Disclaimer: I own neither Harry Potter nor Naruto.

Coping

I slowly wake up. For a blissful moment, I feel fine, but then the memories of my fight come crashing back into my head and I curl into a ball, squeeze my eyes shut and try to battle the onslaught of memories. My breaths are too shallow, my heart beats too fast and strangled sobs escape me despite how hard I'm trying to hold them back.

A large warm hand comes down on my head to rest there.

"Maa, Riko-chan, take deep breaths, alright?" Kakashi's voice says. I try to follow his advice and focus on the warmth of his hand on my head.

Breathe in, breathe out.

I finally uncurl and slowly sit up, distantly noticing how weak I feel. It's not as bad as it was after healing Asuma, but I doubt I could even Kawarimi right now.

I look around. Kakashi and I are the only ones in the room.

"Do you know what happened?" I ask in a raspy voice, and Kakashi holds his water canteen out to me. I greedily drink.

"Your clones reported to me," he says.

"I killed them," I whisper, staring at my hands.

"I took care of the bodies."

"I'm sorry," I whisper, voice breaking. "I didn't mean to k-kill them." I bury my face in my hands, shoulders shaking with silent sobs.

Kakashi doesn't try to comfort me, which I am grateful for. I think I'd fall apart if someone touched me right now.

He sighs. "Riko-chan. There is no shame in what you did. You did what you had to do to protect your comrades. You are a shinobi and fighting and killing will be a part of your life. There is nothing you can do about that."

"I know t-that," I sniff. "B-but I k-killed them!"

"You did, and sooner or later, you'll have to kill again. And you'll have to learn to deal with that."

"D-do you t-think I'm w-weak, c-crying for an en-enemy?"

"No. Never," He pauses. "You can cry all you want. Everyone else is outside. No one will hear."

"T-thank you, Kakashi-sensei."

And he sits there silently while I cry and sob my heart out until I fall asleep again.

I'm alone the next time I wake up. I lie there for a few minutes, not really in the mood to get up.

I feel a little more peaceful now after crying so much. I still feel horrible for taking two lives, but I don't regret doing it. I would do it again if it meant protecting my comrades.

I groan and sit up. Someone left a few sandwiches, an apple and a glass of water next to my futon and I devour everything hungrily. After that, I shakily stand up and make my way to the door. The house appears to be empty, but I can hear voices shouting from the outside, so I move to the door that leads out onto the porch in the back of the house.

I step outside and look around. On the water, Sasuke and Naruto are sparring with a pretty girl with long black hair– or maybe a boy? It's hard to tell from the distance- while Ino cheers Sasuke on. To my right, Shikamaru and Chouji lie and stare up at the clouds. To my left, a decidedly pale looking Asuma plays shogi against a very tall and muscular man with greyish skin. A giant sword that looks like a butcher knife lies next to him on the ground.

I blink. "Asuma-sensei, are you aware that you are playing shogi against the A-rank missing-nin that nearly cut you in half the last time you met?" I ask.

Asuma looks up. "Good morning, Riko-chan. And yes, I am aware of my opponent's identity, but thank you for pointing it out." He turns back to the game.

"Ri. You're awake," Shikamaru drawls as he comes to stand next to me.

"Stating the obvious," I answer, giving him a quick smile. He puts an arm around my shoulder.

"Good to see you alright, you troublesome girl," he murmurs.

"Likewise, Shika," I reply. "So how did that happen?" I jerk my chin in the direction of the game. "Because last I checked, he was an enemy."

"We're all best friends now," Shika says with an annoyed expression.

"Huh. Did Ruto give them the Ramen Talk or something?" I ask.

"The what?" Shika asks.

"Never mind."

"Brat. Quiet. I'm concentrating," Zabuza growls while glaring at the board as if he's trying to set it on fire with his eyes.

"Do I even want to know?" I whisper to Shikamaru.

"They never really finished their fight. Now they are trying to battle it out over shogi since they're both injured," Shika murmurs back. "It's troublesome."

More like idiotic, I decide as I watch the two glare at the game as if their lives depended on it.

Both Shika and I wince as Zabuza sets a piece forward.

"Do you think he'll start killing people when he loses in two moves?" I ask.

"I have my shadow ready," Shika murmurs back. "He won't get far."

"Brats," Asuma says around his cigarette. "Shut up."

We retreat and sit next to a sleeping Chouji and watch the spar on the water.

"So who's that?" I ask, gesturing to the black haired person. "And is it a guy or a girl?"

"Haku. Zabuza's apprentice. Claims to be male," Shika grunts.

I raise an eyebrow at his wording.

"You'll understand when you talk to him."

Ino finally notices me and stops her fawning over Sasuke. "Riko-chan! How are you doing?" she asks and hops over to hug me.

I'm distinctly uncomfortable. I lied to her about killing Taro and Kenta.

I don't even know why I did that. It just happened. Maybe I didn't want her to start fussing over me. Maybe I was worried she'd treat me differently. Or my mind was just in denial about having taken two lives.

I'm not going to tell her now. Ino is too... innocent to burden with the knowledge. I'd rather keep her happy and unknowing. Same with Chouji.

I don't even want to tell Naruto, but I know I'll have to. I'm just scared he'll look at me differently, that he won't want to be my friend anymore. Which is stupid, because he's Naruto, and he'd never ever desert me, but the fear won't go away.

I'm even worried about telling Shikamaru. Not because I'm scared he won't like me anymore but because he'll worry about me, just like I would if he had been the one to make his first kill.

I'm not afraid of telling Sasuke.

"I'm fine, Ino-chan," I say, awkwardly hugging her back. I step back from her embrace as soon as I can. "How are y-"

"Ri-chan!" someone yells and I am being tackled in a hug by something orange and wet.

The worries instantly go away and I laugh and hug Naruto back. "Happy to see you, too, Ruto," I say. Then I throw him off of me into the ocean and stand up.

Naruto's head breaks the water surface. "You're mean, Ri-chan!" he complains. "You're behaving like the bastard!"

"Hn," I say and smirk, and his face drops in horror and he jumps out of the water and points at me.

"You take that back!" he shouts.

I continue to smirk. "Hn," I repeat. Then I crack and start to giggle. "Oh Kami, you should've seen your face!" I gasp out.

Shikamaru shakes his head. "You two are idiots."

Naruto and I exchange a look. Then we grab Shikamaru and throw him into the ocean. We high five when he resurfaces and calls us troublesome.

"Oh, Ri-chan, you've got to meet Haku!" Naruto says excitedly and starts pulling me toward where Sasuke is still sparring with his opponent. "He's really nice!"

I'm not going to step foot on the ocean any time soon. No way. I can still feel Kenta's death grip on my ankles as he pulled me under. The terror of being completely helpless and drowning.

"Just get him here, Ruto. My chakra is low, so no water walking for me today," I say, giving him an apologetic smile.

Lying to my best friend. I'm the worst.

"Okay, Ri-chan! I'll do that, dattebayo!" he says and runs off.

I can feel Shikamaru's eyes on me. He always notices when I'm not being honest.

"Later," I say in English. He nods.

"You two have a secret language?" Ino asks.

I shrug. "Sure do."

Naruto comes back dragging Haku with him, Sasuke trailing behind them. My eyes meet Sasuke's, and we have one of those wordless exchanges. His eyes ask if I'm alright. Mine answer that I'll be, and in response, his narrow.

Naruto introduces me to Haku who appears to be the most soft-spoken person I have ever met. And he seems to have taken a liking to Naruto.

Wonderful. Now Naruto goes around picking up stray ninja. Troublesome.

We spend the rest of the day just lazing around in the sun. I watch the boys take up their sparring again, play shogi against Shika and Asuma – I lose against Shikamaru but win against Asuma -, talk to Ino and share potato chips with Chouji. When Tazuna comes back with Kakashi from the bridge and Tsunami and Inari return from wherever they have been all day, we have a large, loud dinner and Inari clings to me and Naruto the whole time.

It's a good day.

It's night time and I lie awake in my bed. From the other side of the room, I can hear Ino's deep, even breaths.

Even though the day was exhausting, I find myself unable to sleep. It's not that I have too much on my mind, I just can't seem to rest.

I silently get up. Maybe some fresh air will help.

Outside, I enjoy the cool breeze and stare out at the moonlit ocean, the only sound I hear is the swooshing sound of the waves. It's a beautiful and peaceful scenery, but I don't feel any calmer.

A pebble stone hits the wooden floor next to me. I turn around and look around searchingly.

Sasuke sits on the rooftop. I hadn't even noticed him when I walked outside. Yoshino would have my head for being so careless.

I start walking up the wall and sit down next to him. We sit in silence for a few minutes. I want to say something, but I have no idea how to actually talk to Sasuke.

"I killed them," I say eventually after failing to think up a good conversation starter.

He turns to look at me. "Your attackers," he states.

"Yes," I confirm.

"So?"

I shrug helplessly. "I don't know."

"Liar."

"I'm not!"

He gives me a look that says: Don't insult me. I know you better than that.

"What do you want me to say?" I snap. "That I'm glad they're dead? I am. That I'm sorry I killed them? I am. That I'm a lousy shinobi because I shed tears for my enemies and I refuse to kill my emotions? I fucking am! And I really don't know what I'm supposed to be feeling because I'm so damn confused! I shouldn't be glad that I took two lives, that's just wrong, and I shouldn't feel sorry because they would have killed me and one of them was going to torture me to death underwater and I nearly died there all alone, and I was so bloody scared! So don't you dare call me a liar when I really don't know!" I almost shout the last part. "And you know the worst part? Killing them was easy. One moment they're alive, the next they're not. It should've been harder. I hate that it was so easy! I don't want to be a killer!" I'm breathing hard when I finish my rant.

Feel better now? his eyes say.

I really hate you sometimes, my own answer.

"You aren't a killer."

"I killed. That makes me one."

Don't be an idiot.

"I'm not."

He gives me an annoyed look. There's no judgement, no pity, no questions in his gaze.

"Thank you," I say softly, bumping his shoulder with mine. He looks even more annoyed and turns away from me. Considering myself dismissed, I stand up.

"Good night, Sasuke," I say.

He doesn't answer – not that I expected him to – and I leave.

Back inside, I walk into the room that Shikamaru shares with Chouji and Asuma. I gently shake Shika's shoulder. He groans and opens one bleary eye.

"Hey," I whisper. "Can I stay with you?"

He gives me an affirming grunt, scoots back a little and lifts his blanket so I can slip in. I burrow into his chest and he puts an arm around my shoulder. I sigh contentedly.

"You alright, Ri?" he murmurs.

"Mmm," I sigh.

"I know you lied to Ino."

I stiffen and he rubs my shoulder reassuringly.

"Were you going to tell me?" he asks.

I nod against his chest.

"You'll tell me if you need anything," he orders.

"Can we play shogi tomorrow?" I whisper.

"Of course, troublesome girl," he mutters back and pulls me tighter against him.

I hug him back and drift off to sleep.

The next morning, Naruto and I are walking through the forest. He was a little confused when I interrupted his conversation with Haku to ask him to take a walk with me, but he came with me nonetheless. On the negative side, I'm pretty sure Ino now thinks I have a crush on Naruto.

Troublesome.

"...and then Haku threw lotsa needles, even more than you when you're mad, and he jumped between his mirrors but the bastard could see him with his sharingan so he threw fireballs and I made clones and then Chouji punched the mirrors with a giant fist and then Shika was like: 'Kagemane no Jutsu: Success.' and then..." Naruto chatters on about the fight at the bridge.

I think I'll get Chouji's version later. Shika would just say telling me is too troublesome, Sasuke already used up his conversation capacity for this week and Kakashi would try to ruffle my hair and tease me for being concerned if I asked him.

I suppose I could ask Tazuna, but he has this annoying tendency to stammer and sweat in fear whenever I turn my attention on him. Maybe I overdid it a tiny little bit when I scared him for putting Shikamaru in danger.

"It sounds like an amazing fight," I tell Naruto with a slight smile. "I'm sorry I missed seeing you kick ass."

He grins at me. "I'm sorry I missed your fight, too! I bet you were awesome with your water and stuff!"

My smile fades and I look away. "Yeah, about that..." I murmur.

"Ri-chan?" Naruto asks. "What's wrong? Does your arm hurt?"

"No, it's not my arm..." my voice trails off and I stop walking. Naruto stops too and looks at me anxiously.

"You've been weird since you woke up yesterday, Ri-chan," he says carefully.

Sometimes I forget how well Naruto knows me.

"Come sit with me," I say and start climbing a tree, sitting down on one of the higher branches. He sits down next to me and looks at me worriedly.

I stare down at my hands. "I... lied before," I confess. "To Ino."

He looks startled. "W-What? Why?"

"Because..." my voice trails off. "You're my friend, right? You won't leave me, Ruto?"

He glares at me, offended. I smile.

"Right, dumb question."

"Damn straight, Ri-chan."

I stare back at my hands. "When I fought those two, they didn't run off."

"Huh?" he asks, confused.

"I... they... well it's... I was just..." I say, wringing my hands until Naruto grabs them and holds them still. "I killed them!" I blurt out.

Naruto rears back and stares at me, shocked.

"And I really didn't mean to! It just happened and it was really my clones that did it, but they are me, so it might as well have been. And it all went so fast and I was so scared and-" my voice breaks. "And then Taro didn't have his head anymore and there was so much blood-" I can't stop blurting out what happened to Taro and Kenta, even though Naruto is the last person I'd want to burden with the knowledge.

"... and then I just told Ino-chan they'd run off," I finish and take a deep breath, feeling guilty at seeing Naruto's wide-eyed horrified expression. He appears to be lost for words which has never happened before.

I sniff a little. "I could really use a hug now," I whisper.

So he hugs me and when his words come back, he tells me what an idiot I am to think he wouldn't want to be my friend anymore just because of what happened and that I'm not getting rid of him, no matter what.

"Promise?" I ask.

"Promise, Ri-chan," he answers, and that's that.

"Kakashi-sensei?" I ask.

The two of us are currently guarding Tazuna, though that's more of a formality now. There are no more assassins after Tazuna now.

"What is it, Riko-chan?" Kakashi asks, looking up from his book. Today, it's Icha Icha Violence, arguably the best book in the series.

I swallow. "I... seem to have developed a fear of standing on and being inside water," I admit. I also have nightmares whenever I'm not sleeping next to Shikamaru, but that I'll have to deal with on my own.

Kakashi puts his book away and gives me his full attention. This is a serious matter.

Mental issues can end a shinobi's career. In my case, it's even more worrying because water is my element. A water ninja afraid of water? Useless.

"How?" Kakashi asks me.

I hesitantly tell him the details of what Kenta did to me. Then I tell him about how I tried to make myself step on the ocean when everyone else was asleep and ended up nearly having a panic attack.

"I'll work with you tonight. Go to bed early," he says.

Kakashi wakes me up sometime after midnight and takes me to a small lake.

"Try walking in a deep as you can," he says.

I kick off my sandals and do as he says. I make it until the water reaches my upper thighs, then my body refuses to move. Kakashi walks on the water towards me and pulls me out. As soon as I am standing on top of the water, my legs start to shake and my heart starts to beat way too fast and my field of vision closes in.

Kakashi gathers my helpless body in his arms and sets me down on the shore. He kneels before me.

"I can help you, but it won't be pleasant," he tells me. "We can wait until we are back in the village and take this to a professional, if you want."

I shake my head. "Now," I say.

"Alright. I'm going to teach you how to remove oxygen from water so you'll be able to breathe underwater. Then we'll practice until you can control the fear."

The training is horrible. I'm pathetic.

Kakashi has taken me off bodyguard duty and has me training every night.

The technique itself is easy enough. But to have me practice it, Kakashi repeatedly uses the Water Prison Technique on me. The first few nights, I end up having flashbacks, panic attacks and vomiting. More than once, I have hysterical crying fits. Kakashi is merciless and makes me go through this again and again.

After around a week, I manage to shut the flashbacks out and push the panic away enough for me to keep breathing in the Water Prison. That's when Kakashi starts throwing me into the lake.

He ends up having to save me from drowning.

Training continues on in this manner. I start to lose weight and develop dark circles around my eyes. My teammates and brother start to notice how pale I constantly am and start to worry about me.

I don't tell them how I spend my nights now. They would only try to make me stop and rest.

I don' think they would understand that I have to work through my fear of water, even if it makes me miserable. I'm unable to sit around and wait until I get better. I just don't work that way. It's impossible for me to live with any kind of fear controlling me.

Eventually, the training does what it's supposed to do. I learn to numb myself to the fear and panic. I manage to walk on water, and I can even deal with it when Kakashi attacks me from below and drags me under. If I want to, I can stay underwater for over an hour. I even find a way to negate the water resistance so I can swim and dive much faster.

Maybe one day, I'll enjoy being in water again.

During the three weeks it takes to finish the bridge, I spend the daytime with my team and Shikamaru's, playing shogi, training with my team and sometimes Ino and evading Inari. The brat has become entirely too attached to me. Thankfully, he is just as attached to Naruto who doesn't mind one bit, so I can usually dump him on Naruto who has never been far from me since I told him about my first kills. Neither have Sasuke and Shikamaru, but they are less obvious about it.

Another thing...

"Suiton: Mizu no Tatsumaki!" I shout, and a rapidly spinning vortex of water lifts around me from the shallow water. It lasts for about three seconds before it collapses.

"More chakra!" Zabuza growls. "Keep it stable!"

I managed to talk (blackmail) Zabuza into teaching me a water jutsu, the Water Tornado Technique that can act as both offense and defence. Kakashi was thoroughly amused the first time he saw Zabuza growl instructions at me, looking like he very much wanted to be doing something else, like strangling me. Shikamaru and Sasuke were less amused about me seeking lessons from a missing-nin and insisted on being present for every session to glare at Zabuza. Or each other. For some reason, the two of them have developed a troublesome hostility.

It must be a boy thing.

So time passes quickly, with my nights spent training with Kakashi and the days spent training with Zabuza or spending time with my friends.

Two and a half weeks have passed. It's early morning and I'm sitting on the railing of the almost completed bridge. I just watched the sun rise over the ocean after waking from a nightmare.

I hear almost silent steps behind me.

"Leaving so soon? Naruto will be sad, Zabuza-san, Haku-san," I say, turning around to look at them.

"Brat. Keep training," Zabuza growls and walks past me. I grin. Coming from him, that's as good as a farewell hug.

"Grouch. Be nice to Haku," I answer. I turn to the boy in question and smile at him. "Take care of yourself, Haku-san."

"You as well, Riko-san," he answers in his soft voice. "Would you please tell Naruto-kun that I very much enjoyed his company and that I'm sure we'll see each other again someday?"

I smile. "Of course I will. And I'm sure too that one day, we'll meet again. After all, we're friends, right?"

He gives me his soft, kind smile. "Goodbye, Riko-san," he says and turns to follow his master. I stare after them as their figures grow smaller in the distance.

I doubt that's the last I have seen of them.

Naruto was indeed thoroughly dismayed to discover Zabuza and Haku gone, though Haku's message did cheer him up. He promised to train hard so he could be as strong as Haku when the time comes to see him again.

Now, it's finally time to leave Wave Country. I can't really say I'm sad about that. There aren't all that many good memories here. I can't wait to get home.

The whole town has assembled to see us off at the now completed bridge. We'll be the first ones to cross the Great Bridge of Freedom.

Cheesy name, but it does have a nice ring to it.

To the cheers and shouted farewells, we finally start on our way home.

Omake: Blackmail

"Zabuza-san? Would you be willing to train me in using water jutsu? I promise you won't regret it if you do."

"Get lost, brat."

Ten minutes later:

"Ruto? I think Zabuza hates ramen."

Forty-five seconds later:

"Oi! Sword-guy! What's your problem, huh? Ramen is the best-"

"Get lost, brat."

"-food in the entire world! There is miso ramen, pork ramen, seafood ramen, tofu ramen, Ichiraku's Special Surprise Ramen, naruto ramen-"

"Get lost, brat!"

"-and obviously, miso ramen is the best, Ri-chan says so too and that's what the bastard eats when he pretends he's eating with us against his will, and you can eat ramen everywhere-"

"GET FUCKING LOST, BRAT!"

"-how can someone not like ramen, no wonder you're evil, you need ramen, then you'll be happier and ramen will always love you-"

"SHUT THE HELL UP!"

"-cup ramen can be taken anywhere, you only have to wait three minutes for the best food in the entire world to be ready, Ri-chan could even teach you how to make ramen with chakra, she's the bestest teammate ever, dattebayo! But of course, Ichiraku ramen are the best, but cups are better than no ramen at all. And I bet if you ate more ramen then..."

Five hours later:

"Zabuza-san? Would you be willing to train me in using water jutsu? I promise you won't regret it if you do."

"Get the fuck lost, brat!"

Five minutes later:

"Ruto, do you know if Haku-san has ever eaten ramen before?"

Two hours later:

"Zabuza-sama, I would like to eat ramen with Naruto sometime."

"ARGH!"

One hour later:

"Zabuza-san? Would you be willing to train me in using water jutsu? I promise you won't regret it if you do."

"Leave me the fuck alone!"

The next day:

"Ino-chan, Zabuza said blondes are stupid."

Five minutes later:

"YOU! Just because I'm blond, doesn't mean I'm stupid! I almost became kunoichi of the year and only Riko-chan was better than me in shuriken throwing among all the other girls, and none of them were blond, you sexist asshole-"

"WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU TREEHUGGERS?!"

"Oh, and now you hate Konoha, too, what the fuck is wrong with YOU, huh? And there are tons of incredible kunoichi that are blond, just take my mom, she's a genius with poisons, and then there's..."

"LEAVE ME ALONE!"

"And I'll have you know, my hair colour is perfectly natural, how dare you even think that I used hair dye..."

Two hours later:

"Zabuza-san? Would you be willing to train me in using water jutsu? I promise you won't regret it if you do."

"GO TO HELL!"

Two minutes later:

"Ruto? I think it's Zabuza's fault that Haku never ate ramen before."

Ten seconds later:

"YOU ABSOLUTE RAMEN-HATING CHILD-ABUSING BASTARD! POOR HAKU, BECAUSE OF YOU HE NEVER ATE RAMEN BEFORE, RAMEN IS THE BEST FOOD IN THE ENTIRE WORLD..."

"NO! NOT AGAIN! I'LL KILL YO- WHERE THE FUCK IS MY SWORD!"

"NEVER ATE MISO RAMEN, PORK RAMEN, SALT RAMEN..."

Meanwhile:

"Ri, you are insane."

"I'm just determined. Now help me, this thing's heavy, Shika."

Five hours later:

"NO, I WILL NOT FUCKING TRAIN YOU! DON'T EVEN ASK, JUST LEAVE ME ALONE, YOU FUCKING TREEHUGGERS!"

"Well, then I will just go and tell Chouji you called him fat, and then I'll tell Kakashi you like Icha Icha as much as him, and then I'll tell Ino you called her fat, and then I'll tell Haku that you are really really mean to me and he'll stare at you with his big sad eyes for the rest of the week, but he won't say anything because he is just that nice, and you'll feel like a complete dick."

"...I'm going to kill you."

"And imagine how Haku will look at you then... if he looks at you at all... "

"..."

"I'll see you in training tomorrow. Ten am, don't be late."

The next day:

"Zabuza-sama, are you sure teaching Riko-san an A-ranked technique is wise? She could die of chakra exhaustion."

"Haku, don't question my training methods."