go and Viktor was taking a shower. Hermione stepped out on the balcony for a smoke and to enjoy the view one last time.

They'd been together a year now. A year without Ron, a year without Harry. She'd seen them now and again but they hadn't really been part of her life for the last twelve months. She couldn't help wondering if this is what the rest of her life would be like. Maybe this was what adulthood looked like for them. It seemed weird although not nearly as weird as their adolescence had been. She took another drag of her cigarette and then looked at it. She should really quit the bloody things but they were such a comfort sometimes. She blew a long stream of smoke into the clear mountain air and wondered what Ron thought about the last year. Perhaps he had enjoyed life without her. He never seemed to lack for company and by all accounts those enchanted televisions he made seemed to be selling well. She knew money meant a great deal to him since he grew up without much of it. She was sure he was pretty chuffed to finally have some. Perhaps all he really needed to succeed was to get out from under her and Harry. It made her sad to think she might have held him back in any way. On the other hand, he'd been a total ass to her at the end and she hadn't killed him for it, so she thought she deserved some credit for that at least. She wondered if he thought about that at all. She thought not. He seemed to have pulled himself together and moved on. Good for him. Wallowing in the past was never good for anyone. She decided to forgive him for his transgressions against her. After all, hanging on to anger wasn't good either.

Viktor opened the door to the balcony. "Are you ready?"

She smiled at him. "Yes. Let's go home." She was ready. If this is what the rest of her life was going to be like, she could live with that.

Finis

Thank you so much for reading my story. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Leave a review and let me know what you thought. Reviews always make my day.