Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney.

You Ain't Goin' Nowhere

The phone rang in Ron's apartment at seven-thirty in the morning.

"Hello?"

There was a pause. "Kim? Is Ron there?"

"No mom, it's me."

"Ron?"

It took Ron a minute to remember he was in Rhonda's body, with her voice. "Weird cold. I sound like Kim?"

"You don't sound like Ron."

Ron coughed a couple times and tried to coarsen his voice, with little success. "Sorry, it's in my throat."

"Will you be better by Friday? You haven't been to Shabbos dinner in weeks. I'm making brisket."

"I'll be there. Can I ask Kim?"

"No. This is a family dinner... Family and Shoshanna Silvermann."

"Shoshanna Silvermann?"

"Esther's niece. She's new in town and–"

"Are you trying to set me up again?"

"How can you say that?"

"Because it's true. You know I've asked Kim to marry me."

"And has she said yes? You know I love Kim. She's a wonderful young woman. She's been your best friend forever, but–"

"But she's not Jewish."

"Oh, you noticed?"

"Mom! I love Kim."

"So many girls in our family... Don't you want to carry on the Stoppable name with Jewish children?"

"It was a drunk clerk at Ellis Island–"

"We don't know he was drunk."

"We can only hope. He gave great-grandpa the name Stoppable, and Pinny didn't object because he used fake papers to get in, and didn't want to draw attention to himself."

"Pincus Stoppable came to this country for the freedom all Jews want–"

"The freedom to marry a blonde?"

"The freedom to practice his Jewish faith without fear of persecution, to preserve his heritage and tradition."

"And to marry a blonde."

"At least she was Jewish."

"Are you saying there's something wrong with Kim?"

"No. I love her like a daughter. The whole idea – my daughter and my son? It's incest. So–"

"Mom!"

"Just promise me, you'll be home Friday by six."

Rhonda sighed, "Unless I'm saving the world, I promise." "I'd better be back to Ron by then."

"Fine, if the world needs saving, you're excused... It will show Shoshanna how important you are. But if the world doesn't need saving... What time did I say?"

"Six."

"Good. Do you want me to make you chicken soup for that cold?"

"I'll make my own."

"With lots of garlic. Nothing cures a cold like garlic."

Bonnie arrived early at It's Possible to start clearing social media backlog. She sat at Shego's ornate desk, working, when Kim entered.

"Shego know you're sitting there? You could use my office, or Ron's."

"That's okay... We sort of... Well, I think peace is restored."

Kim crossed her fingers and hoped that was true. She sniffed, still a little eau de lion in the air but the atmosphere was much improved. "Wade?"

"Yeah?"

"Anything big scheduled?"

"No. A couple Drakken sightings haven't been confirmed. The Bebes aren't back in the States yet. GJ wants to try its new restraints before they get into port, but they have to locate him first."

"The new restraints that didn't work, or newer new restraints?"

"The old new restraints as far as I know. They think Ron and Du put them on wrong."

Kim shook her head, she suspected Ron and Will Du had used the restraints correctly and they hadn't worked. And, even if both had applied the manacles incorrectly, Drakken had examined them in two escapes and would know how to unlock them.

The door to Shego's rooms opened and the green woman emerged, "I thought I heard... Master! Good to see you. The rooms are almost back in shape... Want to check out my bed in a couple nights? Very comfortable. Silk sheets. Say the word and I'll lay in a supply of rose petals."

"That's okay. I believe you. I'm just glad you and Bonnie are... Were you friends before?"

"No," Bonnie told her. "But we can work together. We're on the same team."

"Right," agreed Shego, and nodded at the brunette. "Same team. I don't mind her using my desk... At least when I don't need it, and she was right – I need to get some of my spare rooms in better shape. I'll start that when I get my main rooms cleaned up."

Kim sighed with relief and glanced at her watch. It was almost time for the morning staff meeting. "I am so glad everything's back to normal."

The door opened and Rhonda walked in. "How long are those Flat-Earthers going to picket us?"

"Until the water tower gets painted," Bonnie suggested.

"Or something else outrages them," Shego voted. "They outrage easily. We could hire some shill to apply for a sex shop license close to an elementary school."

"Stop!" called Kim.

"Shego's idea would work," Bonnie agreed.

"But someone would find out who hired the shill," argued Rhonda.

"Put that on hold. What happened to Ron?"

"You remember he agreed to go out for dinner with me as Rhonda," Bonnie reminded her.

"That was before you knew who he was... er, she was."

"Well, a deal is a deal," Shego reminded her, "So Ron–"

"I know all this! I'm asking why Ron isn't Ron this morning?"

Rhonda laughed nervously, "I... We, uh, asked for a stronger spell this time... So, uh..."

"Hopefully, he turns back at midnight," Shego interrupted in an optimistic tone.

"Hopefully?"

"Well, yeah... I mean, you're not hoping Ron stays Rhonda – are you?"

"No, but–"

"I don't think Bonnie would mind–"

"Ron is my friend," insisted Bonnie. "A wonderful human being. I want him to be happy. HIM, not her. He needs to be happy."

"I want something a little more definite," Kim demanded. "Will he be back to normal at midnight?"

"Normal is asking for a lot," argued Shego. "Was he normal to begin with?"

"His old self! Will he be a he at midnight?"

"Probably."

"I have hopefully, and I have probably... Can I have certainly?"

"Nothing's certain in this life," Shego warned.

"Why do I feel like a straight man?" Kim groaned.

"If you mean you want sex with a woman – I'm available," Shego told her.

"She means me," Rhonda told the genie, "after I, uh, get my original equipment back."

"Say, isn't it time for the staff meeting?" Bonnie reminded them.

Wade presented small missions to the team. As he read the list he stopped, looked up and stared at Rhonda. He looked down at the list again, and back up at Rhonda. "Okay... Call for Ron to defuse a situation in the state capital–"

"Hostage situation?"

"No... Well, not exactly. A guy threatening to kill himself. His kids say he's gone off his meds. Ron can talk someone down, but, ah, not sure how his technique will work for Rhonda."

"What technique?" demanded Bonnie.

"I walk up, just in boxer shorts and carrying a box of donuts," Rhonda explained. "I mean, they can see I'm unarmed and who says 'no' to donuts... Unless you've got a gluten allergy. But, uh..."

Pointing out the obvious Kim continued, "Rhonda, walking up to the door in nothing but boxer shorts, is not the same." She turned to Shego, "Can you turn him back now?"

"I can try, but they requested a stronger spell. And–"

"Try."

"Alakazam!"

Rhonda remained on the chair.

Wade shrugged, "You still have the same skills at relaxing someone and talking them down. We'll tell the police you're an intern Ron trained."

"But no boxers – right?"

"Modesty is the secret word."

"Although in this case we're not keeping it secret."

That evening Shego, Bonnie, and Rhonda waited nervously in the It's Possible office for the arrival of the dead of the night's high noon. At the welcome knell of the churchyard bell... Absolutely nothing happened.

"How about if Kim kisses me? Will that turn me back?"

"While I am opposed to you and Kim kissing, on general principles, we'll try," agreed Shego.

"And if that doesn't work?"

"Hopefully it will work."

"That's what you said about waiting until midnight, and that did bupkis."

"I'm grasping at straws here, okay?"

"Please tell me I'm not going to be stuck as Rhonda."

Shego took a deep breath, and released it slowly. "I'm running out of easy options. I've got a last resort that–"

"Can we skip to last resort? I'm getting desperate. I've promised mom I'll be home for dinner Friday night and she's expecting a son – not a daughter."

"I'm not sure we can even attempt last resort by Friday night. Try the kiss first... Hey, maybe if Kim's kiss doesn't work it means–"

Rhonda glared at Shego.

"Never mind," the genie finished.

Bonnie spoke up, "Ron, I'm sorry if my kiss is part of the problem."

"Wasn't just your fault–" Rhonda assured her. "We both seem to have messed up."

Shego laughed nervously, "Me too. Er, me three."

"I got to be back to Ron by Friday night! I promised mom!"

"First, Kim's kiss may break the spell. If it doesn't... Bonnie can go to the dinner–"

"Bonnie?" "Me?"

"Alakazam!"

Ron, or rather a reasonable facsimile of Ron, sat where Bonnie had sat – looking at Rhonda who stared back at him/herself.

"This is how the problem started," Ron/Bonnie objected.

"How come you can make her look like me, but you can't make me look like me?" Rhonda protested.

"The problem is your spell got corrupted somehow," Shego explained. "Best guess is we all contributed a little to the problem. It won't be as strong a spell on Bonnie, and she'll be real, real careful about who she, er, he, kisses. Alakazam."

Bonnie again sat on the couch.

"And you really can't do that for me?" Rhonda demanded.

"Once a spell's corrupted it's dangerous to try anything. Worse things can happen to you than being a woman. Want to find out how much worse?"

"No."

"Hopefully Kim can restore your default setting with a kiss. If not, we're taking a trip."

"A trip?"

"Australia."

"Why is she still not him?" Kim demanded the next morning. "You said at midnight Ron would be back."

"I said hopefully," Shego reminded her. "The spell I put on was stronger than anticipated. Current hope is that your kiss will break it."

"My kiss?"

"I'm pretty damn sure a kiss from me won't do squat. You were willing to kiss him when I turned him into a toad."

"That's true, KP," Rhonda reminded Kim.

Kim gave Rhonda a fast kiss. Nothing.

"It only took a little peck to turn him back from a toad," Kim reminded Shego.

"You could try again, harder," suggested Rhonda.

Still nothing.

"Once more for luck," Rhonda begged.

Still nothing.

"You've got to turn him back," Kim demanded.

"I can't!"

"You're telling me he's stuck like that?"

"I'm telling you I'm going to appeal to a higher power."

Kim looked puzzled, "Higher power? Prayer to–"

"Kangaroo Court."

"Kangaroo Court?"

"Judge Bruce, the law north of Moggill Creek. If he's in a good mood he can turn Ron back."

"And if he's not in a good mood?"

"I may spend the next ten years as a wallaby. Trust me, kangaroo court is the court of last resort."

Before Shego left with Rhonda they met with Bonnie.

Shego held up a ring, "Very basic spell, got a lucky seven on it. You got Rufus?"

Rhonda handed the mole rat over. Shego gently slid one claw into the ring and a naked Ron stood in the office.

"Cheese!"

"You really are Jewish," Shego remarked. "Hard to tell when you're wearing pants."

She took the ring off Ron, who reverted to Rufus, and handed it to Bonnie. "Six left. Put it on for a test run."

Another Ron stood in the office, this time not visibly Jewish.

After a lesson on Ron behavior Rhonda and Shego departed for kangaroo court. And Bonnie wondered what she should do if Shoshanna Silvermann turned out to be attractive.