Heavy In Your Arms/ Cosmic Love
EPILOGUE:
I didn't know how to describe it really. Bittersweet was a word that was tossed around in my mind but now I knew the full extent of the expression now. As I looked around the neighborhood with a box propped against my knee and the trunk of the car truck I tried to imagine myself in the suburbs we now lived in. It was frustrating to leave Toronto but I couldn't quite complain moving to Pittsburgh. It had been a lifelong dream of mine to someday visit the city where the team I loved played and now I was living in it. Life; what a ride so far!
"Are you gonna come in anytime soon? The movers can grab the rest, come on. Your bed is all set up and everything."
Her blonde hair was shining in the sunshine and her smile was warm and inviting. The care in her eyes always amazed me even though I had seen it day in and day out. I loved her so much, the comfort of having her here just made everything a bit easier.
"I just wanted to grab my laptop and console. I'm hoping to set up and videochat back home." I admitted.
"Oh I see, gotta talk to Chloe-Grace right away." She shot me a wink and I blushed.
"I don't know how I'm going to do this without her next to me…" It was hard to admit but Momma was my best friend aside from Mom and Chloe.
"Fleur… it'll be fine, she'll come visit like she promised. You'll go visit like you promised. Our family is still up there and we won't abandon them you know?"
I nodded. Momma was always right. She was the smartest person I knew and if she thought things would be fine they probably would be. As I carried the box into my new room already missing the Jedi memorabilia in the old one I smiled at the Evgeni Malkin poster on my door which Mom had brought for me. I carefully set the box on my desk not wanting to break my laptop or camera and looked out the window. Mom was outside examining the back yard when I saw Momma come up behind her and hug her from behind their smiles made me smile. I was so happy with them.
Never in a million years would've I thought things would turn out this way when I stumbled upon those papers that Momma had kept away in the back of her closet. I had come home early from practice and was looking for her old camera when I stumbled upon the file, my mischief forgotten. Her name was what had gotten my attention on it: Ysabeau Dennis. It was as if somehow I knew and my heart raced just before I continued reading.
It took me a few months to get a plan going and to make sure nobody would know I was gone. Looking back on it I had been incredibly naïve to take such a long trip by myself. Things being so crazy out there I could've been in a world of trouble but in the end looking at my Moms I wouldn't change a thing. When I met Mom I knew somehow instantly that I didn't want to be away from her, that she needed a second chance. It took some convincing but in the end Momma saw what I saw and loved Mom just the same.
I heard a soft purr before I looked down to the little grey fuzzball looking up at me with shining yellow eyes. Victor wanted some attention and his cuteness would not let me say no. He was spoiled, we all knew it but we were too weak for his charms. I remembered when Chloe-Grace gave him to me as a parting gift before we came to Pittsburgh.
"I know I didn't get you anything for your birthday and there was a reason for that." Chloe mentioned as we were sitting in my room listening to music.
She had come over after I had come from the movies with Mark. He had a date but Uncle Dyson said he couldn't go alone so it was either me or Auntie Tam Tam. I at least sat at a different section but Chloe wasn't able to come with me because she had a meeting with the math club. She was a total wiz that reminded me of Momma but she could totally kick ass too like she did in hockey. She had promised to stop by after and true to her word as always here she was lounging in some sweats and a white tanktop on my bed.
"You don't have to Gracie, Uncle Ry and Auntie Kenz got me so much stuff Momma is sure we'll have to get another truck for the move." I joked with a sad smile as I watched Chloe grimace.
"Ugh! I'm gonna miss you so much! I can't believe you're leaving me." Her voice was shaky and I knew she was as close to crying as I was.
"I'm sorry but you def need to come and visit me in the Burgh. We gotta go to a game and I can't live without my bestie." I admitted as my cheeks felt warm.
Chloe had been with me through thick and thin since she had moved to T.O. and I would miss going to the mall with her and just being silly with one another. I laid on my back with my head to the side looking into her green eyes while her dark blonde hair fell on her face. I smiled brightly as my stomach churned at the thought of not seeing Chloe every day.
"Well, it's still a few months away, I'll come visit don't you worry that pretty head." Chloe smiled. "I'll come see you and you'll come see me. Let's shake on it right now."
And we did. Her soft hand was on mine we shook on it and we both knew it was as good as done. We always kept our promises to one another. With a jump she startled me and bolted out the door. I sat there confused as I focused of the music playing. Chloe could be impulsive like Mom and I, which made anything possible when we were hanging out. Before I could protest I heard a rustle and suddenly Chloe was there in my room again as her hands were close to her chest. Then I saw the little fuzzy gray kitten who was curled sleeping in her arms. She placed him on my chest as I gasped and the small kitten opened his yellow eyes highlighted by his white 'eyeliner'. Love at first sight is what I imagined this was and Chloe beamed from on top of us as the small kitten purred on-top of me.
"Do you like him? Your Moms said it was alright… I wanted you to have a buddy to remind you of me." Chloe smiled as she explained looking nervous.
"I love him." I whispered trying not to wake him.
"He's all yours then" Chloe sat next to me and stroked his soft fur he opened an eye and stretched his paw pulling Chloe's fingers to him adorably.
"I think he's more like ours. This means you have to come visit him."
As if on cue the young teenaged kitten meowed at me and I smiled petting him. His fur was still soft as down and he looked lean and sleek yet still small. I loved him so much already, he was always with me and loved Mom and Momma just as much. Just then I heard a knock on the door and I looked up to see Mom standing in the doorway.
"Hey there, can I come in Squirt?" she asked as I scrunched up my nose.
"Come on in. I have my bed, my tv, and my console set-up." I smiled as Mom plopped in bed with me while Victor jumped off the bed regally trotting away to explore the house.
"How are you doing babycakes? I know it's not 'the six' or whatever you guys call it." She chuckled and I smiled laying on my bed with her.
"I like it though, maybe we can check out the Botanical Gardens with Momma this week." I hoped as Mom nodded happily.
"I think your Momma would love that very much." She admitted as I smiled.
"I'm excited we're here Mom, please don't feel bad. I feel better than I have in a long time now that I can take my medicine. I'm happy Pitt has legal laws and I can still take my cannabis oils and you can work with the team we love." I admitted excitedly looking into mom's eyes.
Mom was so beautiful that I had no trouble believing that Momma had fallen in love with her. Mom's eyes were a darker brown than mine and so was her hair, her nose was skinny and perfect and her bone structure was flawless. What I loved the most were Mom's expressions, she could be read like a book with her emotions on her face.
"I'm glad to hear that, I'm excited too. I get to meet the guys tomorrow for a debriefing and then I start with small social media posts before moving up to Root Sports." Mom explained excitedly as I smiled widely.
"You better get me to meet the team Mom, I cannot believe this is happening… I am like possibly one degree of separation from Sidney Crosby, I cannot believe this!" I squealed not able to contain my rambling as Mom laughed wholeheartedly.
"I'm trying to convince myself not to stammer when I meet him and look like a bumbling idiot." Mom half smiled and it was my turn to laugh at the image of Mom in such a bad situation.
"Hey guys, lunch is about to be ready." Momma's voice came from the doorway as she leaned against it looking at us fondly.
"Do you guys mind if I video-chat Chloe before I come down to eat?" I begged and Momma gave me a loving smile.
"Just don't make it a marathon you can chat her up before bed as well. I just need you to eat soon so I can check out your blood sugar and all that lingo you hate." Momma gave me her trademark 'sorry' look as Mom 'tsk'd behind me.
"Oh Lauren, the poor girl is grown just lay it on her straight. You've got to toughen up buttercup, you're a lab rat now." Mom stuck her tongue out at me and we chuckled at the running joke as Momma rolled her eyes in embarrassment.
I promised I would be brief with Chloe as they excited my room hand in hand in soft giggles. I thought about it and decided that I'd be lucky if I ever found the kind of love my parents had. They seemed so happy in spite of every little fight and argument they had. They were both very strong willed and I wasn't far behind so I could understand why they butt heads all the time. I remembered a bad time I was having, one of their little bickers took me out of my misery.
I was crying with how much nausea I had as I hugged the toilet. My throat felt like fire burning with the dryness of the heaving. I could hear Mom pacing outside the bathroom door as I laid my head on the cool toilet bowl.
"Fleur if you don't answer me I'm coming in!" Mom's voice was full of panic and fear and I wanted to answer but my voice was so hoarse there was no use.
Within seconds Mom had kicked the door in and stood there looking at me as I weakly pulled up my clammy head and looked at her from the floor. I felt like a train wreck and in reality I just wanted her and Momma to hold me. I knew people thought I was too old now for such things but I wanted their comfort since I didn't feel well.
"Oh God!" Mom breathed as she rushed to my side. "Did you have a seizure?"
"No…" I croaked and I closed my eyes hard at the pain in my throat.
"When the school called that you didn't show up in class... Your Mother is assisting Tamsin with that surgery so here I am. I know I'm probably not what you want right now."
"You're perfect… exactly what I need." I whispered and Mom's eyes teared up.
"I have no idea how fix you. Have you thrown up a lot?" She asked as I nodded. "We need to get you some soda crackers and ginger ale. Let's get you cleaned up first though."
Mom was right, I was completely drenched in sweat and I knew I smelled like vomit. She must've asked about 4 times and I reassured her over and over that I wanted her to help me shower since I wasn't feeling too good. Mom ran a cold bath for me telling me it would take my fever down. She mentioned it was what she tended to do for herself when she ran a fever when she was little. I could hear the pain in her voice even though she tried to come off as reminiscent. Momma had warned me shortly after Mom's promotion came up that Mom's past wasn't at all pretty. I knew some of the vague details from the trip Mom and I had taken but much was still a mystery to me.
With me feeling bad she seemed to want to open up and I was glad. Mom felt like my friend and I wanted to learn as much as I could from her as I could. I wanted to make up for all the time we missed with one another. In some way, yeah I wanted Momma, but having Mom here to help was so natural too. It felt important that she was here right now and I wanted her to know I knew she could do this and take care of me when I am sick. She didn't need to be a Doctor, she needed to just be my Mom.
When I touched the water I gasped and I felt breathless for a second. It was freezing and I shivered as Mom tried to comfort me with her words. She washed me gently and tried to crack a few jokes about the Titanic as she kept feeling my forehead to check my temperature. After I was in clean pajamas and she had settled me on the couch she grabbed me a Gatorade and a box of soda crackers.
"I'm sure your Momma will put you in some weird other meds but for now Gatorade and soda crackers it is." Mom smiled at me and curled into me on the couch.
"I don't want any more meds Mom, I'm tired of this wait, I want my oil so I can feel better." I whined feeling as my bottom lip quivered. "It's just stupid I can't take my medicine just to get a visa to enter the US. It's medicine! I don't care if it's made out of cannabis, it makes me feel better."
"I know baby I didn't make the rules, if we're not careful in some US states Lauren and I could go to jail for this treatment. Almost there, we just have one more month to go for you to be clear. Then we'll move to where it's legal and you'll have your treatment the first day there. I promise." Mom assured me as I snuggled in her arms.
Momma had gotten there sometime after I had fallen asleep and there was a hushed discussion between the two on what was going on. Neither of them had realized I was awake and they bickered back and forth.
"You can't be calling her a lab rat, she's our daughter!" Momma wasn't impressed.
"It was a joke, you gotta admit it fits the situation. I didn't wanna call her RoboCop." Mom rolled her eyes as Momma glared at her and shook her head.
"Never call her that…" her tone was firm and Mom held her arms up in surrender.
"Come on Lau, baby I was just joking, I just though you checking her blood constantly and the way she's part of medical trials…"
"I get the joke Bo I'm not stupid I just don't like it."
I laughed then breaking my cover they both snapped their eyes at me as I doubled in laughter and I wiped tears from my eyes.
"I like it!" I declared as they picked up their jaws from the floor. It was the first time I laughed so hard in months.
I smiled at the memory as my laptop loaded the video service up and I waited patiently for Chloe to pick up. I was nervous about school and starting hockey over here as well so I wanted to talk to Chloe. She was my bestie no matter where in the world so I knew she'd put me at ease. The screen lit up and I saw Chloe-Grace's smiling face and I lit up along with it.
"Hey!" Her voice was loud and excited "Have you seen Sidney Crosby yet? What about Flower? How's Victor? If you meet my cousin tell him he's an ass!"
"Language Chloe!" I shook my head rolling my eyes "What part of that interrogatory you want first?"
"How was the trip? Were you able to take your medicine yet?" her voice was gentle and soft on those questions and I nodded.
"I took it as soon as we crossed state lines. Momma had a colleague at the ready right then and there." I smiled and Chloe sighed relieved.
"That's great, I'm so glad! I couldn't take seeing how sick you were getting again. I was scared you were gonna get a seizure." Her voice was soft and quiet and I nodded with a knot in my voice.
I never had the heart to tell her that I had a seizure twice before we had arrived in Pittsburgh. It had been particularly rough on Momma who cursed the laws as she kept me comfortable. I shook my head not wanting to think about those bad memories.
"Well, now it's over and done with and I'm healthy. You said to call when I got set-up and I'm almost 100% set-up." I smiled as Chloe smiled.
"Alright, so I wanted you to know that I'm coming to visit as soon as school lets out for December break." Chloe's smile got even bigger as I screamed with excitement.
"Oh MY GOSH! THAT'S LIKE NO TIME AWAY! I'M SO HAPPY!" I celebrated as I heard laugher up the stairs from the kitchen.
"I'm super stoked too can't wait to see you and Victor Frankenstein." My blonde friend smiled and I chuckled at her nickname for our kitty.
As if on cue he strutted into the room and I brought him up on my lap as Chloe raved about him. We talked for about twenty more minutes before I promised her I'd actually give her a phone call later. She had caught me up about my former school, my former hockey team even what was up at the gym with Uncle Ryan and Uncle Dyson. She spent most of her time with them and Mark now who had picked up boxing. I was excited about the news of her visit so we talked a little bit more about where I could potentially take her and then we disconnected the video call.
"You better be done up there Fleur, I need you to eat very very soon!" Momma called up the stairs.
"I am I'll be right down!" I smiled as I reached to close my laptop.
The sound of an incoming message came on and I looked at my screen ready to tell Chloe to be patient. Instead of seeing her usual HITMindyGirl screenname on my screen it was one I couldn't recognize. BlueJays4Lyfe didn't sound like anybody I knew back home so I was weary. I opened the window to reveal not much.
BlueJays4Lyfe: Hey saw your profile on Social Media, I'm a friend of Joe Palmer. Thought you might wanna talk some smack whenever a game came on.
I thought about Joe Palmer, we had History together at some point and he was decent. I wished he would've asked me before giving my profile out but he was a solid guy so I couldn't see him giving it to some random creep. Joe had defended Chloe and I against some guys cat calling us on the way to the movies so I knew this was probably someone alright. I made a mental note to send Joe a message later and rushed a response before Momma would call me again.
Flower29Lewis: I like the Jays too, sorry can't chirp a fellow fan! ;) How do you know Joe?
BlueJays4Lyfe: I like the Rangers and I heard from Joe you're a Penguins girl. How can you be a Pens fan when you're from TO? Where's the Leafs love?
Flower29Lewis: I AM a Penguins kind of girl! And *gags* don't get me started on those stupid leafs. You're on for the chirp talk, can't wait for hockey now. What's your name?
BlueJays4Lyfe: Me neither, none of the girls around here like to talk sports. I'm Greg.
"Fleurence Charlotte Lewis you better get your ass down here!" Momma yelled and I shut my laptop off rushing down to the small kitchen cluttered with boxes.
All the rooms were littered by boxes which Victor absolutely adored and I could see Momma had set up a mini lab in one of the offices by the dining room. The house we had moved into was huge since Mom had gotten a raise with the job offer to cover the Penguins. I absolutely loved the huge windows and the big back yard. Mom and I had plans for a gym while Momma was certain a library would be a great addition to her office. I took a seat at the kitchen table stuffing my face with some thai food we had ordered.
"Could you breathe child? You're on the grid, you have to stay alive!" Mom joked as she shoved me gently.
"It's sooo good!" I smiled between bites and Mom shook her head.
"How do you like Pittsbugh so far baby?" Momma kissed the top of my head and she pulled me close.
"I think it's great, I love the area we live in. The drive around yesterday was really nice. I'm just glad Mom and I can take our meds." I smiled.
"Me too. I need both of my ladies healthy." Momma smiled and her hand stretched to grab onto Mom's.
"Can't have a wedding without one of the brides" I teased with a wink as Momma blushed and Mom paled slightly.
I was ecstatic when they had told me it would happen eventually. There wasn't a timeline on their engagement, just the promise that it would happen someday and to me that seemed romantic. Anyone could get married and divorced these days but promising someone something and standing by it… now that was special. I looked at them fondly as they stared into each other's eyes with love and adoration that knew no limits. I didn't have the perfect family growing up, Momma was more than enough and yet there was something missing. As I looked at both of them I knew nothing was missing any longer. I was completely loved by two of the strongest women I knew. I was more than ready to take Pittsburgh by surprise, much more so with my Moms having my back.
Here it is, the end or the beginning?
Please let me know if this is a POV that you guys enjoy. I feel like I have laid out the brick work for anybody who is interested in a SEQUEL. If that's something you'd like and this was a story you enjoyed please leave me a line on the reviews or send me a Tweet Last_Dragomir.
Thanks for taking the time to read this wonderful story. I feel really proud of this journey and want to say special thanks to my wife SuccubusShinobi for being my proof reader and my muse. Thanks to Kolton and Rkrgrrl for proofreading at times that the wife couldn't. I'd like to say a special thanks to Sydney563 and WritingSux for inspiring me to explore writing about depression with their fic How The Girl Got The Girl.
Until Next Time,
Cheers eh!