Chapter 21: Just a fangirl

Another week had passed. Josephine and Dan still hadn't spoken. Josephine was feeling worse and worse. Thankfully, she had become closer with Stephanie, so she had a friend to talk to and hang out with, if she didn't, she would probably have been worse, than she already was. Stephanie had just left Josephine's flat, because they were working on a project for work together. But then Josephine saw that Stephanie had forgotten her mobile. She could probably reach her at the stairs. She couldn't have gone too far. But as soon as Josephine opened the door, there Dan and Phil were, on their way out. This was the first time they had seen each other, since Josephine's confession.

Fuck. What do I do? Should I say hi? Oh God, I look like a mess. But before I could even say anything, Dan had already started walking down the stairs, not giving me a single look.
"Can I talk to you?" Phil said. I was confused.
"Yeah. Sure."
"You need to talk to Dan."
"I don't think he wants me to talk to him."
"You don't understand. I've never seen Dan like this. He doesn't want to do anything or talk to anyone. He just walks around in his sweatpants all day, sits in his room and listens to sad music. Maybe it doesn't seem like it, but he's a mess. You need to talk to him."
"But I-" I was interrupted by Dan.
"Phil! Let's go! We don't have time for fans right now." Dan said irritated. That really hurt me. Just a fangirl. That was all I was, and all I would ever be. My eyes started tearing up, and I tried to hide my face, and ran to my flat. Why am I such a sensitive person? I just can't hide how I feel. I'm like a child, if I get sad, I will cry. And I was very sad right now. Like the kind of sad, where you just want to rip your own heart out, just to get rid of the pain. The kind of sad, where you can physically feel it. I wanted to fight for him, but I didn't think he wanted to be fought for. I wanted to talk to him. Not in the hopes of us getting back together. But just so he could give me my punishment. Yell at me, tell me how screwed up I am, and how I never deserve to be with someone like him. And then someday, maybe, he would forgive me.

I couldn't sleep. It was about 4 am, so I should sleep, I just couldn't. I rolled around in my bed, trying to find a comfortable position to sleep in. But eventually, I gave up and got up. I sat in my sofa and watched some of Dan's videos, apparently because I hate myself, and want to see myself hurt. I don't know why I do this to myself. But then, I could hear someone yelling in the hallway. I slowly got up, and pressed my ear up against the door. It was definitely Dan and Phil.
"Dan... You're drunk." Phil said despondently.
"So what if I'm drunk?! You don't know how it feels like!" Dan yelled.
"How what feels like?" Phil said irritated.
"How it feels like that you found out that the one you love, has been lying to you your WHOLE RELATIONSHIP!" Dan yelled. "I loved her, Phil! I still love her! And everything had just been one big fat lie! She doesn't love me! She loves danisnotonfire!"
"Danisnotonfire is you, Dan." Phil said.
"True. But how am I suppose to know, if her feelings were real, or she is just infatuated with a youtuber?"
"Her feelings for you were real. Maybe she still loves you too. But you can't just stand there, pitying yourself and take your anger out on me. If you would just talk to her-"
"Why would I, Phil? Why would I? How do I know that she won't lie to me again?" Dan's voice was calmer now, but more sad.
"You could at least let her try to explain. You make it out like she is this compulsive liar. She's not. She literally just thought that it would hurt your relationship, if you knew."
"Our relationship? What relationship? We wouldn't have had one, if she hadn't lied to begin with." Dan yelled.
"Dan.. You're not being yourself. You know you wouldn't say that if you were sober." Dan didn't response.
"She fell in love with you, not danisnotonfire. Just remember that." Phil said, and I could hear him walking into their flat. I've never experienced Dan like this before. And it was my fault. All my fault. I couldn't hear Dan walking or talking. Just silence. Until a loud knock was heard at my door. It startled me, and I slowly opened the door. And there Dan stood.
"What are you doing in my flat?" Dan said irritated and very drunk.
"This is my flat, Dan."
"Oh. Yeah. Where's Phil?" Dan said drunkenly.
"I don't know. I think he's in your flat."
"Oh. Yeah." There was a long pause, and Dan looked very concentrated. "I love you, Josephine. I love you so much." Dan said, and drunkenly fell into my arms.
"I know, Dan. I love you too. But you're very drunk right now, so let's get you into bed." I practically carried Dan to his flat, knocked the door and called for Phil. He opened the door.
"I'm so sorry. I thought he was in his room." Phil said.
"It's alright." We both helped carrying Dan to bed, and he fell asleep in about 2 seconds. I was about to go to my place, but Phil stopped me.
"He still loves you, you know."
"I know. I could hear you from my flat. Thanks for sticking up for me."
"I just want you guys to figure things out. It seems you're both pretty miserable without each other." I nodded and walked out. I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to hurt him. I wish I could do something, so he wouldn't love me anymore, or so he would just forget about me. Like I could erase myself from his memory. Seeing him like that.. It killed me.