Hi, so here is another chapter, this one is perhaps the longest one that I have written for this story and takes place over two episodes. I attempted to get inside Maya's head and then Diane Peirce's who was played amazingly well and really should have had a longer arc than she did. The only way is up from now on and there are only ten more chapters of this story left.

I have exams that are concluding and then work so hopefully I will be able to update this story a bit quicker than I have done so previously.

Disclaimer-Nothing is mine just this chapter and this main character.

TRIGGER WARNINGS for Eating Disorders and some Suicidal Thoughts.

Please Read and Review and let me know what you think. Feedback is welcomed.

Weight Of What Was

Chapter 21-Army Of One

Nathan makes little headway with Maya who finds a sympathetic ear in the last person that she expected. Meanwhile Maggie returns to the hospital to see her mother through her boob job only to have her world blown apart.

Episodes Covered-13x17-13x18

"Go ahead and laugh, even if it hurts. Go ahead and pull the pin, what if we could risk everything we have. And just let our walls cave in" (Atlas Heart—Sleeping At Last)

It was clear that in the days that followed that Maya was shutting down completely. Owen took that in as he stared through the window. His niece had turned her whole head to the side of the window and was staring out at the grey skyline. She was barely listening as Bailey explained that her stiches would need healing but that her throat was raw with all the vomiting that she had been doing and that her weight was in the danger zone. Owen had listened to what his chief and his friend had told him but he was honestly still struggling to come to terms with what had happened in the last week and he had no idea how to process or even progress with Maya who was now refusing point blank to eat anything and was doing nothing but stare at the window like some sort of zombie.

Nathan had no idea what to do either. He had tried to talk to Maya but she was barely even moving her gaze never mind responding to her increasingly desperate father. In those days that followed this Owen did note that Meredith was everywhere with his friend, a coffee in her hand and he suspected a long list of take out menus and sound advice though even she was at a loss. They were surgeons, they weren't therapists and never before had Owen appreciated that. They didn't know what to do in situations like this or at least he didn't. Not with this case. Not with this girl. Not with Maya.

Nathan was sat in the Attendings Lounge when he came in. Meredith was sat next to him her hand on his arm and her fingers trailing across his hand. She flashed him a small smile and Owen tried to smile back but he was pretty sure that he was grimacing rather than smiling. Nathan had his head in his hands and the position was so much like the way he had come back from receiving his sisters personal effects and it had been his mother sat next to his friend while Maya was asleep and he had been trembling with anger and pain.

Now it was all different except it was Megan's daughter in the hospital bed and it was Megan who was lost to them and who he would never see again. He swallowed against that feeling and shifted a little in his seat trying to think of something to say that would not be stating the obvious.

"Bailey says the incisions are healing—that has to mean something."

Meredith nodded immediately latching onto the conversation. "They are" she said her voice echoing in the silent room. "No sign of infection ether so that's good."

"Yeah" Nathan said sitting up and looking more exhausted than Owen felt and that was saying something.

"Of course she now wont even bother to eat but at least her stiches are ok?"

Meredith shushed him slightly her fingers moving back up her hand and then the chime of her phone went off startling them all. She looked at it for a second and a frown creased her forehead. She gave nothing away but Owen had known Meredith Grey for nearly ten years and he knew when she was trying to hide something.

"What?" he asked finally. Was it wrong to hope for a mas car pile up? Owen could do with some blood and some gore in the mood he was in right now. He was in a mood to save someone from the brink of death. There was a pause where Meredith took in both of their expressions and then she sighed.

"It's Maggie" she said finally. "Her Mom's in the hospital for her boob job or whatever it is. Jackson's being really cagey about the whole thing considering it's something that he does nearly every week. He's been in with her for hours today and he wont say what's going on. And now she's asking me to come to the scan room." She put the phone down and turned to Nathan—Owen caught her eye and she shrugged at him, Owen didn't know weather or not she was going to go to her sister or not. The death of Lexie had left scars on Meredith when it came to her sister and she was not about to abandon Maggie now despite the fact that she liked Maya and Owen understood he really did.

The phone chimed again and again. Owen felt his teeth lock together, they needed to find a way to make Maya eat and the simple fact of it was that while he and Nathan might not be fighting each other anymore there was still a lot of shit to wade through and they weren't the best of friends. Not now. And the sad thing was not ever. How could you go through all of that pain and anger and disappointment and come back together.

(Carefully Owen did not think of Derek Shepherd or Mark Sloan and their friendship that he had been a part of through the good times and the very, very bad—thinking of those two hurt too much even on a good day—never had he thought he would be the last one standing)

"Go" Nathan said shortly. "She's only gonna come looking. Go Mer it's fine"

Meredith touched his cheek once and then went without another word.

"You and Meredith?" Owen asked as the door shut. Nathan looked at him. "She…we know where we stand with each other" he said finally. "We know. I know…she's buried the love of her life and I've lost what I once considered mine. I want to move on, I have to move on. And she's good—she get's Maya in a way I think. I think she understands her. At the very least Maya is looking at her"

Owen nodded hearing the words and understanding them. Finally.

"It's not that I don't love Megan" he said finally. Owen snapped his eyes to him. Nathan's eyes were still on the floor.

"It's not, it's just…I'm not in love with her anymore. Before. It was like loving a ghost, she was there and felt so guilty but now…now I see the damage that Megan did and—and Owen I know that Meg would hate what's happened to Maya but I'm angry at her because she must have known what would happen—making a child lie like that. I would have never asked Maya to lie for me. I faced my mistake and the consequences of it head on."

"Yes you did" Owen said finally because that was true. And he did understand why Nathan was angry with his sister even though it was unjustified. It was the same reason why sometimes he was angry with Maya. It didn't make sense but since when did feelings make sense? He had learnt that lesson the hard way when his first marriage was disintegrating and he was so desperately in love with Cristina and yet so mad at her he couldn't look at her. And he couldn't forgive (even though he missed her desperately) the full concentrated selfishness of his sister in that moment—not when he saw the consequences of her actions. It was hideous and painful and messy but it was what it was. For better or most likely for worse.

"I don't know what to do" Nathan said finally. Owen couldn't say anything because that was the truth wasn't it? He didn't know what to do either.

"I know" Owen said into the silence. "I don't know what to do either"

And the two of them remained there in the silence for quite some time.

It was Jackson that had caught up with her. Meredith had only gone and checked on Maggie—had in that moment learnt the truth—had given her some measure of comfort (at least as much as she could) and then she had to go and do her job.

It wasn't the same she thought to herself. It really wasn't. It wasn't like Lexie where it had been easy. There were times even though Maggie was blood where she found herself wishing for the other dark haired sister that she had, had, fought with, loved and grieved all in the space of four years which looking back had been some of the best years of her life.

But still it was Jackson that had caught up with her when she was giving a set of scans the once over. Meredith was still head of her department and she was painfully aware that she had to deal with the mass of paperwork that April had attempted to stab at but had only gotten halfway. Meredith was dreading the idea of returning back to her office to see the mounds of paperwork.

Jackson touched her on the back and then gestured with his head that she should follow him. Meredith followed him.

"Listen we got a problem with Maggie's mom"

Meredith personally thought that was an understatement but she didn't want to say anything. Jackson had done what any doctor would have done. Had it not been Maggie's mother then Meredith knew that they wouldn't be talking of this.

"She knows about the spat that Maggie and Maya had"

Meredith swore.

"Interns" she hissed. Jackson nodded looking contrite.

"To be fair I don't think that Cross knew who she was. I didn't tell them and…well you've met her. You just want to tell her everything and anything. Anyway she's desperate to see Maya"

"Why?"

"Says she has to speak to her. Says she wont go into surgery if she doesn't. Of course she's only told me this but if Maggie get's wind of it—" he trailed off but Meredith could see the picture and also the carnage that came with it.

Meredith ran a hand through her hair—well through her ponytail and then tugged on the end of it.

"Ok. I'll speak to Maya. If she—well I'll see what she thinks before I go to Nathan"

Jackson nodded obviously pleased with this plan and Meredith ducked down the familiar path to the room where she had even subconsciously been walking by despite the fact that nothing had changed.

Maya was still lying on the bed—her head was still turned to the window.

"Look" Meredith said deciding that there was no point in beating around the bush. "Maggie's mother is here. She has advanced breast cancer. She has a surgery booked but there's a very good chance she wont make it off the table—and more to the point Maggie's only just found out about it. But it gets worse believe it or not. She heard about the…conversation the two of you had. And she wants to speak to you"

There was a long pause. Meredith sighed again feeling older than she had one in a long time. She moved towards the door and her hand was on the doorknob when a voice spoke into the silence.

"Why?"

She whirled around keenly aware that it was the first time that she had heard Maya speak in days.

Maya was watching her. Her dark eyes were on Meredith's face.

"She wants to apologise. For Maggie's behaviour"

Maya's jaw worked for a second.

"Does she know?"

"She knows about your…about your issues yes" Meredith finished lamely. Maya nodded but didn't say anything for a second.

"Alright then"

"It might be that she shares a room with you" Meredith warned. "I've met her and she's…formidable"

Maya raised an eyebrow—it was the first time she had shown any emotion in days.

"Don't you know by now Meredith, I can be formidable too"

Diane Pierce was not in a mood in which to be messed with. Maggie was refusing to speak to her, her surgeon had all but forced her to tell her daughter her secret, Meredith Grey was a painful reminder of the other woman in Maggie's life and then some intern had told her all about Maya Riggs.

Of course Diane had been torn between fury and misery. She was furious at Maggie for snapping and then furious at Maya Riggs for goading her. And yet she was painfully aware that there was something wrong with the girl, she was aware that her mother was dead (oh she had got that story out of the intern) and that the girl blamed herself for her mother's infidelity and Diane wanted nothing to do but to shake the girl and then hug her despite the fact that she had never met her.

She did feel rather stupid bringing milk and cookies but she figured if she could get the girl to eat something then that had to be a plus as well.

She knocked on the door and then stepped in with her suitcase. There was a spare bed here and she wasn't one to make a pain of herself.

"Good morning Maya. My name is Diane Pierce. I'm taking the bed by the window"

The thing that had once been a human girl under the covers didn't stir and then it did shifting slightly. Diane was painfully reminded of a startled animal and saw two dark eyes peering out from under the white blankets.

"I know. I know you want your privacy. But I don't have the time to deal with the solitude. Had enough of that when I went to the temple in Thailand last spring. Wonderful weather. Either way, I could do with a bit of company"

And with that she unpacked her things.

When she turned around the head and the torso was sticking out of the bed and Diane had to hold back the urge to wrap both her arms around this kid and feed her, her several portions of her grandmother's beef stew. The kid was all but skin and bones. She had the look of a girl who had seen and been through so much it was like she didn't want to rise again.

"Oh sweetheart" she said reaching out but the girl shifted back like she had been wounded still watching her as if she expected Diane to yell at her.

"If your going to scream at me do it now"

Diane heard the threat and the pain and the quiver in the voice and sat down on the bed.

"Oh girl I'm not going to do that. Life's too short…well…clearly otherwise we wouldn't both be stuck in here"

Maya shot her a look and then shifted a little so she was sat up which Diane supposed was a start.

"What then?" she said flatly.

"I wanted to apologise for my daughter" she said honestly. "I didn't raise Maggie to scream at you in a hallway even though I hear you gave as good as you got. And don't think it's just you. I baked April Kepner a batch of cookies as well"

Maya's eyes drifted to the batch and then back again. Too quickly Diane thought.

"You hungry?"

"Did my Dad send you in to get me to eat?"

"No. But I got a transcript of the story. Suffice to say I know you've had it rough"

The girl suddenly looked away and blinked rapidly and Diane felt her heart crack a little. She was suddenly highly aware that this kid had never had a mother since she was six and she was not the type of girl to be bowled over by a sentimental moment. She had forced herself not to grieve for whatever reason and that had been what had led them to this painful moment right now with her looking at a kid that was broken and damaged and yet beautiful in her own way.

"It was not your fault" she said finally into the silence of the room.

"What happened to your mother was not your fault"

"I know that" came the strangled scream.

"And it was not your responsibility to hide that affair" she said sternly.

Maya did turn then her whole body moving and wincing as she shifted so she was sitting in front of Diane her legs crossed. Diane took in the greasy hair and the pale pallor of her face and the way she was wincing and clutching her stomach and her cheekbones which were prominent in her face.

"It was" she said finally. "She asked me to hide it. She told me that if I told my Dad then he would leave and in his profession that could mean death—she told me it would be my fault and that I would be responsible for the breaking up of my family. That I would lose my Uncle and my grandmother. I did didn't i? and I told him about the affair and he's not been able to look at me since. I'm not mad I know these things. I disgust myself. The one thing that I was asked to do and I couldn't even do that right. So I do this. It's easier than crying—and I have some control over myself. I don't deserve it, you don't know…I…" she shook her head.

"I need to do this. Because if I don't stop then—" She trailed off and then she shook her head and Diane knew without even asking that Maya was terrified of what she would do if she opened that box deep down inside of her and actually grieved for the woman who was not dead but probably was. And her heart broke for her. For the idea of her. And at the same time Diane wanted to wrap both her hands around Megan Hunts neck and shake the silly girl until she was gasping because that was not how you treat children.

She didn't know if it would be received but Diane had known going into this treatment that there was a very good chance that it would end badly and she was first and foremost a mother and there was no way that she could sit here and let that girl think that all of this was her fault and so she moved so that she was sitting on the bed. She wrapped an arm around the stone like thin shoulders and pulled the girl so that her head was at her neck.

For a second Maya Riggs didn't respond and then like she had been waiting for the last moment to break she did, Diane could feel the tears and the shakes but she didn't say anything. She just let the girl weep until she was done and pulled back wiping her eyes and then she forced herself to let go. Maya didn't say anything for a long time her hair covering her face and then she spoke again finally.

"I don't expect you to understand me. I don't understand me. I don't understand this thing inside of me that makes me want to do it."

"The best thing to do is to grieve. Let yourself feel for a change honey instead of bottling it all away and taking it out on yourself in silence"

There was a long pause again.

"You don't understand."

"I think I do. You think that by getting on with life it's being disloyal to a woman who quite frankly but herself before her child. You think you did something wrong and you didn't. You showed a remarkable loyalty getting to this point. But the time has come for you to let go of that anger and that hurt and that hate and focus on building a life for yourself. There is no shame in that—And" she said turning to the matter in hand.

"You can start by eating"

And with that she passed the girl a cookie. Maya took it and then bit into it a small tiny nibble before a bigger bite and sooner than Diane had hoped she had ate the whole thing and then another.

It was not a perfect solution but Diane felt like she had contributed to something towards the mess and that—that had to mean something.

Nathan got the news just as Owen did and the two of them crashed into the same hallway together.

"They put Maggie's mother in the same room as Maya?" Owen said finally just to clarify what he thought was a terrible scenario. Nathan nodded not saying anything but he was staring at the window. Owen followed his gaze and felt his eyebrows rise to the top of his head.

There was Maya sat on the bed next to a woman who must have been Maggie's mother and the two of them were talking.

More than that his niece was laughing.

What the?

Nathan opened the door but didn't go too far into the room.

"Hey Dad" Maya said finally smiling a soft and small smile. "Mrs Peirce has been telling me about her stay in Italy"

"Diane" the older woman said over what looked like knitting. "Honey I've told you I've come too far to be spoken too like I'm ancient. And this must be your father and your uncle" she held out her hand and beckoned them into the room. "Well your no good out there in the hallway and I was coming to the best bit—"

Feeling utterly bewildered at this U-Turn Owen sat on the bed. He felt mystified. He knew his friend felt much the same.

Two nights later they went to dinner. Two nights later Nathan got the phone call from Meredith that Diane Pierce was worse and the day after that he walked into the Attending's Lounge to see the two sisters in a blazing row in which Maggie told everyone that Meredith had tipped her mother down the OR Sink.

Filing that away for a moment when he truly had time to evaluate it, he crossed the room to what he thought might be his girlfriend (in an unlabelled, undefined kind of way).

"What can I do?"

Meredith looked at him her eyes unseeing. "Nothing" she said flatly walking away.

Nathan sighed. He had heard about the decline of Ellis Grey like any other surgeon who had recognised the ground she had covered. He had been overseas when she had died but he had remembered the tone throughout the camp surgeons especially Teddy and Meg who had both hailed her as the pioneer for female surgeons. He had not known that her daughter had shoved her ashes down the same OR he had scrubbed in, several times. Actually the thought made him shudder—it was one of the things that he had no idea how to handle—and he did not want to know about it either.

He had seen the scans with Diane Peirce's name written on it and he knew well enough to know that this was not a retractable surgery or tumour. Sometimes as hard as it was to admit it you had to know that the cancer had won. This was one of those times.

But more importantly he was worried about what effect this would have on his daughter. She had become close to the woman in the following days, she was eating, she was talking, she was slowly coming out of the fog that she had been in for who knew how long and Nathan was terrified the death that everyone but Maggie knew was inevitable would set her back again. He wanted to go and speak to her but the reality was he had no idea what he would say. What he could say to a woman he hardly knew who had done what he had not been able too.

But the reality was Diane Peirce was dying and Maya who was not a fucking idiot would know and then they that was another person who through no fault of their own had left his daughter alone and locked in her head—a place Nathan had no idea how to get inside.

Maya had known this was coming. She had known this was coming deep down but the death of her friend, of one of the few friends she had, had been a shock. When Richard had come to get her that smile on her face she had all but seized up their on the bed. He smiled at her but the smile was brittle and she knew that after a month of only seeing Diane when she was out of treatment meant that she was near the end.

Maggie was not there thank God when Maya slid inside the door. Diane was sat up her face wan and pale and clammy.

"Sweetheart sit down. I've got something to say to you and not a lot of time to say it"

Maya sat down her legs folding under her and her eyes wide.

"What?" she said finally though it took her a second to get past the word, to get it out of her throat that was suddenly choked and dry.

"I want you to promise me something"

There was a pause. Maya did not say anything because she was unsure weather or not she could say anything in that moment. She did not weep. She was not a woman who cried, she had never been a girl who had cried. Crying was not something she did.

"What" she said finally.

"Live. Live. Get better and live. Life Maya…it's so very beautiful. It's messy and it's painful but it's so good and so short. There's never enough time. And my time is ending but yours…well you got your whole life ahead of you. You didn't kill your mother, you did more for her than anyone in that damn room, and you don't deserve to punish yourself any longer. Hate it's poison, it's like dry rot and it will stifle you until you choke. Forgive your mother her mistakes, forgive yourself, forgive and live"

Maya realised her face was wet but didn't wash off the tears.

There was a knock at the door.

Richard again.

"Thanks" she said though she meant it—it wasn't what she had wanted to say.

Diane however seemed to understand.

She walked out of the room and down the hallway in silence. She passed Maggie on the way and guessed that the woman knew what was coming. She didn't say anything and Maggie thank God didn't say anything to her. There wasn't much point anymore. There wasn't much point now in fighting. There was no point whatsoever. So she went back to her hospital room sat in her old leggings and jumper with her head on her knees staring out of the window and forcing herself not to notice that her stiches were becoming increasingly uncomfortable due to the position. She thought about what the woman had said. What she was right about and what she was wrong about and more to the point for the first time in a time longer than she cared to count Maya let herself think freely and openly about her mother and about the emotions that she knew she had been supressing for a very long time. The rain continued to patter against the window. And Maya continued to think and feel.

And that was where she was still when Meredith came and told her that Diane Pierce had died.

Meredith had lingered by the doorway hoping…well she didn't know but she was hoping against anything that prevented her from going back into that room with Maggie. Her own mother had died and it had been clinical for her. Ellis had been a better surgeon that a mother though she had tried her best but there was little love between them by the time she had died. It had been chipped away by the disease and the knowledge that one thing had always meant more. And she had been drowning that day. She had been drowning emotionally and literally. Her grief for Derek was something that even now was so raw and powerful that she couldn't tap into without imploding. Her grief for Lexie was still there a dull throbbing ache. But she had never hurt for Ellis, had never felt the soul crushing grief a daughter feels when her mother dies.

Not the way Maggie was feeling right now. It was both curious and painful to watch. Like she had been denied something all these years. Diane had mothered her in a way her own mother never had and Meredith had three kids herself. It was strange. It was painful even to her—and she had already put in quite enough into her pain metre for this life.

"She's dead?" Maya asked without turning her head.

"Yes" Meredith said not sure what to say. "It was peaceful" she said finally though that didn't mean much she supposed. She was not good at this. Even after all her years as a doctor she was not good at this.

Maya didn't say anything for a long time and Meredith turned to leave feeling like she was intruding again when the younger girl stopped her.

"Meredith?"

"Yeah Maya?"

Maya turned to look at her then and it was with a look etched on her face that Meredith had never seen before that she said the words too.

"I need you to go and find my Dad. I need you to go and find him and tell him that I am ready to go to rehab"

And there you have it, I hope you enjoy.

Next Chapter-Maya head to rehab. Maggie heads to work. Meredith worries about both Maggie and Nathan and Nathan himself tries to keep his head above water as it seems that Owen is not doing as well as he is pretending to be.