Thanks to Quathis, Katsumara, Mr. Wizard, CajunBear73, FortressMaximus, Shockwave88, Eddy13, Sentinel103, campy, screaming phoenix, JCS1966, sharper1988, whitem, airwalker999, Joe Stoppinghem, and Molloy for reviewing and to everyone for reading.

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Special thanks to campy for proofreading this chapter.

KP © Disney.

I.

Ron stumbled forward, sniffling, hacking, sneezing and occasionally stopping to blow his nose, all the while wondering just why he was in an inky black corridor deep in the bowels of a castle deep in the Carpathians.

Well, he knew why. An extremely worried Wade had called in to say that he'd lost contact with Kim, who was on a solo mission. If his girlfriend was in trouble, there was no question in Ron's mind that he was going to help her, even if the legendary Stoppable Fortress of Immunity had not only been breached, but overrun and then completely razed.

What Ron didn't know was why he was sick and his girlfriend had gone missing in Transylvania. Despite his raging fever and copious draughts of cough medicine, Ron knew that he and Kim had been at an awards show, where they had been wearing prehistoric outfits and Bonnie had just fainted in response to Cousin Larry's advances. Now, he was here.

He sneezed, then sneezed again. "Wheb will it bend?" he moaned. He just wanted to be home. Or at the awards show. Or Bueno Nacho. Just somewhere warm and dry with his GF. And if she was wearing that badical cavegirl miniskirt, that would be just bon-diggity.

Ron sighed, and continued to grope his way along, annoyed and uneasy at his flashlight's failure to barely illuminate his oppressively dark surroundings. Finally, much to his relief, he saw a faint light ahead. "Booyah," Ron said to nobody in particular, "mebbe they'b be some mo tishews or, eben better, nacoz ub ahead."

Delirious with visions of Tex-Mex dancing in his flu-addled head, he hurried forward. The light soon resolved itself into an entry, which he soon walked through, finding himself in a vast shadow-filled chamber lit only by wall-mounted torches. For reasons he couldn't explain, he thought of Cafeteria Lady.

Memories of his high school mealtime nemesis were quickly banished as he saw two familiar legs sticking out from behind a hulking plinth in the center of the room. "KB!" he cried out.

His heart racing, he rushed over to the prone form of his girlfriend and dropped down by her side. He was relieved to see she was breathing but was concerned by the pallor of her skin, which, he was alarmed to discover, was cool to the touch. If what he'd learned from the Zombie Mayhem Fangs of Fierceness Extension Pack 3.0 was true …

"No bay …" he mumbled. "KB can't be a …"

At that moment, Kim's eyes began to flutter open.

"Ron?" she murmured.

"KB! You're obay!" he exulted as he embraced her. "Ooobs. Sorry bout sharin' by derms."

Kim snorted. "No big," she said. "I just had the most ferociously weird dream," she said. Then she noticed how wide her boyfriend's eyes had grown. "Ron?"

"Kib, hab you been to be orbodontis?" he asked nervously.

"Not since I was twelve …" she replied. "Oh no …"

She shifted into a sitting position, then reached up to her collar, which she pulled down. "What do you see?"

"Eiber you been neckin' wib someone udder dan me—"

"I so don't think so!" Kim protested indignantly.

"Hey, jus' sayin,'" Ron said as he held up his hands defensively. "Dab means you were bitten by …"

"Shego," Kim snarled, baring her new fangs.

"Uh, actually, I wub going to say 'vambire'."

"And you'd be right."

"Huh?"

"Shego and Drakken are vampires. And now I am, too," Kim explained with a grimace before she added bitterly, "Spankin'."

"Hey, it'll be obay," Ron said reassuringly.

"Excuse me? I'm one of the undead!"

"I'b sure Wabe or your mob can fibure out somethin'."

Kim sighed. "I hope you're right. Until then, though, you'd better ace this place."

"Ib my bref dab bad? I doe I dibn' brush my teeb before comin', but …"

"Ron, I'm a vampire," she said testily, not bothering to hide her exasperation. "I want to drink blood. Your blood."

"So?"

Kim snapped "Hello! You have to get away while you can!"

"Rob Doppable ib not go'n anywhere," he replied firmly.

"Ron, please …" Kim said as she found herself focusing hungrily on her boyfriend's neck. "You don't understand …"

"Uh, KB, who'b the Zobbie Mayhem player here?" he replied. "Me. I unnerstan' completely. You bite my neck, I become infected, and then I'm a vambire, too."

"And this doesn't bother you why?"

"Because we'll still be together. Sure, we'll be undead, but the Robman can deal wib dat ab long ab he hab hib bon-dibbity girlbriend."

"Oh, Ron, that's so weirdly sweet," Kim cooed.

Ron grinned, then gulped. Then he pulled down the collar of his shirt. "Obay, Kib. The Robman is reaby."

Kim nodded, then leaned in. Her breathing grew labored as she brought her lips to the exposed skin of her trembling boyfriend. She kissed him gently once, then twice, then a third time, setting him at ease.

"Hey, dab wabn't do bad," he said.

Then Kim sank her fangs into his neck, which elicited a very manly scream of courage from Ron. His eyes then rolled back into his head and he fainted.

When he regained consciousness some time later, he found himself gazing up at Kim, who was looking at him with concern.

"KB?" he asked.

Kim's concern turned to relief. She smiled. "You okay?"

"I hab the weirdest dream …"

"It wasn't a dream," she said ruefully as she took his hand in hers. "We're both vampires now."

"Oh, I doe dat," he said as he sat up.

Kim quirked an eyebrow. "Okay, then, I'm probably going to regret asking this, but what did you dream about?"

"Mizter Barkin wab dancin' wib Miz Hatchett to Oh Boyz tunes."

"Admittedly weird, but for you no more so than usual."

"And dey were wearing tutus!"

"Okay, I so didn't that mental image," Kim said with a shudder.

"Tell be about it," Ron agreed. "Doe, KB, now what?"

"We find Drakken and Shego," Kim declared. "Just because we're vampires, doesn't mean we're going to stop saving the world. You ready?"

"Yeb, doe I hab one question."

She looked at him expectantly.

"I bunder ib I'll get to wear a vambire future hat," he said.

"We'll see," she replied sweetly.

Too sweetly, Ron recognized. "Dab meabs 'When Will Bu getz a benze of humor', doebn' ib?"

Kim gave him a buss on the cheek, then turned to leave.

"I said we'll see," she said, even more sweetly.

"Dab whad I thought," Ron said as he followed her out of the chamber.

II.

"And with this, we will rule the vampire world!" Drakken declared grandly as he held the ornate knife aloft.

"It's hard to believe," Shego said as she looked up from filing her clawed gloves, "but this scheme may actually work."

"May?" Drakken replied. "Have no doubt, Shego. All will bow before me, Count Drakula!"

"You so can't be serious."

Drakken and Shego turned to see a familiar, and unwanted, presence.

Standing in the doorway were Kim and Ron, both dressed in what appeared to be their traditional mission gear – though in keeping with their new vampire personas, Kim's was all onyx while Ron's was all black.

"Kim Possible! And the buffoon!" Drakken yelped.

"Actually, it's Kim Possible and cold-free vampire boyfriend," Ron corrected him.

"Oy," Shego groaned. "I should have known this was going to go south."

"But, how, I mean, you can't …" Drakken stammered.

"What part of 'I can do anything' don't you understand?" Kim said acidly, an eyebrow arched and her arms crossed.

"But he was supposed freak and …"

Kim snorted. "You actually thought you could split up Ron and me? So not happening."

"But this was my most brilliantest plan ever!"

"Dude, we've survived every wrong-sick pairing and M-rated scenario out there," Ron said. "Turning KP into a vampire?"

"So pre-villain," Kim said, taking up the conversational thread. "And I can't believe you thought my family or Wade would turn their backs on us. You are so flawed."

"Yeah, Jim and Tim actually asked Kim to make them into vampires!" Ron said brightly.

"As if that's ever going to happen," Kim mumbled.

Shego rose to her feet and assumed a martial arts stance. "Okay, Pumpkin, you ready?"

"Not so much," she answered. "Ron? You're on. Unless you two want to give up now."

"Wait a minute," Shego said, waving her hands. "The sidekick's a vampire with monkey powers?"

"Pretty kooky, huh?" Ron asked while Kim smirked.

"Fine, we give up," she said.

"Shego!" Drakken protested.

She shook her head. "I saw what he did to those aliens. You don't want to be on the receiving end Doc, trust me."

"Fine. Have it your way," he pouted.

"Well, now that that's settled," Kim began to say.

"Whoa! Wait a minute," Shego said. "We'll give up but only on one condition."

Kim looked at her foe suspiciously. "What?"

"Doctor D and I get to hand out the next award," she said.

"Fine," Kim agreed. "But then it's off to Cell Block D."

"Or wherever it is that undead supervillains go to prison," Ron added.

"Fine," Shego said. "Doc?"

Drakken joined her at the podium that had appeared out of nowhere.

"Shego, would you do the honors?"

"With pleasure," she said as she held up an envelope, which she flambéd with her glow power.

"Shego!" Kim protested.

"Don't worry, Princess, there's another one here," she said, holding up another envelope. She tore open the flap and withdrew a piece of paper. "The winner of the Best Kim Possible Vampire Story Ever is Molloy, who wrote There Will Be Blood."

Kim was about to offer her congratulations when she felt the lair begin to spin "Spankin'," she said sardonically, knowing all too well what was happening. She looked over to her boyfriend and grabbed his hand. "Hold on. It's another narrative shift!"

As the world around them dissolved, the last words Kim heard were from Ron: "Oh man! Not my pants!"